Countnsheep

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3 days more and I change my life forever.  People keep asking me if I am excited.  That is a weird question.  I have never had surgery, so there is that unknown element of how I am going to feel or react to the anesthesia.  Otherwise, I am just ready to get it over with and move on to the next phase.  Am I supposed to be excited? 

As part of my program, I have been required by my insurance company to undergo a series of phone coaching sessions.  I found this to be the single most valuable part of this whole process.  I found a life coach outside of this to help me through these changes in my life as well as other changes I hope to achieve, such as time management and organization. This year, I am really focusing on me and changing my life in the process.  I was at first afraid I might be biting off more than I can chew with everything I am taking on, but honestly, it all goes together.  Having this surgery changes every aspect of your life.  Your relationships, your social activities, your mindset....everything. My old life isn't going to work with this new, healthier one and I am okay with that.

but the other day, I was going through my closet, making room for new things, getting rid of the things I will never be able to wear again.  There was one dress in particular I was especially fond of and was sad to get rid of. I didn't give it much thought more than, "it's a shame I will never get to wear this again". I put it in a bag with all the other clothes to be taken to the thrift store.  The next day, I was talking to my coach about this dress and found myself verbalizing my attachment to it.  I wore it to my cousin's wedding reception. I felt beautiful. I looked great. I was surrounded by people I loved and shared many great memories while celebrating this marriage.  I guess it is sad to let that go.  My coach said that it was okay to acknowledge the emotional attachment and more so, appropriate to grieve over it.  I hadn't looked at it as an emotional thing, it is just an article of clothing that I liked.  But she acknowledged the grief that I didn't realize I had and somehow, that unburdened me of emotions I didn't realize I had been harboring. I began to cry and I didn't know why.  This truly does affect every part of your life.

wherever you are in your journey, know that you aren't alone. Some people are wonderful supports, and some are not, but many have taken this journey ahead of you and me and they have been through all these same changes.  It won't always be easy.  Some parts of this we ugly and painful, in fact.  But the end result is a healthier, happier you and it makes it all worthwhile.  Just know it is okay to grieve the process of letting go.  I wish you all luck.  3 more days until surgery.  i've totally got this.  And I know that all of you do, too.  

Best wishes!