abigail
I'd like to start off by saying that I have an awesome son, Robert, who has taken care of me in my bad health for so many years. He has done everything from cooking my meals, cleaning the house and doing all the laundry to helping me with my socks and shoes. I am so grateful for him. I want so very badly to be able to spend some quality time with him and to do things with him (like going with him to the amusement park) before he moves out on his own. He has been helping me through this process of making my dream to be thinner come true, and I want so very badly to help make some of his dreams come true.
***Robert, you are my heart and I love you very much!***
I have great support at work and there are times that others can see what I can't. I have co-workers that are so positive they always make me see the bright side - regardless of how dreary things seem. I enjoy sharing my weight loss experience with them. The folks that I work with are more like my extended family than my co-workers . . . I spend so much time with them.
I have a great support team at home and at work!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CALCULATIONS:
% lost: pounds lost, divided by current weight, equals percentage of change - move decimal right 2 places.
(example: I lost 10 pounds and now weigh 150. 10/150=0.066 or 6.6%)
BMI: weight, divided by height, divided by height, multiplied by 703
(example: I am 5'1.5" tall - 61.5 inches and I weigh 150 pounds. 150 / 61.5 / 61.5 x 703 = 27.88 BMI)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date - Heaviest/now/goal (Current BMI)
10/29/08 - 341/153/127 (28.43)
Holy Cow!!! I have gained 3 pounds this month! I am absoutely devistated. I am hoping to get them off by the end of November. I climbed Stone Mountain with my 64 year old aunt on 10/20/08 . . . just think how much I would weigh if I hadn't done that??? OUCH.
8/6/08 - 340/150/127 (27.88)
WAHOO!! I finally weigh my doctor's goal! 150 pounds this AM.
I am so excited to finally reach this goal. I am post-op 3 years, 1 month and 1 week.
7/1/08 - 340/152/127 (28.2)
I bought 2 more pairs of size 8 jeans! I thought that I might be losing again, so I weighed in this morning at work and yes, I have lost 3 more wonderful pounds!!! I have not met my dr's goal . . . but in 2 more pounds I'll be there.
6/26/08-340/155/127 (28.8)
6/4/08-340/155/127 (28.8) - I didn't get the chance to weigh on the 29th, but I weighed this morning and I am steady at 155. I am wearing a pair of size 8 jeans that I bought the other day on clearance for $3.49! It's such a bargain to be smaller!
Only 5 more pounds to lose to meet my dr's goal.
5/27/08 - Weighed in this morning (after a LARGE EATING holiday/weekend), and I am now down to 155 (even) so I am down only 1/2 pound in one month.
I will weigh again on the 29th of this month and update again.
I tried a pair of size 8 pants on this morning that I couldn't fit into last month but I fit into them today. I can't wear them yet because the back rides too high in the crotch area (uncomfortable and unattractive) but after I lose a few more pounds, I will definately wear them! I am going to try to lose 5 pounds before the end of June as my surgiversary is 6/29. I can hardly believe that It's been 3 years already!
4/30/08 - Our office is going to be doing another "Biggest Loser" contest - NOT FOR ME THIS TIME! LOL!!!
OK - on a happy note, I weighed in this AM and I have dropped more weight. I am down to 155.5 pounds. My size 10 pants are getting baggy and I believe the 4 1/2 miles I walk each day is the reason (or a big part of it). I'm not ready yet to get rid of my 10's, but I am definately ready to buy some 8's!
My new BMI is 28.9! (Since my height is 5'1 1/2" the BMI listed under my avitar is not correct as this website does not calculate in halves, but it's close.)
4/22/08 - WOW MOMENT
Just wanted to tell this story:
Before my surgery, a good friend and co-worker gave me a pair of Levi jeans and told me that when I got into them, we'd celebrate by going out to eat.
I laughed (to the point of crying) and told her that I would NEVER be able to fit into those jeans. They were a size 8 and at the time, I was a 28! I told her that not only would I have to loose a million pounds, I'd have to grow a foot (she is tall).
Well, on Saturday 4/19/08, I was wearing those pants!!!!
Again . . . I laughed until I cried!!!
