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The 4th was the 2nd holiday since starting the generic Contrave meds.  On Memorial Day I didn't feel great and didn't miss the usual family food traditions.  For Independence Day we didn't celebrate which was fine. I'm still a bit blue over the recent tragedy in N. Idaho.  It will be good to be able to give my Firefighter/EMT son-in-law a huge hug next week. We can't ever begin to thank our first responders enough.

Our patriotic celebrations always had a bbq'd meat with caloric sides: potato salad, chips, a pasta salad, a cheesy-rich green salad, corn on the cob, watermelon and usually a chocolate zucchini cake and a pie for dessert.  I couldn't even fit in one bite of all that together.  Hubby had some leftover bbq'd chicken and I made him a low-sugar pudding pie with blended cottage cheese in it.  Ssh, don't tell him it was healthier.

I had half a cup of zero-sugar-added Bush's beans (what a disappointment!) microwaved with half an Aidell's Italian seasoned chicken sausage.  The beans weren't worth the calories, lol. But 2 cups of cubed watermelon and some cucumber spears...were scrumptious snacks!  After eating clean again now the flavors of fresh food are intense. 

This morning was week 7 weigh-in and I expected a gain from the sodium in those beans but instead I had a nice loss--shocking.  The scale said 202.2 which brings me so close to Onederland!  With that motivation it won't be hard to stick to plan and push in as much exercise as possible this week.  After a month of PT I'm able to walk so much better.   I still can't believe this is me and I'm able to keep my meals so healthy.  What an amazing gift. 

So, this post is accountability for me to work as hard as I can to get to Onederland next week.  Crossing fingers!

On Saturday it was time to follow dr's orders and step up to the full dose of Contrave which was 100 mg Naltrexone.  It comes with some whopper side effects that aren't supposed to last too long.  The first day I had to cancel family plans because I was the walking dead and acted like being drunk.  By the first afternoon at least my head cleared somewhat but I was still dizzy and weak, wobbly on my pins.  With each day the drunk phase is less and less but I'm still very weak and wobbly.  This too shall pass but hopefully not the actual effect of this drug combo which is shutting off the food noise and addiction.  

It is amazing not thinking about food every minute of the day and night, I love that!  Damaged knees prevent most exercise, Dr said nothing weight bearing so that is undoubtedly slowing my weight loss.  Doing seated exercises and also some seated band resistance.  PT starts next week, looking forward to getting some strength back!  At my 2nd weigh in I'd lost 12 pounds which brought me under one of those decade markers I really wanted to get past.

Because of the exercise issue it is pretty rare to be in a calorie deficit and most days I struggle to reach my calorie goal but still too easy blowing past my carb and fat goals.  It is just going to take relearning good eating habits.  And even now I'm still slightly mourning my old carby life habits.  But they are what got me in this predicament of bad health so it's time to just buckle down and follow the rules.

Boy has it been a looooong time, OH!  Eons ago at Dr's support group the leader said in their practice they always worry about patients who never come back for yearly checkups.   I *was* a star patient for many years then...  I began having health issues, several surgeries that reduced my mobility and an unpleasant HR issue at work and I ended up quitting the job that was pretty much my only physical activity.  Letting go of that stress was great but the pounds steadily crept back and bad habits returned.  Besides not exercising the worst was drinking fluids with food.  Everything became a slider and volume was no issue, I quit worrying about calories and would eat and eat and eat and the scale showed it.  

 

As the weight increased so did health problems the surgery originally fixed: high blood pressure and joint issues.  My knees got so bad this year that I had to suck it up and see to the new PCM for a checkup and hopefully an MRI (fearing a thorough scolding).  For the knees she only ordered basic x-rays which found 'mild' arthritis with bone spurs.  Odd, since I'm this close to needing a cane and can't even go shopping without it causing my legs to swell up crazy then being basically lame for the next two days.  But, whatever.  She then surprised me by insisting that I lose weight (first military doctor in my 42 years of seeing them that has happened!).  I told her I know for a fact my RNY pouch is completely working still; on the rare occasions I don't drink with meals I can only eat a tiny amount and continue to have trouble eating meat without a slider componant.  Dr. Rawlins does great work.  His surgery didn't fail, it was me who failed his surgery.

