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hey everybody, AFRICAT is home!

that smile is real, not fake, no pretensions going on here. i feel fantasatic. i don't know, maybe it's the drugs...

surgery was a breeze. my liver, according to dr. bautista, was the best looking liver he's seen all week. i had a great day today. here are the highlights:

the day i went in to the hospital (wednesday), jason and i were sitting in the pre-op waiting room together and the lady calls my name after about 10 minutes and says that he needs to take all my stuff back to the car because i won't need it until i get out of surgery and into the recovery room. i was like, okay, but when will that be? she said that i was going in RIGHT THEN. we were kind of caught off guard and sad because for all we knew, that could have been our last moments together in life...

...after a few big kisses and hugs, we parted and the nurse gave me some operation clothes to put on. i'm laying there reading some magazine about jon & kate and then the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to me about what he is going to do. that little indian guy was so zen. i thought i was floating, just off of his chillout demeanor. next thing you know, they shot me up with something and i can't remember what happened next, except that i was being wheeled out by a brother in a blue surgical cap and into my recovery room. it had happened without me realizing a thing!

i know i was moaning and calling for jason because it was scary to feel that kind of pain and not be able to get free of all the cords and stuff in my nose. jason was sitting right in my recovery room though, smiling at me so i guess it made me feel a little better.

apparently, he had stayed at the hospital for 7 hours but to me, it felt like he was there for only 20 minutes because i was so in and out proceeding the surgery. all i can remember is that i kept asking him to put ice chips in my mouth and lay his face on my face. he told me i kept saying,  "kiss my eyelids" and dorky stuff like that. i do know that all my sentences had about 2 words in them. he must have been horrified. i was acting like a dope fiend zone coaster. he's kind of scary about seeing me all jacked up like that but he did good.

anyway, i know that i made it through the first couple hours before i could walk around the floor. i surprised myself on that note. i hardly felt anythiing painful but again, they had me doped up pretty good.

now on day two, i had the roughest times since it all began. it was because the morphine was making me itch and then they gave me benadryl which had me all zoned out and sleepy. then they switched me to dilaudid which made me nauseous like i have never been before.  i couldn't even bear to sip water. finally they gave me some patch to put behind my ear and all the nausea went away. at that point i was feeling soooo good. until the nurse comes in and strips my drainage tube and it must have touched a nerve. so all night i am feeling like something is stabbing me inside. they also took out my catheter (no problem with that, no pain at all) so now i have to keep getting up to pee and that stab was like i was going to scream out loud.

dr. bautista comes in this morning and tells them to take the drain out, which was like HEAVEN cuz once that was done, i no longer had an ounce of discomfort. i am doing laps around the bariatric unit with ease. jason brought me orange roses and a DWELL magazine, so now i'm all loved up and feeling special. i drank a boost glucose control and it was not too bad at all. i sipped sipped sipped it down till it was almost all gone. things were great.

now i am home, with that little medicine ball in my side, connected to a thin little tube in my side. the incisions are not painful at all. can't even feel them. i had a bed brought downstairs but i don't think i'll really need it, who knows. just took two oxycondone pills and feeling like a space cadet, about to drink another boost shake out of those dinky little cups. also looking for a place that carries the ARIXTRA blood thinner. i have to take that by 8pm.

well, in the end, it was all very tolerable. i'm glad i decided to do this. i hope everyone who is looking forward to their own special day is encouraged by these words, just as i have been encouraged by the words of those who've taken this walk before me.

ya'll be easy, i'm about good and zoning from the meds so it's time to sign off but i will holla back later.

adios & ciao ciao from AFRICAT
 

peace everyone,

so it's 12:11 am and that means that TODAY IS THE DAY! i am going in to the hospital at 8:30am and then surgery at 10:30am. let me just give a quick and dirty, cuz i have mad stuff to do between now and then. i just wanted to make sure i leave everyone with some front line reporting on how it feels to be at that point where it's right up on you!

firstly, i did not do as well on the liver shrinking diet as i had originally hoped. i drank vanilla slimfasts twice a day. the powdered one is the only thing i tried, and i mixed it with light vanilla silk soymilk, a dash of mccormick chai spice and a splash of coconut extract. deeeelish. i kid you not. they were off the chain. even the lumps were yummy. but  yeah, i didn't add more protein powder like they told me to. i don't know why, i just didn't. that's not recommended at all. i plan to tighten up in the post op cuz i know better.

