Barb
I'm Sooo sorry it's taken so long to catch up!!
Oct 16, 2010
In the meantime, I have gained 25 pounds. That's not surprising to me. I have a tendency to snack when I'm upset, The "thinnies", under stress, stop eating....but the "fatties" eat like there's NO tomorrow!! Going through the stress of losing my daughter and 4 grandchildren I have raised for 2 yrs, my son broke up with his sig other and is moving in with me, my youngest son and wife, just gave birth 5 days ago to my 7th grandchild and there is soooo much more I could go into, but let's just say that I've gained 25# and I'm blaming anyone and everyone for it!!
In reality....I have NOT tasted cholocate in 2 yrs. I eat NOTHING that has sugar in it. My jelly, syrup, soda and anything else is sugar-free. Unfortunately, the problem is not only stress, but I have not been able to exercise.
I had a break in my ankle on my 36th bday in 1996 (in 3 places) which left me with a plate and 8 screws. About 6 months ago, I started having severe pain. If I walked during the day, the next day, my ankle would be severely swollen and would hurt, even when I layed in bed, for 3 days.
Went to my ortho surgeon a few days ago and he told me that I am at the end stage of arthritis. Huh? I'm 50, not 75!! He said he could try me on a few months of anti-inflammatories and braces and then they would fuse my ankle. Wait a minute....after having gastric bypass, aren't we supposed to NOT take anti-inflammatories? That's what my girlfriend says and I believe I was told that too!! So what should I do? I'm worried!
2 Ys After Gastric Bypass (A true account)
Jan 01, 2010
Hello...all my friends....WOW!! It's been 23 months since I had RNY bariatric surgery. How has my life changed? OMG....it is sooo much different and BETTER...for sure!! I weighed over 400# to begin with. I could not breathe, walk over 1 ft, or even consider being a part of anyone else's life when I was that heavy. We are taking about a woman who had a wheelchair in her kitchen so that she could make her meals and do her dishes. I let my family wheel the wheelchair out 8 months ago. I continue to "sit" while I do the dishes...but that is due to arthritis that I acquired during my 40+ yrs of stupidity (obesity).I refuse to "downplay" anything that I had gone through as far as overeating, binge eating or anything else. I still have obese children that, for some reason, have NOT heard what I am saying....but then again, they are adults and do not have to consider the consequences. I am 2 yrs past surgery, have lost 200 # and worry constantly that I might pack on the # if I don't watch myself. I refuse to allow myself to get over 220#. That may seem horrific to most, buy you must imagine that I came from over 400#....so seeing 200# is skinny tom me!! I have maintained the weight of under #220 for 2 yrs and if I had all my excess skin removed...I know that I would be in the 100's.
I no longer use the mobility carts in the grocery store to get around...I walk it...which is oftentimes painful because I suffer from extreme arthritis from years of obesity...but I carry on, never-the-less. Tonight it was frigid (wind chill at -10) and I shopped for the family. Unofortunately, due to a dead battery...I went shopping after 5pm. Walmart was picked clean of most everything I wanted, food-wise, but I will go out again in a week. In the meantime, I have made certain that we have at least a week's worth of food and there is always LOVE in this household....so we will survive despite the underlying circumstances~!!
So Here I Am and This is Me
Oct 04, 2009
So here I am....coming into fall this year. I had my surgery 20 months ago and will not be able to use 'months' in the equation once I reach the 2 yr mark. How am I doing and how am I feeling? I am, pretty much, at a stand-still as far as losing weight. I have lost almost 200# (staying steady between 210-217#) Do I care? I'm not going to kill myself to get under 200# because I know, for a fact, if I would remove the excess flab, I WOULD be under 200#. I am wearing my flab like battle scars. I am just thankful to God for allowing me to be able to lose this, be at this size and the strength and willpower He has given to me to maintain this weight. First of all, old habits die hard. I commend the bingers and fatties who have been able to lower their weight to the point of being "skinny". I was a binger and, like any addict, old habits die hard. I have never allowed myself to eat candy, chocolate or anything that is over 7 grams of sugar. This is something that I did for myself and I have never gone back on it. Yes....I do drink diet soda....it has not killed me or caused me to gain. I try to drink water products (Crystal Lite, tea, etc)....but sprinkled among them...is soda...but not everyday.
