Priscilla A.
I have been over weight all of my life and now feel it is time to do something drastic for the remainder of my years. I have lupus and RA and have fallen into the eat for energy, too stiff to move, just sit around till I feel better routine which has packed on the pounds in the last year. I, like most, have tried to loose weight only to see it come back. I have been so depressed and disappointed in myself after my most recent diet attempt on Weight Watchers. I lost 50 lbs and gained at least 60 back. On April 1st (I chose this day because it would be easy to remember) I quit smoking after 40 years. I decided that I needed to do something for myself even if it meant gaining more weight. Quitting smoking wasn't as bad as I thought and of course I gained even more weight. I started looking into WLS and out of the blue a friend called me who was having the surgery. I decided that was a sign that this is what I needed to do and I began the process. Everyday is a personal battle. I am sick of being fat. I am 52 years old and want to live a comfortalbe life. Right now I don't even like myself at all.I have a great support system at home and an understanding boss. I have an appointment with my PCP July 15 to see if he will refer me. I want this so very much. My future seems rather bleak without it. 7-29-02
I was surprised at how quickly my PCP agreed to me having the surgery! I was prepared to do battle with him and even change doctors. I just hated to do that because he is so very sweet. I took in the papers that Dr. Shina had sent and he went over
every page with me. I am his first Lupus patient to go through this. That last statement is a little premature but everything is going in a positive direction. I have my first appointment with Dr. Shina Sept 10. Good thing time flies for me. I'm not the most patient person in the world and am use to setting things in motion for myself and everyone else. I think I need to use this time to learn to be patient. Dr. Shina's office told me that from the first visit to operation is usually 6 months. My PCP said the reason for the 6 months was to ensure that you are really ready for this life change. All I know is that since I made the appointment I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.
9-11-02 The first visit with the surgeon went ok. If I would have had the choice I would have had everyone be a little more personable. That's just me though. My best experience was at the support group. They we so wonderful and even showed off their scars!! I was feeling pretty blue till I talked with them. I would recommend support groups for everyone pre and post op. After the surgeon visit I was able to get the first blood work done and today I'm going to fax my PCP the info on what needs to go into his letter.
10-7-02 I finally got the required letter from my doctor and faxed it to the surgeon on Friday. I am concerned about the content. My insurance requires that I was on a supervised diet and the letter said the opposite. It stated that I had tried and tried throughout the years and had been on other diets but he just didn't say what I expected him to say. I am really worried and have even dreamed about getting another doctor to write something. I just worry too much but a friend has told me this is pretty normal. I just hope everything works out. I don't think I could deal with the depression.
10-9-02 I hope everyone who is dealing with depression while waiting goes to a support meeting. I went last night and feel so much better today. Another reason I feel better is that my previous PCP wrote the letter I needed for insurance approval. I picked it up this morning. I went to his office without an appointment feeling like a stalker. I just knew I would have to either beg for his cooperation or do battle with him. I was prepared to to both if I had to. I had faxed him a letter asking for his help 2 weeks ago and never heard from him. That's why I went today. I didn't even get a full sentence out of my mouth and he told me to follow him. He had the letter written and ready to go out in today's mail. I took it and thanked him. He wished me luck. This was a huge load off of my already cluttered mind. I am taking this and the fact that a co worker got approved yesterday as a sign that all systems are go for me. I go to the surgeons office tomorrow to sign something but can't remember exactly what it is and I am hand delivering the newest letter so they can fax it to the insurance company immediately. Regardless, I feel as if the snail is moving right along.
9-11-02 Just so no one thinks that there wasn't a glitch with my approval and doctor's visits, I went to the surgeon's office yesterday and the woman I was suppose to meet with wasn't there and hadn't called to cancel my appointment. I hate taking off work and loosing what precious time I have that can be devoted to post op. I took them the newest letter from my old PCP and was told that Aetna needed yet another piece of documentation from my files. Seems like they need notes from my old PCP. I went to his office this am and he said no problem. The surgeon's office said that they were not going to send incomplete info and would wait until I got this newest info. Seems logical but it is really frustrating for me. I hate being in limbo. On a good note, the surgeon's office said that generally when Aetna received everything it wouldn't be long before approval. I'm going to try to keep busy this weekend and not dwell on what didn't happen.
10-15-02 Boy did I have a lousey weekend. Friday I picked up the progress notes from my PCP and took them to the surgeon. Silly me didn't check the notes until I was at home. They were the wrong notes!!!! So what did I do all weekend??? Fretted and worried! Yesterday I called both drs, got the correct info faxed to the surgeon, and was told that all of it would now be sent to the ins co. Another wait but at least this one will have an end result this week hopefully. This is when my brain needs support so I stayed on line with a post op and she was great all day giving me TLC. Thanks Robin!!!
10-18-02 Another weekend is right here and I don't have any news. I'm not going to let that ruin yet another weekend. I can't hurry the process or magically make something happen. I just have to wait just like everyone else has had to. I pour through profiles wishing I could be just like that person who had approval in a matter of days. I also look at the before and after picking out those who weighed as much as I do now hoping for the same wonderful results. I'm beginning to sound really twisted but at the same time I'm so greatful for this website. It keeps me centered and informed. Good thing I have an understanding boss who knows I'm in this site quite often during the day. She is interested in this operation and yesterday told me of 2 friends that have had the surgery. I looked up their names and one of them has a profile. I hear more and more about the successes of WLS. Of course there is also my brother who said he wishes I would reconsider. He's the one who has heard the bad stuff. He has always been small so he doesn't understand what obese is or what it does to your life. He was lucky and got my mother's genetics. I got my father's. I don't listen to those who talk negatively about WLS. I just keep myself as focused as possible on my goal and get giddy thinking about how I'll look this time next year!!!!
