Cherish F.
Holy heck Batman! One year!
May 12, 2011
I can’t believe how fast it flew by.
Let’s start with some numbers. I know some people don’t think you should focus on the numbers, but hey, it’s my day I’ll do what I want.
Start weight: 294, Goal weight: 164, Current weight: 162
Shirt size was 3x, 26/28 – now M/L
Pants size was 26/28, now 10. This continually blows my mind. I know I was easily a 18/20 in high school. I had to buy a white nightgown for my graduation because I couldn’t find a white dress big enough.
What’s changed? Sometimes I think everything, and other times nothing.
WLS didn’t take away my bills, but it did make it easier to sleep at night.
WLS didn’t give me a flat belly and a tight ass, but I am owning this body it gave me. Flab, wrinkles and all!
WLS didn’t help me enjoy exercise, but it did give me the ability to move my body when and how I chose to.
WLS didn’t cure my anti social habits, but it did help me find this world of people who like just me as I am.
WLS didn’t change my love of food, but it has helped me recognize food as a fuel, not a “filler”.
WLS didn’t make me beautiful, but it did make me more confident with who and what I am.
WLS didn’t find me the love of my life, but hey I’m working on that, you never know what may come.
I’m still learning every day more and more about this new body and this new me.
Hey, when you have 2 sf brownies and 2 cups of coffee – you want to die. I knew better.
Hey, when you don’t take your vitamins for a week, you get exhausted and hollow looking. Duh, I know that, why can’t I get it together?
Because my friends, I am a work in progress. And I will be for the rest of my, now exponentially longer life. And I’m ok with that. In fact, I’m great with that.
This next year I have to learn how to maintain. The surgery did the easy part for me, now I have to teach myself how to do the work on my own. I realize I can’t keep skating by on the tool alone. I also need to keep up the exercise. It works. Period. I feel better, look better, and can see the results on the scale when I get out and get active. I’d like to lose another 10 pounds, but if it doesn’t happen I’m going to try to be ok with that.
Thanks for all the love! Texts, FB and on here – you guys are amazing, and are by far one of the best “side effects” from this surgery. Without my Mom, Cyd and all you guys I don’t think I would be as happy as I am with who I am today. I am so glad I didn’t let my shyness keep me from coming to that first cooking class with Cyd. And even more grateful that Steffi and Maura sat in Liz’s living room and talked to us. Mwah!
I think that’s enough babbling for today
Love, Cherish
Reflecting on 2010
Jan 02, 2011
Reflecting on 2010.
Six months of work and learning to get myself ready for WLS. Just to realize that I will be working and learning this for the rest of my life.
May 12, 2010 - I had my guts re arranged and my life changed forever.
Spent quite a bit of June and July miserable, wondering exactly what I'd done to myself.
Spent August absolutely thrilled with how amazing I felt and how every day I could see/feel the changes I was going through.
October and November were the great shed. Lost a ton of hair, but thankfully it was evenly lost. It's growing back now, in funny little tuft's at the top of my head. Little fly aways that I can't get to smooth down. Lol.
Over the past seven months I've lost 107 pounds and gone from a size 26/28 to a 14. Amazing. And it's possibly a 12 as some of my 14's are getting big!
I actually own t-shirts and sweaters that are larges. Me, a large. Comfortably.
For Christmas I received a gift of workout clothes. A medium pair of yoga pants, a large tank top and a large t shirt. They all fit.
I have met some amazing people through OH. And that includes those of you I haven't actually me IRL. I treasure every bit of wisdom and humor you have given me over the past 7 months. Special shout out to Cyd here. I love you, and never would have gone through this on my own. Thank you.
As for 2011 - well I need to get my butt focused on food again. As I've been able to eat more variety, I've found myself eating less. Some kind of defense mechanism I know. "Better to not eat than to eat the wrong thing." I have to stop this. I have to start planning meals again. And tracking. And not relying on protein shakes to get me through a day.
And, of course, exercise. I hate it. Always have. At some point I need to learn that I can hate it and still do it.
Again- thank you for all you have supported me and taught me over this year. Just over 5 months to my one year surgiversary, and I can't wait to celebrate it with you!!!
These are my confessions...
Aug 11, 2010
Anyway – I did not have any of the health problems many WLS patients identify before surgery. No high blood pressure, no sleep apnea, no heart/liver/kidney/etc problems. I was for all accounts healthy. Just 297 pounds. Which is not to say that I was felling great. My knees, back and hips hurt on a constant throbbing basis. But nothing I couldn’t live with.