I could NOT, in any way, shape or form, give up cheese. Not only is it full of vitamin D....but I LOVE cheese. I have watched myself with it....but it is a daily product in my life. I boil my lean ground beef instead of frying......we NEVER use sugar in my home, but only buy Splenda. I'm raising 4 grandkids under the age of 9 and have made many homemade cookies, in which I NEVER so much as lick my fingers when I make these. I don't crave chocolate (my old downfall)....and yet I buy it frequently for my husband and grandkids. Sometimes I say, "Just give me one sniff of it," but I never eat it. I don't buy anything sugar-free that is chocolate because of the fear of not being able to stop eating it. For my youngest son's birthday, he asked me to make him a strawberry cheesecake. Fine. I did make one which had no fat cream cheese and Splenda. I shared one slice with my husband and almost got sick because I felt that it was too rich for me! The word "Rich" was never a word I could ever understand years ago. I sent the whole cheesecake home with them,...not because I feared that I might eat it, but because I knew that I wouldn't eat it and did not want it to go to waste!
I guess that is the TOOL that they talk about when giving us the weight loss sermons. I try desperately not to eat anything fried. I fry NOTHING when I cook. I boil my hamburger and then season it and bag it in freezer ziplocks for meals for our future. I use a lot of seasonings (which I always have) of garlic, onion salt, pepper, salt and alot of Italian seasoning). I do love to cook and have replaced anything that calls for sugar in a recipe with Splenda (or the Walmart brand). I refuse to eat anything that has over 7 grams of sugar, but that has been a personal preference for me.
Last week, when I did our family grocery shopping, I didn't use the mobility carts (first time in 3 yrs). I will admit, it killed me. Because of the obesity damage that I had incurred upon myself, the arthritis and the hot flashes that I suffer with are there....there is no mistaking it. I chose to walk the store the other day. I was there for 4.5 hrs and ended up with 2.5 grocery carts. I am shopping for 7 people and I ended up leaving the store having spent almost $700. It's funny, because the cashier at Walmart didn't even ask me if I needed help out. You would THINK that after someone spent that amount on their products and left with 2.5 carts, that you would normally ask....but she didn't. In fact, the girl, in line behind me, had a friend who wheeled the other carts out with me.
Life has become so much easier for me. No one looks down upon me. No one questions my purchases or looks at me rudely. Life has changed and so have I.....
Welcome to the Future!!
Life Has Changed And So Have You!!
May 17, 2009
I went to Lowe's today to buy the 10h bag of mulch that I needed to complete my garden...I may be no different than anyone else....ranging inbetween 210 and 217#....but I can live with that. You have to remember that my weight for the last 16 years has been from 320-402#. I am feeling very comfortable and this is with my exercise being at a limitation.
Although my exercise is limited....I did walk 3 blocks to a Dr's appt the other day...I can walk around a store, for a limited period of 20 minutes and I do try to get as much exericse as a I can. I started this program over 400#. Walking then, wasn't an option. I walked through Lowe's Home Improvement (although just for a moment) today and a very old friend of mine (over 20 yrs) waited on me and called me "tiny." Can you even imagine? I weigh over 200# and yet she said that!! Was she being nice?? No doubt!! Because I am an avid gardener and landscape designer....did she lie? Probably not.....I am 200# smaller and looking at me compared to what I had been (which was a size 60 jeans to a size 18, was probably impressive!!)
At this point...I am not trying to impress anyone. I guess I will continue to run into people who have known me in a considerable obese shape....but being the private person that I am....I am not trying to elaborate on the leaps and bounds I have accomplished. I just thank you, God, for the time and energy he has given to me for this period. I have YET to even start exercising (except for a little walking) to make my dreams come true. I pray for strength in getting from one day to the next. Thank God and bless everyone who is struggling!!