10-24-02
I feel as if I have a stolen piece of information! As of today Aetna hadn't received the info that Dr. Shina's office faxed last week. Dr. Shina's office did it again today and ask if I would call and see if I could get any info because they were unable to get through. When I talked to customer service they gave me the Patient Mgmt phone number!! Hot damn I can finally get somewhere. The number if anyone is interested is 1-800-733-0433 and you can talk to the person who is handling your case. Even better, I was told that after they received the info it would take them 48 hours to make a determination. I am so excited. There is nothing like getting some good news. It is so darn hard to wait. I have read and read how important it is to be persistent and bug the heck out of the insurance company and it is the thing to do. Everyone is so right in the advice they give you. I never thought that they weren't but you know how you can always think that it will never happen to you. At least I have that darn phone number! I just had the surgeon's office re fax the info and then called the patient mgmt person and she checked while I was on hold to see if it was coming through. It was and now I will know next week if I am approved. Funny how it always coincides with a weekend for me. And a weekend that I'm broke. Ho Hum! I am so anxious I don't know what to do!!! This will be the first time in my life I will have ever said this but I hope the weekend flies by.
10-28-02
Well the weekend did fly. I had really vivid dreams of post op and how I felt. I even was in the recovery room. Do you think I was thinking about calling the insurance company today?? I know the precert lady told me to call her in the afternoon but I called this morning anyway--twice. There is only news that my papers were received and sent to someone for review. I'm going to call again this afternoon late and hopefully something will have happened. A strange thing happened Friday here at work. A woman from another department heard about my wanting this surgery and she came down to talk about someone she knows that had it and regained everything. She was very condesending to me and I pointed out to her that normal people like her would never ever understand what it is like to be obese. People are so strange. Surely she had more to do than stick her negative nose in my business. I've learned to let these negative things roll off my back. I'm doing this for me and me alone.
10-28-02
I GOT DENIED!!!!I could just scream and cry like a baby but here I am at work not wanting anyone to know how upset I am and feeling like this will never happen. I will not go down without a fight! What I have to do according to the surgeon's office is wait until I get my letter of denial and then go to my PCP and show him and get him to do a peer to peer conference with the insurance doctor. I had a feeling that I would have trouble. Just one of those ickey feelings that you know something is not going right. The problem is that Aetna wants you to have been on a diet for at least 6 months which I was and for your doctor to have documented the progress. My old PCP wrote a letter regarding this and sent his office notes which didn't meet their criteria. What a bummer!! I'm just sick to my stomach. But I'm not going to let this get me down. I'll continue on and keep trying and hopefully things will work out. If anyone reads this, keep your fingers crossed for me.
10-29-02
I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. As a matter of fact I've come up with a positive aspect of having to wait for maybe six months. Right now I have 3 weeks that I can use for post op. In six months I will have more time. Everything always happens for a reason. That's pretty much crap talk but I can't do anything about the insurance decision except wait and do what I can. I guess it's the fight in me that is keeping me from loosing control and falling into a puddle on the floor. I want this for me so badly I won't let depression get me. I refuse to have a bad attitude. I will get this surgery.
10-30-02
Just thought I'd pop in for a few words. Nothing new to really say. I did find someone who had to appeal 3 times before she was approved and in her profile was a really great letter to her insurance company. I'm going to use parts of it as a guide for my own letter. I'm keeping busy and I'm keeping positive. For some it is just our karma that we will have to jump through hoops. Thank goodness I know how to jump. We'll all see just how good I am at this!!!
10-31-02
I started writing my appeal letter. It's a very emotional thing to do for me. I feel like I am pouring out my most inner thoughts to total strangers begging them for my life. Actually that is exactly what it is. I received email information from an on line attorney who specializes in WLS appeals. His fee is 800.00 (might as well be a million!) and he does state that there are no guarantees. For that much money I would have to have a guarantee and more. So I am just resigned to doing everything myself. If anyone has any advice for me please email me. I need all the help I can get!
11-1-02
Nothing to report. I did have my dr. appointment moved up to next Friday so I can get this thing rolling. Nothing came from the insurance company in the mail. Maybe over the weekend.
11-4-02
I got my letter of denial in the mail today. It says the reason for this decision is #1 the information we have been able to collect from the provider is not sufficient to authorize these services #2 the patient must have been treated with conventional therapies that have failed. This criteria has not been met.
So I don't know how to move forward. I have a call in to the liaison at the surgeon's office. Maybe she will be able to help me. I feel like I've been dropped off of a cliff and I'm still falling.
11-5-02
I faxed my appeal letter today. It is so humulating to have to go through this and I know that eventually it will be worth every challange. I still believe that it will work in my favor. I want to be able to say see you on the other side. But I am such a cry baby. I made an insurance person mad at me and I cried on someone's voice mail. This is so stressful and life at home has not been a piece of cake either. Put the two together and add a good dose of mood swings and you have a cry baby. I'm hoping that everything will work out soon. If not, I'll just have to do whatever it takes. Isn't it a silly thing though for the insurance company to want you to go on a diet and show failure. I think that everyone in this site knows how to fail at that one. If I ran the show things would be very different but I don't so I have to do what they want.
11-6-02
I had a phone call from a nice person with Rightweigh today. She gave me words of encouragement that were very helpful. I am just killing time until Friday. She told me that with her experience patients didn't get much help from their doctors during appeal time but she hoped that mine wasn't the case. I went over my plan of action and she said that she thought it was a good plan. I questioned why so many people have no problems at all and in this website we read that the doctor's office did it all for them. She said that the insurance business is under great stress because of the economy and that regulations change all the time. Aetna use to not require what they are asking me to provide. Of course that doesn't change things for me but for those of you out there who have Aetna keep in mind that everything might change in the next year. I called my pcp office yesterday to try to get a feel for what his staff thought about the peer to peer conference but they had never heard of such a thing and just told me to discuss it with the doctor on Friday. I'm not discouraged as much as I was yesterday. It is strange what a difference a day can make. Well, it makes a difference with me anyway. I seem to really need to step away from it and regroup. What helps me is that I'm not on line at home. I would be in front of my computer all night.