I remember trying them on throughout the past 2 1/2 years. I was excited when I could get them up over my knees . . . then up to mid thigh . . . then up to my rump . . . but that excitement was nothing compared to Saturday's joy.
OH YES - they were so tight my eyes bugged out, but I was in them . . . and yes, I poked out of the top like a muffin. BULDGES ALL AROUND!
But I was in a size 8 Levi pant!! WAHOO!!!
4/22/08 - Taking a moment to pray for a friend who needs guidance in her weight loss surgery decision.
04/02/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 11
I didn't win (which is no big surprise). I lost .9% of my weight and that is very low. . . but on the brighter side, I re-calculated my total loss since this journey and I am pleased to say that I have lost 181 pounds and kept it off. This is 113% of my body weight gone forever!
03/26/07 - Biggest Loser - Week 10
I had an urgent situation come up and didn't get to weigh in for week 10. I'll update next week. The contest ends on 4/1 so this is when I'll weigh in for the last time. (Unless I join the biggest loser that begins in May.) I have updated my picture on this site.
03/18/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 9
No change in my weight. I still weigh 159 pounds.
My current BMI is 29.5
03/11/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 8
Ok - Just the facts:
I weighed 159 this AM.
I lost 2.5 pounds (again).
My current BMI is 29.5
03/06/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 7
Well, I did it again on 3/4/08 - I got up - did NOT have breakfast, came to work, got on the scales and gained 3.75 pounds (weighing in at 161.5) . . . paid my $3.75, worked all day and went home. On 3/5/08 I weighed again and I had lost down to 157! That is a loss of 4.5 pounds in one day! Thennnnn, I came in to work this morning, got on the scales because my size 10 pants were a little loose when I put them on this morning. I had to ask the nurse to double check the scales and check my eyes, because I had lost another 3 pounds! I am now at 154 pounds!!! I hope I can keep this weight off this time.
Current BMI= 28.62 and I have lost 4.8% of my body weight in 7 weeks.
I have ultimately lost 186 pounds since this journey began - that is 120.77% of my body weight! Unbelieveable, huh?
02/26/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 6
Great news everyone! I have lost 2 1/4 pounds last week. I now weigh 157.75 pounds which is my lowest weight in SO MANY YEARS!!! I am very excited about this - - even though I was only 1/4 of a pound heavier at week 3.
I can fit into some medium tops and size 10 pants. (Some 8's depending on brand.)
My new BMI is: 157.75/61.5/61.5x703=29.32
02/19/08 - Biggest Loser - Week's 4 & 5
Shame on me! I gained a pound in week 4 and another pound in week 5. I paid my $2 and I have taken an oath not to gain/pay any more. I hope I can keep this promise to myself. I've been walking about 2 miles every day at lunch with a co-worker (who has lost a total of 12 pounds) but I seem to be gaining instead of losing . . . . muscle? I wonder.
Current weight 160. BMI = 29.7
BMI calculation: 160/61.5/61.5x703=29.73
02/05/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 3
I have lost 1/2 pound last week. Not much, but I don't have to pay this time either. I've lost a total of 3 pounds since this competition began (5 if you count the 2 pounds I shed the weekend before my initial weigh-in) and I actually feel pretty great about it. If you look at my past weight loss history, the last time I lost 5 pounds in one month was November of 2006!!!
Yes, I'm feeling pretty great right about now! I went to the store yesterday and tried on a pair of 11 Junior pants and THEY FIT so . . . I bought them! They were stretch pants, but I was definately in them! My mom said that I had to buy them. I didn't want to go against mom's wishes (tee hee hee).
I have lost .1% of my body weight last week.
01/29/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 2
No gain since the last time I weighed . . . but no loss either. I am steady at 158 1/2 which is okay with me! I have begun walking on a regular basis and I feel better and that's what counts, isn't it? I already have made the determination that I will not win the $420 but I will have lost much needed weight and I have already had $10.50 worth of fun and it's only week 2!!
I have lost 1.5% of my body weight last week.
