Bridget M.

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Well boys and girls, dont let anyone tell you different, the holidays are rough! We had lots of Sees candies, cookies, junk, junk, junk! Had lasgana at my moms house on Christmas Eve, a HUGE dinner at my Aunts house on Christmas. I never realized before how much my family eats during the holidays. Anyway, I had some sweets but very limited and lasgana cause its MY FAVORITE and even a piece of bread. At my Aunts I couldnt get down much of anything, I made sure and had protein first with some ham. Then I was stuck, slimed and stopped. I took the rest home for dinner. The suprising part is on Tuesday when I weighed in I actually lost a pound! How SWEET is that?? Im slowly and I do mean slowly getting there, but its better than nothing at all right! This week I am watching what I eat and making it healthy, it actually feels good to be away from all the sweets. So onward we go!

This week has rocked! Actually since Thanksgiving I have lost 6lbs in 3 weeks! Might not be alot? But for me it is since the scale hasnt moved in 3 months! I started having a protein drink in the morning, a tuna pack at lunch, or soup or something reasonable and for dinner is protein. I think its the gym thats helping. I go at least 4 days a week and have alternated my cario with weights. I lost 2lbs just from yesterday! Oh another thing is that I had a wake up call on November 30. I looked at Thanksgiving pictures and cried my eyes out. Im SO happy that this is finally working. A few things I have learned. One, dont fight the band. Believe me that sounds easy but when you are as hard headed as I am? Its not. Its taken me 6 months to learn this. Two, I cant eat leftovers. Nothing. Chicken will be fine at night and the next day? It gets stuck and I PB. I havent PB'ed in about 5 days. When I did, i tried to eat potatoes so it was my own fault. Im finally learning and it feels so rewarding. I have along way to go but Im honestly ok with that as long as I am progressing!!! One pound at a time I am happy with! This makes me want to be good even more, and to work at it. I just was tired of working at it and not losing. Also, I had the Depo shot 3 months ago. I seriously think that messed me up. I stopped taking it and this month is when I was supposed to get another shot. For one, I had a period for a month and a half, for two my uterus really hurts. I have to go get an ultrasound on the 21st of December now. I wont get that shot again. So now that the 3 months is over, Im starting to lose weight. Thank you Father! Thats my happy news for now! ONWARD as Frannie says!

Thanksgiving...was an ok time. There was some appetizers and I tried a little bit of a rib. Dont do that again. Note to self. Came back up. I had some ham, some mashed taters, a few bites of roll, beans. Everything went down fine. One piece of pie, one little bite of brownies. I am very proud of myself. My family loved my new hair do, my mom made some remarks about eating, but whats new? Still it was a nice time with family and Im thankful. Now for everyday life? I havent done so well and Im getting frustrated. So after an as* chewing by Vamp and Bridget S. (love them both!) I am now back on track. I am doing liquids for a few days to clean out my system and get in the right frame of mind again. Then I think I will do Weight Watchers as suggested by Bridget S. Im just to damn stubborn for my own good and keep fighting this band. But I WILL GET IT! Eventually. I hope its this week. No more bad foods, I didnt go thru all of this for nothing. Even if it takes me longer than most I will get there. Im going to start taking notes on what everyone else is eating too.

Im still going to the gym, about 4 times a week. I think I really need cardio more (only doing about 20 min now and the rest of the time weights) so I think I will do 30 min at home. 

On the forum, I started a Christmas Card list and Secret Santa. Thankfully Vamp took over the Secret Santa. I have my person to get a present for and I just love her! Such an inspiration! I have the gift all picked out! I cant wait! I have to get the Christmas Card list out this weekend. Thats going to be alot of work but well worth it! We have almost 100 people participating. 

Thats my update for now! Hopefully posts to come will be about the weight loss and how I FINALLY GOT IT!

 

Sooooooooooo..doc comes in. Says, you havent lost any in 2 months (since 9/11). I explain I had TOM for 6 weeks, started the gym 3 weeks ago etc. Explained how I could barely eat cause of TOM. He says well you must be eating something because you havent lost. Sigh. I really dont want to go thru this with him. I counted my calories, my fatr grams, my carbs. I know Im only getting 900 calories most days. He doesnt want to hear it so why waste my breath? He says lay down. I said, last time you filled me when I was standing up. He says lets try it laying down. Sigh. Again, not listening. I lay down, hard time finding it. He says stand up. I do. He finds it. Says your right, I knew there was 1 that I had to do standing up. Ya think? So he pulls out my 1.6 and adds in .4 for a total of 2.0 in my band now. We talk a bit, hes a nice guy and I like him, I just dont think docs listen real well to what you say. Then I left! No biggie, just frustration. 

But today is a new day and I WILL make this work. Im on liquids and mush for today. It will be interesting to see how this fill goes!

