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9/1/07

Wow.  I can not believe that it’s been this long since I’ve updated my journal.  Time has really flown by and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.  I’ll try to pick up from where I left off.

Plastic Surgery –

Nothing new here.  Since I started my initial P.S. journey, I’ve changed jobs (and insurance) and I haven’t looked into what my new carrier covers.  But to be honest, I may opt not to have surgery.  My new body has definitely grown on me and I’ve gotten to the point where I can look in the mirror and appreciate what I see.  If anything at all, I MIGHT still look into getting my arms done.  Even though I can stand to look at them, that darn flapping sound is nerve racking!

Relationships –

Here’s a good one :-) I mentioned that I started dating a guy that went to school with. Well… we got engaged in the early part of last summer and got married in November.  Married!?  Me!?  To him??  Just kidding.  He’s the love of my life and he treats me like queen.  AND we were blessed with a new addition to our family in May - Madison Camille.  Talk about a busy year!!

Pregnancy / Weight –

This part was absolutely amazing to me.  Before the pregnancy, my weight fluctuated between 165 and 170, which was fine with me.  On my first visit to the OB , I weighed in at 169.  On the day of my delivery, I weighed in at 196.  I gained 27 pounds.  27 POUNDS!!  That’s not a scream of anger, it’s one of disbelief.  When I had my first daughter, I gained somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 pounds.  And get this!  After Madison was born, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight in just under TWO weeks!  A lot of people told me that breast feeding helped to get the pregnancy weight off, but I had no idea it would affect my body like that.  Madison is now just shy of four months old and my weight has (seemingly) stabilized at 165.  As far as exercise, I walk a lot with the baby.  She loves to get up and go, so that’s a great motivator.  And I absolutely love Pilates.

Clothes?  I can wear all of my pre-pregnancy clothes and they have a little extra room in them!  Those are mostly ten’s and the new clothes that I’ve bought have been mostly eight’s and some ten’s… depends on the designer.  Overall, I’m very happy with the transformation in my body.  The pregnancy really helped me stay on my toes with my vitamins, water, protein and – especially - my iron.  I’ve been anemic as long as I can remember and my iron levels really bottomed out in the last few months of my pregnancy, so I had to take extra care.  I’m so glad that I did.  Now every time that I look at my little angel, it’s a reminder to take care of myself because she depends on me for her nourishment and health.  What a responsibility!!  But I gladly accept the challenge!

Miscellaneous –

Now that life has settled down some, I can focus on some of the things that I had to put on the back burner over the past year.  I’m planning to do one more pageant next year and give modeling (maybe) another year or year and a half, and then I’ll be retiring from that part of my life.  My oldest daughter just started middle school and has a loooong list of extra-curricular activities so Mark and I will be busy-busy keeping up with her.  She’s told me that she not interested in doing any more pageants or modeling – which broke my heart because she’s absolutely gorgeous AND smart – because she wants to focus on chorus and her music classes.  *big sigh* I suppose you can’t win them all.  I do, however, have high hopes for Madison .  She’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen… and that’s a totally unbiased opinion!  I’m really hoping to have her with an agency before her 1st birthday.

 Well, that’s all I can think of for now.  I’ll update my Picture Trail this week so I can keep record of the changes I’ve gone through.  I still feel incredibly blessed to have had this surgery.  I wouldn’t change a thing about all I’ve done and gone through to get where I am today – happy, healthy and complete!

Be Blessed… Be a Blessing!

Christina

11/06/07

Not much to report as far as an update, but I promised myself that I would check in more regularly.  I know what a blessing this community was (and still is) to me so I want to be able to help do the same for some one else.

Be Blessed… Be a Blessing!

Christina

2/19/08

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!  I’ve been blessed to see another year and I’m especially grateful for all God has done for me in this life.  He has literally given me a second chance t live my life the way it was meant to be lived - in abundance, to the full, until it overflows!

Let’s see… what’s going on these days?

Weight – I thought that my weight had stabilized, but I find myself fluctuating between 165 and 175.  I’m still pretty active, but I have noticed that my sweet tooth has returned full throttle and I am constantly battling to keep it under control.

No matter what challenges I face regarding my weight, I still stand firm that having this surgery was the best decision that I've ever made and I'd do it again in a minute.

Be Blessed… Be a Blessing!

Christina

6/5/05

It's been a couple of weeks since I've updated so...  I'm still holding strong at 195 (BMI 30.5) and I couldn't be happier.  Life is good... really good.  My pageant is fast approaching and I'm so excited.  I'm going to pick up my dress next weekend and I can not wait!!  Oh!!  There's an online contest - kind of like a people's choice contest - that I entered to become Miss Plus America's Internet CoverGirl.  :)  So... if anyone happens to read this, feel free (hint hint) to go the link - CoverGirl Voting - or click my 'www' to vote for me.  Thanks!! :)

1/7/05

I went in for my 6- week (actually 8-week) follow up on Tuesday.  I weighed in at 239 (BMI 37.4).  I'm beginning my "Ladies Days", so I'm guessing that I'm holding some water weight, but 239 is still great.  Dr. Hobson says that I'm on the slower end in regards to losing weight, but I'm okay with that.  Even when I was at 285, I was solid and I exercised so I did have a good amount of muscle mass.  I'm thankful now that I didn't fall into that I'm-already-big-so-why-should-I-exercise mentality because it's paying off now.  I can see the definition coming into my legs and arms and I am genuinely pleased with what I see.  

I have to confess that I am still working on my eating habits.  Some days I do really well while some days totally suck.  For example, on Tuesday I got all my protein in and did pretty good with my fluids and food.  Yesterday (oh boy), I drank maybe 12 oz of water, a bite of a chicken nugget, half a bag of peanut M&M's and a very, very, very long swallow of a Checker's vanilla milkshake.  I do have days like yesterday where I'm just not hungry and I don't want to eat or drink anything.  I know that that's not good and I have make myself aware of these patterns, but I when I have to make myself eat and drink, it makes me sick.  Thankfully, I've only had two occasions where I've had to vomit after eating and they both times that I had to make myself eat. 

I honestly think that my saving grace is the fact that I exercise regularly.  Don't get me wrong I am NOT one of those people that get up at 4am to go to the gym before work and then walk 2 or 3 miles in the evening six day out of the week.  Nooooo way.  I actually go to the gym twice a week.  I bought a Gazelle and I like it because I can get on it when I'm ready, do a 20 - 30 minute workout and call it a day.  A few years ago, I started taking boxing lessons and just slacked off over time.  Now that I've dropped some weight, I'm starting again.  I love boxing... it's my genes. :)   It's a really good full-body workout and it doesn't feel like "exercise"!  I guess the key to sticking with any workout regime would be to find something that you like to do and DO IT! 

11/2/04

God is good ALL the time and ALL the time, God is GOOD!

I HAVE A DATE!!!!  November 10,2004!!!!  Yakima called me almost as soon as I got home yesterday to give me the news!  It was almost funny because she kept saying things like "I don't want to put a rush on you" and "Are you going to have time to get things straightened out at work?"  She's so sweet.  :)  I've had my stuff ready since the day that I saw my Approval!  I had already planned for Friday (11/5) to be my last day at work and made plans according to that.  I go in for my Pre-op session tomorrow with Dr. Fields and I meet with Dr. Duncan and pre-register at the hospital on Thursday! 

