Debbie W
September 1, 2005
My background is like so many of ones that I've read on this site...I have been fighting weight problems my whole life and and dieted myself into morbid obesity. I don't remember a time in my life that I was not at least 50-75 pounds overweight. My weight has held me back from really living life and enjoying it. There is so much that I want to be able to do, and hopefully, one day, I will be able to.
I am married with two small children (ages 3 & 6) they are the most important people to me. It has taken having children and missing out on so much of their lives that has brought me to this point. I cannot get down on the floor and play with them, I cannot run and play outside with them. I cannot teach them to ride a bike. Sometimes I don't even have the energy to get off the couch and do anything with them. This is not the kind of parent I want to be. I want to run, play, ride bikes, swim and dance with my children. And I certainly want to be around to see them grow up. I love them with all my heart and unconditionally - and I will do whatever it takes to be the best mom I can.
And so, after living 30+ years in denial, and never really seeing what appeared in front of me in the mirror, I am ready to face my problems, battle my weakness and face a brighter future.
September 6, 2005
I have had my initial consultation with Dr. Zografakis - I really liked him and the entire 'dream team'. My insurance company requires that I go through a 12-week physician supervised diet & exercise program (SPR), prior to approval. I guess the point is not to actually lose weight, but to learn healthy eating habits that will become a way of life after surgery. I started my SPR program 2 weeks ago, and so far things are going well. It has not been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. It's hard waiting 12 weeks, but it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, I am being scheduled for all my pre-op testing, cardiac testing, EGD, psych exam, lab...so that the day that my 12-week SPR program is finished, so will all of the pre-op testing - so things can be submitted to the insurance company right away.
October 25, 2005
I have completed 9 weeks of my 12-week program. I've also completed many tests, basic lab work, EGD, Echo, Stress Test, Psych Eval, etc... and I believe that I'm very lucky - every test that I have taken so far has come back with excellent results. There seems to be nothing so far that would prohibit me from having surgery. As the end of my 12-week program draws near, I am getting more and more excited. I see my sister everyday (who had the surgery about 2 months ago) and she looks phenominal - I cannot wait for that to be me. Still hoping for something to happen before the end of the year. My 12-week program is complete on Nov 15 and I will be submitted to insurance for approval at that time. Still keeping my fingers crossed.
November 18, 2005
I completed my 12-week program on November 15, and was approved the same day for surgery! My luck has held out, and I have been scheduled for surgery on December 19! I can hardly believe that it is only 4 weeks away. I am so excited to begin my new life! The next few weeks will fly by, as still have several tests that I need to undergo prior to surgery, and now I will be adding Christmas preparations to my list. Now I am hoping that I get everything done in time! I have spent hours on this website, reading profiles and gaining inspiration from everyone, I hope, in time, I can provide the same to someone else.
December 15, 2005
The final countdown in on - only 4 more days. I thought I would be more nervous than I am. Mostly, I'm just excited. I attended a wonderful support group meeting last night & it was just the last bit of momentum that I needed to get me through the next few days! A very special thanks to all of the people who have been sending me messages - it means so much!
January 9, 2006
It has been 3 weeks today since my surgery. I am doing well. There was very little pain, mainly just discomfort. Although, I have been having abdominal pain for the last week (I believe this is related to the hernia repair that I had during the surgery - I will be speaking to the Dr. today regarding this). I am down 40 pounds so far. I do not see a change in myself, and people that do not know I had surgery are none the wiser. The only people who say they can see a difference are those who knew I was having the surgery. So, do they really see a difference - or are they just saying so because 'they know'? I am still on a full liquid diet, and have no appetite. I find that it is difficult to get all of my water in, which is amazing to me, because I used to drink a couple gallons daily! So, between not getting my water and eating soup, I have actually gained 5 pounds in the last week. Gain weight with weight loss surgery?? Only me! I have removed soup from my already meager diet and will try harder to get my water in. I certainly do not want to go to the doctor for my 1-month appointment and gain weight.