One more thing..I started my TOM this am. Everytime I get a fill I start! Whats WITH THAT?

I think Im getting the hang of this thing. So lets see, I have an appt to get my 3rd fill on 11/6. I can tell that I need it, I actually ate my first tortilla today! Weight loss had been about the same, nothing, but I did stop weighing myself because it was WAY to traumatic and I would get discouraged. The biggest thing to happen lately is that I started the gym 2 weeks ago. I go 5 days a week for an hour, we start with the treadmill and move over to weights or floor exercises. Anthony the trainer is brutual but I know its for my own good dammit. My sister and I took bathing suit pics and measured and we will do that once a month. It will be interesting to see what the doctors scale says on the 6th since Im not weighing myself. I was doing it everyday, dont do that, not a good thing for you. I seldom PB or slime anymore, well alot less than before. Now I am learning the signs and can tell when I take one bite to many that its going to come back up. I think the mental part of it is finally getting thru. Its not an easy lesson to learn. My co-worker, Net, has made an appt for 11/7 to go to the seminar on Lap Band with my doctor. It will be interesting to see if she is going to follow thru. As always, I could do none of this without God on my side. I thank him everyday for my health and this chance. I will make this work one way or another! Good news is another lady who used the same doc and had surgery 1 day before me wrote to me and said she didnt start losing until her 3 or 4th fill and then it started dropping off. Finally got that restriction. So I think when I am restricted, Im not, not yet. I will keep at this, Im not giving up. I also had a talk with my OB/GYN (because I had my TOM for almost 2 months and that was BRUTAL! My band was super tight!) and he told me more about nutrition than my surgeon or his office ever has. Im really trying to watch the carbs now as well as calories. Im still only at 900 calories a day, I really need to up that somehow. Ok, Im off for now!

4/18/2006 Well I started this process about a year ago. I went to Dr. Coates in Modesto, had the initial consult, did the seminar, did the pshcy eval, blood panel, echo and then learned Blue Cross would only do it at a COE. Let me tell you, this was not a good thing..I had read everything to read on RNY and talked to many people etc. So I finally figured it wasn’t God's Will and that was that. All the time, I kept trying to change the way I ate, exercised etc. Lost 15 lbs and stopped. Gained it back. Then I had a slight scare with my heart, had to do an EKG and take a stress test. Thank God my heart is fine. So a few months later and I am here again. Now I am looking into the LapBand and found a Dr. in Fresno which is 3 hours from me but better than nothing! I contacted previously doctors in Sacramento (UCDAVIS has a 2 year waiting period) and in San Fran but never received the package of info. The thing is, I felt "magic" talking to the doc in Modesto 's office and them answering questions. I feel you should always go with your gut. So now I am learning everything I can about Lap..it seems more logical to do. Shorter time in the hospital, less evasive, more in control. I don’t like the thought of cutting my stomach in two. So I’m waiting for the package from the new doc and she said with as much foundation as I have already done it shouldn’t take that long. Called Blue Cross and checked with them that it could be done. My PCP is on board, my family is also including my family at work. I am SO happy about this, my spirit has been lifted and I have something to look forward to now! I am also seeing a therapist as I have for over year now and she thinks its the right time for me. I use to binge eat, which I dont do anymore and I have been working on issues I have. After a year of counseling, this is just another step in the right direction! There’s also this guy, I dated him when I was 16, but this isn’t about him, I’m doing this for myself, but he is very supportive..and who knows…maybe someday. But I definitely DON’T want to see him like this..it would break my heart. Wish me luck and say a prayer!  

4/24/2006 While I have a moment at work I wanted to write. So this weekend I told my sister, my bestfriend, my mom and my co-worker about the surgery. Oh and the girl next door. My mom and my bestfriend were like right on! Get it done, sounds like you have researched it! But everyone else? Talk about negative! "If you just diet you can lose 2 lbs a week too." etc. I said look, Im not asking for approval, Im doing this. So needless to say, I probably wont tell anyone else. Why cant people be more supportive? Amazing. I have my first appointment with Dr. Felix on May 9th (my b-day!) and the seminar on the same day. Fresno is about 3 hours away, not looking forward to the drive with gas at $3.08 but what can you do? I have to tell my boss still Im taking that day off. We will see how that goes. When I mention I will have to exercise, and diet maybe that will help. I bought a digital camera on Saturday. Figure since I am single, I can buy my own b-day present! I haven’t had a camera in YEARS! But I figured I would want before and after pics and I needed one to capture my son's moments in life. So I have been snapping away! I almost am not afraid of taking a pic now because I have hope that my pics wont always look like this. Every overweight person knows how that feels! I did my BMI which said 46.9. I cant wait to get this approved with insurance! Everyone say a prayer for me...this HAS to work! 

