akbutt
As a child I was told that I'm not fat, just thick. I think my weight was an issue for everyone else around me before it became an issue for me. One time when I was about 12 or 13 yrs old I was visiting my dad for the summer. His grilfriend made her daughter who was in high school get me a pair of hershorts so I had some shorts that would fit! I have a picture of my self at that age and I have a large stomach already. I can barely remember a time when my weight was not an issue.
When I turned 15 and was entering High School I started taking diet pills three times a day. When I got hungry, instead of eating, I would take another pill! Since then I have tried many diets to include Atkins, Weight Watcher, Michael Thurmon, and taken many different kinds of over the counter pills to help my hunger and give me energy. I even went to my physician and was put on prescription diet pills. Some worked better than others but the diet pills made me too jittery and edgy. Like everything else I have tried once you stop you eat like crazy and gain more weight. I vow to never take another diet pill again!
Now, 2 children later and many years under my belt I am at the heaviest I hace ever been in my life and I am hungry all of the time! I think I am in denial about how fat I actually look because I dont look in the mirror and see it or I don't feel like I am this fat. When I see myself in a picture or video I just want to cry! Ever since I have entered my 30's I feel like my metabolism has come to a screaching halt, and is slowly moving in reverse. Sometimes Iswear I can see the weight creeping on from one day to the next. I am also becoming more aware of my mortality as I have lost my father, grandmother, and soon my mother. I watch my mother in law spend 3 days a week in dialysis, I DO NOT want to spend my golden years sitting in a hospital room! My husband and I have plans to travel and enjoy our grandkids (when the time comes) and I want to be healthy enough to do it.
I don't know where this journey will take me but I hope it has a happy ending.
