Cindy Kinney
Hi, I am a 29yo mother of two small children. I really thought up until about a year ago that WLS was only used for extreme cases and not that I am not extreme, but I never thought I could get it. Now I have seen my surgeon, and am waiting for my insurance to approve it, which they assure me will be no problem. I want this surgery for so many reasons. The possibility that I may someday soon actually be thin is a completely new one to me. Never in my life did I even think that there was a chance. The deciding factor for me to go through with the surgery, even with all the risks and aftereffects are my children. my daughter is about to turn 4 and already I can see she has the same body type as me and is already becoming just like me. I was the same way, chubby at 4 fat by six. I want to help to end this cycle. I want to be able to show her by example how to live a healthy life. Nothing else has ever worked for me and this has become a life line. I can't imagine being in a crowd of people and not being remembered as the fat one. I am so excited and nervous. My doctor's office tells me the surgery will be in late August or early September, I can't wait. Thin person here I come.
7/31/02:
I had two appointment today, one with the psychologist and one with the nutritionist. I was not worried about the psyche visit, not at all. I talked with her for about 40 minutes and just answered some basic stuff, not as detailed as I might have expected and no sweat really. The nutritionist visit was great, my nutritionist (Rachel) is a very nice person and seems like she is very honest about every aspect of the surgery and recovery. It was also great to be able to know what steps have to be taken after surgery. My other pre-op testing is scheduled for August 14th.
8/5/02:
Well I got my first surgery date which was August 30th, but then two days later the surgeons office called me to tell me they had to re schedule because the Doctor would be on vacation immediately following that and he does not do a surgery unless he is there for the follow up. I know its a good thing but I can't help being disappointed. Oh well no big deal, its only two weeks right. I am starting to tell people now. Just the people who are really close and will know anyway, like my boss and my co workers and such. I get the same from most people, you are crazy don't you think that is a little extreme, I have this great diet or gym or trainer you should try. Why do people who have known you for years and known every diet you have been on and everything you have tried think that they suddenly have some miracle cure that you have never tried. Why don't people realize that we have tried every thing there was to try and that is what led us here. Well maybe after it is done and I am on the road to a heathier happier life they will understand more.
I am also trying to prepare myself for how depressed I will be after the surgery. From reading so many journals on this sight I seem to find one common link, that everybody right after surgery goes through a mourning period, mourning the loss of their best friend FOOD. I know its coming I just don't know how I am going to handle it. I am not an easily depressed person, I have always had the need to either solve a problem or if it is unsolvable then to move on. I never saw the point of being depressed about things for a long period of time. But I know that I am going to be depressed about losing food. I just hope I can move on fairly quickly.
9/5/02
Okay well just 7 more days until my surgery, I can't believe it is coming so soon. I have been wanting this for two years now and now I am saying it is coming so soon, hehe. Last night I went out and bought some stuff I would need post-op like carnation Instant Breakfast and fat free soups and the like. I am trying to think about the adjustment now, trying to say to myself okay I will be fine without food, yes I am gonna miss it but I am not gonna miss the fat me and that makes it all worth it right!I am ready to move forward in a great new direction.
I am getting alot of heat now especially from my mother and my sister. Niether of them want me to get it done, for reasons I am not sure of. My sister is saying things like I know people who know people who it didn't work for at all they didn't loose any weight, and things like you know afterwards you have to exercise, you are not going to exercise you have never exercised in your life and My mother is saying things like do you know 200 people have died from this surgery and most people have lifelong major medical problems and stuff like that. I have tried to convince them that I have done my research, I know the risks and I think that the benefits outweigh the risks. And it really aggravates me when my mother says things like you just need a little bit of will power. ugh god how I hate that word. Well anyway I am getting ready trying to have a few favorites as my few last meals, my last supper will be monday night as I have two days of bowel prep that includes not eating anything. But you can be certin I will be living it up come monday night till midnight!!! I will update as soon as possible after my surgery!
