Barbara-oh
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May 29, 2005 update:
One of the benefits of this lengthy process is that while waiting, one has an opportunity to continue researching! And mine has paid off. I have, after much consideration, decided to decline insurance approval for the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass (RNY-GB) and instead have the Duodenal Switch (DS). The DS procedure best matches my needs/expectations in terms my weight loss goals, short & long-term risk tolerance, and side-effect tolerance.
My consult with Dr. Lutz is booked for July 7th, 2005!
The determining factor in chosing this surgeon were comments I read on the profile page of Dana Wenzel of Chesterfield MI, who had the DS procedure done by Dr. Lutz in 2004. What an outstanding endorsement Dana provided! Additionally, I was blessed to connect with two other Canadians, David B and Wendy B, who with much patience and generousity, shared relevant information with me. And what finally sold me was dear "Sing" in Michigan!
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In preparation for surgery, I quit smoking (cold turkey) on April 27, 2005. YAHOO!
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1. BACKGROUNDER
20 years ago, in 1985, my weight ballooned up to 264 lbs, with 110 lbs of that weight gained over the 6 previous years living in a university residence. I accumulated the weight through these factors:
* no exercise … other than walking between classes & residence,
* sleep deprivation … studied to 3AM each night to maintain GPA & scholarships,
* poor eating habits (i.e. skipped breakfast & lunch, ate late in evening, snacked through night)
* no mother around to monitor & regulate my diet & exercise regime (home was 200 miles away)
* drank excessive amounts of caffeine (espresso)
So here I was, fresh out of university armed with 2 degrees, and no life outside my work. It was easy to fast track up the corporate ladder ... helping the company I worked for, (a manufacturer of Life Safety Systems) to gain significant market share in the USA despite the Buy America Act. With much success in the workplace, I came to define myself by my WORK. I knew that something was missing but I was SO driven to succeed and be at the top of my game, I didn’t give much thought to building a life outside my work.
Then in late 1984, I an appointment at the hair stylist changed my life. My hair stylist, CJ, had lost over 100 pounds from weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to contact her bariatric surgeon and inquire if I was a good candidate for the surgery.
In the spring of 1985, I had weight loss surgery during my vacation -- a standard Mason VBG (vertical banded gastroplasty) partitioned and undivided. I went from a weight of 264 lbs to 143 lbs -- a loss of 121 lbs over 18 months.
I maintained that weight loss for 11 years by sticking to the strategies I knew would ensure success. The most I allowed my weight to fluctuate was a couple of pounds.
Three years post surgery, in August 1988 I got married, modeled my wedding gown (an Aldo Beltrami original design from Italy) in Wedding Bells Magazine (Summer 1988 issue), and within 2 months I was pregnant with my first child. I gained less than 14 lbs through the pregnancy and delivered a small but healthy baby boy on July 4, 1989 weighing 5.5 lbs.
During my pregnancy, and after Free Trade, my company was taken over by Americans (General Signal Corp). So when my pregnancy leave was over, I opted not to return to work or Toronto. Instead I remained in northern Ontario – about 200 miles from anywhere. One of the unfortunate impacts was that I no longer had easy access to my surgeon to continue the yearly appointments.
Sadly, as it turned out, my phenomenal surgeon, Dr. MD was facing allegations of sexual misconduct brought forward by some former patients … much to my amazement my hair stylist -- the woman who referred me to her surgeon, was alleging that she was one of his victims. She contacted me several times asking me if he had ever acted inappropriately with me. The answer was NO I repeatedly told her, to which she kept asking me “are you sure?” as though if she asked enough times, I might respond differently. (Isn't that the definition of insane... repeating a behaviour and expecting a different result?)
I found my surgeon (Dr. MD) to be very professional at all times and I had, and continue to have, a profound respect and admiration for this highly skilled surgeon, one of Canada’s pioneers in bariatric surgery. The College of Physicians and Surgeons revoked Dr. MD's registration in 1997. I found that news incredibly depressing.
I will never believe that what happened with Dr. MD and his alleged 'victim' was anything but consensual and I am a feminist! I base my belief on my personal knowledge of the morally and financially bankrupt hairstylist who had no ethics -- the woman was a con artist and habitually ripped off the system and everyone she came into contact with.
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2. 1996 - ELEVEN YEARS POST-OP
10 years post surgery, my partner fell three stories off a roof and didn't break any bones nor did he appear to sustain any permanent damage. At around the same time he was complaining of chronic pain in his side which his doctor attributed to the fall.