There is no doubt that I serve an AWESOME God.  He keeps moving mountains for me time after time after time!  He's given me patience when I was over zealous, peace where there was chaos, and  faith where there was doubt.  This journey has definitely helped me build a stronger relationship with God.  I've learned that when you can't depend on man, you can depend on Him.  He is always there for you and will always have your back.  I can look back on this journey and say that through it all, there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.  He's carried me all the way.

11/3/04

I went in for my Pr-op session with Dr. Fields today.  It wasn't bad, just looooong.  My appointment was for 10:30 ad I arrived at about 10.  I signed in and paid my co-pay.  I was waiting to be called back when Jackie noticed that my file was missing the pre-op questionnaire and consent form.  She said that the forms should have been given to me when I met with the doctor.  I told that I'd never met with the doctor, just Michelle, the P.A.  How could I be there for pre-op if I'd ever met with the doctor was her question.  Come to find out, my sessions were scheduled backwards.  Oops.  I'm not complaining because if Yakima hadn't worked so hard to get me in there, my surgery date could have been a lot further off.  I told her that I didn't mind and I could fill out the forms now since I was already there.  She gave them to me and I filled them out... all FOURTEEN pages.  Fourteen pages of info that you have to summarize and comment on to make sure that you're aware of each thing.  After that, I spoke to Dr. Fields.  She answered all my questions and then sent me down to have my testing done. 

So, I get downstairs, sign in and wait to be called.  When they call me back, we went to the little triage/'give me your insurance info' desk.  I told the guy that I was here for testing and that I would be doing the pre-admission stuff tomorrow.  Nope, he said.  You need to do it before you go to testing.  Okay. My appointments were flip-flopped anyway, so the surprise had already subsided.  They took all of my info and I made my co-pay.  In case you're wondering,  I have an HMO so I had to pay $220 out of pocket.  After that, I got my copies and my wristband and was sent off to testing.  So while I'm waiting for the nurse to come in, I'm looking at the television - their showing everything leading up to John Kerry's concession speech.  She  comes in and starts going on about the election. About how she didn't particularly like Kerry, but she voted for Edwards and how he was such a cutie.  Ooookay.  She was a character!  :)  After all the election talk, she had me give a urine sample, took my vitals, took more blood, did an EKG and then sent me to have a chest x-ray done.  After that, I free to go home.  Sounds like a nice, quick visit, right?  Wrong!  I got there at 10 and finally left at 3 something.  The waiting is what gets you.  Be sure to take a good book to help pass the time!

11/4/04

Back to the office to meet with Dr. Duncan!  I arrived at about 9:15 to see an office full of people. Oh boy.  It wasn't too bad though.  They eventually called everyone back to the little classroom for the 'educational portion'.  Susan Cali from the Wellness Center came over to talk to us about the days leading up our procedure and what to expect.  When Susan finished, Dr. Duncan came in to talk to us - or as he puts it, to talk us out of the surgery.  His portion of the meeting focused mostly on the complications of the surgery and preparing beforehand for the worst because nothing is guaranteed.  I appreciate his candid and straight forward manner and it IS super important to have your affairs in order before proceeding to have any type of major surgery.  I can honestly say that I never thought about death as an option, if that makes sense.  I feel - no, I know - that God has lead me here for a reason and death is not it.  I'm here to obtain a tool to help me become a healthier and more productive person.  I still have work to do and God is not finished with me yet.  I have faith that he will bring me through without complications. 

When Dr. Duncan finished, Yakima came in to talk to everyone to make sure that our files were complete.  I just knew that everything was in mine, but nope.  They need an updated Letter of Recommendation for my PCP.  I don't why, but okay.  Guess what?  My doctor's on vacation and they need it today or tomorrow!  Now I've already taken off yesterday and most of today.  I can't very well take off Friday, too.  I have to get some work done before my leave starts.  (Oh... speaking of leave... I gave Dr. Fields the forms that I need to submit for Short Term Disability so that still have some funds coming in because I'm taking 4 weeks leave.  I didn't get them back yesterday and Yakima told me today that it can take up to 3 days to have them completed AND they charge $15 to fill them out.  My question was can I fill them out and have the doctor sign them?  Unfortunately, the answer was no.)  So, I left a message at my doctor's office and someone is supposed to call me back.  I've already gone to the Lord in prayer that everything will work out just fine. 

Even, with the unexpected things happening, I was blessed to meet Sabrina L. at the session.  During our conversations, we found out that we live like less than 10 minutes apart!  Her surgery is on Monday, 11/8.  She's not on OH, but if you happen to read this could you please send up a few words of prayer on her behalf?  Thanks!  :)

11/5/04

I got a call from Meka, who is my PCP's assistant, this morning.  I told her the situation and asked if the letter could just be updated for me.  Nope, she says.  I need to make an appointment to come in.  That's all well and good with me, but it needs to be first thing Monday morning, because Dr. Duncan's office needed this like yesterday.  So she squeezed me in at 9am.  I'll get to see my doctor, then head over to Dr. D's office to drop off the letter and pick up my paperwork, then head home to toss back my Fleets.  Ewwww.  I've heard so many bad things about bowel prep that I am dreading it!  But everyone has to do it and, truth be told, I'd drink two or three bottles of it with no chaser if I had to!  :)

11/7/04

Oh boy!  It's Sunday, 11/7, about 5:15pm.  Everything going on right now just seems kind of surreal.  Today is my last day of 'food freedom', so to speak.  I begin my bowel prep tomorrow and my surgery is Wednesday morning.  WOW!  I'm still digesting that it's finally here and it's really going to happen.  :)  Tomorrow morning I make my last rounds - to my doctor's office, then to Dr. Duncan's office and finally to my job so I can finalize everything.  I'm pretty sure that this will be my last post until after surgery, so I'll be keeping a written journal of everything between now and when I'm back online.  I'm also going to take my 'official' pre-op pic and measurements tomorrow and I'll post them when I get back.  Thank you OH and BAF for all of your support and emails.  They've been a tremendous help and comfort during this journey.

I don't know if anyone remembers my confession that I mentioned a ways back, but I've since added to it as I've progressed in my journey.

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.

I am Blessed.

I am Beautiful.

I am Cherished.

I am Chosen.

I am Healthy.

I am Intelligent.

I am Motivated.

I am Protected.

I am Worthy.

More than anything, I am LOVED

because I am a child of God and I am what He says I am!

I'll see you all on the other side!  :)

Pre-op Photos (taken in August 2004 at my beginning weight of 285 lbs.)

11/15/04

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.

I am a "LOSER"! :)

Here's a quick update:

I'm 5 days post-op and feeling great!  Other than some lingering gas, I feel pretty normal.  I've progressed from clear to full liquids and have tolerated everything that I've tried so far (applesauce and watered-down mashed potatoes).  I got out on Saturday for my first big walk around Wal-Mart.  Since then, Target and Wal-Mart have been chosen as my daily walking grounds.  This week, I'm taking it to the mall.  I'll update later this week about the hospital stay and the first few days post-op.  I just wanted to stick my head in and say thanks for all of the support, visits and phone calls.  Thanks!!!! :)

11/20/04

How have I missed my computer?  Let me count the ways. :) I'm just under two weeks post-op and finally have a chance to write the details of the past couple of weeks.

