Candi G.
I began my journey with obesity and weight problems in the second grade. I can remember vividly coming back to school after the summer break and having my best friend proceed to tell me we no longer be friends because I had gotten fat. This was the first of my many life experiences as a fat chick. Childhood continued and as many of you know and have lived yourselves, it was filled with teasing and anguish over being fat. I was a pretty sad kid because of that and went through a lot of depression.
My teen years were fraught with the same. I had secret boyfriends who liked me but wouldn't take me out in public because I was overweight and it was embarrassing. I was too scared to try out for the ensemble choir, which I had been working for since middle school, because I was afraid that none of the costumes would fit me. Instead I watched all my friends advance while I gave up on music altogether, what chance did a fat chick have anyway?
In reality, a lot of my weight gain came from actual medical issues (hypothyroidism, PCOS, endometriosis) and it wasn't solely the bad eating habits I developed over time. I couldn't accept this because that meant I couldn't hate myself anymore and I didn't know how else to be. Once I started college I decided to break the chain of hate. I was bound and determined to love myself, just as I was, no matter what. I didn't start doing any crazy diets (on the contrary, I gained the freshman 15 and then some) but I did force myself to be outgoing and I began to tell myself, even if I didn't believe it, that I was beautiful inside and out. Over time I finally began to accept who I was and love my body, fat and flawed, because it was a part of me.
Shortly after learning to love myself I met my husband and because I was able to love me, he was able to love me too. He accepted and accepts for who I am, weight and all. But before our wedding I became focused on losing weight for the first time in my life. I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and crash dieted down to the thinnest I had been since before high school. On our honeymoon I, of course, fell off the diet wagon and abandoned exercise all together. But I realized something then, a seed was sprouted so to speak, I could be healthy. It was within my reach, medical problems and all.
So started the four long years I have battled the bulge with diet and exercise. Constantly gaining and losing and never truly reaching a healthy place. Weight loss surgery wasn't even an option for me because that would mean I didn't truly love myself. Loving myself meant I could never want to drastically change my body in such a way. What would happen to that girl who fell in love with herself flaws, fat and all? The girl that loved herself would never even think of attending a seminar, let alone actually having the procedure. All of that changed when my OBGYN told me that I was on my way to being a diabetic before 30 and to get pregnant I would have to go through extreme fertility measures unless I lost the weight. Self-love no longer meant accepting myself fat and all. It began to mean loving myself enough to change.
So that is where I am today. I took that first step and went to the seminar. I got discouraged at the cost of surgery and the thought of six months on yet another diet plan. But I persevered with the help of my loving husband, my surgery is now scheduled and the wait is almost over. Just two more weeks and I will have a tool that will finally take me to the place I've always wanted to be. A healthy and, as always, a beautiful me.