So Much Has Changed!!
Mar 22, 2009
Okay....so I still look at myself as completely, morbidly obese. I have a tendency to pass by mirrors when I'm out shopping because for some, unknown reason, I like seeing myself pass by them. I have bought a mirror which hangs on the back of my bedroom door and I don't look like the person that I feel like in the mirror....but I know it's me.
My knees are still very, very bad. I know I need to contact someone about a total knee replacement....but I refuse. I love working in my garden and getting down on the floor and I refuse to give that up just because my knee keeps popping out of joint. Sure, it hurts.....sure, it's a nuisance...but I am going to wait it out a few years and see where it goes!! My son got me a bicycle that I am anxious to ride. Sure....I have heard that a bike is the worst thing I could do for my knees....but I still need some exericse and I used to love to ride!!
I have lost over 180# so far. I am into a size 16-18...which is absolutely miraculous!! PROBLEM: My husband doesn't seem the least bit interested in me. This is not something that has come on gradually since my surgery....this is something that has grown for years. I am tired of it.....I think I have pretty well let him know....and I am filing for a divorce. This is my 3rd marriage....so this is nothing I haven't been through before....but I still care for him...which makes it a little harder. Unfortunately, when you get to be my age (49)...you have a tendency to realize what's going to last and what isn't and quite honestly, I gave him years and things have gone from bad to worse. I am anxious to start my new life. I don't want a NEW man, by any way, shape or form....but I sure would like to go out and just be "me". I LOVE the new me and I want to celebrate her all over the place!!
One thing I wanted to mention is that I bought myself a new swim suit. I bought one last year (early) thinking I would need a smaller size...so I got a 22/24....I ended up having to sell it before I had a chance to wear it (so I lost big bucks!!). This year, I bought one (size 16) and it fits like a glove and looks cute (I think...and that's all that matters!!) I did without a winter coat that fit all winter and had to wear my husbands (thank you, Rod)....so I waited until spring when they went on sale and bought me one.
I want so many different things in my life now. I hate letting my husband go....but I cannot see anything, anymore, holding us together. Bless everyone person who can stay together after they lose weight. They are married to their soulmates!!
I Came Home From RNY Surgery A Year Ago Today
Feb 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day.....yes, yes, yes....happy valentine's day to me too. You know what? I came home, alone, on a cold February 14th, 2 days after surgery....and I feel tonight just as lonely and forlorn as I did that cold February day that I stepped off that train in so much pain.
Hey....shouldn't I feel like a million bucks? I weighed over 400# at surgery....I am weighing only 220# now....probably 30# of that is saggy skin (believe me...it's true!!)...so realistically, I am probably in the 100's, which would be the first time for me since 6th grade. Why am I not in that happy land I could be drifting off to? Why am I not on a dance floor tonight, celebrating a glorious occasion with the man that I love?
Let me fill you in......The weight loss doesn't really change anything about your life that might have been bad before. Sure....I breathe better. I have also had some absolutely AMAZING triumphs that skinnies take for granted (no seat belt extender, crossing legs, lots of room in bathtubs, dancing around the house, loads of new, stylish clothes, pride in myself+++++many more things). Unfortunately, my husband, who has never had a huge libido (which I thought was weight related to me) has yet to have sex with me since my arrival home. I have lost over 180#...which is more than he weighs. It saddens me deep in my soul. I have this thing in my head that says, "Okay, I love him, but I am only 48....not 88." I dwell on that....I guess almost daily. It's not like I want sex anymore....I just still have the insecurity....you know?