11-11-02
My doctor wouldn't make the phone call. I wish I could truely express what I felt for him at that moment. I didn't hate him but I did begin to look at him like he was a little detatched from reality. He has taken care of my illnesses but is so reluctant to take the WLS issues any further. So here I am again. No good news to report. I called the insurance company and told them of the outcome of the dr visit and ask that they proceed with the appeal. I refaxed my letter just to make sure because the person I talked to couldn't find my letter that I faxed last week. IMAGINE THAT! It seems like this is a true test of my character and whether I am willing to fight for the surgery. I ask my dr to put me on an official diet and he told me he wanted me to go to a dietitian. My insurance only covers one if I am a diabetic and I'm not one yet. So what I have elected to do is to wait until I get a yes or no from Aetna before I move forward on anything else. Then I have a lot to think about changing. A new PCP? A new surgeon? This is not the surgeon's fault but if I'm going to change a few things I might as well change everything and get a surgeron who operates in a hospital closer to my house. I don't know. Right now I'm just thinking out loud. I feel numb but not depressed. I went into this appeal area thinking I would have problems and I have so there really isn't anything to be disappointed about.
11-13-02
Just heard from the insurance company that they have received my appeal letter. You really need to follow up on everything that you do with them. I don't know if it is because they are overworked or if they constantly stall but it is better to bug them about every little detail. I will tell you that it is much better when you get someone who is nice to talk to. She said that I should be getting a letter by next Tuesday informing me of their decision. Of course you know how my luck runs. I'll have to hunt them down and drag a decision out of them. Al Roker was such an inspiration last night. I hope everyone pre and post op watched it. He knows how we feel. I hope the insurance doctors who are making a life altering decision about me watched it. You would think that with a 42 year diet history I would be a shoe in for an approval. Oh well, what's another week when I've waited this long! After all I was told in the beginning that it would be at least six months. And I thought I could change that statistic. It will happen when it happens.
11-15-02
Just thought I'd pop in before the weekend. Nothing new to tell. I'm still pretty numb about all of this and have continued to choose not to stress about it. I still dream about the surgery nearly every night but last night I dreamed I was smoking!! I wouldn't do that even if I never get approved. The way weekends fly by it will be Tuesday before I know it and I will be on the phone with the insurance company. I have considered that someone out there has pins stuck in a doll with my name on it. Hey you! Quit messing with my life!!! See you next week.
11-19-02
Nothing new just the same old stuff. I called the nurse in the appeal department like she told me to but as of this posting no return call. I can't imagine why I am having so much trouble. I haven't created much bad karma in my lifetime but I'm beginning to think that something I've done has now decided to come back on me. That is the only reason I can think of and it sounds so silly when written. I got back into the Q&A part of this site to do more research on Aetna and how others have been treated. Most seem to say Aetna is wonderful. I would like to know how they decide who they're going to mess with and who they will help. I haven't heard back from the woman from Riteweigh who told me she would help me in any way she could from. I have never even had a follow up call from my surgeon's office. It's as if everyone is just too busy to help me or they are giving those empty promises and then move on. Yes I feel sorry for myself today. Lots and lots of things are happening in my personal life and I was hoping that I would have good news about the surgery. One thing I know for sure I am not giving up. If I ruled the world things would be different. But I don't so I have to play someone elses game. It will be better soon.
11-22-02
Another weekend is here and no news as I inch out of another week gone by. I guess the good side of that is next week is another chance that I will be approved. Any of you out there think I'm silly for holding out hope? Sometimes I think that I should give up. I am doing something for me. SHHHH! I started a diet yesterday! Of course you know how it goes and how it will go. I will fail and feel bad and have a few power meals and the cycle starts over again. I'm going to visit my aunt who is turing 80 and her friends are throwing her a surprise party. Those friends are also going to all bring a dish and at least 30 people are coming. So do you think my dieting efforts will prevail? I'm really more ashamed of how I look now than worried about eating. These people know me but haven't seen me in 7 years. I am embarrassed. If it snows very much I just won't go. I am always looking for reasons not to go out any place. I went to the movie the other night and barely fit into the seat. Isn't it terrible that I don't have the same chance that Aetna has given to others. Oh well, I will give the diet my best shot, wait till I hear from the ins. company, and continue carrying on just as I have. Day by day.
12-4-02
I'VE BEEN APPROVED!!!Tomorrow would have been 1 month since I faxed my appeal letter so I called and left a message to that affect. The appeals person called me back not too long afterwards and gave me the news. I felt really light headed and faint. It was the weirdest thing in the world. I had practiced my reaction over and over only to discover that now I am scared. I wrote a few people who are posties and they said what I was feeling was perfectly normal. My daughter is scared for me, my co workers are happy, Jim is the nay sayer in all of this whom I thought may have been the one with the voodoo doll and the pins when I was denied. My son says the same thing about everything: cool mom. He did wonder who would be doing the cooking. I called the surgeon's office and left a message for the coordinator to call me as soon as she could. I guess when I have a date I will feel like this is real. All day long I have felt like I was swimming in a bubble! The very first person I talked to is a lady who is having hers Monday. I told her that we should be one another's support people. I have grown so tired of hearing people talk about those who regain their weight. I know I could be one of those people but I'm banking on being the one who doesn't. I get to feeling really giddy when I think of how I'll look and feel a year from now. Hopefully I will be able to Christmas shop and not have terrible cramps in my shins like I did last night. Funny thing, I stopped and got a hair cut last night spur of the moment at a place I had never been to before. I really liked the whole experience: people, place, decor, and hair cut. While I was sitting there I took a long long look at myself and saw my hugeness. I thought this might be the last haircut I get before surgery. My hair grows very slowly. Then today I got one of those pass this on for good luck emails and I never do those but today I did. Wonder if any of this has had any bearing on the decision from the insurance company. I certainly don't need to add superstition to my list of obsessions.
I will never be able to sing the praises of Aetna insurance even though I am now approved. I think that what they do to people is rediculous and unkind. However they do get a thank you from me. I have no choice since they are my company's insurance company.
12-9-02
Once again I had to do the foot work myself. Seems like I wouldn't complain but I am. I didn't get my letter in the mail so I called Aetna today and was faxed the letter. I faxed it to my surgeon so now maybe we can get the ball rolling at least a little bit. I will assume my surgery will be after the holidays. It would be nice if it was a Cmas present to myself. I told my guy not to get me anything for Cmas but to hang onto the money and when he saw my clothes hanging off me hand me money to go shopping. Whether he will or not remains to be seen. He is sweet but very cheap which he calls thrifty. Gotta love him! So when I have a date I will post it. I hope those of you with Aetna go into this eyes wide open. As someone said the hardest part is before the surgery. It has been a difficult road and one well traveled from what I can tell. There needs to be changes made in insurance land as we all know. For those of you at the beginning, hang in there, keep calling, be persistent, and don't quit!