 

 

 

 

4/26/2006 From the messageboard of LapBand Ok I dont mean to push my belief on anyone but I wanted to share this morning. My two nephews, 16 and 19 were in a car accident last night. We live out in the country and it was a two lane road and they hit a horse. My boss (an attorney) is also the Fire Chief, yes I know, kind of Andy Griffith! Anyway, my sister freaked out because they took the 16 year old by helicopter an hour away and didnt know where the 19 year old was. The car rolled, missed several big trees and went through a fence. The miracle is, my boss, the CHP and nurses said my nephew should have been seriously injured or dead. There was no room in that car and they werent thrown. The horse went through the windshield and crushed the entire front of the car and steering wheel. Its an older car and there were no air bags. My nephew (19) had a broken foot and the 16 year old had a concussion and cuts and bruises. The seat belt had broken clear through. This is a miracle, at least I believe. There is no way he should have walked from that. Just thought I would share and amazingly I had 2 hours sleep but I am in a great mood! Whenever my faith in LapBand waivers or my decision (or anything else in life), this will remind me, God is in control. Hugs all! Bridget

4/28/2006 I have met so many wonderful people from the boards here. Who else would understand the misery and determination that we have? Im in a low mood tonight, maybe because my son turns 13 tomorrow or I turn 35 on May 9th. I have been miserable for 14 years now. Its awful. Tomorrow is a better day!

 

 

 

 

5/5/2006 Not much to report, still just waiting for the seminar and doc appointment. I can wait to start a new life. Im getting an MP3 player for my birthday May 9th in anticipation of exercising. I still havent found a pal or angel and hope that I do soon. Would be nice to go through this journey with someone. I think everyone on this site becomes obsessed with losing weight and the surgery once we make up our mind! Its enough to drive you insane, constantly thinking about it! I dont really want to drive 3 hours on my birthday, but then I think what better day to start a new life! Hopefully next time I post will be good news!

 

 

 

 

5/11/2006 Ok ok ok so Im lagging. Wonder if anyone actually reads this thing! Anyway, I had my consult and seminar. First the consult. Met with a Dr. that was an associate (thats what we call them in law) of Dr. Felixs. First I had to drink some nasty sweet tart tasting stuff and blow in a bad. I think she said it would tell them if you have an ulcer. Which I didnt. Then Casey (the RN) said they had my psch eval and just needed my ECHO, EKG, Stress test from my PCP. I said well I will call them right now! Casey said they had already faxed over a request twice. So I called my PCP and asked nicely if they could fax those things over as I was in the docs office. Lovely office that they are..they did! Casey said wow you are on top of everything. I explained I tried for RNY before and I was ready for this! So the associate doc went over everything. Asked why I wanted Lap instead of Gastric and I went thru my list. He said you have done your research! I said of course! Helllooooooo this is my body and my life, why would I leave it all up to someone else? So then I had to wait for the "seminar". That was funny really, it was a guy Corey, the doc and me in the docs private office. First off, I thought Dr. Felix was going to be standoffish and he wasnt! He was very knowledgeable and had a great sense of humor. I was very pleased. He went thru all the pros and cons, the procedure etc. I asked him several questions..about erosion and difficulties..etc. He said Blue Cross only does LapBand if your BMI is 50 or lower (I have a feeling that will change!). I am at 49. Then I told him I worked for an attorney and he made some jokes. It all went better than expected. Corey's wife had the LapBand I think 5 months ago and has lost 70 lbs!! SO I was asking him some question. I like to ask questions! So I left and drove the 3 hours home. I called the next day and asked if they were sending it into Blue Cross for approval. She said they were waiting for the transcription from Dr. Felix and it would go in by Friday. I am SO HAPPY! This joy is amazing..the hope of finally beating something that has whipped my ass for years! My ex-husband said 8 years ago...you have overcome so many things yet this weight is the only thing you cant. My ex is an ass, but he was right. Now, finally, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and this Hope is an amazing feeling. Of course NONE of this would be possible without God..so I give my thanks to him as always. Now I wait again for the approval!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO  

 

 

 

 

5/16/2006 I GOT APPROVAL!!! Ok so I called Blue Cross to check on the approval because Im really impatient. They didnt have any records. So I called my docs office, God love them, and Casey said she had my approval today! Is that unheard of or what? They faxed it in on Friday and today Tuesday had approval! I am amazed and scared at the same time. I dont want anything to go wrong! So they had a cancel on May 25 and I got it! Thats 8 days away people! Amazing. I have pre-op on Tuesday and surgery on Thursday. I am so happy its unbelievable. Its like someone handing you your life back, like a gift times 10000. To have hope again is amazing and I want to say THANK YOU GOD my father. None of this would happen without him and I truly believe that. What a blessing he is giving me. I am humbled and will use this Band to its full capacity and never take it for granted. I know how difficult the process was to get here! I AM APPROVED!! I keep saying that over and over and over, its surreal. I will be on Cloud 9 for 8 days. Now I start my list of questions and things I need to take. I have to get my blood work done this week. I dont want any complications! Oh and Im throwing on a patch tomorrow morning to stop smoking. I CAN DO THIS! YAY FOR ME!  

