carolb101

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It's been a few weeks since the passing of my dear daddy.My mom and brothers are doing better.
I miss him very much.My family does too and I know before you know it I will see him again in heaven.(love you daddy)He is always in my thoughts.


Anyway........Life is good.I am My heart is filled with gratitude for each day and everyone in my life.I am changing...evolving really.I am still(crazy Carol)as my friends would say.

I am excited that I am down now to 155 lbs!!!! wooo hoo.My own personal goal is 135,give or take a few fluctuations over the years.

93 lbs!!!!! I have lost.(20lbs until I hit my person goal)
I feel wonderful,young and excited about life with so much more passion and gusto.
I am a better wife(in bed) lol
I can keep up with my children
and I am a better massage therapist! woo hoo.
Life is a blessing and this rny surgery saved my life.
I would do it all over again(even though it felt like I was in hell)

Now the nest thing I plan on doing is getting an appointment with the plastic surgeon and getting my tummy tuck.That would be the icing on the cake....well not yet,,getting my boobs lifted and augmented would be the  icing on the cake!!!!! woo hooo

Exercsing,drinking more fluids and thinking postive like a thin person.
I will reach my goal
I see myself at goal 
I feel myself at goal and boy do I look great 
more then that I feel terrific!!!!
(the secret) you have to read it.
oh and up and comming...money is comming to me and
my business with BC will take flight!!!!!!

My father has been very ill with cancer since december.The good Lord took him finally over  this weekend.Dad is no longer suffering anymore and it's a relief to know he is no longer in pain.It was tuff for him seeing him not in control and weak.

I was strong through out my dad's illness.Keeping up with the laugh's and smiles.I was in control ..my little brother was the one NOT doing so well.I made sure I put my" happy ..strong"face on for him.Now it seems like the roles reversed/I am the weak one and he is the strong one.In my mind thought it's a good balance.

to be continued.......................................

LOL !   My husband the other day said to me that my ankles look sexy ! what???!! amd that my feet look sexier too! I was like what..?I know he is goning to have to bye me a few of those strappy sandles and sexy shoes! lol He even is loving me new feet! lol it does feel great that he notices these things.After all we have been together for 19 years and married for(May 6th) for 13 years.
Hubby also thinks I have a boney butt..which I do...well now anway. ha ha ha.

I have come so far on this journey..emotionally and spiritually.I am greatful for having the surgery approved and having a talented  surgeon.I do still struggle with food a bit,but my choices are a lot better and I realize that at times I don't need to eat.I actually feel better when I dont' eat the wrong thing.Like for instance I was craving cheesedoodles...I did buy them but in the organic section..I ate about a handful and that was enough.I feel like I am in control.

I miss my breasts ! I have flat cakes now. I am dreaming of the  day  when I  can get a lift and augmentation.The one area I loved on my body was my breasts and now I guess I will focus on my sexy ankles! lol lol !

At my support group meeting I finally met a person with my body type....APPLE> and thhhhhhis woman had  the surgery around 3 years ago and looks wonderful.She had the tummy tuck"panni "removel and now I know what my body will look like.WOW! she had no a pair of jeans and her tummy was flat! ther was no"panni".She came up to me and said "You have my body type"
I asked he how did it feel being free form the "panni" and she replied"it feels better then then the WLS" I cant wait for  the day this hanging things goes!

This morning I am enojying my cup of coffee.I love my coffee..almost more then I love my breasts. ha ha
Its raining out  and theres supposed to be a terrible storm over this weekend.anyway,,,,,

It's a brisk cold day sunny day out.
I just came bacl from Curves and the funniest thing happened to me.I walked in and said hello to the woman at the front desk(who i know)
and she said hello as if she didnt know me.She has not seen me in about a month.(my dad is very sick and I have been visiting him instead of working out)However I am back to work out.
Then she realized it was me and came over to where I was working out and said  that she was sorry ..she said"i didnt recognize you"
WOW did that feel great to hear
My body is changing big time and my face has shrunk over the past 3 weeks,It's like soneone took a ballon and popped me. lol lol

I really never want to go back to where I was.Never.I also am not going to be prideful about this loss.I am fortunate and thankful.
I will always know the pain of seeing an obese person.I once was one.I am now slightly overweight!My mind has a lot of catching up tp do.