Other than that....I am pretty much happy. I'd love to lose about 50# more. People think I'm crazy when I say that....but it's true. At 18 months, I am going to go in to have an umbilical hernia (long time coming) removed in which they will do a tummy tuck at the same time. If you start out as heavy as I was, you need to at least give it 18 months to do the best you can do at losing. Quite honestly, I should give it 2 yrs because I haven't even started exercising yet....my losing has been watching what I eat, limiting portions and being a little bit more active (I was wheelchair bound before...now I can walk a ways). At 18 months, I would also like to get a breast reduction. Why? I have used these babies for all my young years....I don't need all this now. My back hurts and I have arthritis. After I lose my weight, my breasts started hanging straight down. I went from a size 58HH to now I am a 40DD. I have a lot of sag under my arms and my breasts. I don't want the breasts of a 16 yr old, but I sure would like to have some 36C's!! Hey...that would be perky to me!!
I will take out a loan to have the "batwings" removed (the skin hanging from under my arms). I have (altogether) over 5 inches of hanging skin under my arms. I also have a HUGE AMOUNT on my legs....but I just don't have the money for that. One day at a time!!
I pray for everyone who WANTS to have this surgery, everyone who has JUST had this surgery, and everyone in the same position I am. Thank GOD for this surgery....it has given me some semblence of life back and I just want to give back to everyone who needs advice, support, or anything. Make certain that you visit me on my myspace if you need anything....I am there for you all!! http://www.myspace.com/babsisforever. I love you all!! Happy Valentine's Day!!
Barb
January 8, 2009 - 175 lbs lost so far
Jan 07, 2009
I guess that I keep coming back here for a few reasons....first of all....I know that this is where it all started for me. I know that this website is the place that, not only gave me so much support for everything that I needed to figure out, but it also kept me coming back to talk to the people that I knew....even during the times that I lost faith in everything.
But because I have been through all of that. I do understand that many people lose faith, especially when the road is not easy, and they start seeking other avenues. Been there, done that....but you see where I ended up back to. The main reason for this is because I feel that I have a lot to offer for the stragglers out there that can't seem to find a place, that still have answers that they feel can't be answered, that feel the need to hear this all from someone who has already experienced it or feels that they need a reliable source or someone close at hand because they have a lot of questions.
HERE I AM!!
I know what the feeling of doubt is.....I know what being lost and not being able to find is.......
I know what being alone is and desperately trying to find the answers. I have lost over 175# so far. I would like to be able to make as many people who are in the same position that I was, be able to make this transition easily, non-dramatically, and with no fear or questions. Although I do not check this web site as frequently as I would like, I do have an ongoing weight loss blog on http://www.myspace.com/babsisforever. This is the spot that I go at least twice a day and I can quickly answer personal questions and much, much more. I have a great many pics of the pounds that I have lost and I can answer all questions personally there.
I have never strived to be a personality through weight-loss. All I ever wanted to accomplish was to be healthier, live longer for my family, not humiliate my grandchildren and to learn, learn, learn. Now that I have....I want to teach, teach, teach...to those who were or ARE just like me. I may be only 60# away from losing my entire weight (I started over 400#), but I feel that we can all learn from each other. Several OH members have found me through this onto my myspace. I am there daily to help anyone because we ALL need each other in this struggle....no one is sacred and no one is safe. We ALL need each other!! Please join me and we can have a great time together!!
Happy New Year....BELIEVE!!!!
Dec 27, 2008
I know that alot of people drift away from OH once they have their bariatric surgeries and start losing weight. I feel the same. What do you need it for now, right? I feel that and I believe that myself....UNTIL...I am contacted on my "myspace" of myspace.com/babsisforever by people who have seen my profile on here, are inspired and need some support, either getting through the whole bariatric procedure or the whole bariatric idea. I must say that I totally recommend it. There would be no other way that I could have lost this amount of weight without the procedure.