 

 

 

 

May 19, 2006 Let me tell you. Nothing I mean NOTHING drags on and on like waiting for your surgery day to come around. God must have known how impatient I am! Anyway, I did my blood panel and chest x-ray and told them STAT! I did my patient letter and faxed it to Casey in case it needed revision. So this weekend I am going to clean my house all pretty like and do laundry, go grocery shopping and pick up some Jello etc. Im going to get my suitcase out and ready and do all the necessary things. I have my pre-op Tuesday, come back to work Wed and go back Wed night to the motel and wait for Thursday morning!! I can barely contain myself. I know this weekend is going to take forever. One good thing is I am going to a luncheon with Sacramento Bandsters and meet some people who have been through this. Soooooooooooooooo lattie dah...can I possibly think about this anymore? Life starting new. Re-birth? Nope, Im consumed. Whats a girl to do? Oh and Im going to go get a pedicure and manicure tonight! Gotta look all pretty! Im going to take some before shots too. Guess thats it....until next time.6 more days to go!

 

 

 

 

5/24/2006 Ok so real quick cause its almost 5 and this week has flown by! I had pre-op yesterday with Dr. Felix. We got our bags with vitamins, calcium, protein drinks, pedometer, water bottle etc and talked to the nutrionist, Dr. Felix's wife. She was very nice, everyone asked questions, there were only 4 of us for the LapBand. Then they put us on this machine that prints out body fat etc and goal weight. Then we needed to talk to Dr. Felix one on one. Hes such a nice guy. I am totally comfortable with him. He went over the procedure again and the post-op expectations. I told him I lost 10lbs since May 9th! He said it might have been water weight cause I said I was eating everything in site! Then went to the hospital (Clovis Memorial), pre-registered, did labs and urine tests, had a tour. Met some really nice women who are having the RNY with Dr. Felix. I told Jan (the RNY patient) that I would stop by and see her and that I was coming to steal her pain med drip! They have a really nice facility there for RNY patients who stay overnight. Jan and another lady came down from Oregon because Dr. Felix is such a good doctor! That made me feel better! Anyway Im leaving tonight to stay at the hotel and surgery is tomorrow morning at 9:30, have to be at the hospital at 7am. Im scared and happy at the same time. I pray God is with me, I brought my bible with me for the hotel. Oh and BTW, I am on clear liquids today and I AM STARVING! But you know what? If I have to starve to get this and do it right? Then I will. This is my last resort, my last chance. I will do whatever it takes. Course ask me that in 2 days! No kidding. I have to be on liquids 2 days after surgery (I have heard worse) and mushies for 2 weeks. I think mushies will be ok, but this clear liquid is killing me. Ahhh well. I will report on surgery as soon as I can!

 

 

 

 

5/30/2006 Hidee Hoo boys and girls! Im on the losing side! So on Thursday I went into the hospital and they get you set up right away. I was in pre-op for about 30 minutes. The docs came in to see me, the OR Nurse came in. Everyone was very nice and lovely at Clovis Memorial. So then they take you away..it all happened kind of fast plus I was soooooo nervous! So Im in the OR room and the doc says ok Bridget Im giving you something to relax you and BHAM. I woke up in the recovery room. I remember the nurse saying breath deep and how much pain are you in? I couldnt concentrate very well. The pain wasnt to bad actually, just strange feeling. So then they wheeled me into a room where I needed to drink 500 cc s before they would let me go home. That took a couple of hours, I didnt want to push anything. I left the hospital at 3, I went into surgery at 9:30 so not to bad. Then we went to get Vicodin. I guess the movement from the car or something? I dry heaved a few times and MAN did that hurt! The rest was mainly sleeping and trying to drink enough water. I was on liquids for 2 days and mushies for 2 weeks now. I had mashed tatoes today! YUMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I try to get in my protein and water. Oh and learned that the Spirometer for breathing? VERY IMPORTANT! Im working on getting my lungs opened more. I will write a little more details later. Sorry but its difficult to sit for too long yet at this computer. Work should be fun tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

