backtoeden69
It's Saturday morning, July 10, 2010 and after the roller coaster ride I've experienced since June 21, I figured maybe it was time for me to write something. Not sure if it's "my story" or not. I don't know what I expected. Then again, yes I do. I expected this band to be a miracle. I expected to achieve the amazing results so many have posted on this website. But how could I expect results like these when I still have the mentality I've had all my life. Just as soon as I think my mindset has change, it's comes from around the corner to remind me that it really hasn't. I still love to eat. I want to eat. I'm constantly thinking of what to eat. I know that it's a daily process, but I want so badly for these habits to go away. Even though I keep a food journal and I exercise about 2 to 3 times a week. It's not enough. I tell myself it's better than nothing; but I know it's only justification to keep doing what I want to do the majority of the time...NOTHING!!! Sometimes I feel maybe I'm just being hard on myself. I figure just beat everyone else to the punch. I think this is why a psychologist is supposed to be apart of this journey; but if you're self-pay you omit that part of the process. Not such a good idea. This journey is apparently physical and emotional, but I'm also realizing it's mental. I wake up on this website and go to bed with it, too. Am I too consumed with it all? The postings are positive in that they relieve alot of anxiety I have about failing this journey I've embarked and then it is not so positive because when I find others who are struggling, I see I'm not alone; and sometimes it makes me feel like it's destiny and maybe it's okay not to do what I know I am supposed to do to be successful. So here I am almost 4 weeks later, a hard 17 lbs lighter, still striving to get back to eden...to be what God has created me to be and live as God has created me to live. I'm going to continue to take this weight loss journey...one step at a time.
