Emily Gomez

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So yesterday I went and discussed "life" with Valette (my therapist) just as I do every Monday. She brings so much light to situations in my life and thank goodness because things just pass me by sometimes and I just assume that I have to accept things, people, situations, and decisions that are made by me and others. I am finding I have been so "external" with somethings in my life, meaning just staying on the outside of my life and not opening that door and walking on in and sitting down with myself and try to make sense of things, being internal, (just as I do with Valette every Monday). I swear I have ADHD in all areas of my life. It is so easy for me to be focused on a task at hand and the littlest thing will get my attention and off I go wandering around in LaLa Land and before I know it, I have so many things going on that I can't possibly focus and DO. THE. RIGHT. THING for myself and the situation. I really think this is where all the "assumptions" in my life have come from. I just assume that I was overweight because I gained 70 pounds with my first pregnancy. I just assume my husband knows I love him..why? because I tell him, I don't have to show him all the time. I just assume that if someone makes a snide comment to me or about me that, that is just the way it is, I can't control their actions or speech (which is true BUT). I just assume that I can eat around my tool some days and that I will pick back up tomorrow, and tomorrow sometimes doesn't come. I just assume that I am the only one with these issues and that saying anything about them is "my business" and shouldn't be shared because nobody cares and let's face it I am NOT here to Debbie Downer, that is not what my journey is about so.....

We all know the saying "You know what ASSUME spells right?" Makes an ASS out of U and ME I can no longer ASSUME my life away. I have got to slow down, take a deep breath, think about things, and take it all in.

I will no longer assume that my weight was just from the 70 pounds gained during pregnancy and accept the fact that I am a food addict, that I have been through some tough stuff in my past, and that it was not always about me lacking "willpower".

I will no longer assume that my husband knows I love him because I tell him, I will accept that I need to show him in actions that he is my life and that I so appreciate him everyday and all he does for me and the family. I will accept that he has loved me with everything in him, even when I didn't love me at all and that he deserves that same love and affection from me that he so generously gave and gave and still gives and gives.

I will no longer assume that people actions and words towards me are "just the way it is" I will accept that I have the power to let it affect me negatively or positively and most importantly the fact that people (family or not) have to earn a spot in my life, they don't just have a right to be there. If they are affecting me in a negative way, they must go, I must separate myself from them and situations. This is one of the hardest things I will have to do but I know it is crucial to my well being and if you have heard me say it once, you have heard it a million times......I AM WORTH IT!! This can also go for my food addiction, it will always "be around" but it will not overtake me, my success, my thoughts, my actions, and my feelings of myself. It will always be a part of me just like old relationships but it will not consume me. It is negative in the way it makes me think and feel therefore I must separate myself from it and situations that could let it try and rear it's ugly head again.

I will no longer assume that I can eat around my tool until "tomorrow". I will accept that my actions will determine how well my tool works and how well I work with my tool. I will accept that in order to continue to reap the wonderful benefits of this life I have been given after surgery, it is going to take work on my part. Other people and my tool can't do it all for me, they help, but ultimately it is up to ME to get the job done at the end of the day.

I will no longer assume that I am Debbie Downer and the only one with these problems. I will accept that I am surrounded by food addicts just like myself that need to hear what I have to say and vice versa. Without it We/I will not succeed. I will accept that they appreciate me, for me, as I do them. We are all in this together and as long as I scream out loud (in my head) no one can hear me. But when I choose to scream out loud (on here, therapy, Facebook, Support Group, etc.) then and only then will I move closer to where I want to be and I know that I will be doing this life with the best friends that are stained and flawed just like me. And that to me is BEAUTIFUL!!!

So I am writing this for some accountability to myself and others. I can't work on it if I don't verablize it, so here it is! I will work on slowing down, showing affection where affection is due, accepting that I cannot change the world, and keep that addiction locked up in the cage, right where it needs to stay.

Finish Well,

Emi

I am reading a very thought provoking book that has been suggested to me by my Therapist. It is chalked full of things I need to hear, don't want to hear, need to face, don't want to face, and brings up some core issues. Core issues that I never thought about before....until now. Here me out in this blog post. It is real....me. It is flawed. It is stained. It is tattered. It is beautiful. It is revealing. It is healing. It is working. It is hurting. It is helping. But most importantly....It is REVALATION to the very being of my obesity, how I got there, and the work it will take to be healthy as a WHOLE me.

