Tracie D.

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It has been one week ago today that I had my surgery done and so far, I haven't regretted that decsion one single bit and am so grateful that I have some skilled hands that took care of me and are taking care of me still.

I think I have been being a bit too cautious with the food that I am permitted to have. He told me Cream soups and split pea. Well I have been being really lean on the amounts I allow myself, taking in only a half cup in a sitting but recently am reading that folks actually get about a cup at a meal at this stage with the cream soups. WOW, I was really holding back there. So today I pureed up some Spllit Pea soup with ham in the food processor, it really got nice and smooth and I had a whole cup of that for supper today. That was really wonderful and felt good to have something more substantial in my stomach. I was actually feeling hungry before today's meal, which is something I have felt building up over the last couple of days.

I am worried I Might be allergic to the Whey protein in the shake powder. I seem to be getting nauseated and dizzy after I get about halfway through a shake. But who knows, could be a coincidence, I am going to pay closer attention to how I feel when I have the shakes and write it down in my journal I keep near my computer here.

I am not having much in the way of pain from my incisions still and that is a positive thing, just have that nagging itchiness from having the allergic reaction to the adhesive in the clear bioclusive dressings. That will pass and is just a bit of an annoyance more than a real complaint.

I am sleeping fairly well, although waking up with some pain in around where my band and port must be, I think from leaning against that side at night with my foam pillow.

All in all, I am pretty happy this week, upbeat and positive and looking foward to what lies ahead for me.

I had to call the Doctors office today as I have been having an allergic reaction to the bioclusive dressings they had over my surgical tapes on my incisions, I am all rashy and itchy. So they squeezed me in today, got those removed, Doctor M came in and had a look at them and said it is fine to leave them with just the surgical tape, can still shower, just dont rub any soap over those incision areas. Feels so much better already.

I got to talk with him while I was there about some concerns I had about nutrition, my calorie intake, some nausea and light headedness I am experiencing. He said the nausea and light headedness is all from the surgery and anethesia, I am after all only five days out of having my surgery. I think I am expecting too much too soon. lol.

But they are so awesome there and I feel so fortunate that fate led me to their door and their capable and skilled and caring hands. I broke down and cried a bit in the office today, just because my happy emotions just came bubbling out and crying was the way I expressed that today, I just feel so overwhelmed with the gratitude in my heart for what they are doing for me.

Dr. M is gettng me enrolled in someplace online I will have to go to and start almost taking online classes about this whole process which I think is an amazing idea, so glad he is having his patients do that. And the in person support group is supposed to start up in October so I am excited about that and hope to maybe make a friend or two along the way. It has been awhile due to some circumstances that I have had a real in person friend that lives nearby, I surely miss it terribly.

The Doctor explained more about my surgery. He said I was the most complicated Lap Band surgery he has ever done, it took two hours and why it was so involved is not that my liver was enlarged, which I orginally thought. It is because I have a really WEIRD Liver, he said he thinks at one point it was likely very enlarged, likely back when my weight was at its highest (at one point I was 408 pounds) and over time with the weight I have already lost, the liver shrunk down but it shrunk down oddly, almost like if you deflate a balloon and it just flops over. So he had a hard time getting it to lift up out of the way to be able to do my surgery. Leave it to me to be an oddball. haha. I am just grateful the surgery could still be accomplished. Very grateful.

Weighed in at Docs, according to their scale I am now 325 lbs but on our scale here at home, which is a non digital, I weighed in at 320. Meh. But they have one of those big fancy digital ones there, so I guess it is more accurate. I will just have to add five onto whatever result I get here at home from now on until I finally get myself a better scale.

I get to add an additional protein shake in if I feel like it, or he said I can have something else such as an Ensure drink or Muscle Milk or other Nutritional supplement drink.

I still have not needed to take any of the pain meds he sent me home with, Just my regular ones I always take for my Osteo Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, those are keeping things at bay I think.

Slept great last night for the first time since my surgery and that was wonderful to wake up feeling more refreshed and alert.

Hubby goes back to work tomorrow night, I am so blessed that he took the whole week off to be with me in case I would need the help here at home. I will miss him when he goes back but know he is just a phone call away and ten minutes from the house if I should need him.

Hubby helped me hobble in and get myself on the scale this morning and I am down another two pounds, am about 326 right now, was about 335 about five or six days back. 9 pounds!!!! Whoo Hoo! :)

I had a better night's sleep last night than the night before. I am a side sleeper and unfortunately, some of my incision areas are on that side. Laying on my back is out of the question, it causes me complete agony in my stomach. And trying to lay on the other side kills my joints. lol, so I have to just grin and bear it. It wasnt too bad at first but by about halfway through the night, there was some pretty good pain there.

