changechamp
Hello there, so on July 27th, 2009 I had an appointment with my family Doc. and shared with her my decision to pursue Gastric Bypass Surgery.......(crossing my fingers' she'd be happy and encouraging) Well she didn't let me down. She was happy to make the referral to a few clinic's to get the process started. After I left the Doctor's office I was feeling happy and excited but with those feeling's came doubt....Doubt that this will happen for me. I know that in Ontario, Canada this surgery is covered but that's not the type of nagging doubt I was having. I have failed sooooooo many time's in the past (Slim fast, Weight Watcher's, Calorie Counters', Herbal Magic, Jenny Craig, Dr. Bernstein, Sacred Heart soup Diet being the most recent) that I have this blue print if you will or track record of failure after failure. I always thought of myself as a fighter but as life has a way of doing, lately I feel like a weakling......boo hoo right!! 
I have been with my husband since I was 18 years old and life with him has been the time of my life but........I was always "chubby". When we first met I was 178 pounds then I lost 18 pounds on the Weight Watcher's plan. Now here's the problem that I know I now have to conquer and bury in order to be successful and keep the weight off......I THOUGHT I WAS FAT AT 160 POUNDS.... So I have self esteem issue's... add in a little sexual abuse as a child = high anxiety and bout's of depression. I feel that the depression is caused by the weight only because I never had depression in my early twenties.
So to make a long story short I have two children and a marriage of 15years, I'm a stay at home mom and currently I weigh a whopping 277.6 pounds........LIFE IS PASSING ME BY.....for me this "FAT" is killing me...the quality of life for me is poor. I want to go dancing ( I adore getting my dance on) I love to show my husband how much he means to me with Love making but at this point I cringe just thinking about being naked in-front of myself let alone my hubby!! 
After that being said....I CAN DO THIS....and this is the attitude I must have....I will not give up and except this situation. I am worth more and I deserve this. To flip this "SITUATION" into a positive I guess I can say I have become even more sensitive to other human being's that are different or those who are facing adversity. I believe there is a plan for all of us and this is my path and my dragon to slay. I CAN DO THIS... 
Brace yourself life.....here I come xoxoxo 
