Ms.Mimi
Well...Here I go. My name is Michelle and I am 36 years old. I have been overweight almost my whole life. I went from being chubby, to fat, to obese, to "Oh My God, what did I do to myself?" Always the biggest one. But, always happy, confident, semi-active and never I felt like my weight stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do, except wear the latest trendy clothes. I have been married for 7 years, to a man that never made me feel obese. I have a amazing daughter who is the reason I live and breathe. I teach 2nd grade and for the most part, really love my job. And after years of lying to myself and others, I now know how much my weight effects everyone in my life, from my daughter and husband, to my parents, family, friends and even my students. I never liked being fat, but hey life goes on, "I'll lose it someday" I always said. "I need to hit my rock bottom."
I guess having to get new clothes every six months wasn't my rock bottom. Not being able to wear ski boots any more..nope. Getting major knee pain and eventually arthritis..nope. Rashes, back pain, not wanting to have sex, avoiding friends and family, needing the seat belt extender on an airplane, depression..NOPE ,not yet. Having my daughter in 2003 was supposed to be it. I have to get healthy for my daughter. I want to run after her. I want to be able to play on the floor with her. I want to be a good role model. I don't want her to be embarrassed of her mother. I quit smoking when I became pregnant with her. I was, and still am very proud of myself. But, surprise surprise, I gained more even more weight than ever. Not making any excuses..but...actually it is an excuse. One of many excuses to not take care of myself. Putting me aside and making excuses to not to put the time and energy to fix me. To make me happy. To tell myself that I am worth it!
It's been a long journey till this point and I know that honestly, this is just the beginning. As you might notice I joined this site in 2005 and it is now 2009. I began researching surgery back then and then hit a wall. BAM! A really big wall. I was not ready. I was depressed. And not the 'normal' depressed that I have obviously suffered most of my life, but the type of depressed that makes you feel as if you are not really living, but watching life go by. Just existing. It took everything for me to just go to work and make life as normal as possible for my husband and daughter. Faking it. I also became extremely afraid of having surgery. I thought "How could I have elective surgery?, I am a mother!" I went back to thinking that someday I would 'do it' on my own. No surgery. I think it had something to do with turning 35, but something changed. I don't know if I hit rock bottom but something clicked. It's been slow going but I finally felt like it was time to start taking care of myself, from the inside out.
I began therapy in December 2007 and slowly began to get my life back. In June I went to my 2ND Bariatric Surgery Seminar. A seminar where I knew most of the info but as most of you know is the first step, as most surgeons require this before you make an appointment. I already knew that my insurance required 6 months supervised weight loss counseling with a doctor, so I knew it would be a while before I could actually think about getting insurance approval or a surgery date.
I needed support, guidance and somewhere to start. I got that at Dr. Cerebona's office. I met with the doctor and found out exactly what needed to be done. YES! Finally I had a plan. It felt like it was going to take forever but at least I had a plan. I knew what I had to do. Which doctors I needed to see and most important of all, I found out that I could visit with a nutritionist on staff that would count as my 6 months of supervised weight loss. This was important because I had been having trouble finding a PCP that was helpful. Actually I had a PCP that I began seeing but I think his advice of "Just get on the treadmill!" was not very motivating. ( To be honest he was an chauvinistic ass and very full of himself.)
Fast forward to now...I have been seeing my nutritionist for 4 months, gained 4 lbs and then lost 2. Not so great!...but, I have been planning, thinking and most of all internalizing everything. For over a week now I have been following most of her directions and actually feeling quite confidant and eager to continue this journey. I thought trying to give up carbs would be my hardest step and of course it is!! My next challenge is the exercise and the water. I am ready! I am worth it and damn it I can do it! I have a list of doctors I need to see and blood work I need to do. And this will be my next step.
I hope to have surgery the first week in April. I am nervous but confident that this is the right choice for my friends, family, my husband my daughter and most of all for ME!
