DianaC0214

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I am one week post-op and I have to say I really feel so tired.  I don't know what I was thinking but I didn't think I would feel such fatique.  I walk up the stairs and have to rest.  Other that that, I feel fine.  It really feels weird not to be hungry.....it is a very strange feeling.  I have thoughts of chowing down on a cheesburger and I do feel a bit depressed about missing food.  Wow, I know I sound like a winer....am determined though to journal how I am feeling...not what everyone may want to read.....

Well, I back home.  My surgery was Tuesday, 12/11.  I have to say it was more difficult than I thought it would be.  I had a really tough time with the anesthesia.  I was really naucious and I had a terrible headache.  The nurses were great....but kept pushing me to walk.  I had "dry heaves" .  Not a good couple of days.  Today is Friday and I am feeling much better.  it is true that each day you feel so much better.  I think I am on the raod to recovery!

It feels good to document feelings along the way.  And, hopefully, anyone reading this can relate.  I ask myself "why am I doing this?" What is so bad about being in this body.  So of the many wants and don't wants:

1) I don't want to feel tired all the time.  
2) I want to climb a set of stairs without getting winded.
3) I want to wear clothes that represent my style (whatever that is, I think I have totally lost that).  
4) I want to put something on, not because it is the only thing that buttons without gagging me.  
5)I want to wear something other than black!
6) I want to be hugged by my husband and not feel so big.  I want to be smaller than his size, not bigger.
7) I want to play tennis with my daughter
8) I want to wear white jeans!
9) I want to eat to live not live to eat!
10) I want to focus my energy on the positive!
11) I want to feel stylish!
12) I want to wear short sleeves in the summer, not always trying to cover up my body!
13) I want to tone my muscles and actually SEE the muscles!
14) I don't want to make excuses for not attending social functions
15) I want to take walls with my husband.
16) I want to have pretty lingerie
17) I don't want my bra straps and underwires digging into my skin
18) I want to swim at the local pool
19) I want to wear high neels to work again
20) I don't want to dread getting up in the morning anymore because I don't have anything that fits

I will be having my surgery in less than three weeks.  The time seems to be going quite slow.  I have put one quite a few pounds in the last month.  Unfortunately, when I realized my BMI was less than 40, I was really freaked out that my insurance might not approve the surgery.  Well, since that point, I have been really overeating.  Once I got in that mode, even after approval, I haven't been able to stop.  I feel physically awful.  My back hurts and I am always tired.  My surgeon insists on a two week pre-surgery diet, which consists of 5 protein shakes per day and some salad.  Today is Sunday and my diet must begin on Tuesday.  I know it will be difficult, but I am actually looking forward to it.  I am actually tired of eating.  And quite sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  I have not a single article of clothing that fits.  I have an executive position in my job and it has been incredibly embarrassing for me that I wear the same clothes day and and day out.  I'm sure it has had a negative impact on my job.  I am so looking forward to a new life.  December 11 can't come soon enough.

I am approved!!!!  I am soooooo excited.  I have been so worried about not getting approval it was taking over my life.  I wasn't sure how I would ever be able to get through the holidays if I wasn't approved.  I do really have wonderful insurance.  For the next couple of weeks I will be concentrating on getting as healthy as I am able.  My surgeon insists on a very strict diet for the two weeks leading up to surgery.  That will be difficult but I feel there is nothing I can't handle for two weeks.  I have been through a life of diets.  Now, I see a light shining brightly as this surgery I know is the best chocie for me.  I am so happy!!

So I am still waiting to hear from Dr. Dallal's office.  I called on Monday to see if they received everything.  The P.A .(LInda) has not called me back.  I got the feeling I was annoying the office so I guess I just need to wait until they contact me.  I'm just not sure if they have received all of the reports from my testing.  I am anxiously awaiting some news.  I am obsessed about the insurance coverage.  Now that I have decide that this surgery is the best thing that could ever happen to me.....I just can't wait!  Patience for me is a challenge.........

I had my initial visit with Dr. Dallal on October 19th.  He was great as was his office staff.  The big shocker for me is that my height is 5'7", not 5'6" that I thought.  Go figure.  I was thinking that my BMI was over 40.  Now that I know it is 38.8 I am obsessing about the insurance approval.  Dr. Dallal doesn't think it will be a problem as I have hypertension.  We'll see.  

For the past two weeks I've been having all of my required tests and had my two additional visits to Dr. Dillal's office to me with the exercise therapist, nutritionist and psychologist.  I have been doing alot of online research and have a good handle on what to expect.  I am not nervous about the procedure at all.  I am just anxious about the insurance and very ecited about making a positive change in my life.