belleflo
And the roller coaster takes a plunge!
May 26, 2008
That's certainly what this ride feels like. I posted it on the Texas forum and in Addictions, but I'll copy it here since it pretty much sums up where I am today, which is NOT a good place. Any advice from someone who has made the same dumb mistake I have would be appreciated.... Basically, I screwed up and had a few cigarettes this weekend after a month of none!!
And the worst part of all, I did this JUST DAYS BEFORE MY PRE-OP!!
Saturday was 28 days since I had smoked my last cigarette and that night we went to play Poker with some friends of ours. I wasn't feeling well, I was out of the game early this time, and I broke down and bummed a cigarette off of one of a friend. It felt fabulous to smoke it. Then Sunday night, my husband and I went to a casino and when we stopped for gasoline, I purchased a pack. I told my husband that this would be one night of amnesty since you "have to smoke" when you're gambling, and he agreed (very reluctantly) not to give me shit about it. Well, I probably smoked 5 cigs all night, leaving 3/4 of a pack and I had one tonight. Obviously, I cannot keep them around, so I asked him to get rid of them for me, but now I am freaking out because my pre-op is in 2 days!! I am guessing that they will be testing me for nicotene, and so beyond feeling REALLY REALLY guilty now about this, I am freaking out about the possibility of the Dr. postponing or canceling my surgery.
I guess I have no choice but to tell the Dr what I've done and PRAY that he respects the truth and doesn't cancel?!
Well, not much else here. Just stressing over the pre-op. I was told to lose 35 pounds and even though I have been dieting like crazy and working out, I have only managed to lose 18. Anyone have Dr. Davidson and was in the same boat? If so, I'd LOVE to hear from you, cause I am stressing pretty bad here... Oh, I just wish this ride was over already and I was on the other side. My sanity cannot take much more.
And the worst part of all, I did this JUST DAYS BEFORE MY PRE-OP!!
Saturday was 28 days since I had smoked my last cigarette and that night we went to play Poker with some friends of ours. I wasn't feeling well, I was out of the game early this time, and I broke down and bummed a cigarette off of one of a friend. It felt fabulous to smoke it. Then Sunday night, my husband and I went to a casino and when we stopped for gasoline, I purchased a pack. I told my husband that this would be one night of amnesty since you "have to smoke" when you're gambling, and he agreed (very reluctantly) not to give me shit about it. Well, I probably smoked 5 cigs all night, leaving 3/4 of a pack and I had one tonight. Obviously, I cannot keep them around, so I asked him to get rid of them for me, but now I am freaking out because my pre-op is in 2 days!! I am guessing that they will be testing me for nicotene, and so beyond feeling REALLY REALLY guilty now about this, I am freaking out about the possibility of the Dr. postponing or canceling my surgery.
I guess I have no choice but to tell the Dr what I've done and PRAY that he respects the truth and doesn't cancel?!
Well, not much else here. Just stressing over the pre-op. I was told to lose 35 pounds and even though I have been dieting like crazy and working out, I have only managed to lose 18. Anyone have Dr. Davidson and was in the same boat? If so, I'd LOVE to hear from you, cause I am stressing pretty bad here... Oh, I just wish this ride was over already and I was on the other side. My sanity cannot take much more.
17 days and counting...
May 25, 2008
OK, so my journey here started in March of this year when I attended an informational seminar with Dr. Davidson's office in Dallas. After dealing with morbid obesity for the last 8 years, I finally decided that enough was enough and that it's time for me to start enjoying my life, something I haven't felt that I've truly done, ever. No more depression, no more feeling sorry for myself, no more anxiety about WHEN diabetes was finally going to creep injto my life, no more dirty looks when I exit the handicapped stall in the restroom, no more fear about flying and being humiliated if I can't fit into the seat, or worse, asked to purchase two seats. No more finding a shirt that fits me and buying it in 4 colors just because of the rarity of that scenario. No more wondering if I'd fit behind the booth at a restaurant. No more fear that my child is possibly (likely) being teased about his mom's appearance. And no more rolling my eyes and questioning his sanity when my husband looks into my eyes and tells me how beautiful I am. No, I FINALLY have had enough of these things. I am 30 years old, and I intend to live like a 30 year old should live. I want to shop for clothes at a mall and have more than one or two choices of stores. I want to go dancing with my husband, and take family vacations comfortably. It's time for me to take my son to Six Flags and ride roller coasters with him. It's time for all of these things and more.
So, I made the decision, and as exciting as it is to imagine what my thinner future holds, it is very scary for me too. My date is June 11th, and as it creeps closer and closer, I am becoming more and more frightened. I know that things will work out well. I know that this is the right decision for me. I know that God is taking care of me through this all, and I know that waiting for me on the "other side" is a family who loves and supports me and a whole new world of friends that I have found here. I am ready to begin this journey and I am ready to begin living my NEW & IMPROVED LIFE!
So, I made the decision, and as exciting as it is to imagine what my thinner future holds, it is very scary for me too. My date is June 11th, and as it creeps closer and closer, I am becoming more and more frightened. I know that things will work out well. I know that this is the right decision for me. I know that God is taking care of me through this all, and I know that waiting for me on the "other side" is a family who loves and supports me and a whole new world of friends that I have found here. I am ready to begin this journey and I am ready to begin living my NEW & IMPROVED LIFE!
