EmB403

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Well, it's official. I've said goodbye to the 300's forever. I can now say I weigh 299.4 pounds. GOODBYE 300's!!!
It's been just under 3 months, and I've shed 60 pounds. SIXTY!! 6-0!!!!!!
I have to say I'm adjusting far better than I thought I would to this lifestyle. Yeah--maybe I'm not perfect because I let myself have bites of what everyone else is having...but I'm losing the weight! 
I've started going to the gym as well. I actually almost enjoy excersise....well--not really--but I love the feeling of after I step off the eliptical...with 2 or so miles behind me and 300 calories off in the land of calories. Sometimes I do some laps in the pool as well! 
Who would have ever thought i could be capable of something this awesome??
I've started treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

I'm not posting this on the boards because I'm afraid people will say things that will hurt my feelings. Everytime I post on the boards I feel like someone verbally slaps me.
 My pouch is a freak. I can eat whatever I want, I've never had dumping syndrome, I've never thrown up.... I very rarely fell ill.
Let me be clear, I've been cleared to eat all food, except salad.
A couple days ago I had a piece of meatball and onion pizza. I didn't eat super fast, I didn't eat super slow, but i felt super fine. I didn't push it. I'm able to tell when I'm hungry, full, etc.
Yesterday I ate an egg with 2 turkey sausage links.
Day before that, I had 1/2 - 3/4 of a cheesy gordita crunch from taco bell
I don't get "so full i want to pop"  I just feel comfortable.
I only eat 3-4 "small" meals a day and a protein drink with about 20g of protein.

For example:
Breakfast- "pizza" (whole grain flat out-9g protein, with mozz. cheese and turkey pepperoni)
Lunch- 1 Light Baybel cheese (6 g protein)  2 turkey sausage patties (8 g protein)

This can't be normal.

Day 26. 2 days away from progressing to stage 3! 
The last week has flown by, and I'm feeling amazing.
My neighbor saw me today and said I look "lighter on my feet"
My boyfriends aunt saw me and told me my face looked thinner....granted she hadn't seen me since thanksgiving, so she missed the weight I gained, lost, then gained again...but the compliment was nice...
today my dad said I looked skinnier...
my pants WILL NOT stay up, and my shirt is DEFINITELY looser. I didn't have to stretch it to make it sit right on my body.
Yes, I miss eatling like crazy....but I'm learning so much about food and how I relate to it.

I just took my dog for a quick little walk down the street, and i was AMAZED at how quickly the pavement was moving beneath my feet.
I'm doing awesome with my pills, but I could be doing better with my protein... but in a few days I can try protein alternatives.

Just felt like posting this off into the world.

Okay, I honestly had no idea how many days it had been since surgery until I went to label this post.
19 days?!? Seriously?!?
This astounds me..because it doesn't feel like 19 days....
1. It feels way too short to have been 19 days
2. If feels way too long to have been 19 days.

I'm on stage 2. Overall, I've been good. I had that one issue with Taco Bell which I posted about....but other than that--I've been good. My doctor has already given me the "all clear" to go to stage three at the 4 week mark.
I can't wait.
I feel like I've made this choice and I want to start living it...cooking and expirimenting (AND EATING ALMONDS) but I'm patient enough at this point.
I've had a few times where I've had a grouchy pouch...but I've never thrown up, I've never had dumping syndrome....I've been really lucky.

Here are things I've discovered:
1. I hate whey
2. Crystal Lite is a godsend
3. Patience is NOT overrated.
4. I've never been this tired in my life
5. I miss red meat.
6. Chewing isn't overrated.
7. I'm not a "cooker" but I'm excited to cook and bake.


this is a random and disorganized post. But that's just what my brain is like right now.
Besides...I don't think all that many people read this. :-) A fact I like, and a fact I don't like.

I'm just a barrel of contradictions today.

I hate stage 2!! I feel like I can't start really exploring this surgery when all I can eat is what toddlers eat.
Plus, I'm sick of cottage cheese, chicken, yogurt, egg salad, tuna, fish....
I discovered "the world according to eggface" thanks to all the posts on the message board, and now...all I want to do is cook and explore this new world.

But, I still have a few weeks before I can move off this silly diet! 
Yuck.

Sorry....in the off chance that someone out there really does read this...I'm truly not this whiny....
I just need to vent somewhere. I can't vent at anyone because no one understands the same way people here might. Plus I already rely on my support system so much, i can't imagine burdening them with anything else.

I'm really struggling.
I've given up one of my favorite activities, if not my favorite activity....and obviously i haven't visably lost weight.
I feel like I'm sacrificing everything, and getting nothing. I'm sure in a month, when I'm able to explore food, I'll feel different, plus I'll have lost more weight--but right now. I just feel like curling up in a ball and waiting a month.

Going into surgery, I wasn't sure if the surgeon would get in there and realize he couldn't get around my liver. I was on a liquid diet the week before surgery, which was so incredibly hard. All i wanted to do was say goodbye to all my favorite foods, but somehow I stuck to it. So then the day of surgery rolls around, I don't sleep at all the night before. I was so absolutely petrified. When they wheeled me into surgery, I begged them to put me under so I wouldn't go into a full blown panic attack.
Eventually i wake up, and i realize I can't breathe. So they sit me up, and i can breathe a little better. I drifted in and out for a while in recovery. I was in recovery for about three hours while they waited for a bed to open up. Finally, they reunited me with my boyfriend and family, who were "patiently" waiting for me. I practiced my breathing that day, but my lungs were so incredibly tight, it was unbelievable. Walking was interesting, and I was surprisingly grateful for my catheter. For the first night, I didn't have to worry about getting up to go to the bathroom or anything.
At 6am the next morning the catheter came out, and 2 hours later, I was up to use the bathroom. Peeing into the "hat" would have mortified me any other day--but honestly, it barely phased me one bit.  Day 2 was a LOT better. I walked around a lot more, I was able to spongebath, but--i was able to feel how truly uncomfortable hospital beds are. My back was killing me, and i wasn't really able to position my body on the bed the way I wanted to. Plus, the self-administered pain meds went out the window and I switched to liquid pain meds. I didn't sleep quite as well that night
Something about the hospital made my veins hard to find, which sucked for the times they needed to do blood work or put in another IV. It got to the point where whenever they would unhook my saline, then hook it back in...my hand would burn so badly.
Finally the next morning they allowed me to take a shower, which I think will forever be the best shower of my life, despite not wearing flip flops or shoes in a shower tons of people use. As soon as I got out, my doctor appeared and was like "do you want to go home?!?" and was like "YES!!" So they discharged me, and I got to go home, which may have been the best feeling EVER. Getting wheeled out of the hospital--I swear, was some sort of high. Then actually getting home, and sitting in a chair that didn't hurt my back....and napping in a bed without a curtain dividing the room, or people coming in and out and no beeping...Home is truly the best place ever.