01/23/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 1 Continued
For the record - I came in this AM (no breakfast yet and just enough fluids to take my medicine + 1 cup of coffee) and I stepped on the scale. I lost 2 1/2 pounds since yesterday! I guess we know what NOT to do before weigh in! I currently weigh 158 1/2 and my BMI is 29.46 today - hmmm.
01/22/08 - Biggest Loser - Week 1
OKAY . . . I've gained 1/2 pound! I paid my .50 cents and I am starting week #2. I got up this morning, and without thinking, I had breakfast and 2-16 ounce tea's before I got to work. When I got to work, I went straight to weigh in (before a bathroom trip - and without thinking) and was shocked to see that I had gained 1/2 of a pound!
I WILL weigh in again tomorrow (for my own piece of mind) before I have breakfast and 2 pounds of fluids!!!
PS - My BMI is 29.9 which is still in the overweight bracket by .1 (obese is only .1 away).
01/15/08 - Biggest Loser competition at work began today.
Well, like I mentioned last week, we have started a "Biggest Loser" competition here at work. I visited the nurses at our in-house health department this AM and they measured me at 5'1.5" (I am 1/2 inch taller than I thought) and I weigh 160.5.
My BMI calcualtes as such:
weight / height / height X 703 = BMI
160.5 / 61.5 / 61.5 X 703 = 29.83!
This means that I am just overweight! I am no longer obese! This alone is GREAT! The fact that I have lost more weigh is awesome, but I have not been just overweight in SO LONG!!! I am very excited!
I'll keep updating on my success with the Biggest Loser here at work. As of this morning, we had 42 participants which equals $420 (plus) to the biggset loser!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
01/04/08 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This year at work, a group has decided to start a "Biggest Loser" competition, and I have joined. I have 33 pounds to go before I reach my ideal weight of 128. I thought that this would be the perfect incentive! Right now, there are 15 participants and we each have put in our $10 (which is $150) and for each pound that someone gains, they have to pay $1. I know that with 15 other folks (possibly more) competing against me, it will be exciting! I hope that this will push me onto my goal weight, or at least out of the "obese" bracket of the BMI chart. Since we are measuring % of body weight lost and not pounds, then I have a very good chance of winning! The challenge officially begins on 1/15/08 and ends 4/1/08. That is 12 weeks! I'll update as things progress . . . hoping that I'll be in at least a size 6 by the time this is over!
BTW - I am steady at 161#.
12/07 - Friday the 14th. OMG! I have lost 3 more pounds! I weigh 161 now! I've met a wonderful man and I am crediting this new loss to him. He is gentle and caring and absoutely wonderful! Only 1 more pound until I am at what my drivers license says I weigh and only 8 more to loose to my mini goal.
12/07 - Still losing after 2 1/2 years! 164 only 11 more pounds to go before my mini goal! Only 4 more pounds to go before I reach th eweight that my drivers license says!!!
11/07 - I realize that it's been quite a while since I've updated, but I had a minute and thought I'd hop on and ifll everyone in on my progress. I weighed in on 10/29/07 at #168. I am keeping steady at this weight, but that's ok. I've had a lot of people tell me that I don't need to loose anymore weight. At 5'1" I am still obese and would like to reach the "overweight" mark - #153. That's 15 pounds. We'll see if I can make that by my birthday in April.
7/07 = I had my drivers license updated (name change) and they looked at my old picture and told me that I needed another one . . . so I had my picture updated - we left the weight the same that has been on my license for the past 20 years (160) even though I weigh 10 pounds more than what it says, now. I was in shock to see the difference in the two photos.
6/07 = I MADE IT! I WEIGH. . . drum roll please . . . AS MUCH AS I'VE LOST! (170 POUNDS) What makes this so great is-I'm still losing! I'm losing slow, but I'm steadily losing and that is awesome. I thank God that I was able to have this surgery and that I am doing so well with it. I have lost 80% of my excess body weight! I still have a ways to go, but I feel better now than I have in so many years! I have the energy I remember having at 18.
4/07 = I took my son to an amusement park and we rode most of the rides together! I FIT in the seats with him! We had the absolute best time and are planning to visit another theme park soon - Ghost Town in the Sky was great 12 years ago and I'm sure it is going to be great again!
