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I am beginning to sound like the broken record I was before my surgery! I am very discouraged, lots of stress in my life right now, and weigh in at 196 lb. my lowest was 158 lb. back in 2013 just before we left for Florida for the winter. I hate to say I have returned to bad habits of snacking, all day long. Cooking much better, except for lately, and doing everything from scratch. Loving the cooking! So I am making a promise to myself to begin again because I know I can do it.  I cannot eat much at a meal, which is good. It is just that I graze all day, not good. Exercise is Jill and that will not change till we get south. But I want to get prepared as I did for the surgery

i need also to talk with my G.F.P. To adjust my meds for depression. Cymbalta is not working as well as Prozac did. 

I also am going to make a promise to get back to my Bible studying and devotions, sadly lacking this summer. I need to clean up a bit too before I start packing containers to go.basically six weeks left.

Spent most of the summer recovering from surgery on my hips. I was just starting to walk outside with one cane when I lost my balance and fell, breaking my femur. So back in hospital for more surgery and another six weeks of rehab. In Oct. I received the ok to travel so now we are in our home in Florida. I was doing more walking and swimming when I first came down but now it is colder and the pool is closed. I am gaining weight, spending too much time sitting, reading and snacking! I am not happy about clothes getting tighter. I was so thrilled to be close to my goal and wearing a medium, now I need an extra large again to feel comfortable. I do not want to get on the merry go round again. So I am going to begin writing again and keeping track. My girls have done so well, it should encourage me but I am that much older too.

i will write once a week and use the tacker and see if I can cut portions back. I know I am not hungry, it is boredom! I need to keep busy.

It is now the time when I might regain and I am scared. My weight has maintained at 163-166, depending on snacks. I think I still put too much on my plate but I never eat what I put there. We are heading home in four days and I intend to start measuring again. Still in a wheelchair I have been in a lot of pain so exercise has been limited, not even getting in the pool this year. Surgery for both hips is scheduled for May 23 rd . I anticipate a lot of therapy and hopefully will lose any desire to eat. I seem to want to snack a lot more from a lack of doing things and being bored than anything else. I have had many days this winter with depression and I think the meds need some adjusting. I will discuss this with Lea when I get back. I think Prozac was actually more effective.

i am wearing a petite 16 in capris and a large in tops from most stores, a 36C or  D in a bra from Victoria Secret.. So I am happy to be down this far but also concerned that I have farther to go and I am scared I will start gaining again and not be able to control it. I have lost 114 pounds. I do not see myself any differently though. I am still very fat. My arms and legs have a lot of hanging skin!!

this summer will be interesting indeed!

I have not made the progress I should have because I am cheating too much and not moving enough. I still need hip surgery badly. I am working on it now that I am below 200 but I have to start all over agin with referral and x-rays and visits.I am eating more and it scaresme. I weigh 187 now but have been this weight for 2 months. I had a lot of  nausea during the winter and laid down a lot. We spent the winter in  Florida and I should hahve been swimming every day as the temps were so good but I did not. I doubled my prozac before we headed back for the summer and I think that helped.
I will try to log on more often and maybe that will he\lp my progress.

This is half way through the Opitfast and I must say i am surprised at my tenacity to stay with it. I have had the odd breakdown, as Sunday I had a bite of roast beef and two baby roasted potatoes. Justr could not help myself as it smelled so good. The rest of the the time I am banned from the kitchen. I am upstairs all day and have to say it is boring!! But I know what I am like so I will stay here till Sunday and we  leave for Toronto. I cannot get 4 shakes into me though so the most I have had so far is two!! But I am not Hungry  as such, along with dill pickles whic is my saving grace!!
Jen came over to visit so we talked about the surgery. I can appreciate her fear as you walk into the surgery room. I hope I can have the strength she did. She has done so well!! I am proud of both her and Jill.
I am thinking of how much more I will appreciate my food after the surgery and not abuse the abliity to eat!!
6 days to go!!

Started on time!! Wow!! I was up, showered and dressed, ready to go by 7:15am. Bri ready too. Not a very good forcast for today, humid with thunderstorms. No problems on 400 and traffic ok, arrived on time. So you sit and wait, wait, wait. Blood work done, did not have to starve this am, although she said the results would be more accurate, another ECG and chest x-rays. Talked with an anethestist although he said it would probably not be him during the surgery. No concerns here, other than the normal for any surgery. Talked with nurse re: meds, and procedure that day. Some questions are hard to answer as I do not remember much history of illnessses, it was so long ago. bri was pretty bored!! Long day for her. When we finished it was storming outside, just pouring, 11:45 and I wanted to get to the clinic office to ask about Optifast befoere they closed. The nurse I talked with said it depended on how much you mixed at once as to whether you made 3,4 or 5 a day - and everyone meabolizes differently so it is hard to say why some do not get the liver shrunk enough for surgery. She said those with allergies are put on a restricted diet and do not use Optifast so it can't be what is in the drink itself. Anyway I am making it with 400 ml water and will try to get in as much as possible.
Drove over to pick up the Optifast and Bri said the girls at the office were very nice.
It looked like thunderstorms again as we drove back but nothing happened so maybe we missed it.
Brakes on the car are noisy again so I will have to get them fixed as soon as possible.
On the whole, a long day, 2 1/2 hours doing the pre-op and 3 hours driving. Now to see if I can stick to just the Optifast. We wook sliced cucmbers, green pepper and dill pickles, which we ate after the appt., did not finish shake this morning but drinking one now., Got my water in though this aft.
Feeling a little depressed this evening, I guess I am just tired!!

Well This was day one in my surgery process. Starting the Optifast fully today. I had begun on Monday Aug 29th but cheated a little and did not have enough shakes to make it real. I am glad I started earlier than I was supposed to. Today was real and so far so good. The Optifast tasted better when I realized that I was supposed to make it with water instead of milk. It was soooooooo chalky on Monday!! Today's tasted better!! I think I can cpoe with the chocolate taste. I have a few vanilla from my girls so I can put them in between when I want a change . I am in love with dill pickles!! already!!
So pre-op is tomorrow bright and early start. Appt. in Toronto at 9 am and with traffic i hope to be on the road by 7:30 at the latest!! So no late reading tonight!!