FinallyLiving

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April 04, 2005

Ok so it took me 2 weeks to lose 3 pounds. UGH! I'm walking during my lunch break. I use my gazelle and 95% of the time I'm eating right. I'm on that tea kick and I don't like Splenda in it, so I'm using sugar. The tea kicks been going on for 3 weeks now. Maybe it's the sugar?? I see Dr. Harrington this Thursday. Will get his opinion.

-62 lbs





March 22, 2005

Oh, lots has happened. Two nights ago my mother made some baked chicken. I had two bites, got nauseas and told her no thank you. She gave me a leg to take home. So I took it to work for lunch and this time while I ate it, I didn't get nauseas. But.. about 3 minutes after eating, I started getting really sick. So I took a walk to the bathroom where I let it out and let it out... and let it out. I posted before that vomiting was so much easier now ... not today. Today was TERRIBLE! Twice I thought I was done, only to go on puking again. My tummy muscles ache a little right now.

The 22/24 pants I bought around 2/27 are now swimming on me! Swimming! ::dances:: I am so thrilled!

I can now walk a considerable difference without being out of breath, and not having back pain, I can walk so much further now. I walk after I have lunch, and I walk around the parking lot during both my cig breaks. I use my gazelle at home.

Well, it looks like I lose weight every other week. I've stopped going on the scale but I had lost 5 lbs, nothing the next week and then 4 the following week. Ok .. well at first I freaked out a bit, but you can't complain about that really.

-59 lbs





March 15, 2005

So my shoulder is hurting me for some reason. I can't figure out what I did to hurt it.. or maybe it's arthritis.. but I pulled my shirt over my shoulder and rubbed it and .... realized I have shoulders now... lol ... how weird... so much meat is off them now. They feel so different.





March 14, 2005

Ok so I had a mini fit and had a bad night the other night and came on here bitching about how my weight loss has slowed down. While I see that I over-reacted, it's a legitate fear that the losing stops. Afterall look at all, someone who has had WLS gone thru. Plus, it feels soooooo good when it's melting off ... who wants it to stop?

Ok well after this weekend I gained 1 pound. Now this is what I ate. Saturday I ate 2 slices of watermelon and 1 slice of pizza and that's it. Sunday I ate 2 slices of cantaloupe, 7 spinach and cheese tortellini and about a quater of a cup of FF choc pudding. Ok now I know, I should be filling my pouch with all protein, and I barely had any protein and carbs up the wazoo.... still, I dont think it warrants a weight gain ::heavy sigh:: and hey... I haven't had a fruit since the beginning of January and was craaaaaaaaaving fruit. I'd walk in someplace and smell cantaloupe ... I'm not weighing myself everyday anymore, just every Monday. I think it's making me insane to weigh myself every day. Plus a couple of people at work today said I looked like I got smaller and my pants are getting pretty loose on me. so inches are still coming off.

One of my kitties had to go to the vet today for a glucose curve. He was put on 2 units 2x a day 2 weeks ago. Well, now he's at 3 units 2x a day. My poor little guy.





March 6, 2005

Ugh ... Ok so I left my snack (protein bar) in the car during the concert and naturally got starved. So at intermission we went and my friend got a pretzel. Ok, so I broke off a piece of her pretzel, dipped it in some mustard (which happened to be dijon) and ate it. A few minutes later ... I didn't get the stuck feeling but it was a sort of... uh.. my stomach didn't know what to make of it. Finally that feeling went away and so 20 minutes later I was dying of thirst so I took a .. kinda big sip of her coke (now, I have had SMALL sips of others cokes here and there over the last few weeks and nothing went wrong) and that was it. I didn't even swallow it yet and I knew I was done. So, I walked my hinney to the bathroom and yep.. heaved. I think it was the carbonation. Not sure. Becuz I used the straw. I dont know. After that I was good as new, returned to my seat and enjoyed the rest of the show. .... But on the way back to my seat this guy walks in front of me stopping me and chit chatted a bit. When I was ready to leave and go back to my seat, this guy ran his fingers down my cheek and said I was so beautiful........ O.O...... can't tell you the last time that happened... oh, cuz it never has before. It was probably the beer. The fleet center serves until 9pm.

-55lbs





March 5, 2005

I think the sleep apnea is gone. But I'm not going to ask for a sleep study to find out for awhile. Maybe it's just decreased and I need a lower setting. That sleep study is a pain so I'm waiting.

Oooh tonight Motley Crue... Thank God I feel better about myself or I'd be missing them and how could I miss Crue's comeback tour?!?!?!