I have an appointment for my psych evaluation and a date for my surgery!!! February 20, 2003. What a way to start out the new year. I am not going to complain about it not being any sooner I'm just going to bask in the glow of finally having a real date.
12-12-02
Nothing new about me to report but my coworker has just gone home after her monday surgery. She does not have a profile here but does read here every once in a while. Speedy recovery wishes to her! I talked to her Tuesday morning and she was still groggy. Today she was chipper, much much better, eager to go home and sounded like she was ready to get things going. It was amazing to me that she felt so good just 3 days after surgery. She was told she wouldn't be going home today but tomorrow. Surprise! She went home today. I called the hospital as soon as I heard the news to congratulate her but there was no answer. That is how I hope things go for me. The only problem she had was low blood pressure. That was taken care of and she began to fly. I can't wait until I get there. I'm trying to not think about the bad parts like what if they open me up and find I am full of cancer?? What if the pain is unbearable and I freak out?? What if what if what if. I don't do much of that but it creeps in sometimes.
12-19-02
I had my psych evaluation on Monday. It was nothing out of the ordinary. From what I have read in profiles I was prepared for the absolute worst but it was just fine. The psychologist just ask how I was going to deal with the effects of the surgery physically and emotionally. To answer some of his questions I was only able to say that I wouldn't know until I was at that point. He sent me a copy of what he sent to the surgeon and it read fine. He said that I was prepared for the change. All of you out there know that we say we are then we say we aren't. The truth is--- we don't really know we just hope we are prepared. Today I feel strong and could handle it. I received the package with surgery information, physicians orders, and orders for pre ops. Now you talk about something that made it real!! I can hardly wait and you know how long the month of January can be. And still the hardest part is before the surgery. I saw someone last night who sees my daughter and my guy, Jim. She ask me when I was having surgery. I said and Jim is talking about it, I am so glad. At home we hardly ever speak of it. He is afraid. But then he is afraid of many things so I have taken his silence for what it is. I'm just glad he is talking about it with someone. My daughter and I talk about it some and she told this person she was afraid also. I have tried to explain without sounding like I have a death wish how I feel and what brought me to this decision. That is such a hard thing to get someone who has never struggled with obesity to understand. I want them to be supportive, which they are, and for them to help me recover, which they will. Most of all, I want them to love me and they do without a doubt.
12-26-02
Well Christmas is over. Ours was nice and I hope everyone had a good one too. We had brunch at my house and all went well. I took the opportunity to talk to my family and get a committment from one of them to be with me when I have the surgery. My daughter said she would be there. When everyone works it's hard to know who can take time off and who can't. I think talking about it made it more of a reality to them. Jim admitted he is worried that I will be sick for a long time afterwards. He still doesn't understand the concept and thinks because I love food and cooking that I am going to have a terrible time. He is a stubborn guy so I'm not going to even try to explain the mind of an obese person to him. He is just going to have to see it for himself. My daughter can understand some because I have talked more to her about the feelings I have and she is a woman and understands more than men do. I'm not male bashing just being honest about the men in my world. They would do anything and everything to help but they have very strong ideas and are not easily persuaded until they witness things for themselves. My son didn't show up and that made me very sad. I wish for him a warm place and someone to care for him. So now we have to get through New Years and the count down will begin for me. January is the month that my pre ops start. I've never been so excited to have tests in my life. Come on January!!!
12-31-02
How many years have I gotten to this date and made resolutions that I knew I would break? Too many to even count. For once in my life I can say that I no longer smoke and will no longer be starting a diet that won't work for me. Thank goodness those days are gone forever. This new year is going to be the best one ever in my life except for the years I had my children and oh yes the year I kicked that bum out of my life and the year I started making enough money to support myself. I could really go on and on because generally speaking I have had a wonderful life. There have been many more good times than bad. But I am sure that when I look back on 2003 it will stand out as a grand and exciting time in my life. The year I really became the person I was meant to be. To all of you, Happy New Year! Just imagine how wonderful new years eve 2003 will be!
1-3-03
Anyone besides me having a hard time remembering to put 2003 on everything? I hope everyone had a wonderful time bringing in the new year. My guy plays music so I was with him at his gig. It's always fun to be with him and the place he is playing always gives the band and their guests (groopies is what I call us)hats, etc and usually champagne. Well these cheap people gave the crowd Jello shots! I think that is so funny. Jim and I don't drink but we do toast in the new year together so we toasted in the year with a Jello shot. My one and only resolution is to be more positive. I can be a negative, judgmental person and I don't want to be that anymore. This is the year to really work on me in lots of ways. I am beginning to feel quite anxious about the surgery. I have knots in my stomach and have been having nightmares. Last night an ax murderer was on my front porch and I was his next victim. I'm going to discuss this with my PC on the 15th. I'll probably be on another "magic" pill for a while. Seems like I have been on the search for the one and only pill that will fix my whole life for a few years now. Heck, maybe that's my problem! Talk to you again.
1-13-03
Just popping in to say that everything is going just fine. I have all my appointments scheduled for preops and have officially started the countdown. Five weeks from now I will be on the other side! I will be starting a new life! WOW! I can hardly sit still in my chair. My anxiety has passed for now and has turned into excitement. Come on Feb.20th!!
1-21-03
I had my first preops today. Chest xray, taught how to use the spirometer, ultrasound on gall bladder, urine analysis, and last but not least the blood work done. They had to stick me 4 times before any blood was drawn. I warned them that I was difficult. It took 2 people to do it. The first one gave up. Regardless, it is done. I was worried about my lung capacity because of my previous smoking but I rated better than average. I was also told that I was in good health! That made me feel good for surgery's sake but how must those feel who are in poor health? I usually feel pretty crappy everyday and I'm in good health??!! Bless those who are in bad shape then cause they must feel terrible. I'm just really glad I got a good report. Now another holding pattern until February when I have 2 more tests and after that SURGERY!!!!!