3/07 = My brother had his surgery a few weeks ago and is doing great!
Pre-Op:
10/04~340# *BMI 64.2 <- - - - Begin last WL Journey (My Heaviest) *size 24-26 pant and 3XLtop*
02/05~315# *BMI 59.5 *Lost -05 *Total loss -25
03/05~296# *BMI 55.9 *Lost -19 *Total loss -44
04/05~288# *BMI 54.4 *Lost -08 *Total loss -52
05/05~274# *BMI 51.8 *Lost -14 *Total loss -66
06/29/05~265# *BMI 50.1 *Lost -9 * Total Pre-Op loss -75
Post Op:
06/29/05~265# * BMI 50.1 < - - - - - - - - SURGERY DATE
Month 1 lost 16 pounds (July 05) 247# BMI 46.7
Month 2 lost 7 pounds (August 05) 242# BMI 45.7 *Size 18 pant and XL top*
Month 3 lost 5 pounds (September 05) 237# BMI 44.8**Century Club**
Month 4 lost 8 pounds (October 05) 229# BMI 43.3
Month 5 lost 6 pounds (November 05) 223# BMI 42.1 *Size 16 pant and XL top*
Month 6 lost 7 pounds (December 05) 216# BMI 41.4
Month 7 lost 4 pounds (January 06) 212# BMI 40.1
Month 8 lost 3 pounds (February 06) 209# BMI 39.5
Month 9 lost 8 pounds (March 06) 201# BMI 38.0 *Size 13-14 pant and XL top*
Month 10 lost 1 pound (April 06) 200# BMI 37.8
Month 11 lost 1 pound (May 06) 199# BMI 37.6 **ONEDERLAND**
Month 12 lost 12 pounds (June 06) 187# BMI 35.3
Month 13 lost 0 pounds (July 06) 187# BMI 35.3
Month 14 lost 1 pound (August 06) 186# BMI 35.1
Month 15 lost 1 pound (September 06)185# BMI 35.0
Month 16 lost 2 pounds (October 06) 183# BMI 34.6 *Size 12 pant and L top*
Month 17 lost 5 pounds (November 06) 178# BMI 33.6
Month 18 lost 0 pounds (December 06) 178# BMI 33.6
Month 19 lost 0 pounds (January 07) 178# BMI 33.6
Month 20 lost 1 pound (February 07) 177# BMI 33.4
Month 21 lost 1 pound (March 07) 176# BMI 33.3 *Size 10 pant and L top*
Month 22 lost 2 pounds (April 07) 174# BMI 32.9
Month 23 lost 2 pounds (May 07) 172# BMI 32.5
Month 24 lost 2 pounds (June 07) 170# BMI 32.1
Month 25 lost 2 pounds (July 07) 168# BMI 31.7
Month 26 lost 0 pounds (August 07) 168# BMI 37.7
Month 27 lost 0 pounds (September 07) 168# BMI 37.7
Month 28 lost 0 pounds (October 07) 168# BMI 37.7
Month 29 lost 4 pounds (November 07) 164# BMI 31.0 (Gained 3 lost 7)
Month 30 lost 3 pounds (December 07) 161# BMI 30.4 *Size 8 (Bill Blass Stretch) -10 (All other brands) pants and M-L tops
Month 31 lost 2.5 pounds (January 08) 158.5# BMI 29.46 (New height 5'1.5")
Month 32 lost .75 pound (February 08) 157.75# BMI 29.32
Month 33 gained 1.25 pounds (March 08) 159# BMI 29.5
Month 34 lost 3.5 pounds (April 08) 155.5# BMI 28.9 *Sixe 8 Levis non-stretch!
Month 35 lost .5 pound (May 08) 155# BMI 28.8
Month 36 lost 0 pounds (June 08) 155# BMI 28.8
Month 37 lost 5 pounds (July 08) 150# BMI 27.8
Month 38 lost 0 pounds (August 08) 150# BMI 27.8
Month 39 lost 0 pounds (September 08) 150# BMI 27.8
Month 40 gained 3 pounds (October 08) 153# BMI 28.43 (Ouch! I gotta get these off!!!)