The procedure really did nothing to me than put the fear of God into me. After I had the surgery, I was scared of the "dumping syndrome". In the beginning, you lose alot of weight because you are restricted to a liquid diet. A liquid diet is going to make anyone lose alot of weight...surgery or not. The problem is...no one would stick to it as long as we would because we don't care. When we start craving our favorite foods, heaven help us...we are going to eat it...no matter what we said the night before; no matter what we promised God that we would never eat like that again; no matter what. But the whole point is, when you are addicted to food like an alcoholic addicted to booze...you can make those promises (and mean them) and turn right around the next morning and reach into your drawer and pull out that bag of bon bons that you had and start going at them again just the same way that you did the night before when you promised God that if he would stop the pain, you were never going to eat like that again.
IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT
We have to have this surgery because we have no "OFF" switch like normal person. We don't have a
"Full" mode. People would say to me, "Oh, I can't eat anymore of that dessert because it's just too rich...." Huh? What's that mean? The word "rich" just makes me want it even more because I am going to feel just that much more excited.
I made Christmas cookies this year.....chocolate chips and sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles and the whole nine yards (you know, Santa's favorite!!) I did not so much as lick my fingers while I was making them because I have myself convinced that if I eat something that contains that much sugar, I will be sick. I have no idea if it is true or not....but that is what I told myself. I know too many people who have had the same surgery I have had (within the last few years) and are seriously considering having a revision. Are YOU kidding me? There is no way I could "redo" this surgery. Shame and embarrassment would overcome me....no....way!!
I had my surgery 2/12/08. I have lost 170# since then. I am not bragging...but I am proud. Some people say that bariatric surgery (especially RNY) is the easy way out (or) the cheater's way out. Really? Weeks before my surgery, I had to adhere to a liquid diet of broth and protein drinks....gag-o-rama....but I did it and lost 15# before surgery. After surgery, my surgeon put me on a diet (which I swore to God I would not go off of...and I didn't) of something different each week (Week #1 & 2, broth; week #3 cream soups, etc.) I followed this to the letter because I figured if I followed every single thing that he said, I would never get sick or get infected (which is the biggest fear of anyone who decides that this surgery is the last resort.
I didn't want this surgery. I fought it tooth and nail every single step of the way coz that is just the kind of person I am. I was scared of dying, I was scared of conforming, I was scared of losing my comfort, my friend, my loyal one, and my enemy. I was scared that out of all the people who have ever had this surgery, that I would be the one who could NOT lose the weight....and I was wrong.
The reason that I keep coming back here and reposting my blogs is because people get access to my website on my myspace and contact me and get informed. I would shout it from the highest building or whatever it took to deliver the message. If you have the faith, the willpower and the desire....you will lose the weight, you will stick this out and you will have the surgery (no matter how scared you are) because nothing ventured, nothing gained!! If you are even contemplating this surgery, are you better off now or given the chance to be smaller...which is it?
My youngest son, of 24 yrs, told me, "I'm going to lose you if you don't have this surgery and I may lose you if you DO have this surgery....but I am not ready to lose you now....so I want you to have it." Quite honestly, that's the only reason I had it. If he is going to lose me, by God, he's not going to lose me by something I could have prevented!! He is one proud son today....believe me!! I don't know what I look like in his eyes, but he always comments on it...so it must be good!!
Don't let me talk anyone into having the surgery who is not ready for it. That's not right. What I am saying is to seek out the information that you need...especially...talk to people who have been there (especially if you can find someone who used the surgeon you are interested in) and weigh out all of your options. All I know is that I was DYING and now I am LIVING. People call me thin....c'mon....I see that same morbidly obese woman that I always did...but other people see different. Join me and feel the freedom of going from a size 7x to a 1x, a 58G bra to a 42DD, a 18w from a 70w....it's worth a try and I would help you....just let me know your questions and/or your needs. I want to be there for the people who have no one who can inform them. I hope to hear from you all!!!
Hugs....
Barb
December 21, 2008...the year's almost over...who am I?
