Kathy - You sound very desperate for an answer on why you do what you do. You say you told the psych. what you thought he wanted to hear. You work out so you can eat donuts. You won't get the bypass because your husband wants you to have it. You've gotten approved and cancelled it once already. The only question I really have for you is; what are you really afraid of? There is no shame in fear. It's a debilitating and dangerous emotion, but beyond that, it tends to create an impossible atrophy in our will to thrive. The only person who can answer your question is you. I believe you already know the answer, but don't want to accept it. You are beautiful and have a family that loves you, so maybe it's time you love yourself. Stand in front of the mirror (naked if you must) and ask the woman looking back if she is ready to let go of her fear and love herself. If she is, she'll know what to do next. Happiness is your responsibility. One of my favorite quotes is from singer Joan Baez - "Action is the antidote to despair". Find the courage to act, Kathy, it could save your life. I'll be keeping an eye on you and pray you find some peace. Jen in AZ