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as of tomorrow!!!

I'm way too excited! January is still going by slow as crap, but somehow I've made it to the 2 week mark!

Clearance appt on Friday! and no work! woo hoo! Trying to visit my high school that day too. I miss my one teacher, Mrs. Z. She was the bestttt! And she was like a friend to me, I always got to tell her all my drama and she could always make me feel better! So, hopefully I can see her!

love love love

Casey

Holy crap! how has it gone from 74 days to 19!!!!

this is crazy!

Next Friday I have my Clearance Appt and I got a call yesterday saying that I have to meet with my nutritionist. I think its because I gained .5 of a pound during my weight loss classes. And also, not to make excuses but I had just drank a bottle of water and didn't pee! hahaha.

I know it will all be okay though because this nutritionist is so nice and cool and she's young. I had talked with her earlier about how I waas barely a 40 BMI and she had said "don't tell anyone I said this but don't gain or lose any weight" so thats just what I tried to do! haha.

And my job is killing me. I work at a daycare and I'm an afternoon girl so we are expected to get the room straightened up after the kids leave. Well no they want us to take out the trash, and clean stuff in the hallways and rooms where some of us aren't even in!! We used to have a cleaning service come everyday but now they only come every 3 days. So the afternoon girls, there are about 7 of us, have to do everything!  I wouldn't mind it so much if the MORNING staff, who work probably 8 hours compared to our 4 or sometimes more, would help out. Or if my freaking managers would pay for someone to take out the trash! If I wanted to be a janitor, I would have fucking been one!!!

I just have to last until January, and then I get ALL of Feb. off since I can't lift (I'm in the baby room )

God, give me strength!!

lovelovelove

Casey

Just got my Sweatin to the Oldies DVD!!

I tried it out yesterday and whoooo its a workout haha.

But it was actually kind of fun and its 40 minutes but felt like 15!
I recommended it to someone who is younger though because its kind of hard!

Anyway, i got my pre op appointment with my surgeon yesterday. Its on January 30...2 days before my surgery!!
woo hoo!

So, January is filled with stuff I have to do, but its going by SO slowly because I have nothing to do! No school to distract me! Thats how Sept, Oct, Nov, and Dec all flew by because I was so busy doing school things!  I mean its nice to have a break and I am so glad that I won't be in school when I need to have surgery but I am SO BORED OVER HERE!!

Its supposed to snow here today. It will probably rain though, since DE never gets good snow days. Probably like 1 a year. In like February. Watch, the day of my surgery we will have a freak snow storm or something! hahaha. My luck.

lovelovelove

Casey

oh, i am SO happy for 2009 to finally be here.

My new years was pretty pathetic, as usual. it was me and two couples....pretty great, huh? my friend kissed me at midnight hahaha she is the best, she didn't want me to feel left out haha.

It was fun though, I felt it was kind of the last tiem I'm gonna do stuff, like drink and eat whatever. Today I had McDonalds ans it was pretty fucking delicious. Bye bye forever large fries!!

I'm not sad about it though because I'd rather have someone to KISS on new years than a fucking large fries from mcdonalds!

I've been feeling so lonley! I'm ready for me to just be post op and thriving and looking good!!!!

one month baby, one fucking MONTH!!!!

January better go INSANELY fast!

lovelovelove

casey

wow!

my date is getting closer and closer!

Christmas was so much fun! I am thinking that I will just eat shit until the new year, then in Jan I can focus on exercise, practicing eating slowly, making my meal last for 45 mins, try out some protein shakes and get everything done before surgery.

got a northface jacket for christmas and i was SOOO gladd the XL actually fit! its quite slimming, I have to say haha.

My mom also got my this HUGE vera bradley bag for when I get my surgery, in case I have to stay overnight. At my hospital, they are starting to make Lap Band an outpatient procedure if you meet certian criteria, like if your BMI is under 50, you're a woman and I'm not sure what else. My mom is so supportive and I love her soo much! haha. I'm glad to have her. She said that if I had to stay overnight that she would stay with me, cause she would never leave me alone.

so things to do now before surgery:

12/29 - Get car fixed then get tags (35 days)
12/31 - off work! partying for new years! (33)
1/2 - Try and get bloodwork done (31)
1/12 - Call surgeon if she doesn't call me (21)
1/18 - Purse Party! (15)
1/23 - CLEARANCE APPOINTMENT!!!!!!! (10)
1/26 - Stop taking Advil =[ (7)
1/31 - Start my liquid diet!!! (2)
2/2 - SURGERY DATE!!!!
2/10 - First day of school!!!



AHH so thats my life =]

love love love
Casey

Cleaned my room yesterday, which is quite a workout!

Found tapes from when I was a baby, and they had my dad in them. There is one part where I am probably like 10 days old and he is holding my and moving my mouth and saying stuff in this hilarious voice.  Its my favorite part because it is so funny but it also makes me cry. I miss him and I wish I got to know him.  I feel like he could have been the one I could turn to, hang out with, and enjoy my company. I got my humor from him and I want to just talk to him and see what made him tick.  Its going to be 10 years of his death on January 31st and I can't believe it. That's definitley a turning point in my life.  I became depressed, my mother was severely. She stayed in bed for days. There was one Christmas where we didn't even put up a tree, we had a chair and she didn't come down with my sister and me becuase she was just staying in bed.  Those are the worst memories of my life. I wish it all just never happened and my family was the same.  My life just turned to shit after my dad died. I can't even describe the types of things that happened.