11/10/04 - I arrived at the hospital with my fiancé at 6:30am and checked in.  I was taken to my room (where I noticed Dr. Hobson's name on the door instead of Dr. Duncan's) to change, have my IV started and received my first of three Heparin shots that I would get over the course of my stay.  Dewayne and I were in the room about an hour watching cartoons and talking until the nurse came by to take me up to the OR holding area.  This is where Dewayne and I had to separate and I tell you, you would have thought that he was the one going under and not me.  I spent a few minutes reassuring him that everything would be alright and that I would see him soon... serious role reversal.  I was wheeled into the holding area with about four other people and waited... and waited.  Finally, my OR nurse comes over and introduces herself and asks if I have any questions.  Yes, I do.  Who is Dr. Hobson and why isn't Dr. Duncan doing my surgery?  She says that due the scheduling something something.  Right, okay.  But you're not knocking me out until I at least meet the man who'll be re-routing my insides.  No problem, she says.  While waiting for her to find Dr. Hobson, the anesthesiologist comes by and tells me what to expect.  Basically, I'll be receiving two shots - the first one to make me feel like I'm in Margarita-ville and the second to knock me out.  Sounds good.  So Dr. Hobson comes by right after and introduces himself.  He's a really nice guy and made good eye contact which is super important to me.  He goes over everything with me, answers my questions and NEVER rushed me.  After our conversation, I'm ready to be wheeled down to the Operating Room.  They give me this little ugly hair net thing to put on and off we go.  In the OR I scoot over to the table and the anesthesiologist tells me "Here's your Margarita!"  As soon as it hit, I felt a little woozy, then nothing.  I woke up in the recovery room really groggy and sleepy.  Mind you, I go sleep when I take two Advil, so needless to say that I was really out of it.  I remember the clock being just to the right of my bed and it reading 1:30 and the next time I was able to look up at it, it read like 3:20.  I know that the first thing out of my mouth was "Where's Dewayne?" because I knew he had to be having fits by now.  My recovery nurse/guy told me that they had already called him and told him that I would be on my way up to my room shortly and that he was waiting on me.  The nurse started getting my paperwork ready for me to be transported to my room and a few minutes later, I was on my way up.  

I'm not sure what time I got my room, but my sweetie was there in the hallway waiting on me.  He is such a doll.  When I got settled in to my hospital bed, they let him come in and he gave me the biggest smile I'd ever seen on him.  *Dewayne is not a smiler*  He'd been so supportive and cooperative with everything that I asked of him even though he didn't really want me to go through with the surgery.  I know his objection to WLS was because he didn't want anything to happen to me and I am so blessed to have him in my life.  God couldn't have sent me a better man to be my husband.

After settling in my room, the nurses let me rest for a while with the compression hose on.  I wish I could have brought those home with me!  My day nurse, Kay, came in to remove the catheter and to get me up to walk.  I was a little wobbly at first, but I made it down to the nurses station and back.  BIG thank you to Vanessa who stopped in to check on me and accompanied me on my first walk.  She was even sweet enough to hang out with me for a while Dewayne ran out.  After that, it was basically rest then walk, rest then walk for the rest of the evening.  My angel, Kerstin, came by to check on me and keep me company for a while.  Let me say that both Vanessa and Kerstin look FABULOUS!  Talk about providing inspiration!  Dr. Duncan came by to check on me, as well.  I was little miffed about that since he didn't actually do my surgery, but oh well.

So, after walking a good little bit, I was finally able to go to the bathroom on my own.  Yea!  I didn't have a lot of pain, just discomfort.  I only had to use my pain pump once and that was only because I wanted to go back to sleep.  Most of the discomfort was caused by gas.  I couldn't burp or pass gas that first day and it drove me crazy.  My night nurse, Nita, gave me something that was supposed to help the air pass, but it didn't work that night.  I watched TV that night with Dewayne (the nerve of ANTM to boot Toccara!!), then it was lights out.

11/11/04 - I got up a couple of times during early, early morning to use the bathroom, but still no air passed.  The morning nurse, whose name I didn't write down, came to give me another Heparin shot and told me that I could get washed up and ready to go down for my Leak Test. 

After getting ready, I was wheeled down to Radiology (I think) and I waited... and waited... and waited.  Finally, I was taken back to do my test.  The stuff you have to drink tastes like some really old, rank lemonade and it wouldn't have been so bad if the dr. hadn't told me "Don't swallow yet... just hold it in your mouth until I tell you to swallow it."  What????  Ewwww... nasty!  After that, it was back up to my room for more walking and TV.  I made Dewayne go to work for a little while so he wouldn't have cabin fever from being cooped up in the hospital for so long.  By then it was about 12 or so and I just finished walking down the hall and the some of the air finally passed!  TMI... I know, but if you've been through it, then you know where I'm coming from.  After that, it was on... air left and right.  When the air finally subsided for a while I was able to have my first bowel movement.  I didn't know that the hospital will not discharge you if have not had a bowel movement. (My new friend, Selena, who was in the room right next door, had to stay a few extra days because of that, but she's doing well now.)  About an hour later, I got my second apple/cranberry juice cocktail and was given my walking papers!

The ride home felt a lot bumpier than usual, but it was tolerable.  I slept the rest of Thursday away... until wrestling came on.  I was able to sleep in my bed that first night, but only for a couple of hours at a time.  Every time I woke up, I walked around the house.  Dr. Duncan scared the bejesis out of me talking about those blood clots!

11/12/04 -  I stayed indoors the entire day and walked around the house.  I wasn't hungry or thirsty, but I did get some water in and some diluted juice.  I slept a little longer Friday night, about 3 hours at a time and my discomfort was easing more everyday.  I didn't even get my prescription for the pain meds filled.

11/13/04 - Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good.  I got in the shower, put on some real clothes and was ready to see the world again.  Dewayne, Christin and I went to Wal-mart so I could get a couple things and walk a little bit.  I felt pretty normal and probably did more than I should have, because when I got home, I went straight to sleep.  When it was time to eat... or drink, really... I couldn't bear the thought of another glass of apple juice, so Dewayne fixed me instant mashed potatoes.  He thinned them out a good little bit and they went down just fine.  He measured out, I think, 3 oz. But I couldn't really tell if I was full or not so I just stopped.

11/14/04 - Sunday was the first day that I didn't look like an old lady getting out of bed.  I slept pretty comfortably and felt relatively normal.  I slept about 5 hours continuously last night without trying to change positions a lot.  I ate applesauce for breakfast, lunch and dinner and it sat well.  I'm still having a problem being able to identify the satisfied or full feeling.  We went to Target to start planning for Christmas and so I could walk without feeling like I was "walking".

11/15/04 - I woke up on Monday with no pain or discomfort at all.  I was able to move around well and felt like my old self. 

11/17/04 - This clear and full liquid phase is no joke.  I wanted... no, I needed... some variety, so I had a scrambled egg for breakfast.  I ate almost the whole thing.  I keep reading where people can only eat a couple of spoonfuls and they're full, but I don't feel like that.  I ate three spoonfuls and waited like a minute to see how I felt... nothing.  So I ate like three more spoonfuls and then I just stopped but I still didn't feel full.

11/20/04 - I went to my first Support Group meeting as a Post-op.  The meeting was awesome and I met three people who had there surgery around the same time that I had mine and it was great to be able to talk about what we were going through and how each of us addressed each issue.  I also weighed in... drum roll please... at 262.  WOOOOOO!!  My pre-op weight just before surgery was 279 (even though I always count from beginning weight of 285).  That put me at a 17 pound loss in TEN days.  Wow.  That was just the boost that I needed, too.  I go in for my two week follow-up on Tuesday, so I'll get my official weight then.  For the first time, I'm actually excited about weighing in! 