1-29-03
Today is the last day for my meds. I'm a little worried because I have such joint pain even with them. It is raining today and I usually have problems with that kind of weather. I'm going to do it just like I'm told but I hope it doesn't throw me into a flare. I've never been able to work during a flare and I have so little time accumulated for post op.
Jim went to a support group with me last night. They were having q&a and some of his questions were answered. We didn't stay for the whole thing. It was one that I had never been to but is where my surgeon's patients go. I go to one closer to my house and it doesn't have a fee. This one last night is starting to have a 95.00 fee. That is crap in my book! I'm not going to get really negative but that does get under my skin. I'll just keep going to my support group and if they start charging I'll start my own support group. I just hate it when it starts to be about money instead of people.
2-3-03
I've been doing just ok without my meds. I spent most of the day saturday trying to work out the kinks and inflamation from my shoulder joints. I couldn't do all my house work but did get through the launday. I had company Sunday. She is a friend who had wls 7 years ago. She has really been thought some changes and most were not related to the surgery. She started out at 385 and got down to 127. She didn't loose that much due to the surgery but due to her being on drugs after her husband left her. He didn't leave her because she lost weight, he just left her and his timing sucked!! She has regained some but still looks fine. She is a heavy drinker now and I know her weight gain have everything to do with that. I feel so sorry for her. I am determined more than ever for this surgery to be my success story!
I'm starting to be a little nervous. My friend had the same surgeon I have and she reassured me that he will not let me be in pain! You know how you worry about the unknown. I just don't want to wake up screaming from the post op pain.
I go to the Pulmonologist this week so will write again after that visit.
2-7-03
Went to the Pulmonologist and was told that if I didn't pass their test I wouldn't be able to have the surgery. Talk about stress and pressure. It wasn't a bad test but it did make me light headed. I passed, thank goodness. I am surprised that I am in the "normal" range after all the years I smoked. The doctor was a really nice woman. Wish she was a regular doctor. She had a kindness about her that all doctors need to have. Monday is the cardiologist then no more tests just the surgery. Wow! Time is really clipping by fast. I am feeling somewhat scared and my heart jumps around sometimes. My brother came to visit last night and told me he will be at the hospital with me. I thought no one would want to be there and now everyone wants to go. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I hope all goes well.
2-10-03
I went to the cardiologist and did the stress test. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. I huffed and puffed and realized at that moment that this surgery is saving my life. The test is not easy and I have to do it over this Friday because they didn't get a good enough ultrasound of my heart. Seems that there is too much of me on my left side. I feel that my surgeon is doing this so he is sure that I am a strong candidate for surgery. I know I will pass the test so that is really not a worry. This time they are going to inject me with something that will show up on the picture. I will be so glad when this is over and my new self emerges.
2-18-03
Tomorrow is my last day here at work so it will be a while before I write again. I am very nervous about going under anesthesia for some reason. I bet I have changed my mind a million times this past weekend but am going on with the surgery. I want to be normal more that I am afraid. So until then--------------------
3-11-03
so here i am on the other side. would i do it again? of course. was it painful? not really. has the recouperation been hard? a little but worth it. i really had an easy time. i have not been nauseated nor in a great deal of pain. i go back to the surgeon tomorrow to have the g tube removed and the remaining staples. i have had some incisional drainage which i hear is normal but it is yucky to me so that bothers me more than just about anything. i don't sleep well yet and have a nagging back ache most of the time but i think that will get better when all the bells and whistles are out of my body. food?? i am not hungry at all and have to remind myself to eat. i had a short battle with head hunger and depression but that was quick to resolve itself. i gained 9 pounds while in the hospital. funny how that happens to some people. my one goal was to never weigh 300. when i went into the hospital i weighed 290. when i left i weight 299.7. now how close can you get!! i have lost 30 lbs by my scale and i choose to go by mine. i don't tolerate anything with high suger grams which is a really blessing for me because sweets were my thing. i haven't thrown up. i have had bouts of loose stools but taking the iron supplement fixed that one. i'm able to drink more water everyday but getting it in is still a challenge. i'm really just doing this day by day the best that i can.
3-19-03
now i know what not to do! i drank through a straw all day monday and had a severe gas attack as a result. i thought i was going to have to go to the hospital but hung in until the next morning and talked to the surgeon's office. it was terrible. i still don't feel back to how i felt monday morning. i did come back to work today. i've lost 36 lbs now. i'm pretty pleased with that but stay depressed most of the time. i still have trouble sleeping and feel so darned tired all the time. nothing tastes good yet so food is yuk still. still don't know if i'm glad or not. i feel too bad for that opinion.
3-21-03
i just finished my first week back to work. part time of course. it hasn't been bad but it hasn't been easy. by the time i get home i am bushed.
3-25-03
i'm really trying to work full time this week. i had my first bout with having something stuck. i had foam for days and when i had gotten rid of the foam i was fine. the retching made my middle sore so i have not been much good since. i wasn't sick for a long time maybe just for 20 minutes. i had eaten my usual for this week and last: cottege cheese and a slice of fresh pineapple. guess i was talking and not paying attention to chewing. won't do that again! i am feeling a little stronger today and am beginning to feel very positive about wls. i just want to feel back to normal. know what i mean? i was so afraid of the unknown pre surgery and was surprised that there was minimal pain for me. it has just been so hard getting through most days for me. my depression, according to a wls buddy, might be caused from being in starvation mode post surgery. i sure hope so. i don't think i could stand taking another pill. the depression comes and goes and maybe it could have something to do with the war. one of my coworkers who is also my friend has a son who was deployed sunday. everytime i think of him i cry. i am going to wear a yellow ribbon with his name on it until he comes home. he just got married last year. his name is jimmy mcfarland. anyone who reads this keep him in your thoughts. guess i had better get ready to go home. yipee! i made it through another full day. 2 down 3 to go. this feels like it should be at least thursday! later.