I actually woke up this morning with something resembling hunger, which is the first time that has happened to me since I started my pre op diet. I had the Larger serving of the two protein shakes I will have today and that seemed to calm that slight hunger down.

Gas pains are just about gone now thankfully. I see some folks say they have them for much longer so I am lucky there.

Hoping to have a great day today, going to work on my written journal some, do some Digital Scrapbooking, maybe play a game or two, watch a movie with hubby later and walk walk walk throughout the day today, at least up and down the length of the house.

My surgery was the 13th, so two days ago. My doctor kept me in the hospital overnight, just because of my Sleep Apnea and oxygen issues, he wanted to make sure I was okay in that department and I did fine.

I was surprised, I hardly had any pain at all in my incision areas right after surgery. I was in a pretty serious amount of pain in my hip and knee however (severe Osteo arthritis) and he said likely because how they were maneuvering my body around on the OR table, I was begging them for something for pain and they gave me Dilaudid, which put me on cloud 9 but got rid of my pain quickly for the most part.

I was pretty groggy and nauseated for a few hours, ugh, REALLY nauseated when they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me downstairs for an xray so they could do a swallow test on me to check my band.

I had to wait for those results before I was permitted to consume any liquids but finally did get broth, jello and hot tea at about 6 that evening, I was so parched by then, told the dietician she was my best friend. lol.

I been having a bit of a problem with my bowels leaking a bit when I sneeze or cough, not as bad today but was horrid in the hospital and I had to keep hobbling to the bathroom over and over again. Also am having an issue with gas pains and had a pretty rough night here at home because of that but managed to get alot of that gas out this morning and it made me feel so much better.

Nurses had me up walking around about three hours aftter my surgery. They actually got told off a bit for not getting me up sooner. I walked the halls three times that evening and then about six or seven times yesterday before I was released last evening. And doing walking back and forth in the house today and using my spirometer and doing my coughing like they instructed.

Had my first protein shake today and my doc is allowing me some heavily watered down cream soups for lunches, he said tomato is one of the ones that he allows so I am going to have that for my lunch, I made it ahead of time this morning and made sure it is very very watery. That soup is likely going to taste heavenly to me after days of no real food.

So far, I am tolerating my meds pretty well with no regurgitating, some of my bigger ones we are going to cut in half and for some things, I will seek out liquids or smaller versions.

And haven't had any regurgitation issues at all, a few times I felt bubbles after taking some sips of water with a pill but it was fine and the feeling passed quickly.

No nausea but doc sent me home with something for that just in case plus I still have my anti nausea patch on and nurse said I could leave that on through today as they are effective for 3 days.

Started a journal here at home to keep track of how I am feeling and so forth as my doctor recommended it as a tool to gain insight into how i feel from day to day, after eating certain foods, etc.

Anyway, just wanted to post an update. I am so so happy that I made this decision for myself and I hope only good things lay in the road ahead.

as a small PS...I am down SEVEN Pounds from four or five days back. Holy cow.
and one more PS... when I came home, there were flowers and a balloon waiting for me on my porch, my Mom had dropped them off earlier in the evening and I wasnt home yet. :) That made my night.

Hard to believe, one week left before my surgery and a whole new life is about to begin! I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I have been going through the whole grieving process as far as giving up certain foods go but actually, that part hasnt been too bad for me, not as bad as I thought it would be. Because after all, my new life is going to be so much healthier than my old life and I will have a much better relationship with food,. It is a cliche to be sure, but I truly will be eating to live instead of living to eat. Finally.

Had my pre op appointment with Dr. Melniczek last week and that was a great visit, he is so informative and reassuring and he really is good at putting my mind at ease about the whole process.

I had my "before" photos taken, even took some of the Doctor and staff and I think they were very surprised that I wanted to capture photos of them. I am an avid digital scrapbooker so I plan on scrapping my entire weight loss journey from begining, middle and end and will be glad for photos of them to add in there along with ones of myself.

The day before going on my pre op diet, hubby and I are going out to dinner with his family, that will be a lovely way for me to celebrate the goodbye to my old life, to be with some loved ones and I am sure they are going to have lots to ask me while we are there, which is fine and I am always more than happy to talk about it.

WOW though, ONE week. ONE!!!! Seems like just yesterday that I started my six months of doctor visits required by my insurance company. The summer especially flew right by. We had a blast with our nieces in the pool this summer, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that better health awaits me and I soon will be able to live with less pain and be more able to keep up with them.

I am sure I will be posting more thoughts this week.

Life is Good and is about to get even better.