The book is written by Geneen Roth and is titled "Women, Food, and God". Although this book is amazing and I wish I could quote the whole thing here, I can't so I will leave just a little bit of it's wisdom here.

You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won't discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself. The Sufi poet Rumi, writing about birds learning to fly, wrote: "How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings."

If you wait to respect yourself until you are at the weight you imagine you need to be to respect yourself, you will never respect yourself, because the message you will be giving yourself as you reach your goal is that you are damaged and cannot trust your impulses, your longings, your dreams, your essence, at any weight.
Either you are willing to believe in kindness or you aren't. Either you are willing to believe in the basic sanity of your being or you aren't. To be given wings, you've got to be willing to believe that you were put on this earth for more than your endless attempts to lose the same thirty pounds three hundred times for eighty years. And that goodness and loveliness are possible, even in something as mundane as what you put in your mouth for breakfast. Beginning now. Once you take the first few steps, once you begin treating yourself with the kindness that you believe only thin or perfect people deserve, you can't help but discover that love didn't abandon you after all.

Wow.....that spoke to me BIG time! I am at my goal weight and maintain well HOWEVER I fear regain everyday. Do I always do the right thing and think the right way that is needed on my part to keep it at bay? No. Do I engage in self-sabatoging actions that could very well make regain a reality? Yes. I think "Well, I've blown it before, I know I will again, it's just a matter of time." I think this fear is due to all the failure that has been in my life from failing diets, failing relationships, failing friendships, and a failed union between my parents. I am learning and finding that my past is what is fueling these thoughts and feelings. My therapist and I are starting to work on family origin stuff and getting down to what is at the root of my Obesity and boy is it messy. It is a mess I am willing to wade through and fight through because I am worth it. I verbalized somethings that I haven't been able to....ever, and I am so glad that I did because although it brings back alot of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and hurt, I understand that, in life, you have to clear the brush to be able to see the beautiful landscape. So, let the weed whacking begin! I must understand that I am NOT nor will I ever be a failure, even if things, people, and situations have failed me in the past that does not define who I am today. I will not fail my family, I will not fail my husband, I will not fail my union, I will not fail my children, I will not fail my friendships, I will not fail my parents, I will not fail my tool, I will not fail at my tasks, I will not fail at my growth, I will not fail when saying no to the Doughnut in the cabinet that stares at me every morning in the coffee shop, I will not fail at having an Oreo ban in my house.

Each day is so richly filled with new beginnings and new opportunities. The only thing I am failing to do is give into failure itself. It is so rewarding to me when I swing on a tire swing with my daughter while my husband pushes us around and around so fast we can't stop laughing and are so dizzy we fall when getting off. Or when my husband comes to me and is so real and open and raw with me on some issues and it finally "makes sense" and gives us a grounds to work and make it better. Or when my friends call me and share so many struggles and victories in their life and I am able to offer them encouragement. Or the fact that I cheer my mom and her weight-loss on...I'm her #1 cheerleader! ;-) Or the fact that I try to make sure that everything that touches my lips is pouchworthy and since doing that for the most part got a great report at my 2 yr. post op appointment, some vitamins and minerals were HIGH meaning I am absorbing all of my supplements (that I am anal about taking on.the.clock) and that my choices in food and excercise are wise. Or the fact that I have been asked to be the Patient Advisor for the my WLS Center and have done some marketing for them that landed me some pretty cool billboards, brochures for the center and posters for educational purposes. Or the fact that I verbally OUTLOUD talk to the Doughnuts and Oreos and let them know that they make me feel awful inside and out, the high I get from them is sucky and that I cannot have them in my life, they are toxic to me and my health. I have control over the way I deal with every outcome in my life. I can choose to be toxic (which I have in the past) or I can choose to be wise and approach myself with kindness, love, and tenderness. I am focusing from here on out to chose the latter of the two, THAT is what is going to bring me the optimal results I so want in life.

Finish Well,

Emily

Ok, so I have a dear friend that is getting ready for her big day. She is tying the knot! So in preparation for her big day the girl has priorities and first and foremost is to look her very best for her man, family, and friends. This involves so many things from getting the hair done, nails done, tanning, working out, and....a chemical peel on her face and neck. If you have never seen someone who has had this done or have had it done yourself it is not flattering, very painful, and embarrassing; I mean it is basically rubbing acid on your face and in 2-3 days after that the top layer (or two, or three) sluffs off your face. Until that happens you truly look like a burn victim with blisters on your face and it is anything but flattering. My friend knows that in due time she will get the result she wants but for the time being it is painful, ugly, and embarrassing to her. I think of this chemical peel and I think of how it can relate to life in so many ways.