Month 41 lost * pounds (November 08) ***# BMI **.*
Month 42 lost * pounds (December 08) ***# BMI **.*
My Mini Goals:
To weigh less than 300 pounds *Met Pre-op 3/2005
To lose 10 more pounds to be eligible for surgery *Met 6/2005 (11 lbs)
To be able to cross my legs foot to knee *Met 10/2005
To no longer be Morbidly Obese *Met - 1/31/2006 BMI 39.9
To be able to cross my legs at the knee! *Met 2/7/2006
To weigh less than 200 pounds *Met 5/9/2006
To lose 70% of my excess body weight (192lbs) *Met 6/13/2006
To fit into a size 18 pant . . . again *Met 6/2006
To fit into a size 14 pant . . . again *Met 7/2006
To fit into a size 12 pant . . . again *Met 8/2006
To fit into a size 10 pant . . . again *Met 3/2007
To lose 1/2 of my "old" self (340-170=170)*Met 6/2007
To be the same weight that is on my drivers license (160)*Met 1/15/2008
To no longer be Obese (BMI of <30 total weight 158 pounds) *Met 1/2008
To fit into a size 9 pant . . . again * Sorta met this on 2/4/08 bought 11 Junior stretch jeans (Very Cute!) and, I have 1 pair of 8 stretch jeans!
I have (and wore) a pair of 8 Levis NON-STRETCH jeans!!! 4/24/08
To meet my dr.'s goal (150 lbs. -loss of 190 lbs.- BMI 28.3) *Met 8/6/08
To reach my lowest adult weight of 138 (10/1988) *
To no longer be Overweight (BMI of <25 = 134 pounds) *
127 is my ultimate goal.
****I'll add more as I need to******
To calculate excess body weight:
Beginning weight - ideal body weight = excess body weight
340 - 128 = 212
(I have changed my goal weight to 127 on 5/27/08 - I have grown 1/2 inch and that is why the change. I am not making changes to this section at this time. I began this journey at 212 pounds excess body weight - now 213 pounds excess body weight.)
This means that I have 212 pounds of excess body weight that I need to lose.
212-50%=106 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 50% of my excess body weight. ***DONE***
212-60%=127 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 60% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-70%=148 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 70% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-72%=153 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 72% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-73%=155 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 73% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-74%=157 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 74% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-75%=159 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 75% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-78%=165 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 78% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-79%=167 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 79% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-80%=169 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 80% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-81%=171 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 81% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-82%=173 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 82% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-83%=175 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 83% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-84%=178 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 84% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-85%=180 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 85% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-86%=182 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 86% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-87%=184 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 87% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-88%=186 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 88% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-89%=188 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 89% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-90%=190 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 90% of my excess body weight.***DONE***
212-100%=212 pounds lost would mean that I have lost 100% of my excess body weight.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I saw this on the message board and decided to post it here so that I could read it as needed as a reminder that this surgery is just a tool:
REGAIN:
Part 1: (SETTING THE STAGE)
You dreamed this would be the last time you would need to lose weight. Weight loss surgery was the answer to your weight loss failures of the past. You were doing so well. Weight seemed to fly off so to speak in the beginning, almost effortless. No matter what you did you couldn't possibly take in enough to not lose weight. For many this was the first time in your life you didn't experience physical hunger. You felt full on so little. You were limited in the variety of foods you could have. Sugar, fats or large portions made you sick. If you didn't chew well enough, or slow down to eat or if you drank with our food you got sick. Dumping syndrome, although not an intentional part of weight loss surgery works as a strong behavior modifier. Who wants to experience nausea, vomiting, sweating, chest pain, palpitations, diarrhea, fatigue, and lethargy and have to lie down for one cookie? But over time your motivation wore off. Fast forward a year or two, you heard the window slam shut, the golden period tarnish and well quite frankly the honeymoon is over. This is normal & expected but you still are surprised & horrified! Denial works for a while but after the ` 10-20 pound bounce back weight' hits you decide you can no longer live in denial. Your clothes don't fit and you are scared to death. Many think their pouches have stretched. In reality it could possibly be a mechanical problem, but most likely it is the honeymoon period ending. You are then faced with the questions, "Did I use my time wisely?" & "Did I make the lifestyle changes needed to be successful long-term"? If you answered yes to both of these questions then congratulations & do not read any further. But if you can't answer yes to these questions and you find yourself OFF-TRACK, keep reading!
