Callmesunshine
Emotions
Jul 02, 2011
Okay so I'm on day 4 of this liquid diet and I am a mess. Not only did day 2 feel like the worst day of my life, but I've been crying uncontrollably. I haven't cried this much in sooooo long! The weird thing for me is, that I honestly believe these crying spells are coming from unresolved issues I've covered up with food. I keep getting flashes of things that bothered me in my childhood which I haven't thought about in quite some time. I wonder if others deal with this type of thing. I guess I'm going to have to search it out.As far as being on day four, I feel better, oddly enough. I know I'm not getting all my calories in because I'm having a hard time with the protein shakes, but still I feel better. I don't feel as run down and tired as I did before this. I guess the cause of how I felt EVERYDAY before was the food I was eating. I was at a point that I needed something chocolately every day. I also had to have a big huge 32 oz of diet coke every single day first thing in the morning. I didn't get the headaches I thought I'd get from not having those things. The worst thing for me right now is horrible pain in my lower back. I've been diagnosed with low back arthritis, but would only have pain when it was going to rain or the humidity changed or something like that. This has been ongoing and oh so painful since day 2 of this diet. I hope that this pain will begin to ease up on me because it's becoming more of a nuisance then anything. Maybe I blocked that out with food, as well. It's possible, that's for sure.
The weird thing is that I feel when I lose the weight, I will be that girl 20 year old who gained it. It's almost like that's what I imagine in my mind. I feel as if I buried her 19 years ago and now I'm finally going to dig her up after all this time. It's kind of sad when you think about it, that she's been gone all these years. It's almost like being in a coma after so many years - waking up and not recognizing the world has changed. I wasn't in a coma, but I hadn't lived either. So when I finally wake up, I'm going to see I have changed, too. I'm not that 20 year old girl.
I really believe that I need counseling now because of all these emotions. I've totally secluded myself from other people, including family and friends. The only person that I haven't (which is a habit for me) secluded myself from is my fiance. He doesn't understand how to help me through this, not that he really should. I've been wanting to call all my friends I've pushed away all these years, but I hate to use them when I need them. I've been a horrible friend because I haven't wanted to be around them when I was sad so I've stayed away quite a bit. It seems like I come back as soon as I feel better, for a month or two, then again into hiding I go. I've been sad more then happy and I know people don't like to be around sad people, it brings them down. It seems like I need a journal because instead of telling my story of how this surgery is going, I'm getting out a few of the feelings I'm having. Is this an appropriate place for it? I guess so, it's my journal blog, right? I'm sure others feel or have felt this way.
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About Me
Canton, MI
Location
32.8
BMI
Surgery
07/20/2011
Surgery Date
Jun 10, 2011
Member Since
