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I can't believe how far I have come and so fast! I had the surgery on June 20th. Stayed in the hospital for 2 nights which was my choice. When the nurse said I could go home the first day I felt a panic and said "I don't think so". I was well taken care of in the hospital. Pain level was kept in check. I didn't think I would like getting a shower with someone helping me, but it's been along time since someone actually helped me and after struggling for so long in the shower it was nice to have help...weird huh!? TMI?
I am amazed at how fast I have recovered after the first 2 days. I am eating about the same as when I was on the pre-op in addition to the vitamins prescribed by the dietician. My complaint about those is how yellow my tongue gets from chewing two of my pineapple chewables in the A.M.  Other than having to disolve my own meds and then drinking them (ick they are badddddd!) I can't really complain.
I have realized that I have changed but that which is around me has not...my family, friends, the world, etc. I love feeling this good about me!
I came to a conclusion about how good I am feeling...it is the opposite of when a woman finds out she is pregnant and can't wait until she starts "showing"...well I am waiting until the loss is "showing". Does this make sense? Can you relate to the emotional feeling of it all? I also love becomming healthy and losing weight at my own hand other than because I was having a "crisis" and the result is depression and "can't sleep, can't eat" therefore I get skinny, not healthy but skinny. I prefer being happy and getting healthy to what it has been in the past. I am beginning to love me again. Over and out until we meet again.

I started my pre-op diet on Friday, June 6th and I can't stop thinking about what I can't eat. My binging habit is equivelent to my smoking habit. Equally as hard to stop. When I quit smoking I used the patch and that relieved a majority of the physical withdrawal pains. I miss my crackers, skinny cow ice cream sandwiches and all my other snacking buddies. My mind is fighting me. It is funny but my husband asked me today if it would bother me if he ate a sandwich for lunch. I said of course not, after all he needs to eat regardless of what I am trying to accomplish. However, tonight he has stuck to his snacking schedule. He is also telling me I can have a little of this and a little of that - "it won't hurt you". That really helps my drive NOT.
I feel like I am going to fail fail fail. 
I have managed to "quit" a lot of unhealthy habits, but I feel inept to get rid of this one called bingeing.
I want someone to make me feel warm and safe and tell me with gentle words that I will be ok. I feel so on my own. 
I know this too shall pass.

I am going to be waiting until July/August for surgery. I am encouraged by hearing from the doctor's office and being given a time period for my surgery. Gives me time to do the things I must do before surgery. Thank you to all for their questions, comments, etc.

I am finding alot of value in communicating with friends OH. Still waiting to hear from the Dr. Hunter's office. It's been two weeks since I have talked to anyone and that's fine. Sometimes God slows me down and insists that I think. It's been good to read about others experiences. My greatest fear is being sick after surgery. Everyone has basically said the same thing...if you are compliant you shouldn't have problems. So there ya have it...compliancy is the key to success. Keep my eyes on the prize.

It is April 2008 and I am waiting for a surgery date. When I went to see the nutritionist I asked her for an internet site that would be of help to me as far as diet post-op. She gave me obesityhelp.com. I have been poking around the website, becoming familiar with it, etc.
I didn't realize that I have been here before. I found a statement I had written back in 2004, when I started to toy with the idea of WLS. What a flash! I do remember clearly though receiving an email from MommaAngel welcoming me and giving me prayers on my journey. I am saddened to see that she has passed. God Bless you MommaAngel. Good to know you are continuing your work in God's Army. 
I really didn't realize how long I have been thinking about this. Finding what I had written gave me validity for the decision I have made to go ahead with surgery. Up until today I thought I was being a little flighty with this decision. Feeling like I was "rushing" into it. Now I know just how long I have been struggling. The struggle doesn't include the years before 2004 when I just felt like a victim and my body was my prison.
I am growing in leaps and bounds these past few days. Something has calmed in me. I have to give credit to Oprah and her book club. I picked up her current choice for her club, A New Earth, at Costco. I usually start in the middle with this type of book, and flip around. I started on the chapter which explains, pain-body. I had what Oprah calls an ah-ha moment. The calm came and it felt so good. Thank you Oprah, you have changed my life and by that you are changing the world - one person at a time. God bless you.
This is my start. Until then....God Bless those ah-ha moments!