I believe that coming so close to his mortality prompted my partner to insist on having another baby and he needed my help in that process although I was incredibly reluctant as I was focusing on my career with my first child in school all day. In the end, although not thrilled with the idea, I knew it would be good for our other son to have a sibling (like he cared).
Then in 1999, 3 years after our second child was born, my partner discovered he had HCV and cirrhosis of the liver. And within a few weeks, my beautiful 3 year old son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (he's high functioning and is in a mainstream classroom with minimal accommodations.)
So that was the setting that I suddenly found myself in. Perhaps it was the old Catholic guilt for being healthy and well while my partner and son were not, that made me embrace the opportunity to become "martyr, caretaker and saviour" (now there's a Trinity of losers!) ... Perhaps I also used this to rationalize the fact I was about to drop all the strategies and changes in behaviour I had in place that were responsible for the maintenance of my weight loss.
Or perhaps I was just itching to find ANY excuse whatsoever to relinquish ownership, responsibility or accountability for my behaviour while acting the role of St. Barbara.
Those were miserable and lonely times for me and I think I knew that food could provide some instant gratification without the kind of damage that drugs could cause ... And since I could never stand the taste of booze and would never do drugs, all that was left was food to indulge in since extramarital sex is never an option when you've been raised in an Italian, Catholic family and you marry another Italian ... not unless you want to end up swimming with the fish in Lake Nipissing.
It's pretty sad to realize now how little I valued myself in those days that I truly felt guilty for my good health. My partner started a clinical trial on a new type of interferon combo and would sleep around the clock. His working and earning days were clearly over.
So I made some big changes in my life in 1999 ... I stopped working outside the home and started taking on LOTS of contract work that would permit me to work from home. And I used the excuse that I could better manage my household and the needs of my family members including the disabled partner unable to work, and a child with autism spectrum disorder who had no access to early interventions because of immensely long waiting lists.
It doesn't take a psychic to foresee where this would lead... *** Workaholics should never work out of their home. *** I buried myself in my work and hated to stop even to go pee let alone eat throughout the day. Imagine! Perhaps it was because it was the only thing other than my youngest son that gave me any satisfaction! I was good at my work and it helped redefine me.
Since 1999, my partner has undergone 3 treatment protocols on alpha-b interferon and pegylated interferon. The first time it was for 6 months. The second protocol again lasted 6 months. And the third protocol lasted for 11 months (48 weeks) at double the dosage of previous protocols. He pretty much slept 18 hours a day for the last 6 years. And while he slept and got better, I worked and worked and my state of health and wellness diminished greatly.
I have gained and I have lost a sigificant amount of weight, a total of 5 times over that period. It must have really freaked him out to watch the sexy babe he married turn into a big, unhealthy blob. How very sad that my partner inferred my reluctance to be intimate as a fear of contracting HCV rather than as my shame and discomfort with my weight.
He was thrilled recently when Roche Canada, the pharmaceutical company that produces the interferon that cured him of HCV and saved his life, invited him to speak to their Pegasys team. He's proud of his accomplishment and well he should be. Only three people completed the protocol and my partner was one of them. I swear he is the most disciplined person I know and I wouldn’t doubt he could walk on water if he set his mind to it.
Back to me -- I am responsible for abandoning my needs and placing myself last. I am not trying to make excuses as I take complete responsibility for the poor choices and decisions I've made ... just want to clarify or rather lay the ground work for --->
How I fell into the same old patterns/habits I did during my years in university (residence) which resulted in huge weight gain:
* working around the clock,
* extreme sleep deprivation,
* poor eating habits (no meals in day, eating late in evening),
* drinking triple espresso's all day/night long,
* snacking/grazing late into the night,
* not taking vitamins and supplements, and
* no exercise! (heck if I wasn't having sex, I sure wasn't going to make time for exercise)
Therefore, it comes as NO surprise to me that I now find myself morbidly obese for the second time in my life after several years of ignoring the successful habits that afforded me the privilege of maintaining my weight loss for 11 years.
I screwed up in a major way TWICE but now I clearly understand WHY and HOW and hope that I can share this with others so they do not repeat my stupid mistakes. The WHY doesn't matter as much as the HOW. We face the "why" crap on a daily basis that can bring us down if we let it. If we're looking for excuses to justify whatever it is we want to do, there will always be readily available excuses.