12/15/04

Wow.  I can not believe it's been this long since I've posted.  Well, I'm back and I'll do better about updating my profile.  Everything has been going well recovery-wise.  I feel great and I'm trying my best to follow ALL of the doctor's orders.  It's a daily struggle for me to get in a sufficient amount of water because it doesn't sit well on my pouch.  Cold, room temperature or hot - it doesn't matter... they all make me feel nauseous.  I'm not too fond of Crystal Lite, so I try to drink plenty of herbal tea.  I know it's not the same as plain water, but I am trying.   I am, however, getting better with my protein intake.  I never found a pre-made shake that I could stomach, so I made my own:  1/2 cup of coffee, 1/2 nonfat chocolate yogurt and 1 1/2 scoops of French Vanilla Designer Whey Protein (27g) (GNC).  It is delicious.. and I actually got the recipe from a suggestion card in the supplement can.  :)  One of the trainers at my gym turned me on to another protein mix that they sell.  It's made by a company called Lean Body for Her (30g) and the flavor is Vanilla Ice Cream.  I mix it with 1/2 cup of water and 1/2 cup of milk in the blender and I'm good to go.  This one is actually better than the first one.  As far as food, I've introduced my pouch to salads and they've gotten along beautifully.  :) 

I'm at a stage where I feel "normal" food-wise.  I can go to lunch with my co-workers and order from the menu.  Of course, I can't eat it all, but so what?  I can get lunch, dinner and lunch again from one meal.  How cool (and cost effective) is that?  I do have to put forth some extra effort to be good and do the right thing because I've discovered that I don't dump.  Don't ask 'How do you know that you don't dump?' - trust me, I know.  Let me just suffice it to say that I was the kid that stuck her hand on a hot stove eye after her mommy told her not to because it was hot... just to see if it really was.

12/16/04

I had my first big WLS moment yesterday and I wanted to share.

Since my surgery, I've worn nothing but sweats and long-sleeved t-shirts, but this week was my first week back to work, so I pulled out my "work" clothes.  I put on my favorite pair of pants - black with white pinstripes and cut to sit low on the waist - size 22.  The pants looked like they had gotten longer and the waist seemed stretched out.  I just figured my daughter had been playing dress-up in my clothes again and kept getting dressed.  I was sitting on the bed putting on my shoes when my fiancé decided he wanted to play.  He's tickling me and trying to pull me off of the bed at the same.  So he grabs me by the cuffs of my pants and pulls... and what happened?  The pants slide clear off and he reeled back into the wall!  Now these are the same pants that last month I had to take a deep breath to button - see the pic in my "Pre-op Photos" cluster above.  :)  How great do I feel now!?!?

12/22/04

Today I am exactly six weeks out from surgery.  I weighed in this morning at 248 (BMI 38.8) - my beginning weight was 285 (BMI 44.6).  I've lost 37 pounds and I feel absolutely FABULOUS!  Due to the holidays, I won't go in for my 6-week follow up until January 4th, which will make it my 8-week follow.  I'm really excited because even though I've had some challenges - like getting in all of my protein and water every day - I've done very well and I'm proud of myself.  I'm on my Gazelle every day and I love the way that I feel.

Changes I've noticed so far:

*Clothes*-  I've never been the type to dress up a lot, even my office attire is business casual.  My family and close friends labeled me "skater girl" because my everyday clothes are long-sleeved tee's and baggy jeans.  Well, yesterday I put on my fav pair of jeans and they would NOT stay up.  Even though they were baggy, I had enough hips and rear to hold them up.  Not any more.  After digging through my pile of I-can't-wear-these-but-I'm-going-to-keep-them-just-in-case clothes, I found a pair of jeans that I used to wear religiously a couple of years ago... and they fit!   My "real clothes" (slacks, dresses) size was 22, but I haven't tried on any of those things to determine my current size yet.

Pre-op baggy jeans - 46

Current baggy jeans - 42

Pre-op big tee's- XXXL

Current big tee's- XL

*Hair*-  From everything I've read, most people have a bout with losing hair after WLS.  I'm having a growth spurt.  My hair has grown approximately an inch and a half since surgery.  I don't know if this the calm before the storm and it's all going to fall out, but I hope not.  I started using Biotin shampoo about a month or so before surgery, so maybe that helped with growth.

*Skin*-  I'm getting lighter.  My face, neck, arms and shoulders look a couple of shades lighter than they used to be.  Someone told me it was because the skin in those places tightens easier and the end effect is looking lighter.  I think I'll ask my surgeon when I go in for my follow-up.

Overall, I'm doing great.  I look good and, more importantly, I FEEL good.  I took some pictures this week and I'm going to try to get them up before the new year.

Have a very Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10/8/04

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.  I am patient.

I was absolutely sure that my info would be sent off to Humana by today.  Unfortunately, it was not to be. :(  I called the doctor's office this afternoon to see and I was almost devastated to hear Jennifer say that my file was incomplete.  WHAT?  Oh no no no.  Not happening.  When I finally stopped seeing that red flashing in front of my eyes, I told Jennifer everything that I had submitted already.  She put me on hold to get my file and came back to tell me that the only thing she had for me was my Nutritional Evaluation.  Yes, I had a SERIOUS deja vu.  I told her that I faxed my Psych Eval over to her on Wednesday and that I turned in my Thyroid Panel, Diet attempts and Letter of Recommendation when I came in for my consultation on SEPTEMBER 14.  She pulled my chart and verified that the paperwork was there and she found the Eval that I faxed over.  Unfortunately (again) she proceeded to tell me that Humana may not accept my Thyroid Panel results due to the way they are presented.  The results sheet that I received from my doctor lists all the procedures done and across from them, a place to check either Normal, Abnormal or Acceptable - thankfully, my results were all normal.  Jennifer said that Humana may want to see the actual number results and not just "normal".  Okay, I could understand that, but I have to admit that I am disappointed that this is just now being brought up.  This same sheet has been in the office since September 14 and first passed through the hands of the Physician's Assistant who said that it was okay.  Please believe that I am not discouraged and I am not upset.  I am, however, frustrated because I put forth so much effort to make this process as painless and easy as possible, but I don't feel that effort being returned.  Maybe I shouldn't say that because Jennifer did go hunt down all my info and put it all together for me AND said that she could still submit my info without the detailed T.P. results.  I asked her if it would be possible to "keep my place in line" so that my letter could still be dictated and prepared while I found out about getting the detail report.  She said that I could.  That way, if my packet is ready to go today, it can go.  If not, I'll be able to contact my doctor's office on Monday and get the other report to her.  Either way, I won't let it worry me.  I WILL have my approval next week. I will be ENCOURAGED!  I will stay PRAYERFUL!  I will be SUCCESSFUL!

10/11/04

My mission (and I choose to accept it) for today is the 2 Stage Attack!

Stage 1- Call PCP's office to get Thyroid Panel results faxed to Jennifer at Dr. Duncan's office.

Stage 2- Confirm with Jennifer that the document has been received and packet is en route to Humana's office.