I think of the way people look at her and define her by what they see when she walks down the street. I think of the fact that she feels embarrassed as people look at her like she is a monster. I think of things people have said to her about it and not all has been good. I think of how she feels about all of this knowing that she did it for such a happy moment in her life yet it is being defined as something so horrible and ugly.

I think of this Chemical Peel as Life, yes Life. Life brings us beautiful things, people, events, and moments that DO define us and what we want to be. Life is beautiful and so many of our friends, family, and opportunities make it a beautiful place to be. I know for me so many of Life's moments have made me wish that time would stand still so I could stay in the moment forever. I know so many of Life's moments have humbled me, shaped me, and made me just WHO I am today. So many of Life's moments make me stronger, make me yurn for more of me "finding my way", and becoming better at acceptance of things that I have a hard time believing I deserve. Life's moments have taught and are still teaching me that in hard times, it IS still beautiful. The "Junk" of life can be beautiful, if you accessorize it properly! ;-)

Life also brings with it a lot of pain, negativity, judgement, sabotage, and feelings of uselessness. Life has brought me so much of this things. People, things, and circumstances have brought a lot of pain and suffering to me and at times I was wondering if there was ever a way out or if I was just to suck it up and accept the fact that it was there to define who I was. A lot of these things, thoughts, and feelings were brought on by my weight of course because we all know that, that is how the world defines us. They see us and automatically threat us like we are monsters and not worthy to even share space with them in the same room. I'm not saying that since surgery I have been "cured" of all of this because I haven't and won't ever be this side of Heaven. Some of it is still there, I have negative thoughts about regain and have to really focus on not letting my brain run a-muck with thoughts of "Yep, that's gonna be you, the honeymoon is over Darling!". I also struggle with believing my story. I struggle with believing I can inspire and encourage somebody. These are things I have to work through and I am determined to NOT let them define me and who I am!

So the Chemical Peel of Life as I see it is like this.

The layer that is most outside layer (first) may "define" me in some people's eyes but I know in my heart that is doesn't always (unless you are one of my really good friends and knows me well; y'all know who you are! ;-) ). I know the outer most layer is not always pretty, happy, and/or appealing to others but to me it is all of these things. The outer layer may be misconstrued as that I have it *all* together when really, I'm just a big 'ol mess too. Always a work in progress, but a work that I will labor hard for and fight for till the end because I am worth it!

The "second" layer", I would define as my thoughts and feelings. These are personal and sometimes private. You can't see them or know about them if I don't share. These can be positive and I try my darndest to make sure they are but that's not always the case because I am real. Real Human. When the negative thoughts try to invade my space is when I really press into my support system and this blog. Remember....our outlook, thoughts, and feelings WILL define us and how we cope with relationships, people, and circumstances. It's ok to have thoughts of sadness, anger, and self-doubt but it is how we cope with those feelings that will see us through. I was watching some You Tube videos' the other day on Positive Psychology and it was stated that when we enter into ANYTHING in life wether it be work, situations, relationships, etc. with happy thoughts we are 70% more likely to succeed at our tasks at hand! I am really meditating on this one because I get the fact that, sometimes it is hard and easier said than done BUT it can be done because I CHOOSE how things affect me. I choose how to handle the thoughts when they arise with encouragement, support, and inspiration from so many of you all!

The "third" layer, I would have to say are my actions. I am choosing to make my actions count, not just in my life but in the lives of others. I want my actions to never be in vain and useless. My actions will only count and be worthy of existing when I approach them with a happy thoughts and feelings towards myself, others, and situations I am involved in. Once again.....W-O-R-K I-N P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S!!

So, for what it's worth that is how I look at my life and what I want to be, need to be, and need to learn from. Life is beautiful but will still have challenges, but with it's layers and how I approach them, I will soar with the eagles. No matter how I am viewed by some, I know I am beautiful inside and out. My thoughts and feelings will try and be positive so that my actions are credible and helpful for myself and others. Stay Positive My Friends! ;-)

Happy New Year to all of you!!