I have been thinking about life and the people in mine.Everyone has helped me in one way or another.Some people I know very well.Other like my surgeon I dont know as well.but he helped me more the he knows!!!!My husband has loved me throught the thick and thin of it(lolthick and thin) and adores me .My son still loves me the way he always did.My dad is proud of me and my brothers are very happy for me.My friends are wonderful.My friend Linda took me out one day and bought me my first new shirt size 16!!!
My other frined Dina has given me SOOOO many of her clothes and they are an Xl(thats an extra large!) and L's.wooo hoo.

I am so thankful for having this surgery.For clearing out my head ,heart and soul.This journey for me is truly a soul cleansing oneI am finally loveing myself.I am a better friend to me and I am embracing all that I am,even the not so nice side of myself.(yes I am a bitch at times).
I have a new lease on life and everyone was a part of it and helped me get to where I needed to be! EVERYONE helped me on this journey.
My heart goes out to the people who carrie their past on their bodies.I used to abuse organs by over eating.I never looked at it that way.I was hurting myself and I needed to stop.
I remember the days and nights i used to pray for this sugery to be approved,pray for the day I would look like the other peoples "afters" on this website.....welll here I am,I am humbled by this experience!I am forever thankful....not prideful.I am keeping my attitude in check and pushing away the pride.I am proud that I went through this and it was TOUGH!! and I would do it all over again.(the first three months were hell for me.)

I know it seems like I am saying the same things over and over again but that the way I feel.
today I weighed in at 158.5 today.  wow! I am almost at goal!
I am lean,strong and healthy.
peace!

WOW! I can't believe how time flies.Its been 8 month's since I have had my surgery.I am down to 160 lbs.!!!so that means I lost a total of...(drum roll please)88 lbs in total loss!!!! I am so excited for me!!!
I feel great.Even with my lupus flare up's I am in not so much pain as I was at 248lbs.I am so thankful for having a wonderful ,talented surgeon,thankful for my family Especially my husband for supporting me from the beginning.He was wonderful.He may not of understood the physical and emotional pain I was going through at 248lbs and having lupus but he tried to.He is my beloved and I love him so much.

My waist is still in the danger zone .it's 42inches.wide.I was 52 inches waiting for a heart attack.I am working out at curves still,watching what I eat and my choices of food are a lot better,I do not eat and drink at the same time.I wait.I do have decaf coffee and regular for a treat.2 packets of splenda with low fat milk and it get's me through the sweet cravings.I always found coffee to be comforting.

My personal goal is to be at 135-140.My waist goal is 32 inchs-35!!!!that will put me out of the overweight catagorie.
I am changing for the better and making a consiuos effort to live the rest of my life lean,strong and healthy.

I'll be 40 this October! and I know it's going to be a good one.
I feel wonderful.I am healing my soul emotionally,taking responsibilty for my actions and letting go of the past and beating myself up for being overweight.I am loving and caring for myself now and I am a better friend,wife and mother ...Oh did I mention that sex is a lot better.A hell of a lot better.wooo hooo!

I am excited for the summer! for the first tmie in a long time.Having lupus is no fun in the summer because I have to stay out of the sun BUT even though I still have to stay out of the sun I am going to feel better physically...I will feell better in a bathingsuit and not sweat as much!!!! I am so happy.Oh and the best thing is when my husband and the kids go to our annual hershy park vacation...I'll be able to FIT in the rollercoaster this time!

From the bottom of my heart I am truly greatful for the people in my life.greatful for a my family and the love that surrounds me.
I can give more of myself because I have gained so much through this weightloss surgery.I have gained self love,self understanding and I have forgivien myself .I am embracing all the not so wonderful qualitites about myself and I am FOCUSING on the good quailities that I have,I am becomming whole.

