Allison B.
Well I guess my story starts back when I was a child. I can remember a time when I was fit and healthy. I have been dancing since I was 5 years old and I remember many summer days spent being active, going to swim lessons, riding my bike, playing some sports. I guess I didn't really start to notice a difference in my weight until I hit puberty. About that time I remember noticing that I was the "bigger" girl in my classes, but I was not obese. I was just a bit chubbier. Once I began to really develop I noticed that I was putting on more weight and my dance teachers even began to comment. All of my weight seemed to go straight to my belly, no where else, but I was able to keep it under control because I was constantly dancing. I danced all the way through Jr. High and High School, still being the heaviest in my class but I was still able to move fairly well. Not until my Jr. year in high school did I really start to notice myself that I was getting heavy. All this time people around me were telling me, but not until my Jr. year did I start to really notice the physical changes the weight was having on me. Once I got to my senior year, I had been beaten down by teachers telling me I was too fat for certain parts, and I just became very depressed and down on myself. By then I really could care less about dancing. I then went to community college and stopped dancing all together. This is when I blew up! I am now 5 years out of high school and I have become severely obese. I eat fast food almost every day and I hate having to walk to class, let alone go and work out.
Obesity is nothing new to my family. All of the members of my family are overweight and have been for some time. Recently my mother took her future in her own hands and decided to have the bypass surgery. I admit I was scared for her and at that time really didn't think surgery was for me...yet. But after seeing her go through it and seeing how much better her life is because of it, I am now ready to admit to myself that without the surgery who knows how heavy I will end up. I am only 23 but I feel like I am 53 with all the joint and muscle pain I have from carrying the weight. Thank God I do not have any co-morbidity's yet, but I'm sure if I do not have surgery, they will soon catch up with me. Most of all I am just so tired of hating myself. I know that WLS is not the answer to everything, but it is a start. I want my self confidence back and I want to love myself. And I believe that starts with getting healthy and changing my body.
I also just want to feel pretty. I want to know what it is like to live on the other side of the clothes rack. I want to enjoy being active and not allow my weight to hold me back from what I want to do, and most of all I want to dance again. I dream about feeling the Marlee floor beneath my feet, and smelling the rosin in the corner of the room. I want nothing more than to be able to dance 4 eight counts without dying!
That is what I truly miss, and I hope to get back after surgery.
