debbie L.

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I am letting stress and food run my life.  I am too busy to exercise these days (a stress reliever).  I can't get in the 10,000 steps most days.  I am so excited about day light savings time coming in 11 days!  Whoo hoo!

Anyway, I am eating too much.. eating all day by grazing to soothe stress.  Food is becoming a drug again.  I really have to get a grip on this.  It is consuming me.  I have to take control.  I am no longer a victim.  Things can be different and are different.  I really wish I could get involved in a lapband support group locally.  I need to make an effort to check that out and put that on a priority list.  I also need to stop focusing on the negative and be thankful for the postive and how far I've come and what I have gained in the last 9 months. (and that is not LB's!) 

Life is good.  I may not be where I'd like to be at this point in time..but I am on the way.  I will persevere! 

I somehow missed blogging in Dec but it was such a happy time  for me.  I'll blog more about it later.  Jimmy is on his way over.  I just wanted to check in here a minute.  I have a Dr. Appt Tuesday and so far have only lost 1 lb this month.  I hope it will be at least 2 by Tues.  I have been wearing a pedometer for about a week now and am trying to get in the 10,000 daily steps recommended for weight loss.  Man is that  hard!  I am discovering that is about  5 miles a day for me and with workin 2 jobs which are mostly sitting, I can't fit it in everyday.  But, I am happy I am at least more aware now and trying.

My last appt with Dr. W the Tues after Christmas was really good.  I have come to think he is an amazing surgeon and am quite satisfied with his bedside manor.  We talked ALOT about portoin control and my smoothie king "habit".  I have since tried to cut out all the smoothies and eat solid food.  I think if I can start getting in more exercise I will lose more consistantly again. 

That's the plan anyway!

I really did have the most amazing Christmas and New Year's Eve.  I will write about it later. 
  Life is very good!  I love love love my band!

So many good things are happening right now.  I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!  It is the holiday season and I have a real boyfriend!  He is wonderful! We are doing so many things and it is nice to have someone to do those things with.  Last holiday season I was so LONELY.  I am now a "we".  A couple in a couple's world.  One of my most hoped for wishes has come true.  And all at the weight of 203.

Who knew?  Years ago, like 2003 when I last weighed 203, I still abhored myself and thought of myself as so ugly and fat and unloveable.  Shoot ahead 5 years, same weight (with a lot of yo yoing in between) and I am happy.  I don't really see myself that way anymore.  I am still "fat" but know I am on my way to a smaller body and am enjoying the ride.  

This Thanksgiving, 2008, I am so very happy for my lapband and Jimmy.

 

YAY!  I weighed today and am happy to report I am 203.  FINALLY the scales moved! Stayed at 206 for a month.  My fault.  I think kicking sweet tea will be the key to this. I drink a lot of calories I realized yesterday.  I ate alot (I thought) and logged it into daily plate only to find I was w/i my calorie allotment.  I think the sweet tea is what is sabotaging me.  So, I am cutting that out. No more Micky d's sweet tea for a buck!  It's such a good deal on the go but can't do it anymore.

I am dating 2 guys right now.  I'm just lovin life!  What a difference a year can make!

Yay! I went in to see Dr W yesterday and he gave me my 3rd fill.  Apparently I was wrong previously. He had down that I had only 5.5 ccs in my band ( I thought it was 6.5).  So, he put in enough to take it to 7 ccs.  He was sooooooooooo nice!  He was not in a hurry (like usual) and we chatted a bit more and he told me I looked good, and that I was a good patient.  Made me very happy!  Said I was doing good and that I had lost 9lbs since I had been in last.  He ws real sweet about me not being able to get in as often cuz of Sylvan and said we'd work something out.  I go back in 4 weeks.

We'll see how it goes.  I was starving all day!  It was a long day with running errands aftewards, then going to Sylvan, then to Tasha's for Money Makeover class.  It was nice being busy tho.

Looking forward to being able to eat less!

Thanks to Nikki, I am down 3 lbs.  207!  I can't believe it!  I am so happy!  Checking in everyday with her and recording my food and exercise on the dailyplate.com seems to be just what I need to get my weightloss back on plan.  That personal connection makes a big difference for me.