I'm so glad I'm back to work. After going so slow the last few weeks I managed to take off 4 this week alone. YAY! Sometimes I get pissed I can't eat too much. It's just kind of a pain and I can't cook anymore becuz I don't know how to cook to accomadate my small appetite. So I've been buying frozen meals like Tyson's glazed ham, and Gordon's fish, etc.

-54lbs ::dances::





March 3, 2005

Thank God I'm back to work! I've lost 3lbs this week. Finally something came off! I'm only working 6 hours this week and beginning Monday I'm going back to 8. I thought I could handle the 8, but Monday afternoon I became exhausted. I haven't felt muscle pain for awhile so I'm going to start using my Gazelle now also. Well, I stood today for about 15 minutes talking with a co-worker and the muscle got tight, but it didnt hurt. And I think it's good it got tight. It has to strengthen anyway right?


So I found these protein bars. Carb Solutions. They have 23 grams of protein. Unreal! But.. 210 calories. They taste pretty good too. I eat half for one snack and half for the other. They cost $2.50 each.. sucks. I wont eat one every day. Too many cals.

I tried Slim fast meal replacement for low carb. It has a nice 20 grams of protein and the taste is awful. Chocolate anyway. Those are 4 for $6.00 ... what a waste of money.

So, I bought new clothes, but they were summer clothes (i figured I'd wear a sweater over them for the rest of winter) because I can't be buying clothes every month. But now we got hit with 2 more snow storms and it's really freakin cold. Ugh. So every day while dressing, I've been in my closet looking through old clothes I haven't thrown out. OMG.. everything fits! There are clothes in there that have been there for 7-10 years that I haven't been able to fit in. One of my favorite tops was a red corduroy shirt that zips up. It's a 22/24 and it's really loose on me. What happened? I lost more inches since I went shopping? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING! lol I'm ecstatic and a few people at work have told me they've never seen me so happy and smiling so much. :D

-53 lbs





February 27, 2005

Great News! ::dances:: I'm starting back to work on Monday, so I decided to go buy a few new things, clothes wise, so I won't look like a slob. Before surgery I was in a 26/28 pants and a 32 top... Now I'm in an 22/24 pants! O.o... and 26/28 top. Really I'm in a 22/24 top, but I like things a little loser on me. Oh Oh Oh!! and I went from a 48c Bra to a 44c bra! ::dances more:: :D But, to be fair, I had to lose that weight before surgery and I had lost some inches there.

Eating wise ... I can't eat more than 1.5 ounces a sitting. Not sure what's up with that. I used to be able to eat more than that. Unless I can feel my pouch better now???





February 25, 2005

Well, it happened. Yesterday I was busy, so I was running around and did very well avoiding fast food places, because I was starving. I hadn't eaten all day. When I got home, I weighed out 2 ounces of ham. I could only eat 1 ounce. 10 minutes after I ate I had that stuck feeling, but it was no where bad as it can get. 5 minutes later nauseau hit me like a ton of bricks and I vomited that foamy stuff. So I think I know what happened. First of all the pieces I cut weren't as small as they should have been and I probably didn't chew well enough. I remember thinking to myself "wow, this is going down easily". Well, I think a piece that wasnt chewed well couldn't get passed my esophagus and stuck. So I was sitting in the bathroom for a bit and knew the only way to feel better was to just give in and vomit. So, I did. More white foam, and then food and after that I was completely better. Thankfully I only ate an ounce all day and thankfully no more bile or acid so the experience wasn't as bad as it used to be. I am disappointed in myself though, but I learned and won't repeat that mistake.





February 22, 2005

Btw, I'm on solids now. Yesterday I had a poached egg on toast and it was fine, until 20 minutes later when I had 3 sips of milk then I got hit with nauseau that lasted about 5 minutes. That was the closest I've come to yet to heaving.

-50 lbs





February 21, 2005

-49 lbs... boy is it coming off slow now. What am I doing wrong? God knows I'm barely eating.





February 17, 2005

I saw Dr. Harrington today. He said the muscle ache is from using it more and more as I become more active. He said the tug under my incision is probably adhesions that released. He felt around, wasn't worried about it, so I'm not worried about it. He released me back to work for the 28th ::groans:: That should be a trip. When I go out to do errands or visit Dr. Harrington, by the time I get home I'm wiped out. I forgot to mention the peanuts thing with him. He had told me that when I'm on solids, he wants me to eat meat and nuts more than anything else. So last night I measured out 2.5oz of nuts and ate them for 2 snacks... ok well.. today I woke up with a pound on me that wasn't on me yesterday .. so I looked.. 160 cals per oz! I ate 400 cals in nuts!!!!!! I had eaten/drank 558 cals for the day.. now add that 400 cals for those damn nuts!!!!!! I haven't come even close to 1000 cals before then. So yeah, I forgot to mention that to him. Grrrrr ... Needless to say, I won't be eating more an 1 oz of peanuts of day. Oh yeah, he said I can take pills now. I had a headache, but was nervous about taking anything, so afraid it'll get stuck. They didn't get stuck. Yay!