Time - 9:04am  (will report success later)  :)

____________

Time - 3:35pm

Stage 1-  COMPLETED - Called doctor's office at 3:30.  Chase confirmed that the lab report had been faxed to Dr. D's office.

Stage 2-  Waiting for confirmation call from Jennifer

____________

Time - 3:55pm

HALT!  Stage 2 aborted!  Received call from Jennifer saying the she did not... I REPEAT did NOT receive fax! 

____________

Time 4:00pm

Doctor's office closed. 

Mission status -  Resume Stage 2 tomorrow morning

10/12/04

Stage 2 - After more than a few calls, faxes, callbacks and re-faxes, I am happy to announce that Stage 2 has been Completed!  I did hit one more snag before successfully completing Stage 2.  I had to call Humana to get the fax number for my info to be sent to.  It turns out that Humana doesn't take info by fax BUT they do have a Pre-Certification Department that takes most of the information over the phone.  I got the number and passed it on to Jennifer.  I don't think that she was too thrilled about having to call them instead of being able to fax it over.  I can't say that I blame her especially since I'd been almost harassing her most of the day.  She said that she would try to get it done today and to check back with her on Friday.  The countdown begins -

Call Jennifer in -  2 days 17 hours 30 minutes

Status - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10/13/04

After all those phone calls and faxes yesterday, I am SO happy to announce that *drumroll please* my info was submitted to Humana on yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was led to check the website this morning - you know I was looking for a big 'Approval' stamp across the screen :) - and found the section for Treatment Authorizations.  Well, no approval BUT according to the website, the request is in 'Pending" status right now with a tentative admission date of November 10th.  Can I get a WOOOOOOOOO?!?!  Honestly, with the "challenges" I met in getting it sent off, I almost didn't expect for them to have the info yet. 

You know what?  Despite the very few speed bumps I've run into along the way, I've had a relatively easy journey thus far.  I've even found THE most supportive group of people I've ever never met.  :)  The people on the Black American Forum are so cool and so supportive it's ridiculous... in a good way, of course. :)   *big sigh*  I think I've found a new home.

10/17/04

Last night I had the pleasure of meeting several Atlanta area members and we had a BLAST!  Cookie, Vanessa, Mike and Rozzy (and spouses) - you guys are good people FOR REAL!  :)  I don't think that I've ever met a group of people for the first time and felt totally at home and welcome.  Thanks!!!!!!!!!

10/20/04

It's been exactly one week and I am still waiting on my approval.  I called Humana today just to check up and to see what was going on.  My request is still in pending status so... I talked to Sandra, who was not only friendly, but patient as well and she was able to identify the hold up for me.  It appears that the pre-authorization department is awaiting more info from Dr. Duncan's office.  Hmmm... interesting.  As soon as I got off of the phone with Sandra, I called Dr. D's office to let Jennifer know what was going on.  She said that she would call Humana back today if she was able and to check back with her on Friday. 

10/22/04

Friday - 9:49am

Called Humana - Request STILL pending and waiting for info from Dr. Duncan's office.

10:15am

Called Jennifer - No answer (hmmmm) Left voicemail

3:00pm

Called Jennifer - Got Yakima's voicemail.  Left message.

10/25/04

Okay folks.  Enough is enough.  I called Dr. D's office like 7 times today until someone answered in the Bariatric Dept.  I am POSITIVE that they have Caller ID in there... or have my number blocked.  :)  Today I spoke to Yakima, who I dealt with at the very beginning of my journey, and she was as sweet now as she was then.  I went over the situation with her and how I was beginning to feel a little letdown that things were dragging along soooo slowly.  She told me that she was really busy today, but she would try to get it under control for me.  I wasn't happy to not be at the top of her priority list (like I should have been, right?), but at least she was honest and said that she would TRY.  You have to respect that.  I'm hoping that she'll come through for me like she did in the beginning.

10/26/04

I realized where I messed up you guys.  I started worrying and obsessing over this situation and I shouldn't have.  Last night I prayed, said my confession and gave it back to God.  My mistake was that I let it get to me that things weren't getting done when I wanted them done and how I wanted them done.  My surgery will come in God's time, not mine.  So what did I do today?  I called Humana to check in (no info yet) and called Yakima and left her a nice follow up message and let it go.  I will not let this consume me.  I've been giving this journey more of me than I've been giving a lot of other areas of my life.  I will be content with the knowledge that my time will come when God sees fit.

10/27/04

I'm APPROVED!!!!!  THANK YOU GOD!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am SO stoked!  I mean I knew it would happen, but WOW!  I don't even know what to say except Thank You GOD!!!!  This has been such a wild ride.  I wasn't prepared for all of the emotions that would come with the approval - happiness, nervousness, anticipation and anxiousness all at the same time.  I'm still just letting it all sink in.

I came in to work this morning knowing that I had a TON of work to do.  Usually I call Humana as soon as I get in, but today I had to get straight to it - deadlines out the ying yang!  Anyway, I figured I could check the website while I was working - pull up the site, do some work, log in, do some work,  go to the authorization page, do some more work, scroll down and see it's still pending... WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!  That's right... it's approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to print the page just in case I closed it and pulled up later and something had changed! :)   Then I called Humana just to HEAR someone say it.  "Yes, Ms. Frazier, you're approved for surgery."  Music... sweet music to my ears.  Can you say skipping through the office like a mad woman! :-)   God is so awesome.  This has been another lesson to me - don't worry, just take your issues to God and leave them for Him to solve.  I'll be praying tonight that the tentative date that was posted (11/10) will be my actual surgery date.  Keep me in prayer you guys!

11/1/04

Okay, now that I have my approval, I just need to be scheduled for surgery and believe me, it's been another adventure...

 I got my approval on Wednesday (10/27) and immediately called Dr. Duncan's office and spoke to Jennifer.  She congratulated me (of course) and told me that before they could actually schedule me for surgery, they had to have the approval letter.  My face fell faster than a soufflé in an earthquake.  I had to take a deep breath and get myself together.  I was trying not to let it bother me, especially since there wasn't really anything that I could do about it.  Before I went to bed, I prayed that God would touch everybody that had anything to do with my case and give me the patience and peace of mind to see this through. 

Thursday (10/28), I called Humana to get find when the letter would be sent.  The rep that I spoke to - and Lord, help me - told me that they don't send out letters for approvals.  (????)  Okay - so what do I do?  She said that Dr. Duncan's office had to call in and get the approval number. *Big sigh*  Alright.  So I called back over to Dr. D's office and relayed this message to Jennifer.  She says, no, that's not correct.  They don't call the insurance company and it's the patient's responsibility to get the info to them.  I wanted to call Humana back, but I could feel myself becoming a little frustrated, so I just dropped it for the day and said a silent prayer for my temper and blood pressure. :)  

Friday (10/29), I woke up with a 'Take the bull by the Horns' kind of attitude.  I had an awesome conversation with God last night and he showed me that I could reach my goal in two ways -

1) I could wait on someone in Dr. D's office to decide to call Humana for me so I could get scheduled, or...

2) I could be proactive - get the details of exactly what was needed and see how much I could do myself.