You remember hearing about it months ago, bariatric professionals educate regarding its existence & significance; it has many names, `Window of opportunity' , `Golden period' & `Honeymoon phase'. Did you really believe, understand and utilize it? Or did you think that weight loss surgery was magic and you were invincible? The first 12-24 months after weight loss surgery is a time of change, growth and rebirth for many. It is the beginning of a wonderful journey. It affords us to experience life unchained by Morbid Obesity and all its limits & complications. You have heard this mantra before a thousand times, weight loss surgery is only a tool and they operate on your stomach not your brain! What you sometimes forget is it isn't the end of your food issues.
You are not alone! Do not allow yourself to be alone! It is in isolation that you continue to struggle and stay off-track. Your
surgery hasn't failed; you are just not using your tool to its potential that is all. It is there still; you need to get back to basics though. And yes this means you now have to work harder than the tool! Remember it isn't the surgery alone that makes us lose weight it is the lifelong lifestyle & behavioral changes you make that enable us to lose weight and keep it off. It is the tool that gives us the opportunity to make these changes. It levels the playing field for weight loss and maintenance with those who are not Morbidly Obese! In this delicate time many things happen: dumping may decrease or stop, you are able to eat a larger variety of foods, you can eat larger quantities of food, you get over the newness of surgery and may let some habits slide, the malabsorbtion may decrease as the body tries to normalize! Basically life happens.
PART 2: (Points to ponder, consider, reflect on....MY OPINION & VIEWS....)
Why is it that the things we KNEW DIDN'T WORK, TRIED AND FAILED US AYWAYS pre WLS after WLS we consider trying gain? *As if they will magically work now because we have less gut to absorb or a tinier tummy?
QUICK FIXES, `MAGIC' PILLS, FAD DIETS.....They didn't work pre-wls and they don't work post WLS, we know it but that nasty old defense called denial ropes us in to beat ourselves up over and over trying yet again, this time maybe. We stay stuck in our shame and remain victims. We know surgery helps control the quantity of food consumed; most of us are still plagued by the same eating demons that caused us to gain weight in the first place. But why is it now we believe that having WLS makes us immune to those issues? Surely the magic of the honeymoon cannot be all that powerful can it?
Why do many of us still believe the falsity that thin=happy or thin/wt loss=resolution of all issues? Do we still need to have
the hope that being thin will take away all our ills so therefore when we get thinner and it doesn't happen we subconsciously sabotage ourselves so we can revive that false belief and have hope once again, after all one thing we do have control over is whether we diet or not! Even if we can not control anything else in our lives such as occupation, relational stressors?
We have read the studies pre and postop such as; In one study, 80% of patients reported that they regularly felt a loss of control over eating just six months after surgery. Several studies show that beginning two years after surgery, many patients begin to regain at least some of their weight. Why did we think this wouldn't be us, that we'd be different? How does our shame at being one of those keep us stuck here in the past and hoping about the future only to allow our present to slip by and our life and chances to change.
Why is it that we cannot see the destructive patterns? Or why is we we'd rather focus on a magic and quick cure such as a surgical redo or another diet or another pill when it is clear if we only choose to look and accept it that our lifestyle is what needs to change...*usually* I am talking about things like:
· NOT exercising the way we did, or ever, or making this a part of our LIFESTYLE consistently... .
· Drinking caloried beverages, the lattés the coffees sweetened with cream and even sugar at times.
· Skipping out on plain old water they way we used to drink it or if we didn't ever incorporate it....
· GRAZING, eating when not hungry but simply because we can, small nibbles, taste, licks, bites here and there....
· Nighttime binges, endless noshing on food that is not driven by physical hunger but out of emotional causes, deprivation
because we dieted all day, or neglected our needs nutritionally, eating to fill up what is missing in our lives.
· Drinking with food, starting with a sip here and there and now full gulps and cups with food, why is it we wonder we don't
get full or can eat a lot more than we used to?
