BroadwayRose
New Clothes...
Feb 05, 2009
I spent the afternoon shopping for clothes that will fit. I got some really cute stuff, even in the super plus sizes. I know that wearing the clothes that "used to fit" and are way too uncomfortable and tight, have been bringing me down. It's amazing how a shirt that doesn't stick to you, and is even a bit baggy can feel soooo much better. I got new shoes to help my back too. So, now at least when I go to school and leave the comfort of my pajamas, I will have things that actually fit.
I got my haircut into a bob - and I think it looks so much better now... maybe I can start to feel better about my situation. I'm not going to be getting this surgery anytime soon - so I might as well accept myself for what I am and be comfortable in my own skin again... if I can. I want to get this surgery done now. Patience is not one of my virtues.
I bought my honey a cool sweatshirt too! :0) Early Valentine's gift!
Thank you, Connie for helping me try to find something positive in this difficult time.
Hugs to everyone,
Suzanne
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I got my haircut into a bob - and I think it looks so much better now... maybe I can start to feel better about my situation. I'm not going to be getting this surgery anytime soon - so I might as well accept myself for what I am and be comfortable in my own skin again... if I can. I want to get this surgery done now. Patience is not one of my virtues.
I bought my honey a cool sweatshirt too! :0) Early Valentine's gift!
Thank you, Connie for helping me try to find something positive in this difficult time.
Hugs to everyone,
Suzanne
Drowning
Feb 04, 2009
I have done nothing but eat tonite. 
Why? Because I am upset that I continue to weigh more than I ever have. I got weighed at the docs office today and wanted to crawl into a hole--
. .. 264 now... I'm just beside myself and I don't know where to turn anymore. I keep coming here, to see if there's anyone out there who understands... which I know there are plenty of people who understand....but I still feel so alone. I'm getting to the point where I obsess so much about my weight that I can't sleep or function very well. I am tired of feeling like I'm going to have an emotional break down because of the way I look, and the fact that I can't move all that well anymore.
I feel like I'm drowning in my own fat.
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Why? Because I am upset that I continue to weigh more than I ever have. I got weighed at the docs office today and wanted to crawl into a hole--
. .. 264 now... I'm just beside myself and I don't know where to turn anymore. I keep coming here, to see if there's anyone out there who understands... which I know there are plenty of people who understand....but I still feel so alone. I'm getting to the point where I obsess so much about my weight that I can't sleep or function very well. I am tired of feeling like I'm going to have an emotional break down because of the way I look, and the fact that I can't move all that well anymore.
I feel like I'm drowning in my own fat.
Feeling hopeless and lost
Feb 04, 2009
What have I done in my life to deserve this pain of being OBESE? I hate that word. I feel so hopeless right now. I have Medicare, and doubt I can get the best of surgeon to do the surgery - if I could get my doc's okay. He still may okay me, but - who am I going to get by having Medicare? There is ONLY one place in Oregon that does it, that I know of - for people on Medicare. I'd like to be able to choose.... at that, they are 3 and a half hours away from me... how would that work? UGH!I am so tired of being fat, not feeling well, exhausted, and hated because of the way I look.
What do I do now? Where do I go from here? It's so disheartening to look in the mirror, put on clothes, lay in bed...anything...my fat gets in my way all the time, and it's gross!
:(
Doc's Advice Today
Feb 04, 2009
So, today I met with my physician, whom I adore. He expressed his concerns about the WLS as well as the vitamin issues that go with it sometimes. Basically, I have such odd reactions to various medications as well as multiple other medical issues that it just worries him. He said he wouldn't discourage me from it, and that I should get more informed since knowledge is power...but ... I could sense his discomfort and concern for potential problems. He told me that he has seen far more complications associated with the surgery than not - and - he doesn't want that to happen to me. He said to give him another month or two to get my thyroid in order as well as my vitamin D problems, and then we will re-evaluate all of this. *sigh* I don't know what to do, I don't want to be this way the rest of my life, and yet I know his fears are real and very serious. (My neighbor is a nurse and said she's seen too many complications from this surgery too) - is there something I'm missing? Or are the people my family knows just not telling me the entire story?
