Lisa M.
My Story
I was a skinny kid. I had a skinny mom...and i had two skinny step sisters. For some reason everyone thought they were fat. My mom dieted, my sisters dieted. I knew what a diet was before i was able to tie my shoes. My whole life has been "there's got to be something new we haven't tried".
I weighed 99lbs the day i found out i was pregant with my oldest daughter. No one told me anything about exercise or diet while i was pregnant. No one told me that the emotional abuse i was receiving from my husband was going to pack the pounds on either. He was pissed off that pregnancy had caused me to gain weight so he called me every hurtful name he could think of...which of course causes weight GAIN not LOSS..(moron) at 145lbs he actually said i was the fattest person he had ever seen. (just so you know all these years later he's fat and bald so..)
When i gave birth to shannon i weighed 199lbs and i was never able to lose it. over the next year i gained 20lbs on top of that and then found out i was pregnant again...with Lauren i only gained 16lbs. I really didn't even look pregnant. After she was born i did not lose weight...but i did lose a husband!!!!! yay..celebrate..dance in the streets..relief relief!!!! and thats pretty much what we did...celebrated..relaxed..tried to regroup. Did not lose weight...in fact with all the celebrating i gained more...but at least i could breathe. I still felt the stings of the emotional torture...related to my weight..but for the most part i was at least living. and i was cute. I had cute clothes (I managed a Lane Bryant store) I had two beautiful little girls, i had curves...i never had a problem with the attention of boys. i will never know why i thought i was so hideous.
I met my husband about 7 years later. And suprize we had a little boy...my heart's desire. i gained weight again...18 months later we had another suprize..and he was just as cute as the first one...When i was getting close to my due date i told my OBGYN that if she did not schedule a tubal i was not going home. Four kids and carrying a body that weighed more than two people was more than i could handle.
I have fibroid tumors that are huge, i have sleep apnea, severe edema and chest pain. I have not had health insurance so i dont know what else i am going to find out when i get my medicare card but i'm ready to deal with it. I am just tired. I hate not being able to stay awake through an entire movie..i really dont care how i look...i'm 40, im married. im not going to be out trying to hunt down a mate. I just want this stomach to stop sitting on top of my legs. It makes it hard to do ANYTHING.
My daughters (20 and 19) tease me that as soon as i have the surgery and lose the weight i will end up being the teenager. I think their right. I have spent my entire adult life carrying around someone else. it will be nice to be able to just carry me. I might be able to walk farther, bend over, tie my own shoes, stop swelling and start running.
I think the food part will be the easiest issue for me. I dont eat often enough now. I wait and wait and wait..so that when i do eat i make bigger portions. I'm not an over eater, I'm a wrong time of the day save it all up and eat at one time eater. That and i like dr. pepper. THAT is going to be my sacrifice for a new life. I am going to have to lay my soft drink down. hmmmm lets see...big and huge and miserable and able to dr pepper...or lean and get rid of the belly and able to walk/run/swim..drinking watered down juice.......DUH. Screw you DR. PEPPER...what have YOU ever done for me????
Ok so time to blog etc about my journey...i like this...i'm looking forward to a place to actually talk to people who understand where i am..and have the chance to see what the other side looks like, and for information and encouragement!!
Blessings to all of you!!
