_mandy_
I've been overweight my whole life. By the time I was in my 20's I weighed over 300lbs. My highest weight (recorded) was 320lbs in 2002. I got divorced in Sept of 2002 and due to a lot of stress and determination, I lost 95lbs...bottoming out at 225. That was with eating only lean cuisine keeping my calorie intake at around 800 (sometimes less) calories a day. I lived by myself and would not bring any food in my house other than frozen dinners and diet coke. I became so obsessive about food that I occasionally resorted to unhealthy behaviours.
I met my current husband and moved from Texas to North Dakota to be with him in 2004. I quickly took up my old habbits of cooking large meals every night, complete with dessert. Between the food changes, stress from the move, sadness from missing my family & friends back home, and a few other factors I re-gained 60lbs in about 4 months. I was miserable. I felt like a failure.
Around January of 2005 I started looking into weight loss surgery. I had been curious about surgery for most of my adult life and I finally had insurance that would cover it. I started the process of trying to get approved for the RNY and hit brick walls at every turn. In April I had another dissapointing setback from insurance and was talking to a friend about all the problems I was going through. He informed me that he was actually having weight loss surgery. He lives in Dallas and he had a friend who got a lap-band in Mexico the previous year. He gave me all the information about the surgeon in Mexico and encouraged me to look into it. I remember telling him that I really thought I needed something more restrictive than the band...but at that point I was becoming desperate. I started talking myself into the band, reminding myself that I had lost 95lbs on my own...thinking how easy it would be to do self pay and not having to deal with insurance companies...I talked it over with my husband and decided to go for it.
April 15th of 2005 I had a lap-band placed in Mexico by Dr. Rodriguez. I didn't tell any of my friends or family about my decision - I was scared enough as it was and I didn't want anyone trying to talk me out of it. My friend who had told me about the surgery in the first place had it done the same day I did....we were "band buddies". My husband and I flew to San Antonio, TX, a rep for the doctor picked us up, we drove to the border and spent the night. The next morning the doctor himself came to pick us up and drive us to the hospital. My friend had his surgery done first and once he was in recovery, I had mine done. There was some pain afterwards, but nothing that I couldn't handle. We spend one night in the hospital and left the next day. We spent the night in San Antonio and flew back to North Dakota the following morning.
My weight when I decided to get the lapband had ballooned back up to 296lbs. Over the following year I slowly lost weight. S-L-O-W-L-Y. With a good amount of struggle I got down to 250. My husband is in the military and in fall of '05 we were transferred to California. I thought it would be easy to find a band doctor in Cali, but I was wrong. I finally found one who was a little over an hour away. I went to see him for a fill and it had been about 8 months since my surgery. I weighed about 245. He spent most of the visit talking about how I must have psychological issues because I hadn't lost enough weight - I must be an 'emotional eater'. He said in order for him to continue to treat me, I'd have to go to a therapist to get to the root of WHY I was fat to begin with. He drilled into my head that I must be doing something wrong. That I wasn't trying hard enough.
I left his office in tears. I found a therapist. I started starving myself again. With a whole lot of effort I got down to 236. I was miserable.
I won't even get into how, with the band, I was either hungry or stuck. I guess I had a total of 6 fills over the years. I would get a fill and not be able to take any medicine. I remember once I was on a camping trip and had a horrible headache. The only thing I could find was Tylenol caplets. I broke them into 4 pieces and slowly swalled the first one only to have it get stuck. When something gets stuck you 'slime'...which means I had to spit into a cup until my body had lubricated the pill enough to slide through or it managed to get past the band some other way. I understand there are people who swear by the band. Obviously I'm not one of them.
It's now over 3 years since I had my lapband placed. I honestly feel that it was the worst decision I've ever made. I now weigh over 300lbs again. I'm miserable. In May of this year I found out that my insurance covers fills (We'd been paying out of pocket). I made an appointment with a doctor in LA (Decided against seeing the one who forced me into therapy). When it was finally time to see him, we made the 3 hour drive to LA...only to have him not be able to find my port. He jammed the needle around in my stomach for a good 10 minutes. Granted, they use lidocaine but that only helps so much. He called in his associate who couldn't locate the port either. I finally broke down crying on his table. This was the last straw. I hated the fills. I hated getting stuck. I hated having to spit in a cup...I hated every single thing about the lapband.
As I sat there crying my husband asked the doctor what our options were. He said I could try to get insurance to pay for him the do the fill in the hospital under fluroscopy...or I could get a revision surgery...I was over 3 years out, the band could be considered a failure.
Back in April of '05 when I decided to get the lap-band, I had a friend in California who got the DS. While I was going through all my struggles, she was breezing through. At a year out when I had began gaining back what little weight I had lost, she was posting pictures of herself in size small t-shirts and little bitty jeans. All I heard in my head was YOU ARE A FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE.
I called her and asked who her physician was. She gave me his name (Keshishian) and I called to schedule an appointment. I had been doing research for years, but I started researching that particular doctor and what all his patients had to say. He was an expert on revision....and they said he even had a great bedside manner. SCORE!
I went to see him, but I really felt as if I was just going through the motions. In my head I had already given up. Who has weight loss surgery and doesn't lose weight? What was wrong with me? Why was I even bothering to talk to someone about revision surgery? My husband remained optimistic...but I didn't dare let myself hope for anything.
I had my appointment with Dr. K and attended his seminar. I wanted the DS more than anything in the world...but I remembered my struggles with insurance before. I remembered all the times I'd get my hopes up, only to have more red tape to cut through. The ladies in Dr. K's office were so helpful and supportive. They assured me that they would take care of the insurance stuff...they talked to me about their experiences (at least two of them have had the DS as well)...
Last week I had a message from my insurance company. I was scared to call them back. I honestly couldn't handle any more bad news. We played phone tag for few days but yesterday (Monday, Sept 23rd 2008) I finally spoke to them.
My revision surgery had been APPROVED.
...just like that. Approved. No brick walls, no red tape...just...approved. It's been over 24 hours and I'm still expecting them to call me back and tell me it was a mistake, they told me the wrong thing...they said approved, but they *meant* to say DENIED.
I just got off the phone with Dr. K's office....I have a date. A DATE.
On October 16th 2008 I will have revision surgery - changing my lap band to a duodenal switch.
I'm having so many mixed emotions right now, but I'm honestly still too scared to believe it. My date is only 21 days away and I suddenly feel completely un-prepared. I'm terrified. I'm scared I'm going to somehow screw this up too. The word failure keeps ringing in my head even though I've read post after post after post of people who love their DS...say they would do it again in a heartbeat...yet, I'm scared to be hopeful. Scared to hope that ~*this*~ time might really be different than every other time in my life.