It seems like everytime I think I've decided on a way out of this horribly painful world of personal fat... that, well - I may be destined to a life full of loneliness and isolation... and fat.
I still think the surgery is the only way out - but - I don't want all kinds of health problems on top of what my current issues are. I have a bad thyroid, extremely low vitamin D levels (the lowest he said he's ever seen), a lot of medicine allergies and bad reactions, depression (that's doing better), panic disorder (also doing better), and PTSD. ---
Do more people suffer from a lot of horrible consequences than not? I'm worried now. :( If I don't lose the weight, I can't go back "home" to see my family (they are very hard on me and my weight) and I won't have a career in musical theatre. That's the gist of the situation. I don't know where to turn anymore.
I'll be attending the consultation meeting this Saturday (like my doc suggested for more info)... so, I guess I'm still taking small steps.... but I feel there are no answers.
Does anyone have any advice?
Thank you for listening.
Suzanne
0 comments
It seems like everytime I think I've decided on a way out of this horribly painful world of personal fat... that, well - I may be destined to a life full of loneliness and isolation... and fat.
I still think the surgery is the only way out - but - I don't want all kinds of health problems on top of what my current issues are. I have a bad thyroid, extremely low vitamin D levels (the lowest he said he's ever seen), a lot of medicine allergies and bad reactions, depression (that's doing better), panic disorder (also doing better), and PTSD. ---
Do more people suffer from a lot of horrible consequences than not? I'm worried now. :( If I don't lose the weight, I can't go back "home" to see my family (they are very hard on me and my weight) and I won't have a career in musical theatre. That's the gist of the situation. I don't know where to turn anymore.
I'll be attending the consultation meeting this Saturday (like my doc suggested for more info)... so, I guess I'm still taking small steps.... but I feel there are no answers.
Does anyone have any advice?
Thank you for listening.
Suzanne
I wish...
Jan 26, 2009
I wish I could get this surgery done TOMORROW! I haven't even begun looking for a surgeon. I called one to talk to them a bit - but that's it. The surgery cannot happen fast enough. I WISH.... I so wish I could get it done and start losing weight right now.
...the photos that were taken of me tonite were frightening. I am so serious....
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...the photos that were taken of me tonite were frightening. I am so serious....
I hate myself because of my weight.
Jan 26, 2009
Here I am, in a place I never dreamt of being - at 259.5 pounds... so 260! I hate myself for it, and I look horrible. I have so many things I want to do - like visit my family and friends, and I refuse to because of how I look. My family will tell me I'm fat and I can't listen to it anymore. Not to mention that I can't take it having my friends look at me with "that look" in their eyes. I can't lose it myself - it won't come off. I have been on prednisone a lot and I am an emotional eater. My therapist suggested the surgery. I only know bad things about it, so I'm terrified to consider it, but I'm even more terrified to not consider it. People die from the surgery right? So, why am I considering it now? Because to be honest, I think I'd rather die than live like this (or heavier) for the rest of my life. Being overweight has RUINED my life.
I am a musical theatre performer - well - I WAS! I won't get any roles looking like this.
I'm miserable. I avoid mirrors. I just threw away about half my closet worth of clothes...either getting tight or just plain annoyed in how I look in them.
I don't know if I should get the lapband or total gastric surgery. I carry my weight all over, especially in that "pooch" area below my belly. I have rolls of fat on my back and it's making me sick to be this way.
Feel free to help or offer advice. I'm 38 and live in Southern Oregon.
1 comment
I am a musical theatre performer - well - I WAS! I won't get any roles looking like this.
I'm miserable. I avoid mirrors. I just threw away about half my closet worth of clothes...either getting tight or just plain annoyed in how I look in them.
I don't know if I should get the lapband or total gastric surgery. I carry my weight all over, especially in that "pooch" area below my belly. I have rolls of fat on my back and it's making me sick to be this way.
Feel free to help or offer advice. I'm 38 and live in Southern Oregon.