Dec 21, 2008
I ran into a kid (who is 26...which is a kid to me)...who I have known for 5 years. He was friends with my kids, but he ended up having to stay with me a few times in the last 5 years for different reasons. He went to jail over a year ago and I haven't seen him for 2 years. He always called me "Mom", like most of the kids that knew my kids did (I have 4 children). I ran into him at Walmart tonight and said, "Hi, Kevin!!" He said, "Who are you?" I was a little taken aback. I guess he didn't recognize me because I was wearing my glasses which I started wearing fulltime 2 yrs ago (even though I should've worn them fulltime 10 yrs ago). I told him who I was, we hugged and he begged off saying he was in a hurry.
He called my daughter (who lives with me) and said that the reason he did that is because he thought, with my weight loss, he thought that maybe I had cancer or something. You know....a part of me was somehow flattered (you know...for the thought that the weight loss was that great!!) and a part of me was saddened because if he thought I had cancer, maybe he noticed all of my hair loss (which is considerable!!) I hate very volumptuous thick hair (like 3 heads of hair) and now I can barely make a ponytail....so it's considerable...to me. He talked to me and apologized...and I kept asking him, "Was it the glasses?" and I knew why he didn't recognize me...but the insecurities wanted to hear the weight-loss thing. I guess I had to settle...which is nothing different than what we are used to, huh?
There will be a day when we (you all know who we are) won't have to "question" what people say about us or their "motives". I started out at 402# and now weight 235#...and I still question. When I look through my own eyes....I know I am FAT. That will never change, because that person will NEVER change. I am that girl, that woman, that adult, that female....I am me....I am FAT and in my mind's eye....I will never change. I am not asking the world to treat me different, I just want the world to treat me the same. Don't show me that you DO treat the thinner different because that was a fear my entire OBESE life!! I am still NOT THIN. That is many, many pounds away.
I guess if I would have all of this excess skin lopped off, I would probably be 30+# thinner....but that will not be happening. So I will probably never really reach my *goal weight....but I will strive to succeed and continue helping others who are lost, sad, going through the same things I have or anything else....for they are the strong and honestly.....when dealing with obesity....isn't becoming strong and self-assured the main thing?
December 16, 2008
Dec 16, 2008
The year's almost over and I can barely figure out this OH profile thing. It's all so new and complex now since 5 years ago. What am I saying....since 5 months ago!! I have had quite a few people find me on my myspace and other avenues and have become my friends seeking either advice because they would like to have bariatric surgery (90%) or are having bariatric surgery (10%) and need support and advice for postop. I love doing this. I feel so blessed to have had this surgery. I am down from 402# to 238#. Now that may be all the weight I lose. That is over 160#, I am almost 50 yrs old, and it is winter in Illinois, which means that temperatures are below 20 degrees and I refuse to go outside to do anything!!
I am down from a 70" waist to a size 20w. I have gone from a size 6x to a size 1x. My bra size has gone from a 58H to a 42DD (or less). My underwear has gone from a 14 to a size 10. I have shrunken.....in fact, I have a LOT of sagging skin....so if I could lose that somehow, I would probably weigh about 30# less and be 2 sizes smaller!!
I'm not worried about that. All I know is that I made cookies for my husband and grandchildren a few weeks ago (chocolate chips and oatmeal scotties) and I didn't so much as lick my fingers when I made them!! I have the willpower of a God!! Why not? I have insisted to myself that if I ate anything with sugar or anything fried, that I would "dump". C'mon....occasionally I still overeat (I did alot in the beginning). Overeatting consists of maybe one or two extra bites....but it is enough to make you feel sick for an hour. That's enough. I have had no sugar or no fried things since 1/1/98 and have no reason to have any. I don't really crave anything. Nothing sounds good. I just want to be able to get something out of the meals I am serving and I can't even get enough of those!! I still eat only 6 bites per meal (7-8 if I am stuffing myself!!)....and that is the way to keep it. I have not gained any weight since the surgery. I may have slowed down in my losing...but I sure haven't gained!!
Because of the weather, I only do exercises with my resistence bands, which are great for the arms and legs...if you have nothing else....which I don't. I am praying to be closer to 200# by spring and then I will start walking until I make my way into jogging. I also hope to take up swimming next spring also!! Wish me luck!!
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