 

We discussed a variety of prescription options and most were contraindicated for me except Contrave.  I'd never even heard of it. The military only uses generics so it's Naltrexone and Bupropion with very specific dosing the first few weeks and mandatory follow-up bloodwork.  I agreed and was surprised to find myself facing full-on dieting again when I hadn't even considered it ever possible. I went in hoping for an MRI and left with prescriptions to lose weight.  Long ago I'd lost all hope of that happening due to bad habits and wicked cravings.  

 

Amazingly, the 2nd day someone flipped a switch in my brain and ALL cravings were gone.  No food noise.  POOF. Is this what normal people feel like?  My mood lifted and there was real hope again not just for weight loss, but for life in general.  I never realized how far down I'd sunk until hope returned.  Yikes.  I'm willingly slogging through the early side effects now in week three (extreme tiredness, lightheadedness, dizzyness, horrible nightmares and feeling kind of spacey during the day) and I'm thankful my husband is being extra patient and supportive.  Now to wait for the next dose change and getting accustomed to it all which supposedly can take up to six weeks.  PT starts soon for the knees to strengthen and increase range of motion so I can at least be able to walk for exercise.  Not going to impose a goal weight on this process, my main goal is getting my health back.  I've got four amazing grandkids and I want to be able to keep up with them.  But I sure wouldn't complain about fitting back in smaller clothes again. 

 

See you soon with another update, I promise!

Wow...today has been four years since Dr. Rawlins gave me the second chance at weight loss surgery success.  In some ways it seems as though it has just been since yesterday and in other ways it feels like decades.  This past year has been a very tiring one and not without a lot of stress but it is going to be ending on a happy note for our family...we are planning a wedding and that is something so wonderful to look forward to next year.  

My regain from the lowest weight has hit the 20# mark but it still only puts me seven pounds above my surgeon's goal.  I don't like the feeling of dragging this extra weight but it is a far cry from the 268 pounds I hauled around at my highest weight and accept it humbly and never forget that it is a daily challenge. 

Things i'm still good at:  eating off tiny plates and using demitasse spoons and seafood cocktail forks.  If I use a larger plate at a party or a relatives house I always take too much food!  Those little plates are so important to me. 

Still very good at my vitamins and supplements.  Now that it is the dreary time of year already the vitamin D has come back into the regimin too. 

Also I'm still all about food substitution and not living in diet mode.  Though I use the term 'diet' for my foods to keep them seperate from the rest of the family's things, those are just my good old regulars now.  My kitchen is never without diet cocoa, good quality protein powders, splenda, stevia and sugar free coffee syrups.  Bread is back in my life now but it is a condiment and not a meal.

I'm still very active but not doing formal exercise like I should.  You won't find me sitting around being sedentary unless it involves reading diy wedding blogs.  

Ok, so for the bad:  Water.  I don't drink enough.

Coffee.  I drink way too much.

Vegetables....not eating enough of them.

Fatigue:  constant companion.  Probably mostly from middle age, caffiene, chronic insomnia and dehydration. 

Food journalling:  just don't get around to it.  Ditto meal planning.  Dumb of course but I'm just being honest.


So another post-op year has passed and I'm looking forward to the future.  Melissa from our group and my surgery-twin said a long time ago that we should 'Pay it Forward' and I think of that phrase often.  I try to remain a good example, open to answer questions of any who are interested in weight loss surgery and willing to help encourage and listen to newer postops.  It is great going to support group and getting recharged by their excitement and hopes for the future. 

For a celebration meal tonight I am eating chinese takeout.  Not good healthy stuff but the few bites I can manage of the stuff i love are celebratory in their taste and thrilling knowing that this one meal is going to feed me for days!  :) 

So I always used to hate it when OH members would get their surgery, post a lot and then disappear off the face of the earth it seemed.  And guess what?  It has been almost a year since i've posted on my blog.  uh huh. 