6/3/2006 I am now 10 days post op. I cant believe I am saying post op. Its surreal. Anyway, lets see....days 1-5 were tough. I’m not going to lie people, there is pain. Is it unbearable? No. Is it uncomfortable and make you cry at times? yes. Is it worth it? yes, so far. I have been trying to stay off the scale and focus on what is right. Everyone seems obsessed with the scale and I can see why but I’m trying not to. So I’m still on mushies and boy is that getting old!! Other people seem to think of good things to eat, I have been eating chili with cheese and refried beans. I did buy some peanuts and have been chew chew chewing them. They seem to go well and it helps in between meals. I went out to dinner with a friend last night and I just looked at the menu like it was a foreign object. What the heck am I supposed to eat??? I was REALLY thinking of getting solid food...but thank God I had enough will power and didnt. I had mashed potatoes with country gravy on them. $1.99! Cant beat that! We did share an ice cream tho, I know bad girl, but heck ya gotta reward yourself once in awhile! I am determined to break the eating habit and stick to protein. Its been difficult sleeping since I still cant sleep on my side. My boss has been very nice to me the past week and let me leave at 2 everyday so I could come home and sleep. I went back to work after 5 days but man your body is still screaming WHAT THE HELL?? Plus the lack of food I guess has made me tired. I have read about alot of people exercising and just going at it. I told Dr. Felix's office that and she said BULL&***! But I think everyones body is different. Mine is just taking longer to get going. I haven’t even had the energy yet to clean my house and its driving me nuts! I dont want to fail at this and I think thats a concern for all of us. Or we see the people who are losing 60 in 5 months and want that...want the secret...but its important to stay true to you....listen to your body and do whats good for you. I pray each night to God that he stays strong within me. He has led me here so far, he wont let me fail. Thank you my Father, I cant possibly say that enough. I'm going to try and exercise this week....just on my treadmill...15 minutes or so a day I guess to start, I dont want to push it. I dont know how other people go from being overweight and doing nothing to BAM and going for it! But Im going to try! Oh and my co-worker Annette says she is going to do Lap Band now. We will see, I hope it is what is needed for her and her family. Im still having a tough time with my sister lately. We had a kind of falling out over my surgery. She was supposed to be my support person and she wasnt. Now things are strained and her husband is an ass. My son will be leaving for Oregon this Saturday and I will have 6 weeks to myself. Im looking forward to it. I love and adore my son, but the break always rejuvenates me for the coming year! Plus I can focus on what I need to eat and exercise before he gets back. Its going to be a wonderful year!!!

 

 

 

 

6/8/2006 Ok I am 2 weeks and one day post-op now. I am frustrated today majorily. I should be starting my TOM anytime soon now and I think its just water weight but I am back up on the scalel??? Im higher than what I was pre-op. I started eating solid foods and have been making good choices but man when they say the hunger comes back? It REALLY comes back! I ate a Subway Chicken wrap for lunch and finished the whole dang thing! UGH! I have this horrible horrible fear I am going to fail this Band and like most, I have tried and failed so many other diets that a fear consumes me and I start freaking out. Now everyone says Dont worry! And I am sure it will be fine but your mind does this to you. Im usually a very upbeat person so when I get down it really sucks. On another note, I went and bought some chicken and fish for my proteins to eat. I cant wait to eat normal. My first fill isnt until July 3 so Im hanging on. Doc said he wont do it any sooner than 6 weeks because of healing. I take my son to the airport tomorrow so he can go to Oregon with his dad for 6 weeks. I NEED this peace and quiet now. Time to focus on me and my eating and exercising. I met a really nice lady named Mary Ellen and we exchange emails. I adore her! We are about the same weight, height and she had surgery a week earlier than I so we go thru alot at the same time. I cant tell you how important those emails have been for me. It really sucks not having a support person around. My sister has offered to help ZERO..just dont want to even talk about that. I really thought I could rely on her more. My family has a way of making me feel like I dont do enough, try hard enough, am good enough, for anything. I am not saying this to be arrogant or anything but I volunteer at the convalescent hospital with my son, my girlfriend had no way to get 4 hours away today so I offered my car to her, I am ALWAYS there for my friends and family and still.....just worthless feeling ya know? Counseling has helped but somedays it gets to me still. I try to be a good person and do right, and I get tired of getting walked on. Everyone in my family wonders why I am so quiet and short with them and happy go lucky with friends..well thats why. Anyway, guess it is PMS time cause man am I emotional!! Enough of that...I knew there would be ups and downs with this band and I would have to work it. Im just so ready to be happy with myself for once. And Im tired of this freaking SWOLLEN ankles!! Yes they are back, they were gone for a week and I had normal feet now Im back to Elephant woman! UGH! Ok Im going to go clean a bit and check the boards...say a few prayers so I feel better and know God is on my side as always. Ta ta!  

