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It is now a week from surgery and the energy level is so high I just cannot beleive it getting any better ... I gained 9 pounds from surgery and today I am down to 290  that is a total loss of 30 poundes.   Imagine that

It is an adventure going to bed everynight because my body feels different every night.

I am so glad I made the decision to go a head with the surgery even with the lost job.    Even that has been a blessing.   I am moving forward in leaps and bounds on my Business Plan and even met Bruce who is a local editor with the equiptment and stuff I need to make this work.   

I really thing with the surgery over and the E-Myth Mastry book on building a world class business I really feel I can do this too.   I now have the energy and the knowledge or at least the place to find the knowledge.    Life is really good right now.

I did not expect anything else at all.  I knew it was going to go like this but I will survive in a new body and new life and I will be successful     My postion at PrimePay is being moved to PA.  But I am not... It is ok   At least I will get the surgery and move on.  I have alot of pluses for sure ... I am now Licensed and I will be thin   I will miss Darlene and the girls  especially Paul but I will survive. over nd over again.     Imagine in April of 2006 when I got laid off  it was horrible.   The PC di dnot work
I could not keep up with things and I was not as far as I am in the editing.    Good news.    I have a book that will make this into  a world class business.   I will follow every morsel of it.  

 am here to maybe get excited but all I am is exhausted and discussed.   
Flashback  12/06  see the doc to say how do I get the WSL...Proof a 6  months
Ok I join Weight watches the pool   all is going well I found a new place a new roommate...On top of the world.  2/07 BANG   Pap Smear, cancer, Hysterectomy.....Wound did not heal.  .depressed healing...gained the 35 pounds I lost then some. 

Ok lets go again.   6/08 See the surgeon     BANG  insurance company has an exclusion...   lets gain some more weight....  Why bother

10/08  Boss tell us we are getting a new health provider and WSL is not excluded..Medically neccarey.   Ok lets move forward  11 and 12 see the counselor, nutritionist. ..on 1500 kcal. diet need to loose 10 pounds.   joined pool     A SNAP>..10, 15, 20 down.      New year... 2009  all appts ready...in Jan   Maybe have them complete by end of Jan..... 1st one cardiologist....they have to move it to end of Jan...then then followup stress test 2 days.   BANG  spot on stress test..
Endoscopy  BANG..fungus on esophagus..rare but not uncommon.    BANG  Cardiac cauterization, showed boobs to big..Whew...  2nd endoscopy ok to after 2 weeks on med.

ok Maybe end of Feb   Nope Daughter going to Europe for job not back until March..... Ok March  NOPE  Boss has a new program, starting in March..Put it on HOLD .....I said screw it the boss did not ask for my input and he did his own thing...  I know I am going to have to do damage control when it finally does hit my desk.... DAMN IT I AM GOING FOR IT IN MARCH    .MAYBE NOT  Surgeon on vacation 2 weeks in Feb.   Waiting his final approval.  
Doc back   Nurse out....contack nurse  do I need a Upper GI   doc say no.    Assisitant to call insurance company    Well maybe she is out for a week sick...   I did get a letter from the insurance company looking for comobiities, diet history and co mobilities.       Good news I will take 2 days for a determination once they get it...   IT COULD TAKE ANOTHER 3 WEEKS TO GET THE DIET HISTORY,  Then the follow with my PCP again for Prue-op blood work,  and the follow up with the nutritionist and the per-op apt with the surgeon. 

I am frustrated, angry, discus ted and loosing all motivation and drive and eating more again because I am spending so much time on this paperwork I am out of sync.  

Co-mobilities..    Diabetes, Neuropathy, Charcots foot (dropped and deformed foot from diabetes)  that causes ulcerations,   Or the Gangrene from an  infections do to the diabetes.  Cancer from increased risk factor because of Diabetes and Obesity.
Sorry to rant      HELL THE WAY I SEE IT    I WILL BE ON THE OPERATING TABLE FOR SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE I HAVE WLS THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING.

I have gotten most of the pre-op appointments set the only thing left is the Pre-op testing.  I am going to have to call my family doctor to get a tentative appointment.   If all goes well I hope this will be done the last week in Jan...OWOWOWO   100 less for my birthday   WHAT a PRESENT

The pyshc tells me she hope that my addition becomes the Editing and business.  I hope so to... I MISS it and DON't miss it .. I guess I am not willing to give up that much time with a new body.   But the thought of
having a 100 year legacy is my 2nd compulsion.  

Everyday I Log my food, Check OH and review my bills.  where I used to edit until it got to late...Where I used to edit all hours I sleep now and watch TV. 

My real goals are not the weight loss but the foot surgery, mobility, money, travel if I can,  

I still see the business as my rewarding glory but I can not get past the wedding and Michele's project.   Mostly because I keep hit tint these technical glitches.....If I correct my credit I can get better equipment and move on.

I just had a therapeutic day putting in photos    It is amazing
how less self loathing I feel about the pictures I hated before. 
Today they are benchmarks and that is all.   I intend to
revisit my 30;s and get new benchmarks.  

The picture of my 50th birthday (Which I hated) is now my
new dream photo...I can look at my family and the size they are an now judge what I might look like.   Interesting concept   I LIKE IT

A busy week for sure.  Had my first meeting with the Psychologist and then the gastroenerologist.   The Psych evaluation was nothing unexpected the Gastroenterologist was a surprise

I told him of some of the pains I was having and found out I have 2 hernias    which is a good thing because once the WLS is over I then can have the Hernias operated on and then have a tummy tuck at the same time....Yeah   I just hope the insurance will pay for it because I cant

I have to say I am a bit ashamed...I have an Associates
degree in Dietetic Technology and it never helped me get smaller ...All it did was get me a job.

I have not been good about  logging the 2 week food log,  I have a
feeling that it is because I am afraid this will fail and I Will again
be destine to the grave early.   And part of me is not ready...I
find myself getting my life in order.

I have not edited a single bit in weeks where before knowing I was consumed by it by 24/7  
I have gotten my pool membership back and have actually gone
and done it....I have overcome the hassles of suit and shoes and foot

I think this meeting will be more therapeutic because I hope it gives
me the reality that it could happen and I will surround my day with
the right behaviors    Like I did 2 years ago when I lost 35 when I thought
I was getting prepared for WLS  that was denied because of the
exclusion ......