Jessie-F

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Why ? Oh why? is this such a struggle? So I lost weight (75+lbs), gained weight (+10), binged, starved, exercised, lounged. Either which way it has been too difficult to maintain my weight, or lose anymore. My clothes are tight, but I refuse to buy a bigger size.  How do people do this? How do skinny people stay skinny? I want to be skinny!!

Well at this point I'm almost 2 years (8/01/07) post op from my VSG. Let's see:

Physically, here are the stats:

Lost about 80 or so lbs
Highest weight: 215 lbs
Now: 137 lbs
Old size:20
New: 8

I just went through a round of plastics (6/29/09), a tummy tuck w/ flank lipo, and a breast reduction.
My bra size before WLS was 42F, after WLS 32E, now 32C.
I'm not sure if I went down any size in pants because I'm still very swollen. It would be nice to be a size 6, but hey, not having to stuff my gut into a size 8 would be nice. I don't think I look any thinner than with Spanx on, but it will be nice to not depend on them any longer. I don't think I'll have any more plastics.  I'll NEVER be perfect, and the way I see it, I was lucky not to have any complications. Why risk it? I'll try my best to shape up my arms and thighs to avoid any other procedure.

Emotionally, here's my view:

I wasn't a miserable fat person before, I was actually one of the jolly ones. I dressed  well, socialized, participated, and didn't hate myself. Yeah, there were times that I stood in front of the mirror and hated my huge stomach or my fat face, but then I put on something pretty and some make up and felt much better. My reason for undergoing WLS was because of my high blood pressure. Unfortunately, I still have it! So,........I lost weight and was introduced to someone I NEVER met before, me.
I wouldn't change anything about my life, that's what made me who I am, but now everything seems easier. I'm not too concerned with what other people think about me. I appreciate my husband more, especially after almost losing him last year due to a massive heart attack. He almost missed out on All this goodness!

Sometimes I feel guilty for having the plastics, I mean, In a time of a world wide economic crisis I decide to spend so much money on esthetics. I also felt guilty about putting myself in a position where , God forbid, I would've died. All for what? I know I would've lived with droopy breast and a melting belly, but now I really love my new breast. I can't tell yet about the tummy because it's too swollen. Would I do it again? It's too early to answer that question, I'm just glad things are better now.

My life has been consumed by this journey, from my diet, to my views in general. I don't think I can go back to before, I've invested too much time and money into this new me, Jessie, the WL patient.

Well its been a while since I've been here. I do lurk once in a while, but unfortunately its true, we do come by less and less as time goes by. What's new??, well lets see.......
I'm scheduled for a breast reduction/ TT on 6/29!!  Its almost been 2 years since my VSG and I never made it to my goal of 130 lbs. I usually am anywhere between 134lbs-140lbs. depends on my water intake, carb consumption, and time of the month. Maybe they'll remove 10 lbs worth of skin during plastics! I know I slack sometimes, but generally I'm very good with keeping moving and eating well. I'm sometimes sadden by the fact that I can't lose anymore weight, I wish I could lose at least 20 more pounds. Sometimes I feel that I should commit to an atkins diet or take alli or something, but I feel that I would be going back to old habits by doing this. You know the whole "quick fix" route. I know I'm not the only one going through this, I'm glad I can share my story as well.

Yay the holidays are over, so are all those scrumptious dishes and DESSERTS!! So now I'm ready to re-commit myself to the "plan". I really didn't want to live my life dieting, but it seems that that is the only way I can be successful. I normally eat healthy and small amounts but am too lax when it comes to carbs, AKA, SUGAR!!!! I don't consume nearly as many sweets  as I used to, but more than other sleevers. Sometimes I wonder if I should have done the RNY instead, maybe dumping would have whipped me into shape!! I do love the fact that the sleeve is so "normal", I mean, not having a piece of useless stomach hanging on the inside is great. Also getting most of my vitamins from what I consume rocks!!

Well, I went to my 1 year post op appointment with my surgeon. All looks well, he was very happy with my results. My current weight is 136lbs , and I'm wearing a size 8! I love being a size 8! Even if I don't get down to 130 lbs, I'm ecstatic to be a size 8.

Well,   tomorrow   will   be   my   surgiversary..... I   didn't  get  to  my  goal  on time. I   tried, but     it   just   didn't  happen. I  know  it's  beyond  my     control,  I  have  lots of excess  skin  and perhaps  my body  is  happy  at   this  weight. The way I  see  it,   I have  skin  that  once  covered  215 lbs  and  now  at 141  the  skin  drapes  over  my  petite 4'8"  frame. Luckly  it  doesn't  look  too  bad (except for my  breast, but  the  right  bra does the trick!),  I  look  pudgy,  chunky,  whatever  you  want  to  call it! At least I  don't look  MO anymore. By the  charts I'm still  obese although  I  wear a size 10/ medium.  I feel   good  but wish that  I was thinner, I'll  keep   trying and  hoping    that my  husband will pay  for   PS.

Alright, I know I should have started this exercise thing a lot sooner, but what gives? I have been exercising regularly for a few months now and I lose and gain the same 2 lbs over and over!!! I'm actually JOGGING!! I walk EVERYWHERE! And yet you'd think I was a couch potato! I really want to lose those last pounds before my 1 year surgiversary. Why o why is it nearly impossible to do so?! URGGGGG!

I feel like "ME", but different. I feel like I've been this new weight for quite some time yet feel so awkward, like a baby learning to walk. I'm fascinated, yet cautious, know what I mean? I feel self conscious when people stare or compliment me. I notice my body language changes, all of a sudden my shoulders scrunch over and my arms fold across my chest. Don't get me wrong, I love my new weight, but I find myself not giving myself enough credit for my achievement. I have worked hard for this, the surgery is just a tool. I have changed my way of eating, yes I still cheat once in a while, but I get myself back on track! I need to start feeling proud of myself and not like I was given a free ticket out of fatville. Granted, I'm still "OBESE", and will still be "OVERWEIGHT" at my goal weight of 130lbs. I need to start feeling comfortable in my own skin, no pun intended!

....doesn't feel like the biggest person in the room.
....doesn't feel people are laughing or making rude comments at her when she hears snickering as she walks past them.
.....doesn't feel defeated when she faces a steep hill, stairs, or a long walk.
.....feels so flexible.
.....can count on a few compliments everyday.
.....can go to a regular size store in disbelieve that she can choose which ever outfit she wants.
.....constantly plays around with her watch that now dangles inches away her dainty wrist.
.....is actually anxious and looking forward to jogging!!
.....Finds her legs crossed unintentionally very often.

My highlight of the week was buying a cute belt from the GAP in a size SM. Me in anything size small is amazing. Maybe that illusive size 8 is not too far fetched.

Since the scale seems to be stuck, I'd figure I'd measure myself instead. I must say I'm quite impressed.

            August 2007-Pre op                         April 2008 Current
Bust             471/2 Under breast 39                 38                32        -9 1/2     -7
waist                                  41                               30                             -11
Abdomen                          49                               37                             - 12
Hips                                    47                               40                             - 7
Thighs                                29                               22                              -7
Calves                               16 3/4                        14                              -2 3/4
Arms                                  16 1/2                        12                              -4 1/2
Wrist                                     7                                 6                              - 1
Neck                                   15                               13                              - 2
Weight                                 215                           145                            - 70
BMI                                      44.2                           32.5