 

 

 

 

6/22/2006 Been awhile since I wrote. Ok heres the deal. I think this is the hardest time in a bandsters new life. Had surgery, eating less, making better choices, and not losing weight. I get depressed so I eat of course. Granted I have picked better choices to eat but still 3 ice cream bars is not good at one sitting. I bought FF ice cream, better choice, but still. I expect perfection from myself because thats how I was raised. I get depressed when I don’t reach that perfection and I eat and avoid. I stopped coming to this site for about a week, avoid. This is the hardest part for me...learning to change my core being. Learning that I cant let it beat me. You think going thru this surgery and everything with it that a light just comes on in your head and POOF all is well...but it doesn’t. It takes hard work and determination and a great group of friends (family would be nice too). I have to believe in myself and this band. I have to stop whining and get it done. I have had great advice from so many people...I cant sulk...I’m only 4 weeks out for goodness sake!!! Ugh. Have faith, stay strong.  

 

 

 

 

6/30/2006 Well I went for my fill. After numerous and I mean numerous attempts...Dr. Felix finally said lets do an x-ray. This mind you, went on for almost an hour. Michelle and her daughter were in the room with me, which was great cause I was ready to faint. Dr. Felix was training someone and he got a bit upset that he couldn’t find my port. I lost track of how many times he stuck me. So then I went to the waiting room after Michelle's (sorry if I spelled that wrong girl!) and waited for about 15 min. Then went back in and he tried again, and again and again. Over to xray and the port half flipped. So he pressed down on me trying to get it in the right position (big big BIG needles) and it didn’t work. He tried at least 5 times at the x-ray place I think, but i don’t know cause I kept my eyes shut as I am terrified of needles. Me and Dr Felix got into it a little bit, he wasn’t having a good day and said if you are afraid of needles this wasn’t the right procedure for you. I said I had no choice. He said why? I said cause I needed to lose weight and Im not cutting my stomach in two. Pissed me off. Funny thing was after I said I worked for an attorney he became REALLY nice, that or he felt bad for me but he did get nicer. So anyway, I have to go back to Clovis on 7/5 and he’s going to up me back up and stitch the port down and fill me at the same time. Lovely. It was not a pleasant thing and I am very thankful Michelle was with me, I really needed the support. That’s my story, say a prayer for me.

 

 

 

 

7/3/2006 Ok my doctor's office called. It seems they sent in the approval to insurance who said they didn’t receive it. Erica at the doctors said I could go ahead with surgery and might pay out of pocket or wait a month until Dr. Felix comes back from vacation and do it. I said I would wait. She said that nothing "bad" will happen until then, I shouldn’t get an infection or anything else. While she is talking..running thru my head is "this happened for a reason" and God has a plan I’m sure. She said they had the confirmation from Blue Cross that they received everything but Blue Cross cant find it. So I will wait a month and work on things myself.

 

 

 

 

7/10/2006 My mother calls right? I tell her how much weight I have lost so far and explain that I have NO saline yet (my port has flipped, need surgery again) so I am pretty proud I’m losing ANY weight..........and she says well you need to drink more water. I said "Are you KIDDING me?, I drink at least 4 quarts a DAY". She said yeah but you use Crystal Light, I said its still WATER. She said she read an article that says it needs to be distilled water now. I said its out of the faucet mom. She said well Crystal Light can still be bad for your liver. I said what the hell?? ITS WATER not tequila or beer mother! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The frustrating part is NOTHING is ever good enough for my mom. Its a miracle I am even drinking that much water. Again, I didn’t do something perfect. I could have drank crystal clear pure water and it STILL would have been wrong. Frustrates the heck out of me! On the surgery front I’m still waiting for a date. I called this morning and sweet Erica said we got your approval from the insurance company. I said that’s nice. She laughed. I mean HELLO my surgery was already cancelled the 1st time! Nothing against Erica, shes a sweetheart. So Casey is supposed to call me and Erica said ti will probably be the 1st or 2nd week in August. Just get it over with! I WANT RESTRICTION! I am STARVING! Sigh. God has a plan I know, I know. I am determined to get my butt on my treadmill today! Im moving it into the living room TODAY! I want to say 7 months out that I lost 70 or 80lbs too! DANG IT!

 

 

 

 

7/12/2006 Ok my surgery date to fix my Flipper (port) is August 3, 2006 at 7:00 a.m., surgery at 9:30!! YEAHHHHHHHH get this show on the road! 8/4/2006 From the messageboards on lapBand Hi all I'm back! As you know I headed down to Fresno for surgery to my port as it had flipped. My friend Michelle and I got to Fresno and went into the pool until 11:25 p.m., the guy wasnt very happy because the pool closed at 11. But we were having a blast! Not enough can be said about good friends being there for you. Surgery went ok yesterday. They were going to give me a mask but ended up giving me the tube down my throat, so my throat hurts a bit. I had trouble breathing and my blood pressure went to 111/50 so they had to monitor me for 2 1/2 hours. But all worked out and I got home around 4 yesterday. My incision doesn’t really hurt at all, unless im on vicodin so much i cant feel it lol. The doc filled me with 1.5 ccs so I pray I have restriction when I can eat. I am liquids for a day and mushies for a day. Thats my report! Thanks so much for all the prayers and thoughts and well wishes! Bridget