Finish Well,

Em

Well today has been one of those days. I know when you hear people say that it is usually not meant in a good way BUT with this site intended for nothing but good what do you think is going to come next? Yep, you guessed it, it was a GOOD day today!

Let me back up to last night. Although I missed my second family...that is my WLS support group, sanity, encouragement, HEALTHY, ever shrinking, near-and-dear-to-my-heart friends, I was were I needed to be last night. I was with my family that has been with me at my worst and at my best they have loved me most through it all. I was at my daughter Mekayla's FIRST band performance playing the saxophone. Can you say EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE?!?! Yep, those 3 words described me last night. She got dressed and looked so grown up....I cried. She got up on the stage, started playing, and sounded so good that....I cried. When they were done playing they sat together while other bands played so I ran over to be the "Mamarazzi" that I am and let me tell you that was "So not cool Mom."so.....I cried. I get in the car to come home, check Facebook to see where my sweet friend Rhonda posted a picture of all my pretty women at group with the title "We miss you." so...you guessed it...Yep, I CRIED!!!

I am so proud of my BABY girl---you could say I am in denial as this child is 12 yrs. old---she is such a good kid and so talented. She teaches me so much daily about myself and life. So with my puffy eyes and emotionally spent self I retreated to bed without uploading all the pictures from the evening as I was really an EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE!

I woke up this morning to my GOOD DAY preceding the good day before ;-). Slept well, got up ready to face the day, I did not say that it came easily but I gave in, turned on "auto pilot", and got ready for work. Got the kids off to school and then it was MY turn for my morning ritual that involves the stuff they *say* gives you hair on your chest...yep, the stuff that my patients and co-workers are so happy to know I take the time to stop and get so I can function properly throughout the day. THE stuff called COFFEE, glorious COFFEE, it makes my heart so happy! There is usually a long line and that is my time to sit and read email, facebook, and texts. It truly is "MY TIME" even if it is only for 20 minutes I treasure it daily.

So I am sitting having "MY TIME" and as usual get up to the screen to order and they already know it is me by blurting out "Venti Pikes Place with Soy and 4 Splendas?" Yep, that's me! So I proceed forward waiting my turn to pay *very* patiently. I get to the window and the woman says, "Sweetheart, that nice lady in the car in front of you paid for your coffee, you don't owe me anything. She pays for the person behind her every morning, that is how she starts her day." Are you serious?!?! I mean I have just told you how much coffee makes my heart sing and this complete stranger pays for it?!?! I took my coffee and said "Thanks see ya tomorrow!" With THE biggest smile on my face. I pulled away from the window and then it hit me.

There is so much that could be learned from this person. I went to work and could hardly wait to tell them about this generous person and what a blessing they were to me and how humbled I was. It is not about making sure I get behind this lady again in the drive thru, it is not about the car she drives (yes, it was a nice one), it's not about her being known or taking credit for what she has done, it wasn't about how big or small my order was because quite frankly she was going to pay for it no matter what. It was her heart. It was her "paying it forward". It was her not needing to know someone to do something nice. It was not about giving to receive. It was the most selfless thing she could do for someone, she does it DAILY, and she did it for me.

This TRULY made my day, it may sound silly to say that it was THE best cup of coffee I have had in a while because it was one given to me from the heart. I almost didn't want to throw the cup away and maybe I shouldn't have, now I'm kicking myself for not even so much as taking a picture of the darn thing....grrrr. What I learned from this lady is that the very 2 things I take for granted everyday...coffee and my red holiday cup...is what makes her day. She gives from her heart daily without judgement and bias of others. I know I will never look at coffee the same in the mornings and hope to live out the lesson's I have learned from this lady.

So I want to leave a few thoughts here. I try and "pay it forward" every time I write a post, I know that people I don't know will read this and I hope it touches their heart because it came from mine. I try and see the good in myself and everyone. I try not to take my tool, friendships, and inspiration for granted...they are so special to me and I am better person because of them. I can't change the ways of the world but I can make sure that the direct and INdirect contact I make with people comes from the heart and is real. After all look at the word indirect...means not having direct contact right? Well, this lady this morning had INdirect contact with me yet she left a DIRECT stamp IN my heart by her gesture today. I can only learn from that and strive to be that everyday. My hope for us all is that we will see the good in ourselves and others, don't seek out the negative, it has not made you the person you are. Seek out the good and beauty for it is what gives you life and keeps you going.