my third meal was normally soup. i make this tangy/spicy/savory thai soup called tom kha. you can buy it as a soup base packet from the asian market. then i put in some chopped lemongrass, also from the asian market, some braggs liquid aminos, some blue mountain hot curry, some nutritional yeast, some shredded carrots and finally, some baby bok choy (asian market again) which is actually called shanghai tip.when i ran out of shanghai, i put fresh spinach in the pot once i turned it off. don't cook it. they'll disintegrate. for the protein, i used olive oil spray and sauteed some chicken tenderloins that i cut up into bite size pieces and brought to life with the all important red onion and garlic (sautee before the chicken).

instead of bread, i put some couscous (prepared separately) in the bowl and then ladled the soup in, topped with the chicken chunks. deeeelish.

anyway, a few of the days i had some grilled tilapia and spinach salad with these salad spritzers i think are insanely good. one was ranch flavored. i can hardly believe that they are only 5 calories a spray. they have such full bodied flavor and they cover the leaves so well! mmmmm again, deeelish.

for snack, i ate strawberry cheesecake lite yoplait. i also had roasted, seasoned, salted seaweed in the individual packs (asian market). they are like potato chips but there's nothing off limits about them at all. mine were low salt but you could not tell at all. they are also called laver. you'll be so hooked on these if you give them a try.

enough about food. see? that's what got me into this mess. i am so artistic when it comes to eating. i love to combine creativity and calories. can't you tell?

now as for how i was feeling about my "cheating" on the 2 week diet, i must say, i have been kind of bugging out in a private kind of way, not percievably, but strangely half-preparing for something unexpected and unfortunate to happen in surgery because of it. HOWEVER...my awesome surgeon, DR. ELISEO BAUTISTA, called to ask me some questions about my choice of blood thinner (more about that later), and i told him how i was feeling about the extra treats i was consuming (beyond what i wrote in the paragraphs above). here is what he said, in a paraphrased kind of way:

he has been performing laparoscopic rny for 5 years at st. mary's and only TWO people have had to wake up and find that their surgery was postponed due to an overly fatty liver. both of them, he reports, claim to have been on the pre-op diet, but failed to shrink their livers down enough. he also said that (GET THIS) he would never resort to open surgery (the 6 inch cut down the belly) if he found the liver too big when going in laparoscopically because open surgery is MORE DIFFICULT than laparoscopic when the liver is enlarged and fatty.

now i am SOOOO relieved to find out this information! i kept dreading the thought of him finding me with a fat liver and deciding to cut my belly open instead. i really would rather scrap the whole thing if that was to happen. fortunately, that is what he said he would do anyway. but, in 5 years, only TWO people have had that situation happen to them. my surgeon's office does 800 bypasses every year. i'm straight. no more worries.

one other thing i want to make sure i post on here. it's about PORK. if anyone one here is serious about not having pork or pork products in their system, for whatever your reasons, i completely understand so check this out. you know the blood thinner heparin? well, it's made from pig guts imported from china. ewwwww! no way in hell i'm defiling my temple with that.

the other one they use as an alternative is lovenox. also made of pork. the medical term for pharmaceuticals containing swine is PORCINE. basically, the standard blood thinner used in almost every hospital in the US is made of PORCINE derivitives. my surgeon had never used anything else and neither had his partners...until AFRICAT showed up on the scene. you see, i read and retain information that lies dormant for decades, which is how i came to know about heparin.

they did some digging and found a synthetic blood thinner called ARIXTRA. no swine no swine no swine!

so if you know anyone or if you yourself have issues with pig parts being suggested as medicine, trust me when i tell you, ARIXTRA is now available and has been shown to reduce pulmonary embolisms with as much success as the tainted heparin products. side note: heparin has caused many deaths from the unregulated pig guts they import from china to produce it.

so i am off to get some zees but i will come back once more, just to let everybody know what it's like from the front line.

everyone take care, and to those of you still preparing to take this walk, strength and stable thoughts to you. it's gonna be a whole new life for us. time to live it like it's golden.

adios and ciao ciao from AFRICAT

i can't take it anymore. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
no more tie dye, no more tie dye, no more tie dye!

cursed rags, i loooooathe you!

if i EVER...
see ONE MORE...

SHAPELESS 
TIE DIE 
DRESS...

in MY CLOSET...
or MY DRESSER...
or MY HAMPER...

i'll SCREEEEEAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When You're Afraid to Heal:

We have all had those days where you feel as though your goals are not being met or those days when the thought of focusing on your plans for life just seem so overwhelming. Throughout our lives we set goals, we achieve goals, and we visualize goals in which we would like to achieve, yet there seems to always be something that keeps us grounded within our comfort zones. Sometimes we are just simply afraid to grow...to learn...and to heal!

5 Signs & Symptoms of Being Afraid to Heal:

Denial: Many times when we are hoping to grow in life, we tend to deny many of the faults in which we have acquired along the way. We stroll throughout our lives in constant denial of the real person that is holding you back from healing, and that person is yourself. The first step you must take towards true healing is to fully acknowledge your faults, write them down and make a list of how you can go about fixing them.