3-26-03
thought i had better update after i talked to dr shina's office about my health. seems, according to them, i have been eating wrong. for the next 8 months i am to eat nothing but meat, an egg every once in a while, and peanut butter every once in a while. the fruit and veggies i have been eating are out of the question. the reason for my depression and lack of energy is lack of protein in my diet. i have been eating protein in the forms of cottege cheese, hard cheese, and a few other things. seems as if i slept through how i was suppose to eat. furthermore, i was warned about going to support groups sponsered by other doctors. mine says that others philophies on wls, diet, and exercise can vary but "none have the numbers of success that we have". this is just all too weird but i am going to do as they say. meat, meat, meat. i was told that if i go by what they say to do i can loose 1/2 to 1 pound a day. they said i have an 8 month window of opportunity to do this and why did i have the surgery if i wasn't going to do it dr shina's way. i didn't bother to tell them that the last time i saw him all he said was "you know the rules. you're on your own." that left me feeling down and alone so i went home and threw away all of the stuff i had collected over the past months and decided to try on my own. well, i just got sicker and sicker. i had another bout with chills and low grade fever last night and just wanted to die. i felt better this morning. so after talking to them i ate 3 pieces of bacon for breakfast and for lunch i am eating peanut butter. i'm not going to drink for at least 30 minutes after i eat like i remember them saying to. we shall see if the "plan" will be for my body and mind. i sure hope so. i am so tired of complaining that i just don't feel good. whining and complaining has never been my style. seems as if the body, when it has plenty of protein, will go after "stored fat". i would appreciate any feed back from anyone who knows something about what i was told. got to work so i won't drink. hard not to do when your mouth is sticky from the peanut butter. the clock is ticking.
3-27-03
ok, so tell me if i am just a nut case who will believe anything anyone says. i did the only protein yesterday and even choked down a protein shake last night and i feel close to being back to true normal. my mind is clearer, my physical strength is improved, i slept great, and i haven't cried much since i got up today. call me crazy if you want but i believe there is something to what i was told yesterday. i'm going to keep it up and will let you know the progress.
3-28-03
i know i said that i wouldn't weigh like a crazy person anymore but i had to see if this new way was doing anything. the scale is moving down again. i've been doing just fine on the protein only and the one shake. i don't feel hungry at all still and can honestly feel my body changing. i am feeling better and better every day. finally!!! i'm looking forward to a great weekend.
3-31-03
hard to believe that march is over. time certainly flies when you are consumed with yourself. i feel better and better everyday. am i glad i had the surgery? finally i can say yes without a doubt i am glad. why the change? i think i had to get rid of the anesthesia first and it took such a long time with me. then i had to start eating protein, protein, protein to make the rest of me feel almost normal, and finally you should see how the scale is moving!! i was so surprised at how quickly it moved down that when i weighed sunday morning and saw how much i had dropped i jumped on the scale to see if something was wrong. 4 days on nothing but protein and the shake and water and i lost 6 lbs. can you believe that? so you know i'm sticking with it. i'm still not hungry. i have had a few cravings but they pass. i went to gnc and bought a huge container of chocolate mega isolate protein shake. it isn't too yucky. it isn't thick, or grainy, just what it is. i drink it at night sort of like my midnight snack. i found that i can drink more water when i add lemon slices. i can't tolerate artificial sweetners so far and crystal light lemonade made me have cramps.
i know this might sound terrible but when i see obese people, i know i did the right thing. i don't want to be fat anymore and i want to tell them that there is a way to end their agony. it took me a while to be happy about my decision but i'm there. kinda hard to turn back the clock now! later.
4-11-03
week 2 on a plateau so i gave up the elevator at work for the stairs. guess i could just feel sorry for myself and do nothing but i'm not going to do that. i figured that my daily calorie intake is under 800 so it must be the lack of activity. plus i just couldn't take the gnc mega isolate protein drink anymore. it would be hard for me to describe to you how it made me feel so i'm just going to leave it at that. i have ordered some sample from vitalady.com. hope they come soon. i feel great other than no weight loss. i am fitting into more clothes that i had outgrown and that makes me feel good. i figure as the weather improves so will me strength. later.
4-24-03
i am really feeling pretty good. i increased my walking, still take the stairs, and bought a bike. my knees don't hurt at all anymore and my troublesome hip is better. not fixed but better which is more than i expected. walking has helped me regain strength. i'll let you know about the bike riding. i've lost another 2 lbs. i'm still pretty disappointed that my loss isn't fast but you know i have to deal with it and be glad that i'm not gaining. i'm still enjoying not being controlled by food. i do get hungry sometimes. it's not everyday and it hits me out of the blue. just a little bit still satisfies me. one thing that scares me is that i have begun to think a lot about cigarettes. it has been over a year since i quit. i haven't found a replacement for my eating yet. i don't really have any outside interests or hobbies and very few friends to hang out with. i've been looking for a part time job to fill up my spare time and the extra cash would be nice too. later.
4-28-03
ok ok so i weighed again. i lost another 2 lbs! i'm beginning not to mind the slow but steady weight loss. i'm riding my bike further too. i'm taking that one really slow and am riding a little further each time. i got a part timejob and discovered that it is just too hard for me to do right now. maybe next year i can work 2 jobs but not right now. at least i tried. i don't know if it's too soon since surgery or i've gotten too old to waitress. the latter is what my daughter thinks. she reminded me of how long it had been since i did that sort of work and how old i was now. she is right. so i'll just relax and concentrate on riding that bike everyday. who knows maybe i'll be in the tour de france one day. hah! later.
5-8-03
i've now lost 52 lbs. i'm feeling really good. i still only take the stairs at work, i walk everyday, and bike ride on the weekends if i'm not doing anything else. i have rearranged doing the protein shake. i drink it at work in the morning and skip eating the bacon. it seems to work for me. i go to the dr next week for my 3 month check up and i was really dreading it because of my slow weight loss but i don't really care what he says. some of us just loose slower than others. i do everything i'm suppose to do and i am happy with how much i have lost. i do have one problem. i have a strange lump to the right of my navel by my incision. for a while it hurt to touch it or lean up against it. it isn't so bad now and it appears to have decreased in size. i don't want to be opened up ever again! i hope it is not a hernia. i don't care if they give me a tummy tuck when they repair it. i don't want to go under anesthesia again. yuck! i also hope that it is not an infection. i'll just have to deal with my imagination until i see the dr.