Finish Well,

Emily

I need to share with you all something that was shared with me last night at my Women's Christmas Dinner at Church by the Pastor's Wife. I found this so profound and if we could do this EVERYDAY in our lives BOY HOWDY we would be MUCH happier people! I'm feel like I am on the right path but still have room for improvement....don't we all? That's why we are here!

So it goes like the title....DO what YOU want! No, it doesn't mean "Go on Girl, do whatever you want, whatcha waitin for?!?" It means, DO what YOU want, DO what YOU want done to you.

If you want for people to like you, then like people and make an effort to get to know them and their heart. "What we think we know about people keeps us from really knowing them." -Kathy W (she is a friend of Jill's who spoke before Jill did and was amazing too!).

If you want to reach that next goal, then do what you need to do to reach it, excercise, get support, eat healthy. "Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success." -Stephen A. Brennan

If you want others to help you and walk with you, then put yourself out there for others and lend them a hand when they need it. "Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them up"

If you want to laugh, then laugh with people! "A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life." -Hugh Sidey

So, I am going to analyze my life, my friendships, marriage, and professional relationships. I am going to really think about what I want out of all aspects of my life and I am going to make a list of those things. Then I am going to DO what I want to be done on that list. So the bottom line is:

Make a list.
Read the list.
BE the list.

I don't know about you but that seems like a pretty simple logic that will take us the rest of our lives to complete, but when we put our best foot forward and give it all we got then we are not just spinning our wheels, we ARE getting somewhere! We are ever-changing and always a work in progress but when we have little nuggets like this to live by it makes life so much more fun, positive, and encouraging!

Not a big Katie Perry fan, BUT I LOVE the song and it's lyrics to "Firework", Barney the Big Purple dinosaur could sing it for all I care! It is a beautiful song! It has so much meaning to ALL of our lives! Let you colors BURST!!!

Emily

From the amazing book "Calm my Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow comes the quote "Worrying is like rocking a chair, --it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." This is so true and I must admit that somedays I believe it and find comfort in it and somedays I am curled up in that chair in the fetal position just rocking away hoping to get somewhere by doing so.

I stop and think about the things I worry about and truth be told most it never comes to pass. "Will we make it to Mom's ok without a blow out?", "Will I get through a social gathering where there are some people that are not on the same page as me in the way we think about certain things?", "Will I ever make it to my desitination on time?"--you get the picture. How much of our lives do we miss because we're agonizing over what might happen down the road? I know that the things I listed are futile and small but worrying is worrying period. I know that we must be prepared for the things to come but we shouldn't always *expect* it for our lives. We should be armed with knowledge and positive coping mechanisms *if* such things should arise instead of worrying and *waiting-for-such-things-to-happen* our lives away. Worrying and pondering the "what if's" of our future doesn't solve any impending problems. It only paralyzes your actions of the present. It stresses you out, makes you mentally and physically tired, and saps all the fun out of what could have been another great day. Next time you start to worry about what might happen, think of this: You can prepare, but you cannot predict. So do what you can and forget what you cannot. Life is too short to worry about the what if's!

XOXO,

Emily

I wrote this in a note on Facebook in March of this year and found it fitting for today as the many things I am thankful for! I hope you enjoy it!

Just wanted to share my heart with you all.

I thank God each day for making me fat. I thank God everyday for making me 270 pounds, with joint problems, acid reflux, shortness of breath when I walked to the end of the drive way to get my mail, and high blood pressure. I thank God everyday for my snoring at night that led to restless leg syndrome...that led to anxiety and depression....and a HANDFUL of pills that had to be popped everyday of my life just to keep going. I thank God everyday for my low self-esteem that plagued my life for most of my life. I thank God for the fact that I couldn't sit like a lady because my legs wouldn't cross over one another. I thank God for the fact that I could barely reach my butt to wipe (my arms are only so long). I thank God for every stretch mark on my thighs and stomach due to being fat.