Why?  You get in a rut, maybe?  Life seems to be so busy and so stressful these days with the economy the way it is, the kids' lives changing and everything rushing at such a fast pace. (DD is 22 now and DS is going to be 16 soon!)  My old self-comfort measures are very dangerous now and have such bad consequences.  Luckily, I've never taken up post-op drinking so that's ok.  Still, I don't get enough sleep and then consume EXCESS amounts of caffiene and also am an insomniac so even when I could get 5 or 6 hours of sleep I can't get TO sleep without aid.  Half a very small ambien knocks me out but won't keep me out so at least with the help of that I can start to sleep.  It has provided my family with some very funny 'Mom and Ambien' stories let me tell ya.  ;)

So far that gives us: life stress, sleep defecit, increased desire to self-soothe with food.  Hmm.  Not good.  At least I am still keeping up with my support group (except this month because I was just tooooo tired to go).  My weight is up but not horribly so.  The size four jeans are gone for good and I'm ok with that.  The sixes I have are 'relaxed fit' so my rear is probably really more like an 8 or 10 and is that so awful?  NO!  That being said, i do not have permission to keep increasing sizes and will.  not. do.  so. 

Gardening season is here now so I will be forced back outside for some manual labor that isn't my paying job.   That's got to be a help too since there will be the benny of that natural Vitamin D.  And soon the strawberries will be cheaper and help me replace the sweets I'm craving so terribly.  Mmm. and after that comes watermelon and zucchini.  This is the best time of year to be a food addict! 

Let's see, other updates from the past year:  We made outstanding progress remodelling our basement in the past year and life is more comfortable with two living spaces instead of one.  I dearly love and value my husband but there is only so much WWII and SciFi programming I can stand without losing my mind.  Now he can blast the tv downstairs and even though it is still so loud I hear all the dialogue at least I don't have to watch it and feel the vibrations from it too.  There is still a lot of work to be done down there but it feels good having made this much progress. 

More recently, I hit a deer on the way to work Thursday and have a teensy case of whiplash to heal.  It isn't really bad though considering and I'm hardly even stiff from it today.  Don't they always say you feel worst on the third day?  I think Tylenol will take care of the neck today so I won't have to use the big pain pills and be a zombie. 

Off and on I update my regular blog (www.geminisdream.blogspot.com)  but haven't done any wonderful weight-loss baking so there isn't anything great to report there.  It has been very time consuming and relaxing reading other people's blogs the last few months.  There are SOOOOO many wonderful blogs out there, who needs tv???  I love mostly the cottage decorating type blogs but also read about the sewers and thrifters and such.  They've inspired me to redecorate the house a bit and also to be upcycling some of the finds I have here.  I've repainted so much stuff recently that my mom seems to think if it sits still long enough I'll paint it white.  

So there's my update for now.  I won't lie and promise to be back to OH all the time but I do genuinely miss my surgery month peeps and keep them in my daily prayers.  We are all in this together, whether or not we get here to provide the support each of us needs is a whole other issue and I'm terribly sorry for not being here for those who have needed me in the past and need to try to be better about that.

Woohoo....my daughter and I finished another Bloomsday this year!!!!  It was cold and a bit dreary but huge crowds and meeting a great lady to jog along with us made it a wonderful day. 12K....7.46 miles! (Last year's time was 2 hr.s 12 min and we hope we made it in under 2 hrs this year, don't know yet.)  It is amazing to be able to do this physically after so many years of poor and declining health.  Neither my daughter or I brought a camera this year and tried to take a few pics with our cell phones but mine can't be uploaded (we're too cheap to have internet on our cell carrier, haha) and I haven't gotten any from my daughter yet.  But I promise, we DID FINISH and have the t-shirts to prove it.  One of these days I'll get a photo uploaded...maybe even the one from the finish line if I can find it online.  So far, no luck on that. 

I hope everybody seeking to improve their health through either weight loss surgery or non-surgical dieting gets a chance to experience a fun event like this with someone they love.  (And in our case here....52,000 other people!)

Molly

www.bloomsdayrun.org

So, do you read the 'World According to Eggface' blog?  (http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/)

Shelly has posted some  really neat photos with ideas of how she packs her new cool Bento box (lunch box).  I actually have two small Japanese Bento boxes in Hello Kitty and never really did much with them beyond packing a single serving of something in them for lunch.  But for fun I kicked around the internet looking at some neat Bento websites and blogs and it really got me excited.  A whole new food obsession!  LOL

The whole concept is simple: preparing your lunch in a single small container that often has sub-compartments in it and adhering to portion control.  The Japanese even have a very clever chart for how much you should be eating by volume.  NOT dieting but just eating right.  How easy and blame-free is that?  And some of the photos on the web of the all-out artistic efforts produced by people are amazing.  Or you can just do simple old leftovers in nice, balanced, small amounts.