I am going to be a bit morbid  here but if I die tomorrow..I want my husband and children to know that I have died a happy woman.
I am rich...in love  with life and happy with what I have done with my life.I am a simple woman who has everything she needs in life.LOVE,supoort,family and laughter.

I am greatful for this day!(everyday)
I am in love with my husband  
and adore my children.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.

LOL thats too funny! the word Anorexic! well two people I know said to me that I am getting thin and I need not to loose any more weight.One was my PCP and the other a person I used to work for.She said my bones are sticking out .She proceeded to ask me if I eat.How funny! EAT! oh hell yes.but my choices in food are a hell of a lot better than what I used to eat.I am 162 and 5'5.My waist is still around 40 inches! HELLO! 40 inches wide.I do have very thin legs ,no ass and very small ankles.Even at 248 I always said I was 135 from the knee down! ah ha ha ha.
My goal is 140.between 140-145.I think that is very reasonable.
I am keeping in mind my health!first and fore most.I feel great.
My life has always been happy.Now my life is still happy  and I feel I am a better mother,wife and friend.I have more energy and I am kepping postive.
Anorexic!!!!!  lol! that will be the day!
warm wishes to all.

I am going through a big change that is on going.So far I have been 166 for a while but my body is still changing.I was complaining yesterday to my husband and he gave me a reality slap!(not relly just a figure of speech)I said look at my hair it's so thin,I have no more boobs(i always loved my full D's)look at my neck its kind of hanging...and he said"You have come so far and lost a lot of weight.this is the best time for youENJOY YOUR WEIGHT LOSS ENJOY THIS TIME and forget about the other things.He told me I look great .aTkae this weight loss and run with it.
WOW did I need that.I WAS starting to obsses with my hair,eyes,neck and breast.

I am working through my relationship with food.I am working on the emotional side of my eating.What I choose and wy I choose it.

I am greatful for this surgery and that I came out of it healthier and happier and that I am uncovering my addiction to food.

Today I went out to buy one pair of new jeans,all the other jeans I have are size 16 form my friend which are saggy around the buttox! (i love that word buttox)

I fit into a size 14!!!! holy shrimp.
and I am getting my period again!!!!! I just finished 2 and a half weeks ago.Oh well.
I am feeling great!

I am going through something...changing,shrinking and I look in the mirror and I sometimes dont know who I am looking at! lol

I have been working out and massaging a lot.My upper body is getting cut...did I just say cut?wow.It's like I want to body build now and push my body like never before .LOL!I really don't want to be a body builder but I would like to be lean like one.

Does anyone else share my feelings on this.I dont EVER want to gain that weight back EVER again.I tell myself I am not going to.I tell myself I am lean strong and healthy everyday.My old self does kick in at times and I dont want to say fear aof gaining but lately I hear more and more people who have had this type of surgery gained atleast 50lbs back,WHY???? why???
I say to myself that wont be me! but then again i also said I would never weigh 248lb!.
I think I am going through this crazy change,I am holding on to the old me and the new me says frig that your not going to fall off the wagon.You are strong and you will fight to keep this.
I know i am not even a year out but it's almost here.

On the brighter side  my dear friend gave me her clothes.She is getting ready for spring and wants new clothes,but the clothes she gave me were New condition not even worn.She is crazy.Howveer I am greatful because I fit into her size 14/16.which I cant believe!

I got my hair cut today.It looks nice.My hair is still falling out but with the cut it does not look as thin.
can you tell it's been a crazy ride.

worked out at curves this week and I am feeling really good.
My arms ,legs,hips,buttox are all changing.
I need a neck lift  :(
I also am working out my neck and facial muscles and I feel it's helping but my neck it's slightly hanging and I think I am freakin out a bit by it.It's like I dont care about my iner thighs.they are sagin but who cares .I have always made my face the focus(instead of my large build at the time)
Oh well it could be worse.
I am shrinking ver nicely.It feels great.

My hair is still falling out and it's 6 months.WHen does it stop?
aaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~  lol~lol