 

 

 

 

8/5/2006 Ok I keep getting asked how my port flipped so I thought I would add something in here. My doc said it could have been a number of reasons why the port flipped. Its really just one of those freaky things. I think I pulled my stomach muscles too much trying to do to much. I am a single mom and HAVE to do laundry and such. I remember a pain that I just shrugged off as pulling a muscle or something, but I couldn’t lay on my left side the rest of the day. I didn’t really know it flipped until I went in to see the doc for a fill and we did an xray. He said there are many reasons it could have happened, so there’s no determining why. All I can say is take it easy, don’t over do it, relax. Hope this helps!

 

 

 

 

August 18, 2006 So my journey continues. I had incredible restriction the first 2 weeks. In fact I was thinking I might need an unfill, I couldn’t eat ANY meat. Everything I tried to eat got stuck, I had golfball constantly. Until one night....I put chicken in the crock pot with pineapple and mandarian oranges. It gets stuck, and I mean STUCK! I am sliming and PB'ing, leaning over the sink, pain is shooting thru my back, this is worse then contractions almost! I'm sweating it hurts so bad. Finally its over after about 15 minutes. So after this, NOW I can eat meat. How strange is that? I don’t get the golfball anymore, which I was getting at every bite. So I’m thinking, maybe my band slipped. Why is it so easy for me to eat meat now? Then this morning I pop some peanuts in my mouth and must not have chewed well enough and BAM, golfball. So I know my restriction is still there, but it is a constant effort to chew really well and to be aware of what goes in your mouth. Oh and I read on the board that pineapple is a forever no no! So maybe that was it! This band is a very strange thing. I have been using smaller plates and pea size bites too. I chew chew chew, and I drink something hot before I eat. I don’t really get a full feeling is the difficult part, I try to eat a cup of food and stop. Im still learning this part. I have lost 6 lbs since 8/3, frustrating and discouraging to say the least but I will prevail!! I keep losing and gaining the same 2 lbs over and over. So Im staying off the scale. I haven’t started the gym back up yet either since surgery. I wanted to make sure and rest the full 6 weeks so there wouldn’t be a chance to flip the port again. I need to start soon, Im on week 4. I’m off to my monthly support group meeting, I don’t know what I would do without them!

 

 

 

 

8/24/2006 Ok I must be doing something wrong. Yesterday, I had a yogurt for breakfast as I’m too tight in the am, for lunch I tried my chicken that I had cooked in a crock pot with mushroom soup. (previously I had posted about sticking, so I have made SURE to take pea size and CHEW really well!, I’m adamant about this now). I heated some tea first and took some sips of that as I have had chicken stick. After two bites, it came back up. Now remember, the day before this? Chicken went down fine. Today, yogurt for breakfast, hamburger patty for lunch (one for dinner last night too that actually went down!) It has been off and on like this for DAYS! Can eat chicken, cant, can, cant. I have the Depo shot so I haven’t had a TOM. I think Im eating way too little. I usually have yogurt for breakfast, if I cant eat protein I have a shake at lunch, I have fat free pudding for snack and protein for dinner with veggies. I haven’t even been eating carbs! I’m so frustrated at the moment. I have an appt for a second fill on 9/11 and don’t know if I should get it. What am I doing WRONG? PLUS I haven’t lost a pound! I cant exercise yet, as I just had surgery for second time. Gotta wait 6 weeks and Im only at 3 weeks out, terrified to flip my port again. HELP PLEASE! Ok I called the doc and his nurse said to keep a diary up until Monday of everything i eat and time of day and results. She said I might need an unfill but its a hard one since I can eat somedays. She’s going to ask the doc tomorrow and let me know. I told her the part confusing me is the being able to eat and then not, its not always chicken, sometimes its pork, or beef. Then like last weekend I ate ALOT of protein, meatballs, chicken, macaroni salad, beef enchilidas without even a golfball! She said its pretty strange. But if I have problems over the weekend to come in next week. I actually had a 1.4 fill at time of surgery and not 1.5 like I thought. I swear, its Irish luck. If it can go wrong it will!  