You are probably wondering why I would thank God for all of that?? Well I can tell you why. If it wasn't for ALL the things mentioned above I wouldn't have had surgery, I wouldn't have you all, and I wouldn't have this blog. I wouldn't have been able to be blessed beyond measure DAILY by your friendships. I wouldn't have made the decision to have surgery. I wouldn't have been able to truly learn who I am as a person. I wouldn't have learned how to truly live life to the fullest with the BEST friends anyone could ever have. I wouldn't have learned what it truly means to Live and NOT just exist. Each and every one of you have taught me something new about myself that I never knew before. Some of you have held my hand through tears and lent me a shoulder to cry on. Some of you have talked me off the ledge when I want to eat my kitchen (yes I struggle with that too). Some of you have been there for me for my life outside of my Bariatric life. You all have inspired me to be a better person. I truly thank God everyday for ALL the ugly that I have been through because I have you all and the new friendships I am forming everyday. I am a perfect of example of the fact that we may not understand God's reasoning for things in our lives but if we be still and know that He is worthy and able to do great things in our lives we WILL BE BLESSED BEYOND WORDS just as I have been! I love you all from the bottom of my heart!

I hope everybody has had a blessed Thanksgiving with family and friends.

In HIS Grip,

Emily

I was just going through my mail and stumbled across this from Spark People and wanted to share it here. It is so true when it comes to us and how we encourage others and in turn we grow ourselves.

"People usually talk of "spending" energy and time on others as if once it's used, it's gone. In reality, that effort is a powerful investment because you'll get more in return. When a match lights a candle, the match's flame doesn't shrink--if anything, it grows. In the same way, you'll be even more inspired and successful by building others up. The bonus is that they'll also be better equipped to return the favor. Take action today to make someone's life a little better. Come up with just one nice thing to do for each of the important people in your life, one little thing that can make all the difference. After all, what good does it do to improve your health or your life if you're not going to do anything with it?"

Those of you that know me know that it is my Hearts desire to help others grow and succeed just as I have and still am. I am too inspired by you all and your stories to be tired and weary, you all are what keeps me going AND GROWing.

This blog is short, sweet, and to the point. Just wanted to share.

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
- Aesop, Greek author of fables

XOXO,

Emily

As I logged on to Facebook this morning I saw this posted as the Status update for Bariatric Eating: "When you look in the mirror what do you see first - the weight you have lost, or the distance you have left to travel?" I will post my response in a little while. I was one of the first to respond but have checked back through out the day to see people responses and some of them prompted my heart to become heavy for some of those in the WLS community.

I know that we as obese people have had and still have problems with depression, low self-esteem, and self- worth because the disease literally sucks the life and all of our being out of us so these self images are all we have known BUT there is HOPE in life after WLS and we need to find that and find it quick so we can get on living the lives we have been given. Here is my response to the question: "Weight Lost. Distance left to travel DOES NOT define me! Plus, when are we *done* traveling? I am not just talking about weight I'm also talking about what's on the inside of us as well, when we look in the mirror we should see so much more than outward appearance and always strive towards---going the distance---this is a way of life and we are constantly in the race, there is no finish line! Happy Thursday everybody!"

I am not saying I believe in myself and my self-worth 100% or I wouldn't have this blog although some days are better than others, the good days tend to come around more often lately....I could get used to this ;-). I am not saying that my life is AMAZING everyday because I am still human and stumble. BUT what I am saying is that when we start believing in the *why* we had surgery---not just because of our physical health issues but our mental health as well---then we will find that others believe OUR *why* as well. In other words when we believe in ourselves THAT is when others will believe in us and I don't know about you but I want my family and YOU all to believe in me...I mean come on, you all are an extremely important part of my life!...not to mention the happiness and joy we find in ourselves. I have to say that I have learned and am still learning so much about myself that I would have never known with having this surgery.

So friends lets start being more CONstructive in our criticism of ourselves. Let's stand in front of our mirror's and others and be proud of all that we have accomplished and learned on our journey's no matter how long or short they are. If you are having a bad day and find you are beating yourself up, each negative thing you say or think of yourself needs to be coupled with a positive thing. I do this and when I have to stop and think of something positive that I had hidden by all the negative I'm like WOW!...OK!....I'm liking this....and come on we all know that positive thoughts make us happy and encourage us, it is then that we will start believing in our *why's*.

So, let's really focus on telling the DEstructive self to hit the road, we don't have time to entertain those thoughts because they just are not worthy of our time--plain and simple. They are selfish and debilitating to our spirits and have no business clouding our judgement. Please be proud of yourself and your journey, you have accomplished so much just in having surgery! Please remember that your story is YOUR story, NOT anyone elses. It is so detrimental to our spirits when we try to compare ourselves to one another (and yes I have been guilty of doing just that) and compare successes. Success is SUCCESS no matter how big or small and we need to embrace it all the same!