Procrastination: I think that procrastination is at the top of the list when it comes to healing. In order to heal there must be discipline. Without it there can be no growth. The first step to treating procrastination is to make a obtainable to do list. Many times we procrastinate because we are unsure of what we have to do in a day, in a month, and even within the year; so the time just creeps up on us while we are literally not looking and not planning, therefore leaving you in a state of a rush mode.

False Self Doubt: Many times as we go through our healing woes we tend to go through an odd pattern of self doubt/ This is where we knowingly tell ourselves that we cannot achieve our goals or that healing will never be achieved, all while knowing in the back of our mind that we are more than equipped to handle the healing process. This is an internal and external battle going on between your spiritual/inner being and your emotional self. To get past this stage one must deny that little voice that speaks within each of our spirits...deny it any reverence and over hear it with that true confidence in which you know that you have. Self doubt is nothing but a silent killer to healing.

Holding Yourself Back: Holding yourself back is nothing like procrastination. Holding yourself back is when you have an opportunity handed to you that will help your healing or growth process, yet you decide that the thought of taking that step is much too scary. You tell yourself that you are afraid of failing, yet deep within your heart you know that what you are most afraid of is succeeding. I have been in this situation before. There were times in the past when I was given an opportunity to grow mentally, spiritually and socially, yet I let my emotional self hold the most powerful force that I carry with me back...I held back my true spirit that felt confident, that spirit that said to me don't worry about it, that true spirit that had no fear.

False Depression: Another thing that we tend to do when we are afraid of healing is to fall into a state of false depression. This is where we almost “pretend” to be down, so that others around us will now focus on the fact that we are “depressed” instead of them focusing on our issues in which we are trying to heal. We do this because it is much easier for others to show us sympathy than for us to show ourselves truth. When you start to feel as though you are going into a state of “false” depression, especially if you are at home. Take the time to cleanse your mind through meditation, and to cleanse your spirit with a warm shower, recite a positive affirmation and make a list of no less than 5 things that you have achieved that you were proud of. We are forgetful beings, so many times when we fall into this state of depression we tend to be more focused on the things that we can't do or didn't do and forget about all of the things that we did achieve and the challenges that we met and overcame to achieve them. This state is where you gain most of your energy to heal, because it is through reflection that you are reminded that You Are Not Afraid to Learn...You Are Not Afraid to Grow...and most of all, You Are Not Afraid to Heal!

* this article is available on ymib.com and was written by a sister named soulliving...props to her for her spot-on commentary

adios & ciao ciao from AFRICAT

this picture was taken at a rehearsal for the 2008 KISS FM stone soul music festival. i was 7 months pregnant at the time and i was *supposed* to be on bedrest.

i remember that i played so hard, i ended up in the women's bathroom holding my belly and praying that i would not go into labor right then and there.

anyhow, i ran across this picture on someone's facebook page today. at first i was like, goodness look at my belly! i still look like that, and the baby is over 13 months old!

then i noticed the look on my face and remembered that i felt so "in the moment" when the photographer took that picture. the music had taken me to another place, kind of like travelling on cruise control.

i need to remind myself that when i have a goal and set my mind to accomplishing it, i have to stay focused, close my eyes and visualize myself living my dream, then it is up to me to open back up my eyes and make it happen!

yes, i am starting to feel (1) unprepared (2) uneducated (3) overwhelmed (4) apprehensive about the surgery date creeping up on me, but beyond all the fear, i am not giving up until i can see myself (1) fit (2) healthy (3) radiant (4) fly!

i give thanks to GOD ALMIGHTY and all the positive spirits working in my behalf! i am thankful for being shown how be content with my own personal best efforts to maximize my today.  i am thankful for being given a mind that can visualize a better tomorrow.

ashe!

adios & ciao ciao,
AFRICAT

to see more of my daily posts, look right down below the hello kitty banner where it says  Browse pages: next >  and click there.  

 
informational class w/nurses: 08 july @ 4:00pm

dietary class w/dietician: 08 july @ 5:30pm

behavior modification class: 08 july @ 7:00pm


abdominal ultrasound: 14 july @ 8:45pm

pre-registration & labwork: 14 july @ 10:30am

physical and family consultation with dr. bautista: 14 july @ 2:00pm


   roux-en-y bariatric surgery: 29 july @ 10:30am  

peace, ya'll. it's me, AFRICAT.
 
i hope you're doing well, pushing forward and learning to love yourself one day at a time (that's what i'm working on, and it feels so good!)

now is there anyone within earshot who plays the drums? anyone...anyone?

no? well that's okay, we can run a plan b. let's just pop in a roots instrumental and find a breakbeat featuring ?uestlove so he can give us that good ole philly soul style drumroll, please!