When I had my surgery 20 years ago, there wasn’t the level of public education/awareness, access to information, and/or knowledge sharing that is available today via technology … not to mention the availability of online SUPPORT forums like AMOS, ObesityHelp, and the OSSG groups in Canada, which are quite simply, INVALUABLE!
The very first thing I am going to do when I rejoin the corporate jungle and am again earning bug bucks is to donate a healthy chunk of money to help keep ObesityHelp in operation!
I am happy that the world has changed a lot in 20 years and I urge anyone going through WLS now to:
* get informed (don't just follow the herd)
* find support
* commit to lifelong process of successful and proven strategies to maintain weight loss which requires a lifelong CHANGE in BAHAVIOUR, through good times and through hard times.
I had actually shared this with Mike in NY about to have WLS on May 26/05. I thought it might be worthwhile to amend the text to use in my profile... whether you read it or not is not an issue for me ... this is a cathartic experience for me and has helped to clarify for me how I ended up back to where I started 20 years ago.
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3. MOVING FORWARD
I am waiting for OHIP approval to go to the USA for surgery. I’ve resolved that I am proceeding with this either with or without OHIP’s help and if they don’t help me, when I return to Canada after my WLS I will make it my life’s mission to launch a legal challenge of the denial to fund my request for out of country medical considering the wait time for surgery in Canada is from 6 - 8 years.
The prospect of going to the USA for WLS scares the stuff right out of me ... But I've decided to focus on moving forward with my life and think of what is best for me. I can't function as a morbidly obese person and certainly would not live and would continue to suffer irreversible tissue damage if I had to wait on the Ontario waiting list for 8 years.
All I need is a qualified and skilled surgeon to get me through the surgery and I will work the strategies for successful weight loss maintenance with the same level of passion, energy and commitment that I use in other areas of my life -- to ensure permanent weight loss.
I better sign off before this turns into the book you never wanted to read ;-)
Take what you like and ditch the rest.
Barbara A. B.
STRATEGIES FOR LONG TERM SUCCESS
from someone who screwed up twice and wants to share the reasons why ;-)
1. Eating
* Eat three well-balanced meals and snacks maximum twice daily. Daily servings for each of the food groups include:
* three servings of protein,
* three servings of vegetables,
* one serving of fruit,
* two servings of bread/starches, and
2. Drinking
* drink water - 40-64 oz of water per day,
* do NOT drink carbonated beverages including sugar-free carbonated beverages,
* do not drink sweetened juices or beverages,
* reduce consumption to 12 times a year or eliminate caffeinated beverages,
* reduce consumption to 12 times a year or eliminate alcoholic beverages.
Why Carbonated drinks are an issue:
- when a cold beverage is consumed, it warms and releases gases, distending the stomach... stretching of the stomach then creates undue stress
- carbonated drinks are high in calories, low in nutritional value, and contain simple sugars ...they're absorbed quickly into blood stream, causing rapid rise in blood sugar, elevated insulin levels, & increased hunger.
- carbonated drinks contain caffeine which acts as an appetite stimulant
- eliminate diet sodas
3. Vitamins and Supplements
* take daily a daily multiple vitamin, supplemental calcium citrate, & take supplemental iron such as Trinsicon or Chromagen and whatever else your doctor advises.
4. Exercising
* exercise regularly to maintain weight... recommend an average of four times per week for at least 40 min.
5. Sleeping
* sleep 7 hours per night
6. Take Ownership for Staying in Control
* weigh yourself weekly - by weighing weekly and allowing yourself only a few pounds / kilograms of leeway, you can maintain control. I regained all my weight following 11 years of maintaining my weight loss because I stopped taking ownership for staying in control.
I blamed my circumstances that resulted in the following BAD habits -- no exercise, poorly balanced meals, constant grazing and snacking, drinking excessive amounts of caffeine and carbonated diet drinks.
These bad habits resulted in me gaining 100 pounds over 6 years -- twice in my life.
CONCLUSION:
Changes in old behaviour and forming new, lifelong habits are required for SUCCESSFUL weight loss and MAINTENANCE!
To be successful after WLS, you must:
• eat 3 well-balanced meals & maximum of 2 snacks daily,
• drink water & avoid carbonated beverages of any kind,
• take your multiple vitamins, iron, & calcium citrate regularly,
• sleep at least 7 hours per night,
• regular exercise is imperative,
• weight control is YOUR own personal responsibility.