10/07/02
Okay well I know I said I would update sooner, but I was quite lazy on my three week recovery from surgery. Since at work I sit in front of a computer all day long I did not go near one the entire time I was home. So here I am three weeks pot op. I feel really good. I returned to work today. I am down 35 pounds already. I can't believe it but me of course the doubter is just waiting for the day that it stops coming off. I think any day now I will stop loosing and gain it back. I hope it proves me wrong. I was surprised with how much I was not bothered by the loss of food. Like I said before I really expected to be very depressed about not being able to eat for a while afterwards. Not at all, the only time I was a little sad was when I went to an amusement park and could not eat all the great looking stuff like ice cream and cotton candy and funnel cake. But my family helped by telling me that none of it tasted as nearly as good as it looked. That helped me through.
So as far as what I can eat now. I am trying everything and anything as long as it does not have sugar. I have had steak, chicken , pasta, rice everything that my family is eating. The only problem I had was yesterday I tried some Chinese food. Chicken Lo Mein. That did not go well, my first expericence with vomitting. I do have a little pain, it kinda goes hand in hand, the tougher the food I eat is the more pain I have, and to actually call it pain is the wrong word to its more cramping than pain. but as long as I chew everything to smitherines, I am seeming to have no problems, even with bread. It has made it much easier for me because I can try whatever I want, I don't have to deny myself anything. Well I will check in again soon.
10/25/02
Well it has been a little frusrtating lately, In the past three weeks I have only lost 6 more pounds to bring me to a total of 41. It was coming off so fast for the first month and now I have just stopped. I don't know what is happening but I am going to go back to eating mostly soft fat free and no sugar stuff for a coupple of days to maybe try to spur on some more weight loss. Its going to be hard though its not that I am hungary but just that I want tastier stuff than the fat free stuff. But I should be fine for a week or so I think, and well see if it makes me loose any more weight.
02/12/03:
Ok well I am now 5 months post op and doing fine, my weight loss has slowed down dramatically. I am now 66 pounds down. Which is fabulous. I only just began exercising and that has seemed to start up my weight loss again. My hair loss has been pretty bad but I can live with it. I can eat whatever I want (kind of unfortunatly). I wish I still could not eat sugar and other things and that would keep me away from them. I can still only eat small amounts and I find that some thing I can only eat a tiny bit of while others I can eat much more of. Shopping is now fun for me I am now officially in a size 12 which is wonderful! I think my next step to continue my weight loss is to go to three meals a day without snacking. I still snack alot because I can not eat that much in one sitting and I still always eat out of habit not because I am hungary. It is hard with two small children to break habit because they eat at scheduled times so I just eat with them but I am trying to break those old habits every day.
3/21/03
Well I am still frustrated, I am 6 months and 9 days post-op now and I am still down 69 pounds. I don't want to seem like a complainer, but I was really hoping for more. Looking back at my profile I lost 41 of my 68 pounds in the first mont, that means it has taken me 5 months to loose 27 pounds, and that is a long time. I freely admit that I have not put much effort into my weight losss up until this point. I do not watch what I eat, I eat anything that I want, I do not exercise on a regular basis, I have been to the gym a few times, and tried walking a few times and that was about it. Well my point in all of this is, I was under the impression that this surgery would help me because it would pretty much take the decision to diet out of my hands, make it beyond my control. But now I am finding out that it is still going to take alot of effort from me to get to where I want to be. Yes I am going to have to watch what I eat, I can not eat anything I want and expect to loose weight, even though I eat smaller portions, my body has now grown accostomed to smaller portions and has made adjustments so I to need to make adjustments. ?Yes I am going to have to get up off my but and go to the gym, I am such an all or nothing type of person, I have done this to myself all of my life, I have always felt like a little is not good enough and if I can't do everything then I might as well do nothing and when it comes to dieting or exercising that is so far from the truth. The truth is every meal I eat is a new decision where I have a whole new chance to make a good one, everyday I can go to the gym is whole new day, I don't have to not go because I couldn't make it yesterday, that makes no difference today. I don't know if I am making any sense to anyone but I thought it might be good for me to write this down so the next time I am feeling like I am not doing anything to help myself I can come back here and remind myself. Remind myself that it is not my fault, feeling guilty is not going to help me, I can do it all I need to do it try!