Ughh now I am sitting in my room, bawling my eyes out. I just with my life were different. Who knows, maybe I could be a normal weight right now, or maybe not, since both of my parents were fat.  But I just wish he were here now. To see me. To talk to me. I've never really reflected like this before. I just want to see him.

I'm definitley PMSing haha cause I never do this hahaha. I think I get really depressed the week before my period, maybeit has to do with birth control. I'm glad I get to go off of it before surgery because it is a PAIN in my ass. And I just don't like how I am on it.

ANYWAY, enough with my emotions haha. No work today! woo hoo!

Going to the gym, I think. Well, I am definitley going but I'm not sure if my friend is going with me or not.  I hate going with people because I just like to get on my treadmill, put on my ipod, watch the TV or read a magazine, drink my water, stretch and go. I hate talking to people when I'm exercising!! But this friend will probably bring her ipod, since she won't care if i wear mine, but another friend I have, I always make up excuses to not go to the gym with her because she wants to talk and she wants to do all this stuff and I get so unfocused.  Of course they are both thinner than me and don't need to do much, which makes it worse.

This friend is more relaxed though and has knee problems so she won't go as hardcore as the other.

I also cannot beilieve that Christmas is in a week!! Holy Cow!!

I got my mom a lot of stuff. I got her a Dunkin Donuts gift card, a cashmere sweater, socks, gloves, and pajama pants. I still wanna get her a gift card for her hair salon and for her nail place. I feel guilty for some reason, since she never really got a lot of good presents since my dad wasn't here to help us out and now that I'm making enough money to get her stuff, I want to. I want her to have a really really good Christmas.

Alright, this post is long enough, haha

46 days!!!

lovelovelove

Casey

I'm out of the 50's !!!

I'm just ready to get everything over with.

I feel everything falling apart, maybe I feel this way due to PMS

idk but I just want to see in the future, see that I'm happy, see that I am healthy.

Going to the gym today though!! It's been like a LONG time, probably a month or so!

wiish me luck!

sorry for my other post, just ranting.

we are still friends and i had my last final with him today so i won't see him until February, a week AFTER MY SURGERY =]

he keeps saying that we will hang out though during break but I don't know if it will happen, i just want for it to be Fall 09 and just be looking hott!!

Had my 2nd week of preop Life Skills and it was so boring! We had a psychologist come talk and that was pretty ridiculous and then we had the exercise guy come and that wasn't too bad. he made us get up and work out which wouldn't be bad except for this girl!! omg let me tell you

so this guy is getting lap band and he is in this class with me, he brings his wife and his like 16 year old spoiled BRAT daughter with him. Why would he bring her? idk but she was there and at the last class she said under her breath, "this is so stupid" i wanted to STRANGLE HER!!! She is not skinny heself, though she isn't obese but I was thinking, she will probably be here in a few years so she should TAKE SOME NOTES!! ohh i was so heated. well last night we were there and there she was again, sitting in the back. so the exercise guy is telling us to do stuff and this one thing he called a "push up" when really it is leaning against a wall and pushing off of it. well we are doing those and that girl, who is sitting down says "those aren't push ups" and is like staring at me the whole time. i was 5 seconds from saying something to her and if she gives another comment in this last class i have next thursday, BE SURE that I will be saying something because thats ridiculous. these classes are supposed to be positive and there she is being a total BITCH.

ughhh there is my other rant hahaha

Well, andways...52 days until my surgery!! I am so excited =]]]]]

It feels like it will come a lot quicker now because I have to get through December, which will fly by! I have next week where i have 2 days off and then its the week of Christmas! then its freaking 2009! the year of my surgery!!! January will probably be hard since all i will be doing is working =( but January 29th is my mom's birthday, January 31 is my father's 10 year anniversary of his death as well as when i start my liquid diet, then its Febrary 1st and its the day before my surgery!!

oh i am so excited!!

love love love.

Keep you updated on "boyfriend" (that what i secretly call him hahahahah) and the class bitch.

Casey

the one who i think is the love of my life is basically putting me in the friend zone. he tells me about girls and it jut pisses me off. i have not worked this hard to do that. am I the only person who thinks that my getting skinny will magically transform me from friend to girlfriend? because that is what i am hoping for. he is just perfect and i just want him soo badly! i know-- there are tons of fish in the sea, but i always thought he was my fish!!

i'm just gonna go on thinking that magic will happen, only to be dissapointed when he rejects me because he doesn't want to ruin our friendship, which is based on ME BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT BEING TOO FAT!!!

ughhhh

men.

<333
Casey

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone

66 days to my surgery and it really can't get here any slower!

So my best guy friend and my crush of over 4 years just broke up with his girlfriend the day before Thanksgiving and was talking to me about it and I was thinking, GREAT by our sophomore year of college, his girlfriend will be gone and I will have my surgery and be hott and we can date, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Well we were IMing and he starts talking about some chick he met once and who is just the perfect girl and just the fucking best. I AM THE ONE FOR HIM!!

boys will never understand

anyway he said he coudn't ever go out with her though cause she is only 16 and he is 19 and he thinks they'll just be friends. But it still scares me. I was sick to my stomach.

We are still talking now though and I am just thinking, if he doesn't see me as anything more than a friend after my surgery and when I am like 70 pounds lighter, then I am giving up. I love him, but I will just have to admit that it isn't meant to be.

Thats my little rant for the day

Thanks for reading

Casey