 

 

 

 

9/5/2006 So here is from a post I did this morning and the link to it. It amazes me the support received from everyone. I had a bad weekend, but now I feel SO much better its unbelievable. This journey is not an easy one and dont let anyone tell you it is! PLUS, I love this saying from Katepost, I think I will always use it now! "Right, so that was yesterday. What has yesterday got to do with today and tomorrow?" http://obesityhelp.com/forums/LapBand/board_id,5359/cat_id,4959/topic_id,3095380/action,replies/a,messageboard/ Ok I use to do this thing, binge eating, nothing but junk food. I hadnt done it since surgery and all was well until this weekend. I ate, I binged, I felt sick. I felt worthless and like a total failure. I had popcorn (1 bag) ice cream (skinny cow, about 6 of these), I had some chocolate (about 8 peanut clusters), I ate NOTHING healthy most of the weekend except some chili and one steak. I was depressed and sunk lower. Now I know I will get flamed, I know I will get the what fors and how comes and how dumb of you and you knew going into this surgery that you would have to change. But I really dont care. I debated even posting this but I hope maybe this will help someone else. The thing is, our issues dont magically go away because we have surgery. Every little morsel that goes into our mouth isnt always whats best. Now, instead of beating myself up for another week, Im trying to crawl back onto that wagon. Yes, I had a weak 2 days and actually could have done worse to myself I guess. But I am human and not super human. I failed, I broke. Im not as strong as some people on this board, but I know I cant be the only one either. So I did bad and I will now try to do better. Its all I can do. BeBe blog

 

 

 

 

9/12/2006 Yesterday I had my second fill. First off, thanks to Donna J. who drive me there and then proceeded to buy me lots of food at Sams Club. What a blessing she is! Totally unexpected! Love her to pieces. Anyway, got there and it was the associate (cant remember his name sorry!). He was SO nice, I dig him! He said lay down and I did and he felt around and couldn’t find it to well. I started to sweat at this time even tho I took a Xanax after that last fill episode! So I said i can feel it standing up. So he said lets try that. I stood up, he said yep! Well lay down again. I did. Donna said maybe she should get a fill standing up? The doc said I think so too! So he did it while I was standing up, he was very sweet about it and got it in one poke. He said I had 1.2 (which is what he pulled out) and said he was going to put in .5. Well .5 didnt want to go in, only .4 but thats ok. He said not to pay attention so much to the numbers and hes right. I asked about calories and he said between 1200-1500 a day is good. I can exercise now, that will be a challenge! Donna and I went over some meal plans that had lots of protein and little carbs. I did get a Starbucks today for my Fill Reward! I have lost a pound the scale says. Thats about it, I came back to a mad house at work! Lots of stress!

 

 

 

 

 9/26/2006 Im sorry to whine, but I need to. This band is killing me. I am frustrated. Yesterday I couldn’t eat my chicken, couldn’t eat my meatball. I finally caved and went and bought ice cream and had 2 bowels. Gained 3 lbs overnight, that tells you what ice cream does to you! I have restriction, that I know, but with having my TOM for over 2 weeks now things are tight. I have had my TOM pretty much since my last fill. Things went ok for awhile and then BAM! It seems I keep running into road blocks. PB'ing, slime, learning this new way of eating. I dont get it. I am trying so hard to work this band and it seems to fight me every step! (I also have been exercising). I hear people say when they have restriction they start to lose. That’s not my case. I had a fill and lost 4 lbs and that’s it. What am I doing wrong????????? I counted calories and can only get in about 800-900 a day. I bought Whey and have been adding that to stuff so I get enough protein since solids aren’t doing so well. I don’t want to get an unfill if its just this TOM!! I don’t regret this band, but to be brutally honest sometime I wish I had RNY. I’m at my wits end and I don’t want to turn to ice cream and easy food that goes down. I can say on Sunday I had half a hamburger patty and some beans that went ok. So when my stomach lets me, I can get in my 2-3oz. But everyday it seems to change! I have only lost about 20lbs since May and I have been a good girl 80% of the time! Sorry so long, Im just ready to cry. Maybe its the TOM lol Thanks for reading and any replies to this whiner, Bridget

 

 

 

 

9/28/06 Some background. I work at a law office. My boss' wife comes into my office. Says to me, we have something for you. I said what? She said we are sending you to do a makeover. WHAT? She says Im to go today and get my hair cut and colored, she knows my hair has been falling out alot and that I haven’t colored it since surgery in May. She said we know you have been working so hard after this surgery. I was in shock. What boss does this? (they have done many generous things in the past also). My co-worker is going with me to make sure I pick out cute outfits and get my hair done nice (I always tend to stay with the same look). The hair will probably be about 200 and I have (which im not supposed to know) 500 on clothes and shoes. THATS INSANE is all I could keep saying. Jen (boss' wife) said we want you to feel good about yourself etc. Let me state here that I am so blessed with these people in my life caring about me. I am so blessed in many ways and I am so humbled by this. I broke down crying after the shock. BTW my boss is Brian Chavez-Ochoa in California . If ever you meet him tell him how wonderful he is for me. Bridget---off to go shopping!