· Neglecting ourselves to take care of everyone and everything but ourselves, seeing ourselves as not needing or worthy of care, remaining in the victim role actually selfish because we are helping others our of our need not theirs.
· Deciding that today I cannot do it (diet, exercise or whatever) perfectly so I will restart tomorrow, next Monday or next month. Falling into the old negative self-talk tapes that kept us chained to our old disease Morbid Obesity.
Why do we all want to have the emotional bypass? Simply because we do not want to feel the pain, that is why denial is used, that is why the hope of a magic diet or pill is thought of, anything to deny the truth, the reality or the Here AND NOW yes we can be present in the now and still be in pain and still move forward.
It is hard work but looking at the issues and wanting to deal with them is the first step! Be proud of yourself for that and you can do it. What purpose is food serving for you? Do you need to hold on to old unhealthy habits of numbing your emotions with food or can you develop new, healthier habits to deal with stress? Today is a great time to start, not to change everything but to change one thing. Stop the excuses! If you wait you may have another 20 pounds to work on. Holidays and parties are always going to happen, you can always find an excuse to wait or a reason why you can't. Its difficult
but search within yourself and find a reason why you can and do it. Remember why you started this journey and what you told yourself not so long ago! The power of positive thinking is yours! Think progress not perfection! You are worth it!
Perfection redefined is who we are today at this moment so we can break free from the toxic shame and victim roles to truly heal ourselves from the inside out!
Why can we not just start with reality, writing what we are eating in black and white, I bet because then the truth is we need to change. Why do we avoid journaling our emotions? Meditating and getting centered? I bet because we fear the pain we may be avoiding, but in avoidance comes more pain it just shows outwardly. It easier sometimes to have the hope that we can control our diet and in so will control the emotions/relationsh ips we struggle with.
Life is one lesson and opportunity after another, until we learn one lesson we will have it show up over and over in our lives. I think it may be time to learn the lesson that life is hard, food is easy and that we have little control. I think it is time to give up the fairytale ending "happily ever after'. Life is about perception, denial keeps us from reality, denial keeps us from change, it keeps us from growth, it keeps us from happiness and joy and peace and prosperity.
***I do want to note there are broken surgeries or wrong surgeries performed, but typically it is not using the tool or defeating the tool or our emotional issues that are the factor to consider. But first I ask we be honest with ourselves, take a look at our lifestyle, see where it may of changed from 1 yr out, see are we still exercising to the capacity we used to, are we still eating the minimal calories we once used to, are we still adhering as strictly to the pouch rules as we used to? OR are we perhaps cheating a little here and there and stuffing our emotions. Are we perhaps ashamed to go to our support groups, surgeons or health care providers to weigh in on the scale for a reality check and ask for support.
I know I eat more than the 1,000 calories a day I used to, I know I exercise less than the compulsive 10 hr a week I used to, I know I am not as rigid with my Pouch rules as I once was it is little wonder then that I have regained weight? IS it the tools fault? No, is it my fault? Well I am not here to judge others or myself anymore; that simply isn't helpful. I am here to be accountable and responsible to myself. I am here to make choices about my lifestyle; I am here to address my emotional issues from childhood that may no longer serve me well as denial no longer serves me well. I can see they were powerful defenses I needed once but I need no more. I am freeing myself of the bondage that the need to control requires me
to be bound by and am working on living HERE AND NOW and redefining myself as perfect today as I am. I am choosing to let go, trust, have faith in a power greater than myself, I am where I need to be at this moment. No emotion is too much for me to handle now. I am enough; I am more than a number on the scale.
We all know what to do, it means changing our lifestyle now and forever, it means one minute at a time, it means change, it means pain, it means challenges. It also means hope and abundance and prosperity if we choose it and happiness along the way! Together we can do it because we are all perfect right now. Another surgery may give us a 2nd honeymoon but in a years time we'd be right where we are today I believe with the same lesson to learn. Off my soapbox........................Take a look inside, be still, and quiet what do you hear? What are you truly hungry for? I bet it isn't food! Address this hunger and many things will be clear.
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