August 6,2003
Hi Everybody, well it is now about 11 months since my surgery, My start weight was 235 and I am now at 145 down 90 pounds!!! and I am only 25 pounds away from my goal weight in 11 months. I know I did a lot of complaining a while ago, because I hit a big platau and it took me a very long time to get past it, but now that I am I am back on track loosing about 1-3 pounds a week. I still eat whatever I want and my only excercise is playing with my kids but I am now not a sedate person and I think that is making a huge difference. I don't just sit around and watch TV or read anymore. I am constantly in motion, or at least that is what I feel like. My whole life has changed for the better, I have confidence now, I have self esteem, I like to clothes shop and go to the pool and talk to people and not feel as though they are studing me because of my weight. I still think that this is the best thing I ever did for myself and I would recommend it to anyone who wanted to seriously consider it. I have recieved some phone calls and emails from other people who are thinking about it. I try to be very honest about the down side of everything. But it is hard to be because it truley is the best thing that I have ever done. I will check in in a month at my one year anniversary!
9/15/03
Hi Everybody! Ok so I am 1 year and three days post-op now and everyday is a little better than the last. I am now officially down 100 pounds exactly!!! YEA!!! Never in my life did I think I would be this little, I get constan compliments form people that know me, my god Cindy are you still losing weight they say and I say yup I am almost there just a little bit more to go. One year ago I was 235 pounds today I am 135. I am only 5'0 so I think the correct weight for me will be somewhere between 110-115 , so that means just about 20 pounds to get to goal!!!! And that was the first goal I set for myself at the surgeon, over this year when ,my weight loss would slow down I would up the goal in my mind, just because I thought I would never get to 115 but now I am so close and 20 pounds is so doable it still amazes me!! I wear a size 6-8 now and that is mostly because of all my extra skin around my stomach, I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon on the 25th of this month just next week! I am a little scared of the tummy tuck because I read all over how painful it is and I am very resistant to pain killers but I really think about 10 pounds of my could be gone just by getting rid of all that extra skin, so I am gonna do it. I threw a baby shower for my neighbor this weekend and I got dressed i some new clothes and my 5 year old daughter told me I looked like a diva superstar, from her that is pretty much the biggest compliment I could get, the funny part of it is that I don't think either of my kids remember me how I was a year ago, I say stuff to my daughter like mommy is not to heavy for her own good anymore and she says like you never were I really don't think she remembers good I would like for her to forget! I still have very few problems and problems I have are mostly brought on myself by not chewing my food well enough especially stringy food, the first time in a long time I vomitted was one night I had asparagus and it was just because it was so stringy. So a year later and I would still tell anyone who is interested in this surgery that it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and I would do it again in a heartbeat!
02/01/2004
Hi All!
Just checking in again. Well I had my tummy tuck on December 9, 2003 I was back at work on the 24th, just a mere two weeks later! I was amazed at how easy it was. I really thought I was going to be in alot of pain from it I was not! It was pretty much no pain or very little. I would recommend it to anyone who needs it. My insurance covered the whole thing! I am now 120 pouns and a size 2 or 4!!! If you can even believe that. I am not trying to loose any more weight I will let my weight go between 115 and 122 and then if I go over 122 I will start watching what I eat to go back down a little. I weigh myself once a week because I am determined that I will never gain it back not even some of it! Now finally people don't recognize me and the compliments ane pouring in. The funniest thing is people who did not know me before my surgery. They say things like how can you eat what you want and still stay so skinney. I just laugh at them!! Me, skinney its such a hoot! I know my body image is a li8ttle distorted still like people tell me how skinney I am but I just don't see mtyself as skinney so much but I do love where I am now!!! I shop in the trendy stores and can walk in and get my size easily and they all either fit perfectly or asare too big!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE too big. Now I want to start going to the gym cause I had the tummy tuck and the dr. sutchered my ab muscles to make them stronger so If I go work onn it a little I could have a six pack!! and if I ever get one of them I am going to get my belly button pierced! Well thats all for now check in later.
