chefjmarie

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It is incredibly hard to believe that after 55lbs I still have days that I can't see any changes. I know there are changes... I've dropped from a 32 to a 26 in pants. I am not uncomfortable in every pair of underwear and bra I own. My feet are thinner. I only have 1 and a half chins. My hair is falling out. My skin looks great. I have smaller but rollier thighs. My biceps are huge (the muscle - it's a good thing) but so is the skin hanging from them (not a good thing). I have WAY more energy. I'm at the gym at least 4 times a week. I am a real brunnette again. I just got my dream job, one I never would have even tried for in the past. 

Not all changes are positive, but at least they are proof I've actually been making progress. 55 lbs... how can that not be fantastic?!?! The last time I lost that much I was 19 and going to Diet Center every day for 6 months. Then I gained it back in a flash, of course, with a little extra. Now it's been a little over 2 months. I will never see those 55lbs again. They are truly gone forever. 

Life is getting better because I am better. No diabetes, no high blood pressure, no shopping for the largest size in a store, no being scared to be in front of the pack! 
 

Oh my goodness... I was sure I was stalled forever! I actually gained 5lbs. It was scary. I was sure this wasn't going to work for me. That I was going to be stuck in this body with two stomachs and still be huge. Then gradually it has worked it's way off again. It helps that I go to the gym everyday and can't seem to eat much. So I was excited on Sunday to see that I had gotten the 5lbs back off, but it was nothing like I felt today when I stepped on the scale and not only got the 5 off but also another 3. 

The scale is a funny thing.. one day we curse it and then the next we praise it for all its goodness! I'm truly looking forward to a day when I don't care what the scale says. That should be today. I mean I know I am losing inches and my diabetes is completely gone. What else should I worry about? Why do I need to have the scales validation? 

Well, the first truth is that its not all about the scale. You all know what I mean, because I assume I'm not the only one who is asked each day by someone how much you have lost. It's a constant in my life now, by everyone but my husband. He acts like it's all not important. Maybe it's not to him, maybe he could care less how much I weigh, he just wants a long life with me. The problem is that he doesn't know how much I want to hear about my weight. I think he's afraid that I will feel hurt if he comments on it at all. Like I will think he didn't love me before the surgery or something. And maybe he's not too far off (depending on the time of the month). Everyone else I know has that quizical look when they see me. The "well how ya doing" look. 

The second truth is that I want to update my damn ticker! It's like a big excitment for me to see that little thing move. But soon... I will be able to look in a mirror or put on a pair of pants and see the loss. That's the day I look forward too. The day the scale means nothing!  

Three weeks post-op and I have lost a total of 30 lbs. Not counting any pre-op loss. I love the lossing but as I'm sure a lot of people feel, I am missing my relationship with food. Ya know what I mean... the one where food makes you feel better or makes you feel full. Maybe it's that I always let food be too important to me and now I'm not really interested in eating but know that I have to. Such a big change from wanting to eat and knowing I shouldn't. I guess all in all this is better but it sure is taking some getting used to. Food feels like the enemy right now. I keep finding things that make me feel sick. Last night I tried a piece of shrimp... I always loved shrimp... but after I ate it and... well... after I threw it up, I decided shrimp is no longer a friend. That's it again, food is no longer a friend, it's just the stuff I have to eat so I don't have to take more pills.  

I have finally been released to really excercise again. I've decided to wait until Monday to go back to the gym (I can still walk for free til then). I'm really excited about the idea of getting back into my swimming and tai chai. Will all this really change my life? Can I truly become an athlete again? At least I'm getting closer. Each lb is a step closer. 
 

My surgeons told me to go see my local doctor so he could start monitoring my blood pressure and diabetes. Today was that appt... drum roll.... I lost another 4 lbs! Then my doctor told me that not only have I lost the 24 since surgery but since the last visit with him I have lost a grand total of 30 lbs. My last visit with him was Jan 3. Thats 30 lbs in one month and 3 days. Now not everyone will be jumping up and down like I have been but that's about the biggest drop I have made in my weight since I was 20! Usually it goes up, but man I am loving this down stuff! Another exciting bit for me has been to gain meat into my diet today. I am still very limited by my surgeon. I gained thin sliced deli meats, cheese, aspargus, spinach, italian dressing, green beans and a few other things I don't like. For lunch I took a nice think slice of ham and rolled a great aged cheddar in the middle. Then I cooked it for a few minutes on each side in a pan. It was slightly crispy and the cheese was melted. Talk about fantastic! I hope everyone is having as much success!

OKay can you believe it?!?!? 20lbs in the first week! Truly I was stunned. I thought maybe 10-15... but 20.... whooo hooo! My doctor thinks I am healing great. She removed the rest of my incision tape and talked to me about the future. I'm so excited. This whole process seems like it's going to be a lot of fun from this point on. All in all if the one week of being sore and having only clear liquids is the worst I have to endure I would do it again tomorrow. However, I'm not on the liquid diet anymore. Now I get to have "mushy" foods: yogurt, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese, bananas, tofu, creamed soups, ect. My doctor is about a 4 hour drive (one way) from my home so we stopped at Kentucky Fried Chicken on the way home and my mom ordered a 1-piece meal with mashed potatoes (minus the gravy), she ate the chicken & biscuit while I ate about 2 tablespoons of mashed potatoes and was FULL! I didn't push myself, which I am trying not to do, but it was great to feel satisfied after so little. I hope everyone is having such an easy time of all this!  

I found a solution to broth & jello... 

I got a can of Campbell's Vegetable Beef Soup and prepared it like normal, then I used a strainer and poured off a small bit of it. Let me tell you it was the best tasting stuff I've had in two weeks. I'm going to try Campbell's Chicken Noodle later today. Give it a try! 

Other than food stuff I am feeling fantastic! I hope everyone a few days out from surgery feels this good. I still have the sensation of having done too many crunches but that's not pain. 

Life will go on! I'm sure of it now. Well I'm off, its time to do my walk. WOW I love walking my street.

I am sick and tired of jello and broth. I know I can make it to the end of this all but I sure do miss chewing! Chewing... who knew how much I would think about chewing! 

That's the rough part... Seriously this has all been pretty easy to this point. I am feeling fairly good. My stomach aches a bit and I get really tired, but the pain is very mild. 

This is day 5 of the new life! It is going to be a great new life. I can't wait to get on a scale. My mom says she already sees a difference. I don't but then I haven't been studying myself in the mirror. 

J	Joyful
O	Orderly
H	Happy
N	Nutty
A	Awkward
N	Noisy
N	Natural

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I am reading a fabulous book "Exodus from Obesity" and it refers to being a Surgery Athlete. I am going to the gym each day and working out. Of course I thought I was going to have a month to be in better shape but instead my surgery was moved from Feb 13th to Jan 23rd. Less than a week away. It feels great to be moving again. I can't wait to do it in a lighter body! 
As of today my weight from the gym scale is 374.9. 
My mom is going to take pictures of me today so I will add them soon. Maybe these will be the last ones I see and say "I can never wear that outfit again if it makes me look like that." Like it's the outfit that made me look bad and not the extra 200lbs!