As of yesterday, I am down THIRTY pounds since the first of the year!!!
I was 370 pounds when I started counting calories in January and am 340 today!\
I know in actuality though, it should have been more weight loss by now but am afraid I have had some slips, most of these took place in April and hindered my loss somewhat.
I am back on track again now though and finally seeing the scale moving down again.
Am so proud of myself today!!!!!!
Appointment Dr. Melniczek in about two weeks!
Want to talk to him about possibly holding off on Lapband surgery till the end of the summer so I dont have to give up any of my swimming/in the pool time, so hoping for maybe end of August or so.

When I think back, it is hard to remember a time when I didn't have some sort of pain, whether it be from my current issues with my hip and nerve pain or from years of dealing with Fibromyalgia pain and the pain I have had since I was a kid in both of my legs. (birth defects in both hips and subsequent multiple hip operations) Seems like pain has always been here in one form or another and has always hindered me in doing things the way I would have liked. With the dramatic weight gain over the last 10 years or more, it has only gotten more severe.

My God how wonderful it would be to have just one day where I could do what I want, go where I want, as long as I want, without relying on pain meds, pain creams, heating pads, canes, walkers or wheelchairs to get around and cope.

I usually in my past have not been one to sit around and complain but lately I can feel myself surely getting to that point where I want to just whine whine but am resisting and trying to look on the bright side.

Things could surely be worse, much much worse, and I am thankful that they are not and that I at least can still move about a little, still FEEL. There are some who can no longer walk or move or feel and I thank God I am not in that position. Although there are times when it hits me that it would be better to not feel anything but I know in my head this is not the case.

I have lost more than one friend in recent years due to my inability to stay in contact the way they maybe would have liked which is tragic as they were friends that I adored with my whole heart and wish things would have worked out and I know that I did truly do my best to keep up with the friendship but my best was not good enough. One was a friend I had for over 20 years and I felt the friendship was a solid one that was going to last my whole life. Losing her hit me harder than any friend that I have ever lost before and even though it has maybe been 3 years or so, I am still not over this and miss her deeply. Because of this, I am finding it hard to let very few people in fully friendship wise or trust most people. I just feel like in the long run, they are going to drift away or run away from me anyway so why bother. Of course, I am far far from perfect and have made my own mistakes in friendships and wish I would have done things differently with them.

I have had to sit out on occasions in which I would have loved to have taken part of. I have declined offers to go places or to take part in an activity. All because of this damn pain which seems like just about the only thing I have to look forward to on alot of days.

But they say can only make us stronger, right? Well hell, by the time this is all said and done, I fully expect to be some kind of superhuman superwoman. lol...

I do have much to be thankful for though in spite of it all, and that helps me get through days like today.

I have a wonderful, loving and caring husband who I know loves me more dearly than anything else and I know he would go to the ends of the Earth and back for me. I could have never imagined myself lucky enough to have a person like him in my life. He has had to adjust his life so much because of what I go through physically and he does it all with his always present good cheer and happy personality. He is an amazing man, and I know that there is no one else in this whole wide world who would ever be as devoted to me as he is. He is the best friend I will ever ever have in my whole life and I am so fortunate for that.

I have a fantastic family who I adore and love to spend time with when I am able. I have two nieces that are the light of my life and being with them makes me happier than just about anything. On bad days if I am able, just going for an hour visit with them can make the whole day turn around and seem so much better and happier. It is such a joy being with them and watching them grow and change into lovely little ladies. I have an awesome Mother who is always around if I want to call and have a good cry and I also have an Aunt who is there for me when I need to talk. I have wonderful brothers and sisters in law too.

I have a few select online friends left who I know care about me and I feel the same for them. Although I surely wish I could live closer to some of them and be able to spend time in person.

I get creative bursts where I spend time with Digital Scrapbooking or tag making, playing computer games, working with my digital photography obsession. That makes me happy and helps to pass some long hours in which I find myself unable to do anything else because of my physical limitations.

Once in awhile when times are not so bad, hubby and I are able to get out and go someplace, maybe to a museum where we can use a wheelchair or going away for a few days to a hotel where we can relax, and even are able to take mini trips once in awhile to Canada or Ohio or other places where we can enjoy ourselves and I can bank my meds and take a few extras here and there to get through a few days of making some good memories and happy moments. I just wish those times could be more frequent and more easy to enjoy and get through.

Someday this will all be different and am praying it will be in my near future and most of the pain will just seem like a distant memory. I will hopefully be able to be more mobile, get out and make some new friends and new memories and enjoy more of life again. Be able to do more with my husband and my family, go more places, see more things. I hang onto these thoughts and it helps me to get through.

The world is still a beautiful place and I am hanging onto that and praying that there will be day when I will be able to take part and enjoy it more.

This all goes hand in hand with my upcoming Lapband surgery and weight loss, I know the dramatic and eventual loss of so much weight is going to improve my health, pain and outlook on life so much and I look forward to what my future will be.

April 30, 2010