What I had was 20 years of 260 -300 pounds. Losing the same 40 pounds over and over again. And every time I would lose the pounds, my body would get more saggy and sad. I’ve had 20 years of not wanting to see myself naked in a mirror. And since my last relationship ended (that was 10 years of ups and downs) it’s been 7 years of not wanting anyone else to see me naked. Sometimes I think the only reason I stayed with him for that long was because he had known me since high school and never seemed to care or notice about what weight I was at. It was easier to stay with him, and tolerate his shortcomings, than to face the idea of trying with someone new. Wow, totally had a moment of self awareness there.
The grown up part of me would say “You did have this surgery for your future health. You don’t want to end up sick & fat. Fat people have a harder time when they do become ill- which was only a matter of time with your family history.” But the real me- the one who still feels 20 – knows that this was more about being skinny. Or skinnier. Or even just less large if possible.
I feel bad sometimes that I was able to have this surgery covered 100% by my insurance based only on my BMI and weight. My ass was so big that that alone got me approved. And then I read posts by people who have real serious medical problems who are desperate for the surgery with no options. People who mortgage their homes to have this surgery. It makes me seriously consider all the ways I am not going to screw this up. I am not going to have this handed to me on a silver platter, then gain all the weight back by being lazy. I’m happy (blessed, glad, ecstatic) that I was able to have this surgery. And I don’t regret it for the world. I am actively working on myself inside and out to honor this gift I’ve been given.
Went shopping for the first time.
Jul 19, 2010
Finally gave in and admitted I need some new pants and capri’s. All of my current ones have droopy butts in them. Which, while a good thing, is so not cute.
Ended up at Boscov’s, who had almost a dozen racks of clearance clothes.
Found a nice pair of dress pants in size 20, that fit well and should last a month or two. Prior to surgery I was in a 26/28. Picked up a sweater and 5 shirts, all in 1X!!! I have no idea the last time I was in a 1X!
But the best part of the day was when I tried on a size 18 bathing suit. I am going to need a new bathing suit to go to
It fit!!! Like awesome. And my belly roll thing is definitely getting smaller! I didn’t buy it though, cause if it fits now it would be to big in October. Which is again – AWESOME!!!
Such a good shopping day!
Dentist. Yuck! But....
Jul 08, 2010
Spent 2 hours in the dentist chair this morning, which is normally not a fun thing.
I assumed the position, hands clasped over belly, gripping tightly so as not to let my harms hang over the sides and get in anyone's way.
But, somewhere around the one hour mark I unclenched my hands to shake out the numbness, and relized that my arms fit on the armrests.
They fit! Without sliding off from my fat butt filling the chair to overflowing.
They fit flat, palms down, with some room to spare!
I spent the rest of the time totally fascinated by this, gripping and releasing the armrest happily.
Completely lost track of time, and the rest of the visit flew by before I knew it.
Yeah me!!!
One month post op!!
Jun 21, 2010
Woo hoo!!
Even more exciting, I am down 9.5 pounds since my last appointment, and 21.5 pounds of fat.
Even MORE exciting - I am finally starting to feel great. Tons more energy, and tolerating food better.
It's just going to get better from here.
One month, 4 pounds down.
Feb 17, 2010
Had my second nutrition appointment and am down 4 pounds! It may not sound like a lot, but my surgeon asked me to lose 14 pounds before surgery. To make it easier on him surgery day. I'm not going to fib and say I worked hard at it. Basically just cut out 98% of my soda and made some better choices when eating out.
My insurance company requires 6 months of nutrition classes before they will accept a submission for surgery. So, I am counting down from my first nutrition appointment (1/12/10). After the 6 months are up, I figure I will start a new count down to, hopefully, surgery.
During this 6 months my surgeon also has an arm length long list of tests/consultations that need to be done. So I am working on knocking them off my list.
Already done:
GYN w/pap test
Lung X -ray
Consult w/Pulminologist
Lengthy amount of blood work
Still to go:
Upper Endoscopy, scheduled for 2/19
Psych consult/clearance
Ultrasound of lower legs
Upper GI series
Cardiologist consult/clearance - can not schedule until surgery date is set.
So far so good!!!
I'm Ready. Bring it on.
Jan 13, 2010
I’m not quite sure when I went from “maybe I can do this” to “Why can’t we do it Now?”
But suddenly - there I am.
I will walk up these stairs without panting.
I will *run* up these stairs without panting.
Most of these clothes in my closet .... gone!
I will have more spening money for all the new clothes I need, because I won't be eating the same quantity of food on a daily basis.
Yep - I'm ready.