5-15-03
i got a very good report from the dr. seems i worried for nothing. i am right on target with my weight loss. i told him the things that i was doing thinking he would fuss but he didn't. i told him about his staff fussing because i was going to a different drs support group and he said he didn't care just as long as i was going somewhere. to top it off i don't have a hernia. he believes that the lump by my navel is a knot from the internal stitches that is trying to desolve but my body is trying to reject it at the same time. i was sooo glad. now i just have to work on the next 3 months.
5-21-03
thought i'd drop in and share with you what i've been thinking about lately. a year ago i wouldn't have thought that i would ever be able to get around like i am now. a year ago i dreaded going anywhere because it was so uncomfortable for me to walk. a year ago i didn't even like to take a bath because i couldn't reach all the places easily. a year ago i had given up and talked often about how death wasn't such a bad thing after all. i had resigned myself to be unhealthy, fat, and eventually in a wheel chair. today, i am walking a mile a day and it doesn't even tire me out. today i only take the stairs at work and sometimes don't have to pull myself up the steps with the hand rail. today i park my car away from entrances so i can get additional exercise. today my sex life is wonderful. today i am more confident. today i want to live a long and healthy life and am looking forward to even better days ahead. imagine how i will feel when i've lost 100 lbs. i'll be unstoppable! i am so glad i had the surgery.
5-22-03
i finally went to the water exercise class and i loved it. it felt really good to be in the pool. i can't even remember the last time i was in one. the group was women just like me and that made me feel great. my first time i really didn't want barbie giving the class. the exercises were not all easy either. i really enjoyed it and i will go again.
6-4-03
where the heck did may go! 60 pounds gone and i feel really good. i still don't look at my reflection in windows on purpose and last night i caught my reflection. i was so disappointed! i had been feeling so good about myself, my progress, and my activity that i had deluded myself that i looked much better than i really do. i bet i'm not the only person who feels that way either. i am still so fat and have such a long way to go to even begin to look "normal". jim told me to think about how i looked before the weight loss. i know we are harder on ourselves than anyone. i'm more determined than ever to lose this weight. tonight is aqua exercise class and i am looking forward to going. the jury is out still on whether it helps me lose weight but it sure makes me feel good so i'm sticking with it. i go to my pcp for the first time post op tomorrow. i'm getting him to sign a form required by the pool so i can use the warm water therapy pool and do aqua chi. i'll let you know what that is. sounds very soothing to me. i always wanted to do tai chi and maybe this is close to it.
6-13-03
i've been having trouble with my tummy all week. i have a slight burning and my bowels have been so unpredictible with bloating and gas and other unmentionables. i have been in the habit of taking all my meds including the prilosec all at once in the evening. i got into that habit because of the early morning nausea. i've decided to take the prilosec in the morning to see if that med will help the burning. other than that i feel pretty good. i lost another pound this week. i feel that this last pound came off verrrryy sloooowwwwly and maybe i had been at another plateau. i don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out why the weight doen't come off faster. i just go on with my life and hope for the best. i do think that i need more activity in my life so this weekend i'm going to try the weight room at the pool. later!
7-2-03 69 lbs gone and i am feeling great. i am still critical of how i look but i am able to see an improvement. i can wear some 18's that i had outgrown and they don't even cut off the circulation! i still walk and go to aqua aerobics. i eat whatever i want within reason. i am still drinking a protein drink each morning and water the rest of the day. last friday i worked out in my yard all day long and didn't even get tired. now that is a miracle. only 31 more lbs to my next goal of being under 200.
7-25-03
75 lbs gone!! i am only 25 lbs from my next goal of being under 200. boy that feels good. i just got off a 2 week plateau but this time i didn't let it bother me. when i got up this am i knew i had lost weight. when i sat on the side of the bed my tummy looked a little more deflated so i hopped on the scale. i continue to have few problems. the occasional crampy stomach and loose stool will probably be with me forever but for me that is a small price to pay for weight loss. i feel great otherwise. still walking and doing aerobics. wls has made me be able to stick with the program. i never could before that's why i write that i'm still doing this and that. it amazes even me that i continue. i would do this over again. it continues to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
9-22-03
what an exciting journey this is turning out to be! i am down 89 lbs as of this morning and i feel wonderful. i still have bouts with not being able to eat and that is a hard one to keep up with. sometimes i can eat something on monday and by wednesday it will make me dump. my dumping comes in the form of sweating, dizziness, and all over bad feeling. spaced out is the best way to describe how i feel. it is weird but i keep on going. the food that is best for me is steak, pork rinds (read the label. suprisingly they are not as bad as you think), beef jerky, salad with ff dressing, nuts, sf jello and redi whip, bacon, i can finally eat eggs but just started that 2 weeks ago, and sometimes chicken. i generally eat what i want but what i want is so different from what i use to want.
this past saturday i went on the national "walk from obesity". i'm here to tell you that i wouldn't have even thought about walking from the car to track a year ago. i walk a mile everyday and sometimes i go for 2 walks. i still go to aqua aerobics once a week. this seems to all work for me. i tried regular aerobics once and it really killed my joints so i'm sticking with my plan. i still go to my support group. they are a wonderful group who have helped me through some very curious times.
i'm looking forward to getting to that -100 mark which is only 11 lbs away. i can finally say that being under 200 is attainable. i've gone down to 18-20's in clothes. i found a box of "goal" jeans that i had forgotten about and most of them fit. i put my old big jeans away and have given away all of my bigger clothes. i have plenty of closet space now. i had a wonderful experience last weekend. i went to my favorite consignment store and tried on the smallest plus sizes and they were all too big. that felt soooo good. i haven't bought any new clothes yet but have bought a few used things. i really can't justify buying new when i am still in transition. i have also had one person not recognize me. to be honest, it could be the short short short hair i now have.