Am I happy I did this? Yes and no. Yes because I know that this was the answer for me, and I know that I will eventually begin to see results. But no, because of the discomfort, limitations and lack of immediate results (I feel, logically, I know that 40 pounds ARE immediate results, but since I don't see it in myself, it's hard to believe it). Overall - Yes, I'm very happy I did this, and in the next month I'm sure I will think I was crazy to doubt it. I just cannot wait to see more results!!!! Thanks to all who sent their well wishes - and best of luck to Becky, who is having her surgery in just 2 weeks!
January 26, 2006
I went for my one month check up - down 42 pounds. I asked everyone that I came in contact with, if it was normal to lose so much the first week and then only 2 more pounds in 3 weeks? Everyone indicated that I was right on track, and that my body needed time to adjust. I was reminded to look at the big picture, losing 42 pounds in a month - logically, I know that this is an excellent result - and I am happy with it. But emotionally, it was hard to step on the scale and not see a big loss. Has this happened to you? The good news is, I received my exercise clearance, so I can now get active, which will only help the weight loss process.
Congrats to Becky, whose surgery was a success!
March 25
Time to update - it's been so long! I went for my 3-month checkup at the Doctor - I think it was a huge success! I was down 69 pounds, 28% of my excess body weight. My BMI went from 57 to 48. And, upon taking my own measurments, I have lost in excess of 36 inches! WOW! While I still feel sometimes, that it is not coming off fast enough, and I am not where I should be, I know, logically, that everything is right on track. It's hard to justify the logical and emotional aspects of something like this, but if I step back and think about things, I can see the success that has come my way so far. I try not to think about how much further I have to go, and how long it will take, it seems impossible. Instead, I take one day at a time, and know, that when I go to bed at night, I have done the best that I can do.
I have been exercising several nights a week, and I think that has helped. I still have a hard time seeing the changes in myself when I look in the mirror. Again, logic vs. emotion. I know the changes are there, I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear in years, and some of them are even getting loose. But, I dont see the change physically when I look in the mirror. So, I focus, instead on the feeling of the clothes being too big, and for now, that's enough.
May 15, 2006
Almost 5 months out - my scale is showing that I am down about 88 pounds (weighed in at 301.5) My goal is to get to 100 before I go to the doctor for my 6-month check-up. I am finally starting to feel a little better about myself - it's a HUGE psychological lift to be so close to getting under 300 pounds, even if it is only 299 & I'm SOOO close! I went to my employee recognition dinner for work last week, got all dressed up and I felt great! These are functions I used to dread and find excuses not to go to, but I went and felt pretty for the first time in a long time.
There are several girls at work that are looking into having this surgery, though I have to wonder if it is for the right reasons. Please know, that this is NOT the EASY ANSWER! This surgery is a tool to HELP you - not do it all for you! And it's NOT easy! Every day there are struggles and choices, and you have to be committed and focused. I will be the first to admit that there are days that I don't do everything perfect - but this is also my fault/my decision. Surgery does not ensure that everyday will be perfect and you will make the right decisions. So, for anyone thinking that this is the easy way, think again. Don't get me wrong - I'm VERY glad I had the surgery, and I will tell anyone and everyone that it is the BEST decision I ever made, would do it again in a heartbeat & I have NO regrets! But, I just want everyone to be realistic about what the surgery means and what it will do for you. If you are truly ready and committed - GO FOR IT!
October 24, 2006
Wow, I cannot believe it has been so long since I've been on. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I just logged in to register for the Columbus Ohio seminar. Let me know if you are going...