I chose #2.  I called Humana this morning and talked to a well-informed customer service rep who verified that a letter would NOT be sent out to document the approval.  Dr. Duncan's office would be responsible for calling in and obtaining the information.  I called Dr. D's office and asked for Yakima.  Let me just say that I really like Jennifer, but every time I talk to Yakima, I have almost immediate results so... I took the bull by the horns.  Thankfully, she was in the office.  I had to wait a little bit to get her on the phone, but I was on a mission so no problem with the wait.  I told Yakima the situation and that I had spoken to Jennifer the day before and what she and the Humana rep told me.   Yakima told me in this really matter-of-fact voice "She's right.  We don't need the physical letter anymore."  My eyes almost shot out of my head!  She said that that decision came down yesterday, so I got those bad thoughts that were directed at Jennifer out of my head. :)  I tried to give her the authorization number right then, but she told me that in lieu of the letter, they have to get the info from someone at Humana and they (Humana) have to call it in. AND if I wanted, I could get Humana on the phone and call her right back!  She was even nice enough to tell me to tell the receptionist to page her so I wouldn't have to keep conference calling to get her on the line.  How cool is she!?!?  I was on with the insurance co. in two minutes flat!  This time I spoke to Kelly, explained what was going on and could she stay on the line to relay the info?  No problem, she said.  I called Dr. D's office, had Yakima paged and... she was on another call and couldn't get away right then.  DARN IT!!!!  I was just about to go ahead and get off when Kelly pipes up, introduces herself, and asks if she could leave the info for Yakima so we didn't have keep calling back.  Sure, they said.  They got Kelly's info, my authorization number and passed it off to Yakima. 

So now, I'm just waiting to hear back from Yakima.  A little birdie told me that she does the surgery scheduling on Fridays, so I'm just praying that I was scheduled then.  I'm still learning to wait on God's time and to not try to force my timeline into effect.  It's hard... especially being so close, but I'm trying.  :)

I've been researching WLS for the better part of this year and have finally made the decision to proceed with surgery.  From reading a lot of other people's journals, I'm guessing that my making the decision was the easy part. 

My Intro

I am 28 year old African-American female from Atlanta, GA.  I have a beautiful 8 year old daughter and the most loving fiancé in the world.  I love my family and my career and from the outside I would guess that my life looks pretty good.  But I have a secret that's not even known to some of the people that are closest to me.

My name is Christina and I'm an addict.

I'd always been what some call "thick"; however, over the course of the last couple of years, thick progressed into plain, old fat.  For a long time I tried to cover it up... disguise it.  You know what I mean.  Always wearing black... and scarves... and jackets- anything to take the attention away from my body and pull it to my face.  I thank God every day that I never really carried my weight in my face although I now think that that was one of the reasons that I ignored what was happening to my body.  Now don't get me wrong.  I do exercise... just not as much as I should... or enough to combat all of this flesh that's surrounding me.  I will confess that I like to eat.  Okay I love to eat.  Food is good.  It's quiet, it doesn't talk back, it can be what you want it to be and it makes you feel good.  SCREEECH!  This is when I really realized that I had a serious problem.  When food became my "friend".  I need help before I eat myself into an early grave.  I admit that when it comes to matters of food, I have little to no self-control.  I'm an addict... a junkie.  Okay, that may be a little extreme, but an addiction is an addiction.  I've completed step one - I recognize that I have a problem.  I'm ready to proceed to step two - correcting the problem. 

Height - 5'7"

Weight - 285

*The picture below was taken the day before my physical (8/4/04).

7/16/2004-

I took my first step in my journey to WLS.  I called my Primary Care Physician today and scheduled an appointment for a complete physical.   I have a list of all of the tests and evaluations that may not be considered "routine" so that, hopefully, I won't have to make a return trip for something that could've been done already.

8/5/2004-

Step one completed!  :) I told my doctor that I wanted to have Weight Loss Surgery and she was totally supportive.  She even gave me the names of several surgeons to research.  She seemed pleasantly surprised when I told her that I'd already done some extensive research on surgeons and chosen the one that I wanted - Dr. Titus Duncan.  The only bad thing (well, not too bad) is that I she can only issue the referral after my appointment is scheduled and I can't make an appointment until after attend Dr. Duncan's seminar AND the seminar's not until 8/17/04.  :) I know it's actually right around the corner, but it can't come fast enough for me.  I've already completed the obligatory paperwork for Dr. Duncan's office and it's sitting in a folder waiting to be whisked off to the seminar to be turned in.

8/9/2004-

I was looking at Dr. Duncan's site (again) and noticed that there is a Support Group meeting that's open to the public on TOMORROW!  I'm going... I'm going...  *Big Smile*

8/10/04-

WOW!  The meeting was amazing.  Besides getting a ton of helpful information, I was able to meet people that have already traveled the road that I'm on.  Logically, I know that there are hundreds - or even thousands- of people who are going through exactly what I'm going through now, but before this meeting I totally felt like no one could understand what I was feeling.  NOT!  I'm happy to say that I have a lot of company on this journey... and good company at that.  I haven't told very many people that I'm going to have the surgery, so it's very comforting to have some external support in addition to my family.

Another good thing - I didn't know that Dr. Duncan requires his patients to attend at least one Support Group meeting before surgery.  Keva, from Atlanta Medical Center, was kind enough to give me that little tidbit of info and the attendance sheet for me to turn in.  THANKS KEVA! :)  So, that's one more "have-to-have" that I can check off of my list! 

Seven days to the Seminar...

8/17/04-

Today's the day! Today is FINALLY Dr. Duncan's seminar!  I thought this day would never get here.  I couldn't even sleep last night because I was going over and over and over all of my paper work (I promise SOMEBODY is going to take it tonight!) and the questions that I have.  I even convinced my fiancé to come with me.  He's been against this decision since the first time I mentioned it, but I'm hoping that if he hears the info directly from Dr. Duncan (and co.) that he'll see that the advantages of WLS far outweigh the "what ifs".  I know he wants the best for me, but I don't know what else to tell him to make him understand that if I don't take action now, there will be a whole new set of "what ifs" to deal with - like "what if" I die from a heart attack or "what if" we can't have children or, even worse, "what if" we do have children and I can't be an active part of their lives because I'm so unhealthy.  You know, I love him as much as I love my next breath, but this is something that I have to do for me and me only.  Sure it'll be cool to move from the Plus department in stores, but I'm much more focused on living a LONG, healthy life.  I lost two of my grandparents to the ravages of diabetes and I flat-out REFUSE to allow that to be my fate.

Since I've decided to take this journey, I've gotten into the habit of saying a confession every night and morning and it's given me so much peace that I thought that I would share :)

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.

I am Blessed.

I am Beautiful.

I am Cherished.

I am Protected.

More than anything, I am LOVED

because I am a child of God and I am what He says I am!

8/17/04- (Later)

I LOVED Dr. Duncan's seminar!!  He seems to be a very caring and knowledgeable person... not to mention rather easy on the eyes. ;)  No WAY does he look his age.  During his presentation, he was even able to make my fiancé laugh... WOW.  That in itself is a good sign :)  Like most people, I'd heard (or read) a lot of the information before, but I did get some new info, too.  And... drumroll please... I was able to turn in my patient information packet, too.  I'm hoping that this gives me a running start over the 200+ people that came out.  I knew it would be crowded, but SHEESH, it was ridiculous.  I guess I'm not as alone as I thought.

8/18/04-

I was told that after I turn in my paper work, I'd be contacted in 7 to 10 days to schedule my consultation. *twiddling my thumbs*  I can't take it!!  I called Dr. D's office just to check up on my package to make sure it arrived safely from the seminar.  I got Joyce on the line and was politely reminded that I'd be contacted in 7 to 10 days to schedule my consultation.  Ah well... I couldn't help it.