11-24-03
Finally I have reached the century mark! I thought it would never get here. It happened the day of my 9 month aniversary on the 20th. Actually I have lost 101. I went to my surgeon for my check up and he told me that many people get to 204 (don't have any idea why he chose that number) and stop. I told him I had no intention of stopping. I now have a "1" in front of my weight. I am at 198, wearing size 16's, and loving life.
2-12-04
Life is different now. I weigh 189 down 110. I joined a gym and feel great about my life. Food is still an issue some days. I am still an emotional eater. In the final analysis it all come to diet and exercise. Thats just fine with me because I love doing things for myself and keeping the food under control and exercising is a good thing. I rarely dump anymore and have normal bowel functions. The bowel things was something I feared would be a lifelong problem but it slowly went away. My scar is a keloid one but that doesn't bother me in the least. I really really did this for my health. I'm still in 16's but could wear 14's. I'm just too cheap to buy more clothes right now. My bra size has gone from a tight 44 in the stretchiest sports bra I could find to a 38. The cup size is still a DD because I have breasts on the side that I have to pull into the cup. I have always hated that and if I would choose to have PS it would be on that issue but I don't have the resources for breast reduction. I don't have much of an apron and I'm really not ready to shoot for a TT anyway. I want to work on the tummy thing through exercise for quite a while before I even think about that. I just don't want to go under anesthesia again. I am glad I did this and would do it again.
4-19-04 am holding steady at 184. total loss 115. am feeling wonderful. can eat almost anything that i want but i still dump on too many carbs, sweets, and occasionally artificial sweetner. i don't find any pleasure in food and that is good but sometimes sad. i haven't had any problems that didn't end. i am still not looking into PS. i sat in my yard yesterday trimming the weeds from my plants and was amazed at how soft the grass was. i hadn't sat in the grass for years. strange how things like that hit you out of the blue. i continue to have days that i am displeased with my looks. most of the time i am happy with my reflection. guess that old fat person will be with me forever.
7-9-04
have now lost 123. life is still good. am into sz 14's. went shopping the other day and chose a pair of slacks that i knew i wouldn't get into so tried them on first. well, i got into them. they just looked too small to fit. still not seeing me for me i guess. ran into an old friend who didn't recognize me. that felt pretty good. he was talking to another guy who knew me sort of but didn't recognize me at all but put his arm around me before i told him who i was. he was one of those who pretended i didn't even exist when i was fat. you know the type. when i told him who i was he commented on the huge amount of weight i had lost. i wish i was the type who could have said that when i was fat i was invisible to him. but what the heck, i didn't. i figure he is an idiot who can never change his behavior. 21 lbs to my personal goal of 155. that is amazing to me. it has been a very interesting journey. i don't do protein shakes anymore. yuk!! i have completely changed my eating habits and rarely go out to eat. i feel normal most days but then there still are those days when stress takes over and i want to eat and eat and eat. that will be part of my package for ever. i have been experminting with cooking with splenda to curb that sweet tooth. some things have come out great and then some taste like doggy biscuits. into the garbage they go. i usually just go for extra flavor instead of extra sweet. i get on kicks with food and only want that food. right now it's hamburger. weird but that's how it's been working for me. for months and months it was cheese and saltines. wonder what it will be next. everyday is such an adventure. i have heard a few stories lately of those who have had terrible surgery and recovery problems. i am so thankful that i have had such a good experience. it is so wonderful to weigh 176!!!!!!!!!!!
2-23-05
My how time has flown. 2 years have gone by and my life is wonderful. I lost a total of 127 lbs, wear 12/14's and continue to live a very good life. It goes without saying that this surgery has changed my life and I still would do it all over again only sooner. I eat what I want but smaller portions. I still dump on carbs and sugar but not as bad. I haven't have a bowel mishap in a long time. I only take a multi vitamin daily. I got sick and tired of taking so many pills and that b12 shot so I gave it a shot and tried cutting back. I feel fine and don 't feel like I'm strapped to meds for the rest of my life. I know it's a poor excuse but I got a new boss and haven't had time to exercise. I am maintaining my weight loss though. I only think about having a TT. I am still not pursuring it. I don't have a big problem in that area so it is only an occasional thought when I'm watching those make over shows. The only thing that is a problem is that I have absolutely no, zero, zip, sex drive so I'm back to faking it just to please my partner. My DR said that I have the double whammy of no more periods (a good thing!) and the surgery. There is nothing that can be done. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. I am happier losing the weight but miss the libido. Take care everyone. I probably won't be back to this site. It was a great help in getting me through some really tough days.
With Great fondness for all,
Priscilla
2-25-08
I can't believe it has been 5 years since my surgery. Yes I would still do it all over again but I would do it much sooner. I am 58 years old and wish I would have done it at least in my 40's. How has my life changed in the past 5 years? It is a wonderful life and I enjoy it to the fullest. The best part is that I am now the grandmother of a beautiful little boy. He is 6 months old. I can get on the floor and play with him, carry him around with no problem, stay awake with him when he was teething, and without WLS I wouldn't have been able to do any of those things. I regained 20 lbs but took control and lost all of it by going on the South Beach Diet. That particular plan aided in me changing my entire way of cooking, eating, and planning meals. It always comes down to diet and exercise. Exercise is something that I don't do on a regular basis. However, I take the stairs at work all the time and during good weather walk quite a bit in the evenings. I have not had any plastic surgery but would love to have breast reduction and tummy tuck. I have just never taken that step toward seeing if my insurance would cover either. If it were a burning desire I would do it. Do I have any bad habits? Buying clothes is my only bad habit. I love the way I look in everything. Fortunately, I scour the second had stores on a regular basis. Do I have any health issues from WLS? The only problem I have is a bowl issue. I think it must me dumping syndrome but I'm never sure which foods will trigger it. It happens out of nowhere. I have never discussed it with a doctor but guess I should.
My original weight goal was 150 lbs. I am 158 and wearing size 12s. I am completely satisfied with what I weigh. I'm not after the size -0- body. I still just want healthly and happy. That is exactly what WLS brought me. I have no doubt that by year 10 I will have kept the weight off. It is the best decision I ever made for my life.