eonsd
I'm back !!! 01/24/08
Jan 24, 2008
Hello OH mates,
I can't believe it has been little over 14 months since I first created my profile. Many things can happen in one split second. Imagine how many in 14 months!
You might be asking: What has happened in your life?, Why did you vanish in "fat air"? (in my case stating "thin air" would have been consired sarcasm), Did you go through with surgery? Have you lost some weight? If you did, how did you do it? Why did you return to the site?. There's not enough space and time on this single blog entry to answer all of these inquiries. Nevertheless, I can say that this entry is a step forward on that direction.
The short answer to the last question (Why did you return to the site?) is pure chance. Honestly by now, I had forgotten about the website and why I joined in the first place. This morning I decided to check my junk mail folder, which I never do, and there it was. An email from OH promoting something I don't even remember now. I decided to come back and see if "my stuff" was still active. I guess we both know the answer to that one.
Once I had the chance to finally retrieve my login info, I was surprised at what I found.
First, that I did a pretty darn good job selecting my backgrounds!
Second, I realized how different my mindset was back then.
Third, oh my pictures...
Why? Because it's shocking to see (again) what I had done to myself. I had to quickly regroup my ideas to avoid feeling depressed about seeing me like that. On the other hand, I was glad that (at the time) I was willing to share a bit of myself with this cyber community. Believe me it took a lot of courage to put those up knowing now how I felt back then.
Actually, it took me one day of traumatic thinking to finally decide to upload my pictures. Notice that I joined on 11/11/2006 and my pictures were uploaded on 11/12/2006. We all know why it took me a while. I was afraid of being rejected based on how I looked.
The day after creating my profile I came back from work, grabbed my camera and started taking pictures. Quickly I realized that a full body shot was a little too much for me. I decided to go for the mug shot instead. People look creepy on those anyway! That would be my perfect excuse. I took about 30 pictures of my face that afternoon. By my "unrealistic standards" at the time none was worth the upload.
But I really wanted a picture because everybody had one. Call it "peer pressure" or simply put "that desperate need for support and sense of belonging".
The solution: I posted two old pictures. On those I was about 50-60 pounds "less fat". I was not ready to expose myself. At least people will be able to put a face to an avatar. Mission accomplished. I had a profile on OH and well on my way to have Lap-Band surgery...or so I thought. That was my mindset then.
I'm still the same person, but with a twist on my outlook in life. Ever changing and unwilling to go back to those days. I have reached a point in my life in which I feel more comfortable sharing my story.
I've been blessed to have experienced many things over the course of the previous year. Both good and bad. Most relevant being finding the strentgh and support to deal with some of my worst demons. The battle isn't over though.
I'm full of energy and hope. Now, I look forward to every morning because I see it as another chance for success.
By the way, I have lost some weight. YES! =)
I can't believe it has been little over 14 months since I first created my profile. Many things can happen in one split second. Imagine how many in 14 months!
You might be asking: What has happened in your life?, Why did you vanish in "fat air"? (in my case stating "thin air" would have been consired sarcasm), Did you go through with surgery? Have you lost some weight? If you did, how did you do it? Why did you return to the site?. There's not enough space and time on this single blog entry to answer all of these inquiries. Nevertheless, I can say that this entry is a step forward on that direction.
The short answer to the last question (Why did you return to the site?) is pure chance. Honestly by now, I had forgotten about the website and why I joined in the first place. This morning I decided to check my junk mail folder, which I never do, and there it was. An email from OH promoting something I don't even remember now. I decided to come back and see if "my stuff" was still active. I guess we both know the answer to that one.
Once I had the chance to finally retrieve my login info, I was surprised at what I found.
First, that I did a pretty darn good job selecting my backgrounds!
Second, I realized how different my mindset was back then.
Third, oh my pictures...
Why? Because it's shocking to see (again) what I had done to myself. I had to quickly regroup my ideas to avoid feeling depressed about seeing me like that. On the other hand, I was glad that (at the time) I was willing to share a bit of myself with this cyber community. Believe me it took a lot of courage to put those up knowing now how I felt back then.
Actually, it took me one day of traumatic thinking to finally decide to upload my pictures. Notice that I joined on 11/11/2006 and my pictures were uploaded on 11/12/2006. We all know why it took me a while. I was afraid of being rejected based on how I looked.
The day after creating my profile I came back from work, grabbed my camera and started taking pictures. Quickly I realized that a full body shot was a little too much for me. I decided to go for the mug shot instead. People look creepy on those anyway! That would be my perfect excuse. I took about 30 pictures of my face that afternoon. By my "unrealistic standards" at the time none was worth the upload.
But I really wanted a picture because everybody had one. Call it "peer pressure" or simply put "that desperate need for support and sense of belonging".
The solution: I posted two old pictures. On those I was about 50-60 pounds "less fat". I was not ready to expose myself. At least people will be able to put a face to an avatar. Mission accomplished. I had a profile on OH and well on my way to have Lap-Band surgery...or so I thought. That was my mindset then.
I'm still the same person, but with a twist on my outlook in life. Ever changing and unwilling to go back to those days. I have reached a point in my life in which I feel more comfortable sharing my story.
I've been blessed to have experienced many things over the course of the previous year. Both good and bad. Most relevant being finding the strentgh and support to deal with some of my worst demons. The battle isn't over though.
I'm full of energy and hope. Now, I look forward to every morning because I see it as another chance for success.
By the way, I have lost some weight. YES! =)
11/12/06 Oh sweet HTML!
Nov 12, 2006
Finally got my profile going. Hope you peeps like it, 'cause it's a little tricky playing with all those codes. I will try to improve it as time passes by. Have a great week and c u ltr!