Anyway - I have lost 111 pounds so far. I feel great, full of energy and happy. I still wish the weight was coming off faster/easier, but I'll take the 111. I have suddenly turned 'girlie' - I love dressing nice (just went to the outlets and stocked up - I felt slightly guilty for spending the money, but I really needed new clothes, after giving 4 trash bags full of too-big clothes to another post-op patient). One of the hardest thing I have to get used to is receiving compliments. Sometimes, I don't know what to say - the compliments mean so much to me and they make me feel so good, a simple 'thank you' hardly seems adequate. And getting a compliment from a man - wow! I fly high all day long!
I still struggle with the emotional issues of weight loss. I know what I should be doing, but sometimes, it's so hard to make those choices. I have to admit though, I can physically tell the difference between a good day and a bad day (meaning a day with good choices and a day with bad choices). On good days, I feel great - active, energetic, & healthy. On bad days, I am so tired, sluggish, abdominal cramping, excess gas, upset stomach...the list goes on and on. So, at this point, one would wonder WHY there are bad days - I should be doing everything within my power to avoid them. These are the emotional & mental issues that I face. I think the good days definately outweigh the bad, so I am working on it, it just amazes me that the daily struggle is there. It helps that I have such a great support system, and many wonderful people around to help me along the way.
Boy do I sound like a whiner. I'm not - just trying to cope. I really am happy with my success so far, and I have no regrets.
December 22, 2006
I had my one year check-up yesteray. I was down 117 pounds & 47% of excess body weight. Dr. Z was pretty happy with that, I wish I was...you always want more! I can't even describe how my life has changed in the past year - I have much more confidence and am a happier, more active person. I remember being the weight I am now the FIRST time I joined Weight Watchers and I remember how miserable & uncomfortable I was. I guess it takes me being where I was to appreciate where I am now. I still have a ways to go - I'd love to lose 75 more, and I'm not giving up on that goal - even though Dr. Z say the surgery will give me about 35 more, the rest is up to me. I CAN DO THIS! The truly amazing realization came when I learned that my BMI dropped from 59.1 to 40!!!! Dr. Z. said 10 more pounds and I would not have qualified for this surgery - does that put me in some kind of 'normal zone'?? I feel like it is a milestone of some kind!
Congrats to Big Deb - who had her surgery on Monday. I'm very happy for you, you've waited so long, and I'm very proud of you!!!
Thanks to Darlene W for the following recipe for protein balls - they've saved me
Protein Balls
1 cup protein powder (any kind)
1 cup old fashioned oats
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup honey
Mix well and form into balls - enjoy!
I'm trying to learn the art of postive self-talk, after 35 years of negative self-talk, it's a hard thing to learn. I've come to the realization that it is my own negative thoughts that hold me back and lead to feelings of doubt. This is going to be my goal for the new year - to over come this negativity and learn to be positive. I am understanding a little of how this can work - when I got to work this morning, it was dark outside, so when I turned on my office light and passed in front of my window - my silouette was staring back at me, I had to do a double take and think to myself - wow, I can't believe that's me, where did my hips go?? I have noticed alot of changes in my body this month - like the hips - it's a wonderful feeling. Instead of focusing on fact that hips may still be larger than I want, they are not the first thing a person notices about me anymore! I felt great looking at my silouette this morning - that acknowledgement was my Christmas gift to myself this year. Seems silly huh?
So, positive self-talk is one goal - exercise is another goal, I have a Myrtle Beach vacation in July that I have to get ready for!
Hope everyone has a blessed and happy holiday!
January 7, 2007
Happy New Year to everyone - I hope the new year delivers what you want the most. Things seem to be going a little better for me recently, I'm down 127 pounds - down 10 from the Dr. office last month. It's been awhile since I've lost 10 in one month - so I'm SO happy. I have a beach vacation coming up this summer, and for the first time, while I won't be at 'goal' I do feel positive about the trip. It's sad to think you have to lose 125 pounds before it is noticable, but WOW - did I get the compliments at work last week. I couldn't walk out of my office without someone telling me how great I looked - I may start begin to believe it. It does do alot for your self-esteem.