okay, without further ado, i have, in my hand, something fantastic! something incredible! something that is making me want to kiss myself and say "dayum girl, today is your day!"

wanna know what all the fuss is about? sure, friends! well, here it is: i just received the letter from my surgeon that lists all my pre-op appointments. i am really and truly on my way!

i'm not going to be a loquacious little AFRICAT today, because i really want to read about this part of the process on other people's blogs. so let me hush up my mouth and go read something, then read some more. i need to be aware of what is going on! it's all happening so fast!

if you've been through this part and have any advice, please let me know. you can even post a link you your page. i'd love to hear your story. thanks in advance for helping me get prepared. this forum is the hotness. i love it!

adios & ciao ciao,
AFRICAT

 

anyone who has checked out the tab labeled Member Interests on the left of this blog has already seen that my mate, jason, is an astrological counselor. basically, what that means to me is that he helps people see patterns and connections which can be used as powerfully transformative tools to better themselves in every area of their lives. he is able to consider the position of the planets and stars on the precise day and time you were born and identify positive strategies for how you can make the most of any situation.

i have been blessed with the presence of a man who is an eternal optimist. we share the same physical space, so i can see him constantly thinking and meditating and studying and reasoning, 24 hours out of every single day. even when we are sipping a nice cabernet, he is still considering something, turning it over in his mind, contemplating the manifestation of some random thought that will probably emerge in a decade or so, as deliberately as if he had summmoned it into being with the power of his spoken words.

actually, he does indeed call things forth with the power of his words, but before he has allowed his mouth to utter the first sound, i've learned that the trick is to think on it, then think through it, then think as it has already happened. finally, when all these things are done, he knows it and allows time to catch up with his thoughts so that he can then become it.

so this is what i have been vibing on today. it's the process of evolving my thoughts to leave the realm of thinking "like" a woman whose body is healthy and beautiful...but instead, thinking "as" a woman whose body is healthy and beautiful.

...which is why when you come on this blog and read my posts, don't expect to hear me talking like someone who is all tired and beat down and full of despair. yes this extra weight is miserable. but it does not define me, nor control me, nor shape my thoughts in any way.

i hope this post inspires you to do the same, and i look forward to discussing our fantastic futures with anyone who feels similarly about their own life.

adios & ciao ciao,
AFRICAT

click here to follow jason's awesome blog: sagittarianmind.com

i would like to share a story about someone i have been thinking a great deal about this afternoon. this friend of mine is accomplished, and beautiful, and professional and earthy, smart, quirky, sexy and adventurous. this chick is bad. 

we call ourselves the afrolushes (not a type-o, just a play on words) because we've begun meeting up every friday for wine tastings and we always end up being the flyest women there. and of course, we are two luscious culturemamas that have the distinct pleasure of being black.

so i facebooked her today, just to tell her that my surgery date had been set. hours later, she calls to say that the state agency she works will pay for her surgery, let her take a month off, and also *get this* a body lift afterwards. all with no copay and no pre-approval from her primary!

now i am trying to convince her to go through with something i have not even done myself. her body mass index has mine beat by about 4 or 5 points, though to me, she has a dope shape and her ass ain't *nothing but the truth*.

i believe she is hung up on the fact that her momma had a bad experience with bariatric surgery, got sick, lost mad weight, then gained it all back but this was like 20 years ago. i keep telling her about the medical advances since then, so i hope she listens to rational facts instead of her mother's insecurities, although i totally empathize with where the mom is coming from.

this woman is an incredible dancer but complains of joint pain...that would be all the reason i needed to go through with it if i were her. she moves so passionately! the thing is, men seem to find her sensuality a bit overwhelming and  we both suspect that it's because of her weight. 

another thing...BOTH OF US are tired of only being able to buy shoes, never clothes. we want to go to trunk shows and runway events without looking like a joke. it's so wack to be confined to the periphery of the artistic world when you fit in but you *literally* don't fit in.

i don't know about anybody else, but i'm over that. i'm totally down for taking this walk together. you feel me? i already know ya'll do. alright, beloveds...

adios and ciao ciao,
AFRICAT

                                                                    

peace!

i have some very important news...eh-hem (clearing throat)...my surgery has been approved after ONE DAY of waiting! i just got off the phone setting the date, which, i am pleased to report, is 29 JULY 2009 so....the countdown begins!

yey for me, i'm making power moves. i'm so psyched. the journey is truly underway.
 
i can't wait until i can BE vegan and LOOK vegan too.

there are some awesome profiles on here, nuff respect to all those who had the courage to take this walk and trust in their decision. you've all been inspirational to me.

adios & ciao ciao from AFRICAT