This seems tailor-made for us post-ops who are trying to control our portions.  I've started gathering my Bento supplies as well as ordering a few sets like Shelly uses and will begin working at mastering my Bento skills. 

I'm definitely worth the effort.  I figure to start out, I'll pack a week's worth on Sunday night and see how it goes.  The goal will be to increase the variety of foods I eat, keep the portions small and make my lunches at work feel like pampering. 

I bet most of us are already doing something along these lines anyway...haven't we always?  This is defining the process more and making it feel very special, I think.  Maybe it is just what I need to get me excited about watching my food intake more closely.  I'll let you know how it goes.   Maybe even with a few Bento photos of my own.

Molly

here are a few fun links:

http://community.livejournal.com/bentolunch/

http://lunchinabox.net/

http://www.flickr.com/groups/dietbento/

http://www.laptoplunches.com/

The first Sunday in May we have the Bloomsday road race here in Spokane, Washington.  It brings out a wide spectrum of people...world-class runners, wheel chair athletes, young and old, fit and not-so-fit.  It's a great community event and and a huge motivator for us to get outside and start training in the fresh air after being cooped up all winter. 

As I watch snow filtering down again this morning on a rare and precious day off, I think it might not be much fun to be outside starting my training for Bloomsday but there is a huge pal sitting in my dining room waiting for me...the treadmill!  I've had it one year now and still not in love with running but I'm still working at it.  Have to be honest and admit that it goes unused for months at a time but it still gets used. 

Today I'll log another half hour workout, I promise.  Bloomsday is coming and I want to be in better shape for it this year! 

Happy New Year!  I don't have very high hopes for it myself, but my prayers and wishes are that we will all find peace, good health and happiness somehow in the new year.  2008 was a stressful and sometimes disappointing year that left me with a weight gain I'm still bummed about but still fighting.  Maintaining my good health is never a 'finished' thing and I always remember that working with my food plan is key in that goal.  It isn't always fun, isn't easy but IS important.

Resolutions aren't really my 'thing' but here are a few I will sort of tackle: 

To be READY for the big holidays in 2009 and not let myself get so stressed out by lack of preparations next Christmas. 

To scale back my gardening pursuits...trying to 'do it all' just left me overtired and feeling depressed last summer.  Less will be more and much more satisfying. 

Continue the efforts I've been making the last couple of years to keep decluttering the house and life in general.  Too many years of being a pack-rat makes for a crazy life.  I'm old enough to know to fix it instead of just living with it and whining about it. 

And most importantly...being diligant about my weight.  ABSOLUTELY NO MORE GAIN and trying to maintain at a lower weight, even if I never get back to 130# is a must.  A must. 



To start the New Year right, I went to bed early (had a 2-day killer migraine to conquer) and to start the day right a hot, decaf protein latte.  Later on a heavy-protein 'treat' breakfast to celebrate the holiday: one egg, 2 cottage cheese pancakes and sugar free syrup and 3 oz. leftover Christmas ham.  Yummm!

Since I leave my Christmas tree up till Jan. 6th, I won't be dismantling it today like a lot of people but I think I *will* start taking down some of the household decorations and start feeling like I'm accomplishing something good. 

Happy New Year!

Seeing the many 5-Minute Cake recipes on the web had me jonesin' for a pumpkin cake version.  Shelley (www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com) made a great-sounding carrot cake version that inspired me to work on my pumpkin 'fix'.  Came out pretty good!

5 Minute Pumpkin Cake

1 egg, beaten
3 Tablespoons vanilla soymilk (I used Soy Slender)
2 Tablespoons Davinci sugar free Pumpkin Pie syrup
1/4 cup Libby's canned pumpkin
2 Tablespoons canola oil
3 Tablespoons Gluten-free pancake mix (http://maplegrove.stores.yahoo.net/glfrpr.html)
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
2 packets Splenda
1 scoop vanilla protein powder

Mix all ingredients together in a heat-proof glass measuring cup.  Microwave for 2 minutes, allow to sit 3-5 minutes.  Turn out onto a plate and divide into 4 slices.  I topped mine with Torani sf caramel sauce and an extra sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice.  Would also be good with ff whipped cream 'frosting'.