I'm in the process of finding a doctor to do my psychological evaluation.  Because of my insurance, I'm unable to go to the dr. of my choice because I'd have to come out the pocket to see him... NOT!  So I called my insurance company and got a list of about 5 doctors that I could use.  Of course I had to Google them all to check them out and I chose my top 2.  Unfortunately, neither of them are taking new patients right now :(  I'll put in calls to choices 3 and 4 tomorrow and see what happens.

8/19/04-

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.  I am Blessed...

Know how I know?  I prayed last night.  I mean I prayed like the devil himself was knocking at my door.  I prayed that God would touch everybody that came in contact with anything having to do with this journey that I am on... that my experience would be a positive (and quick) one.  I came to work today in good spirits thinking "7 - 10 days really isn't a long time" and "I can wait until they call me".  As SOON as I finished my daily morning convo with my co-worker, Renee (who, by the way, is the only person at work that knows I'm planning on having WLS), my phone rang.  I looked at the number like "Who is this?" and, yes, I have Caller ID on my desk phone.  It was Yakima from Dr. Duncan's office!  She said that she knew I called in yesterday and just wanted to let me know that she had my paper work and would be calling me back within 5 days to schedule my consultation!  I know it's not a huge difference considering 7 -10 yesterday, but it proves that God hears all prayers!

I'm going to see my PCP today to get my test results, request my 'Letter of Medical Necessity' and to get a few more questions out of the way.  I have to make sure that a Thyroid Panel was included when I had my physical on the 5th.  Dr. Duncan has that as being needed by the insurance company on the checklist.  Everything is coming together quite nicely and I do not expect any snags or problems. 

I am Protected... because I am a child of God and I am what He says I am! 

8/20/04-

I LOVE my doctor! :)  In going through this process, I'm learning the value of patience.  Thankfully, I did NOT have to exercise that value yesterday!  WHOO-HOO.  I went to the doctor for a follow up from my physical.  Everything was normal (Thank GOD) and my Diabetes screen, which I was concerned about the most, came back negative.  Dr. Oliga has been super helpful in getting me prepared for surgery.  When I told her about the letter I would need from her, she said no problem.  I gave her a copy of my Diet History and we talked about what would need to be included in the letter.  I fully expected to have to come back to pick it up - which would have been fine seeing as how I don't even have an appointment for my consultation yet.  She excused herself and made copies of my results for me... or so I thought.  A few minutes later, she comes back with my test results in one hand and my Letter of Recommendation in the other!!!!!!!!!!  Did I already say that I love my doctor?  :)

Oh... Dr. Oliga also referred me to a nutritionist.  I'm going to have my evaluation and start the monitored program.  This step isn't required by my insurance company, but I'd like to do it for myself so I can start working on my eating habits so I won't go into after-surgery shock from the change.  I see Ms. Oleski at Piedmont Hospital on Thursday, 9/2, at 1pm.

I finally found a psychologist that is accepting new patients.  I'll be seeing Jessica Lazer.  So far, we've only exchanged voice mails, but it looks like I'll be going in for my evaluation some time during the week of August 30th.

It looks like this ball is rolling and I do not plan on slowing down!  Now I'm just waiting to hear from Dr. Duncan's office to schedule my consultation.

I am a child of God and I am what He says I am.

I am READY!!   :)

8/25/04-

Good news!  I was able to reach Dr. Lazer yesterday and she able to schedule my psych evaluation for 9/2 at 10am!  WHOOOOO!! (Sorry... Ric Flair flashback)  :)   This way, I'll be able to knock out my final two appointments in one day.  I'm still waiting to hear from Dr. Duncan's office so I can schedule my consultation.  Today is Day 4 of my "within five days" and I'm getting a little antsy.  When I spoke to Yakima last week,she said that they were still scheduling appointments for September.  I hope that doesn't mean LATE September.  :(  I would be really unhappy if I put forth all of this effort to get everything done only to have to wait a really long time for my consultation.  Well, if I don't hear from the office by 2pm tomorrow, I'll give them a call... just to be helpful :-)

8/27/04-

I'VE GOT A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooooooo!  Okay... it's the date for my consultation, but I GOT A DATE!   By some mystic turn of events, I totally forgot that I said I would call Dr. D's office at 2:00 (how'd I do that??).  But a few minutes after I walked in the door, Yakima called to schedule my consultation!  Can you say "Woooooooo"!?  :-)  So... I go in on Tuesday, 9/14.  I am SO happy.  I really thought she would tell me that I'd have to wait until the end of September or, even worse, October.  God is SO good!!!!  I'm making a declaration right now...  I WILL have my surgery by the second week in October.  The only reason I'm stretching it out that far is because my daughter's birthday is on October 1st and I want get past that first.  Is it just me?  Or did the sky just get a little bit bluer????  Maybe it's me.  :)

9/2/04-

Today I had both my Psychological and Nutritional Evaluations.  My Psych Eval was at 10:30 this morning and it went pretty smoothly.  Dr. Lazer is seemed to be an okay person, but I don't think that I'd voluntarily see her again if I ever needed some sort of counseling after surgery.  She was very nice, but just not the sort of person that I could see myself opening up to.   Luckily, I was prepared for the MMPI - 560 questions that will have you sitting there like "WTF"!  :-)  Suggestion to those who have yet to do it - Don't think about the question, just answer it!  If you start thinking about it, you'll be in there all day wondering what kind of idiot inspired some of those questions.

Ms. Oleski, the Nutritionist that I saw, was an absolute doll!  My Evaluation was at 1pm and, yes, I was cutting it close to get there on time.  (I could have made it a little early if I hadn't wasted so much time staring at some of those weirdo questions).  LOL.  She answered the questions that I had and even gave me several suggestions on where to find the expensive vitamins and supplements that I would need post-op.  I also got the Post-op meal plan...  or should I say Drink Plan? :)  Six weeks fluids and liquids... WOW!  I can do it, though.  I've never wanted anything so much before and I'm committed to doing it right.  A complete lifestyle change is what I need to get to where I want to go and I'm ready for it.

Bad News- I do some modeling locally and my agent told me that if I go through with the surgery and lose the amount of weight that I'm aiming to lose, I would be breaching the terms of my contract with him and could find myself in a little legal trouble.  Well guess what????  He can KICK ROCKS!  I'm having my surgery anyway.  Sue me because I'm not fat anymore...?  Whatever!  If I have to start from square one again, I will.  It's not like I was on the fringes of supermodeldom (is that a word?).  Janet Jackson and Madonna have reinvented themselves more times than I can count... why shouldn't I be able to?  Look for me on a catwalk near you... in like a year.  :)

9/8/04-

Okay. I'm not sure what's going on, but the closer I get to my consultation date, the more I'm unable to tolerate certain foods. I confess I'd been having the 'Last Supper Syndrome', trying to eat everything that I won't be able to eat after surgery, but over the last couple of weeks they've all made me so SICK- french fries, doughnuts, ice cream, good-old-fashioned-Southern sweet tea... everything. Did anyone else go through this?? Are you going through it now??  Is it psychological??  Will it EVER STOP??  Can it be reversed before surgery (so I can go to Applebee's one more time)??  HEELLPP!!