Ok my friends let's work on kickin' DEstructive criticism to the curb, and start cuddlin up with some CONstructive criticism for our own overall well-being! ;-)

Finish Well,

Emily

When I think of my life since WLS I think this is a good word to describe it. I mean NOTHING about this life is usual, regular, or customary! But wait...I am getting ahead of myself and need to back up and give you background into my decision to become an EXTRAordinary girl.

In my Adolescence I never really struggled with my weight, it did not become an issue until I got pregnant with my Daughter Mekayla and "Blossomed" into a person I didn't know. I packed on 70 pounds during the pregnancy and it stuck to me like glue from there on out. In fact it invited some friends along to come and hang out too! That was one of the happiest times in my life and also one of the saddest as well. Here I was a Mother at 20 yrs. old and forced to grow up QUICKLY....gosh how I wished she would have come with an instruction packet!...and also rejected at the same time and found myself to be a 20 yr old SINGLE Mother! This along with other things in my life sent me spiraling out of control and finding comfort in food. I have to say that looking back on that chapter in my life, it was very short lived because when Mekayla was 2 yrs old this Angel came into our lives....His name is Edwin and Daddy. He came into my mess of a life and cleaned it up without a second thought. He saw me for who I was on the inside NOT the outward apperance that everybody stared at all the time with their noses turned up! We got married when Mekayla was 5 yrs. old and I was almost at my heaviest. I continued to pack on the pounds but this time it was different....It was because I was happy and had someone that loved me for me (and the dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts I would pound EVERY weekend!) We were married for a year and then started trying to have another child...well there wasn't much trying we got it on the 2nd try ;-)...so with my son Mario's pregnancy came MORE weight on top of the "baby weight" from my *Baby* that was now 7 yrs. old. Now we have offically entered the time I got to be the HEAVIEST I ever was, weighing in at a whopping 270 pounds.

Several years went by...along with ALOT of pictures with me BEHIND the camera....that I continued existing and not living. I developed High Blood Pressure, was Pre Diabetic, Depression/Anxiety, Restless Leg Syndrome from lack of sleep, Obstructed Sleep Apnea, Acid Reflux, and Joint and Back Pain...**obviously all of these Co-Morbidities did not just fall into my lap all at once, they started in my 20's, it seemed I would get a new one every year for my Birthday!** I was taking a handfull of pills a day just to stay "vertical". I *knew* that if I didn't do something about my weight I was literally going to die at the grasp of one of my Co-Morbidities and/or obesity. However with all of this said, I was not in the right mindset to succeed at having WLS. I continued to sabatoge my self esteem and health with a very UNhealthy bond with food.

I had to be ready mentally to take on WLS and I wasn't until I had a "wake up call" from my Husband one day. He looked at me genuinely concerned for me and my health and said "If you don't do something about your weight, I feel that I am going to be raising our kids on my own.".....WOW....THAT slapped me across the face real hard and WOKE ME UP! Right then I realized that I was being selfish and not giving my family the wife and mother they so much deserved. THAT is when I made the choice to go to a WLS Seminar at the Hospital (the very same one that I speak at once a month with my surgeon....funny how that happens when you are COMMITTED to doing the right thing) in August of 2008 and started my Pre Op process in September 2008 and had surgery January 2009....I HAVEN'T LOOKED BACK SINCE THAT DAY!!!

In future blogs I will talk about the WHAT'S AND HOW'S I have been successful with my tool...I have to save something for later....I have to keep telling myself that because I tend to be long winded can't cha tell ;-)

This is my story in a TINY nutshell. More will be revealed in the future. Thanks so much for walkin' this road with me. We will skip and dance sometimes, sometimes we will have to hurdle pot holes, and sometimes we may fall in those pot holes but we will always have each other to lend a hand to. I thank you so much for your friendship and for believing in me when at times I struggle with believing in myself....I'll get into that later too!....OK! enough already I am giving away all my future stuff! Before I go I want to leave some "Food for Thought" that I live by and helps me through my journey and I hope you can find comfort in it too.

"Remember that WLS is merely a tool. It works however YOU use it."

"Obesity is a disease that each one of has. HOWEVER YOU can chose to feed that disease or chose to take your life and health back from the disease."

"What I thought was Freedom with food was actually bondage.....THIS is Freedom!"

Well this concludes my very FIRST post, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Finish Well,

Emily