-48 lbs.





February 12, 2005


Several things have happened over the last few days. The other night I went to bed, turned over and felt a tug. Upon inspection, I found a small lump directly under my incision line. I took my temp, didn't have one and went to sleep. When I woke up the tugging sensation was gone, replaced with pinching that really made me nervous. I got scared it was a staple out of place or something. Over the last couple of days, no more tugging or pinching from the site, tho the lump is still there. A day after that, my muscle to the left of the incision started KILLING. Every once in awhile it feels like it starts to contract into a knot. The pressure grows and grows and then it really hurts a lot. That passes in a few minutes. Also, yesterday I ate with my mother and uncle. I'm still doing puree, but am experimenting with solids more and more. We had pot roast, baked potatoes, salad and Italian bread. I didnt have salad, not wanting to get filled up on it. I ate more at this sitting than any other. Probably 4-5 oz. Mostly I ate the meat, I had a lil potatoe and I ate the inside of a tiny piece of Italian bread. I didn't get that stuck feeling and I stopped when I knew I needed to. But, I do have to admit, It was a bit hard watching my mother and uncle eat. I mean they REALLY enjoyed it and I never noticed before, how much they do. It's profound really. Becuz I'd have been right there with them, but because I can't ... I can now notice things about their eating habits that I never did before. People shouldn't enjoy eating THAT much. You know? And that was me before this surgery too. I will also admit that I missed being able to dig in, but I was satisfied with what I ate.

-47 lbs





February 8, 2005

I finally noticed the difference in me. I went out yesterday to do some errands and stopped at my mothers. She has a full length mirror. I was pretty shocked to see I'm not as wide as I used to be! hehehehehehe My mother said there's a big difference in my back, hips, legs and backside. My face has slimmed down too. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-45 lbs





February 2, 2005

Ohhh, nevermind about the fluctuating appetite. I have my appetite back today. Apparently I was sick. Beginning Monday I was feeling under the weather. Monday and Tuesday I went back to napping and just didn't feel great. Early yesterday evening I spiked a temp and then realized friends came over on Friday and someone must have been sick. I'm, apparently, going to think that whenever something is wrong with me, it's allllll about the surgery. >:l

-43 lbs





February 1, 2005

-42 lbs

Appetite is fluctuating in that 1 day I'm starving and the next I have no interest in food. Finding that odd.




January 29, 2005

Tried a scrambled egg. The 2nd bite hurt me. I felt like it was stuck in my esophagus. I wondered if I ate too fast, becuz I thought I chewed well enough. Someone in the forum suggested it was too dry. I think that was it.

Tonight I ate 1oz of mashed sweet potatoes and 1oz of chicken salad. After the fluid diet, it seemed like a feast. hehe

No weight change, 3 days now.




January 28, 2005

Started Puree last night. Had some mashed potatoes and creamed spinach. Mmmmm
I'm drinking the hell outta skim milk. 2-4 cups a day. I wasn't a milk drinker before surgery. Milk became the thing I can drink that makes my existence better.
Weight - 41 lbs




January 25, 2005

My Surgery was 1-07-05, but here's some history:

In highschool I weighed 150 and was about 30lbs overweight. At 17 my cycle went haywire and I packed on 60 or 80 (can't remember which # now) pounds in 1 year bringing me roughly to 210. My gynecologist sent me to a fertility doctor who told me (after tests) that I had PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. He told me that women with PCOS have a difficult time losing weight, some are obese and then told me I'd have a difficult time conceiving a child normally. Oh yay, all that good news in 1 day. From age 17 to present age 36 I went from 210 to 298, tho my highest weight was 321. I packed on 23 lbs between Nov 03 and Jan 04 when I went nuts with eating foods I thought I was saying goodbye too before surgery. What a mistake that was!

I became aware of Gastric bypass from Carnie Wilson and played around the idea for a couple of years, but I was scared of the surgery and I thought it was a cop out. That was before I realized the surgery was a tool and before I became totally sick of my life, but at the time, I figured the surgery to be the magic cure. Now if someone tells me I took the easy way out, I may just spit on them!