9/15/04-

Consultation DONE!!!!  WOOOO!!!!  I know God is keeping His arms around me on this journey and He proved it again yesterday.  My appointment was for 7:30am and everything that could slow me down decided to happen... Murphy's law, right.  When I finally got to the office (at 7:45), the doors were locked.  At that point, I was thinking that they started the consultation session without me and I was seriously distressed.  So I just hung around the door waiting because SOMEBODY was going to "consult" with me.  :)  At 8am, someone comes and opens the doors and I just sail in and sign in like it was still 7:30.  I told her that I was there for my consultation and she gave me this blank look like 'huh?'.  "Didn't they call you?", she asked.  "Who?", I replied.  According to her, the group that was scheduled for yesterday morning was supposed to be re-scheduled for a later date because the doctor wouldn't be in and I was the one person that they couldn't reach.  *Sidebar - they have my home, office AND cell numbers and I never got a message from them*  So Jackie says since I'm already there, I might as well go ahead and get it out of the way... if I didn't mind meeting with the Physician's Assistant instead of the doctor.  *God, I was feeling your hands on my shoulders*  So I had my consultation, one-on-one, with Michelle.  Let me say now that she would make an EXCELLENT doctor.  She is patient, intelligent, honest and she really seems to love what she does.  Okay... back to the consultation - I was weighed and measured and poked and prodded and in the end, was giving a thumbs up to pursue the surgery, BUT Dr. Duncan wants all of his patients to participate in a 3 month monitored weight loss program before surgery.  Thankfully, I asked my PCP if we could track my weight when I went in for my physical on 8/5 and Michelle said that that should fulfill the requirement.  *Note:  Document EVERYTHING you do on this journey... it may come in handy later!*   She started to tell me the things that I needed to have done and I had to cut her off and tell her that my package is almost complete.  The only thing Dr. D's office is waiting for is for my psych and nutritional evaluations to arrive.  I'm giving them until tomorrow (Thursday) before I start calling.  It shouldn't take more than two weeks for evaluations to be typed up and sent, right?  Right!  :)

9/21/04-

Good grief.  I haven't been on here in like five days and it feels like years!  I do, however, have some good news to report.  Dr. Duncan's office has received my Nutritional Evaluation!  Gooo Ms. Oleski!!  :)  Now I just need to get my psychologist to get a move on and I'll be ready to submit to my insurance company.  When I talked to her this morning, she said my test was still being scored.  Does it really take this long to get the MMPI back?  If I wasn't crazy when I took the test, I will be by the time I get the results in my hands.  You know what?  Even waiting for the Evaluation can't get me down right now.  :)  It feels like I just started this journey yesterday and I thought the process would take forever, but it's really happening.  There are moments that I have to look at myself in the mirror and say just that - "This is REALLY happening.  I'm on my way to a healthier (and less voluptuous) Christina!" 

9/22/04

Invictus

William Ernest Henley. 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

I had to recite this poem in the eighth grade in my English class.  I had to learn and basically translate it - tell what I thought Mr. Henley meant with these words.  I got an 'A' for my work, but it wasn't until today - literally TODAY about an hour ago - that I really UNDERSTOOD. 

When I began this journey, I expected to come across some people that didn't understand why I made the decision to have WLS...  I expected to not have support from some people...  and thanks to a very supportive new friend (Thanks Kerstin) I even expected lose some people as friends.  What I did not expect was to meet blatant anger and hostility because I've made choice to improve my quality of life.  A certain person - I'll call her "D" - and I have been friends for a very long time.  We partied together, shopped together, cried together, laughed together, done all of our dirt together.  We even look alike... a little bit.  The thing is that we've always had each other to go to for whatever, good or bad.  I told D. this summer that I was thinking about having WLS.  She didn't take it too seriously because , I can admit, that I have a tendency to immerse myself in one thing and then become totally involved in something else before the first thing is done.  So, to make a long story short, when I talked to D today over lunch and told her that I was standing firm on this decision and that my application process was almost complete, she TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT.  Here was the one person that I expected to understand AND support my decision yelling and hollering at me.  Why???   Because, according to her, I'm "ashamed of what I look like", "not happy with who I am" and "think I'd attract more men if I were skinny".   Whoa sister!  As much as I love her, I had to break it down for her

1) I've NEVER been ashamed of what I look like.  No, I'm not perfect, but I'm Christina and Christina's the s**t to me. 

2) Yes, there have been times that I have been less than happy with what I had become, but that does NOT mean that I still don't love the person that I am.  What's wrong with striving to be the person that God created me to me? 

3) I don't need or want more attention from the opposite sex (I see jaws drop when I walk in a room NOW).  More importantly, I'm engaged to the sweetest, finest, sexiest man walking God's earth.  Enough said.

Why do I have to be a "sell-out" because I've decided to take steps toward a healthier, more active life?  D applauded Star Jones and Vesta Williams when they lost weight, why not me?  Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter to me now.  I'd hoped to have her support in this, but it is crystal clear that that won't be happening.  Luckily, I've made some new friends that can relate to and appreciate what I'm going through.  No one's uninformed opinion will sway me from my journey.  I am a child of God and I AM what he says I am!  I AM blessed!  I AM beautiful!  I AM cherished!  I AM healthy!  I AM protected!  I AM successful!  I AM loved!  I thank God for my UNCONQUERABLE SOUL!

10/6/04

Guess what I got in the mail yesterday...  Did you guess?  That's right!  My PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yippeeeeeeeee!!!!  I can NOT believe I got it.  I thought I would have to go pick up, but sure enough it was sitting innocently in my mailbox waiting for me.  I could almost kick myself because I only check my mailbox like once a week.  I'm trying not to dwell on how long it may have been in there.  Anyway... I called Dr. Duncan's office early this morning to see if they received a copy, as well.  They didn't, so I happily told Jennifer don't worry, I'll fax you mine.  :-)  When she received it, she told me that my file was complete (WOOOOOOOO!) and all they needed to do was get their letter ready that has to be sent with my info over to the insurance company.  Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!    So if all is on schedule, my request should be sent off on Friday!!!!!  Wow!  Now I've been praying more frequently than usual and still saying my confessions every day, but I'm still blown away by the pace of my journey. It's amazing!  God is uber-good!  *I got that from my daughter.  ;)   I've been singing to myself all day.  What you ask?  Believe it or not 'Feeling so good'  by Jennifer Lopez.  Weird, huh?  Not really.  It's perfect for how I feel today.  Do you know it?  Like to hear it?  Here it goes:

When I opened up my eyes today and

felt the sun shining on my face

It became so clear to me that everything is going my way

I feel like there's no limit to what I can see

Got rid of fears that were holding me

My endless possibilities

has the whole world opened up for me

That's why I'm feeling...

I'm feeling so good

I knew that I would

Been taking care of myself like I should

Cause not one thing can bring me down

Nothing in this world gonna turn me around...

Now that day is turning into night

and everything is still going right

There's no way you can stop me this time

or break this spirit of mine

Like the stars above I'm gonna shine

Anything I want will be mine

Tonight I'm gonna have a good time

Call a few friends of mine

Cause I'm loving life

and tonight's for feeling...

I'm feeling so good

I knew that I would

Been taking care of myself like I should

Cause not one thing can bring me down

Nothing in this world gonna turn me around...

This is my theme song today!  Sing it J. Lo... There's no way you can stop me this time or break this spirit of MINE!  :-)