05/24/2004
Hi All1
Well here I am again, checking in! I still have no regrets!! I am now about 1 and a half years out, about 5 months after my tummy tuck and I feel great! I am now steady at 123 pounds, which at first I kept thinking oh I gotta loose 10 pounds but it seems my body would like to stay right where it is and I am happy with that!! After being 235 pounds I a not going to beat myself up over weather I should be 123 or 113 really! I have been talking to many people lately who are going to get the surgery, it has really taken off if the last year, I am so hpaay for each person that this works for, it is a whole new life! I have begun showing my before pic to a couple of people, they say to me is it weird for you to see a pic of yourself like that and I say no it is weird to see a picture of myself now not then, then is who I was all of my life now is the different Cindy, not that I don't love it God knows I do, I bought a 2 piece bathing suite!!! and I can pretty much wear anything I want, I range from a sixe 2-6 depending on the store. Life is good. I will check back in later!
09/13/06
Well Obesity Help sent me an email today! It is the 4 year anniversary of my surgery. It is really hard for me to believe it is 4 years! Ok so the cold hard facts for me 4 years later. There are still plenty of days where I eat something that does not want to stay down, plenty of days where if I eat to fast or too much I suffer from discomfort for a few hours maybe but all in all I would not go back and undo what I did. I still wish I had known about WLS 10 years earlier. I began 4 years ago at 235 and today I weigh in at 130. I was about 7 pounds lower that this for a while but most people who saw me then say that it was to thin for me. I go to the gym in sputs when I can. I will go a few days a week for a couple of months then not go at all for a couple of months. I have had to stop giving blood to the Red Cross as every time I go I am iron deficient. But that is my own fault. Before my surgery I ha very bad asthma, I was hospitalized at least once a year for it. I have not been hospitalized since my surgery and now only take an inhaler rarley, mostly spring and fall when my allergies are bothering me. I snored like crazy before I lost the weight and now I don't snore at all.
I had the front tummy tuck done and now I wish I had the back too, I still have alot of extra skin on my back down by my waist so if I wear pants that are the least bit tight in the waist it will push up that roll of extra skin and that drives me nuts. When I got the tummy tuck the Dr said I don't think I could get the back covered by your insurance so I said I did not want it done, at that point I thought I don't need the back done the front is more than I ever expected, but now I wish I had.
The most diffucult part of this whole thing for me is the distorted body image. I still don't consider myself a thin person. I will always been the little fat girl that I spent my first 30 years being. I have to convice myself all the time when I am getting dressed that I don't look fat. But I guess that is ok too, I will never forget who I was and that should help to keep me from ever going back to that.
9/13/09
Wow 7 year anniversary for me! I can't believe it has been 7 years! Well over the past year I have slacked some and gained about 10 pounds back. I have held on to that 10 pounds for about 5 months now but I won't let it get any higher than 10 pounds. It was very hard to maintain my weight at 118. It seems like my body is much more comfortable at 128. So I am not going to fight with it any more! Funny part is, 128 and 5'0 is just about marked "overweight" in the BMI index :) There is no way I consider 128 to be overweight for me!
I still have no regrets! I just wish I had done it 10 years earlier than I did. I would have had a way different decade had I done it then!
I hope everyone out there is doing as well as I am and good luck to all planning on having surgery!
Cindy