I can see onederland just down the road!!!!!!!!!!!

I started checking in with a weight loss buddy on here and it is helping me.  I am more aware of what I am eating and the calories I am taking in.  I am 210 and so wanna get to "onederand"

I called today and made an appt with Dr W for next Tues.  I hope to get a fill.  I can eat too much and while portion control is essential to weight loss..I know me and there will be days when I will give into that binge.  W/O good restriction I will still be able to do that.

I'm so happy to report that I weighed (weekly weigh in) and finally the scales moved from 212 to 210.  That is a very slow loss but I haven't been trying.

It does help me to want to get the mojo back and drop so more lbs!

yay me!

I used to always keep journals...all throught out highschool, college, YWAM, and into my life in Mobile.  Then i developed RA in my hands and it often hurt to write.  I quick journaling.  that may have been a mistake.  I hurt now...so excuse the improper grammar, lack of caps, etc...I just need to get some thoughts out.  a friend of mine started an online journal and i've been readin it and it has made me remember how helpful it is to keep one..to release all those thoughts, it's an anxiety reliever; perhaps even a stress reliever.  I have felt so anxious lately. ALL the time...and I eat eat eat those feelings away.  that has to stop...OBVIOUSLY.  maybe this will help.  i feel like it will. 

i feel like crying right now.  i seem to be a person who sees the glas half empty.  i don't care for that about me. i am mostly unhappy these days. for various reasons.  i am very busy with the 2 jobs and now adding turoting to thurs nights.  I am lonely as well.  It just never really goes away.  i sometimes wonder if it is a 'grass is greener on the other side thing".  i long for a family of my own.  I am often jealous of other families.  ie jenni, connie, margie, even benita.  i just wasn't meant to be a loner.  i always loved dorm life...i liked my private room, but loved having friends in rooms all around me.  i want a family ( a husband, pets, step kids, gran kids) to share family times with on weekends.  I have wanted this FOREVER it seems. i look in stores, like target yesterday and i see ugly fat women with husbands who are not ugly and fat.  i see on facebook ppl i used to know from college who are married and they were very uncool ppl and they even have a "DH".  god i hate that term "dh"....i hate reading in blogs and posts..b/c i wanna be able to say it too.   sometimes, like today, i abhor being single.  like this weekend for instance...a hurricane is coming.  I will have ot pay calvin to come over here and board up my wdws, etc....   I can't even afford that.  that is another whole issue.  I am so damn broke.  it's my own fault but it has created so much stress and anxiety in my life.   I am tired of "being on my own" of being responsible for everthing on my own.  of paying bills on my own, of handling every disaster on my own.  I want the support system a husband or family offers.  i want someone who loves me unconditionally to be there for me in the good and bad.  i want my own "family" to fall back on from time to time.  i wanna be a "we".  It is such a damn couples world.  I',m so sick of it!  I really am. 

then there is sex.  I WANT IT.  but i want it in a loving relationship.  i just think life could feel so much easier and more managelable if  you had that loving connection with a husband who is a family man.  I feel empty much of the time.  and often like like is passing me by.  i feel very sad when i picture my life coming to an end and i never found love.  i was never in love again after (mike).

all of these issues sabotage my weight loss.  the band is great, but i still wanna eat ALL  the time to get some relief from this anxiety.  from these fears, and feelings of failure and feelings of being unchosen (like volleyball) and feelings of emptiness.

i must say i feel a little less crazy getting this out.

Finally!  the scales moved!  3lbs gone!  I didn't expect it tho... I actually didn't want to weigh cuz I was afraid I had gained...just not following the plan very well and no exercising.  Too much stress eating.

But I did weigh as it is Tuesday..and 3 lbs down! That would be in 3 weeks since I was supposed to go back and see Dr W today but I cancelled cuz I thought I was working at Sylvan and well, I was also afraid I would show no loss.

So that puts me at 212 (my scales) and completes my goal of 30 lbs!

I now a mere 1 lb away from my weight in 2003 with DR O. 

Thank ya very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!