Finally in the summer of 2003, I just got **sick** of my life. I had lost all my friends about 10 years earlier becuz I stopped going out, ashamed of how I looked. I couldn't walk a mall, I hadn't been to the beach since I was 16, I missed movies, concerts, .. oh just life. I became sick and tired of being holed up in my house and started having panic attacks while in public, which then led me to anti-anxiety medications. I have tried diets and fad diets throughout the years with no results and was sick of it. I was on Redux and lost 25lbs in one month and was thrilled, then the controversary started and my pcp called me and told me to stop the Redux. :( So then I began doing research on the web. Then I found a surgeon. I had to wait until December 2003 to see him. I had all my tests done by January 8th 2004 (they really cramed them in!) and then had to wait until June 2004 to see my surgeon again. Well, like I posted above, I went absolutely nuts eating - pies, pastries, cakes, anything with sugar, which is funny since I barely ate sweets to begin with. I just loved food.

When I saw my surgeon in June, (remember at 321) he told me to lose 40lbs. I went ballistic, we argued, I cried and he told me to get an appointment with his nutrionist and to see him October and we'd see then. I left highly depressed and thinking he was nuts. After all, I tried diets through out my life, plus I was thinking of that PCOS and how it's supposed to prevent me from losing weight. I went home and constructed a 3 page letter to my surgeon which took me about 6 hours and 2 days to finish. He got the letter, didn't care about my pleas and told me to see him in October after I lost 40lbs. Then I got MAD and started looking for surgeons in Massachusetts. I had made a couple of appointments but ... I cancelled them. I just didnt feel like the rejection of another surgeon, and taking time out of work to travel to Boston to meet with other surgeons. Plus, my surgeon was supposed to be the best in our state with a great record!

I went and saw the nutrionist and by my appointment time with my surgoen, I lost 35lbs!! Dr. Harrington, making me lose weight, was a blessing. First of all I gained confidence in myself ... confidence that I never had in my life! My only regret was not seeing a nutrionist when I was 16 and 30lbs overweight. When Dr. Harrington came in ... the first thing he did was smile, put out his hand for me to shake and congratulated me on losing 35lbs. He said I proved to him that I was serious about losing weight and we can schedule the surgery. Heh.. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. Ok so he wanted me to prove to him that I was serious about taking off the weight? Well it makes me think more of him now. He'd rather see I was mentally capable and ready to take off the weight than just think "KA-CHING" and risk my life with this WLS!! This surgery is only a "TOOL". We still have to work hard to lose weight and keep it off and that takes MENTAL discipline and changing too, so he gave me a head start! From October to my surgery date January 7, 2005, I managed to keep off 32lbs, which also makes me very proud since I passed 3 holidays.

My surgery was an open. While in there they found a fibroid tumor on my uterus. It was either - 4x4, 6x6, or 10x10. The nurses told me there were 3 different sizes in my chart. I just go with the middle size. Also, even tho my gallbladder tests were good, he removed my gallbladder, stating that it was twisted and it was congenital. So needless to say, my incision was from my breastbone all the way to my pubis. That's not something I'm even caring about at this point. I remember being wheeled in the OR at 8:30am... and I remember looking at the clock when they woke me up - 12:15pm and I specifically remember saying to myself... that's too long, what went wrong? Now I know and very glad it was nothing major.

It's totally amazing to me, what was done to me and how good I feel in such a short period. They had an epideral in me so in the hospital I felt nothing... except the itching from the morphine which drove me nuts! I really have no complaints from my hospital experience. The nurses were all so awesome (except 1 - D...)! My only complaint really is that I slept so little. I'd wake up and feel so good, thinking I got a nice 4 hour nap and only an hour went by!!

Being home the 1st two days was a trip. I bet my poor mother didn't know that she'd have to give her 36-yr old daughter a shower, but I couldnt bend or stretch and needed the help, God bless her. I'm really very tired of SF pudding, creamed soups and tv is my enemy! Isn't it just so funny how you never notice how many food commercials are on tv until you had this procedure and can't eat solids! So far I haven't dumped or vomited (TG cuz can't imagine vomiting at this point!) and am very grateful for that. I'm currently having a problem remembering to eat becuz I'm so thirsty all the time, I think I drink myself full and so never eat. I go 2 days without eating and force myself to eat on the 3rd day and start all over again. But I posted something in the forum, and from the responses, I realize now I have to force myself to eat and will do so. I don't want to get sick.

When I got home from the hospital I weighed 310. I gained weight (fluid probably) in the hospital but right now I'm 272! I called Curves to get my last measurements but can't find my measuring tape :( I'm excited to see the difference since I am now wearing jogging pants my mother gave me a year ago that didn't fit. I do have to admit, there's been a couple of times I asked myself why I did this. But I just need to be patient. Everyone tells me when I can be on solids, I'll be a lot better. I believe that. I just wish there was something satisfying that I could drink. Right now that would make my existence so much better.