gonnabhealthysoon

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Today is  1 month since my surgery and I've lost 15 lbs this month.  So that's a total of 40 lbs from the time I started the process.  Highest weight 295 - 12.4 lost prior to preop diet = 282.4 - 12.2 lost during preop diet = 270.4 - 15 this month = 39.6 lbs GONE)

I am finally starting to feel "normal" again but still sore on my left side.  Apparently I managed to pull a muscle while trying to heal.  Not the best move on my part.  It hurt like...don't even know what to compare it to...it was REALLY painful!

Yesterday was rough.  I have cramps which I haven't had in years because of the PCOS I don't usually have a cycle.  And along with the cramps came some random cravings.  Every fast food place I pasted by called me name.  McDonalds said quarter pounder, Jack n the Box said tacos, DQ said Blizzard.  It was a painful drive and I almost cried.  I knew that the biggest struggle would be in my head but had no idea how messed up my head really is. 

Anyways, I didn't listen to the fat girl inside and instead listened to my slim sleeve and just came home and had a shake.  Now I did blend it with ice and put some sugar free cool whip on top to make a faux frosty BUT it was sleeve friendly so I feel like I won this battle. :D

Another great thing this month is I'm off my diabetes pills and down to just 8 on my nightly shot.  My sugar is staying under 100 so I'll be lower that amount and hopefully completely off of it soon.  That was my biggest goal was to get my sugar under control and get healthy.  So this is a huge NSV for me. 

For exercise I've just been walking since I haven't been released to do anything else yet.  I try to walk 10K steps a day which equals out to about 4-5 miles.  I do this at least 5 days a week...sometimes more but not always.  I actually really enjoy getting outside and just having the time to myself.  It's actually ALMOST, KINDA...fun?!?!?  Who is this girl?

I'm feeling a bit of de ja vu here...started the pre-op diet yesterday.  I forgot how bad the first few days are.  It's not really the hunger but the blinding headache.  I know it will pass in the next day or two but right now I just want to cry and whine like a baby.  I can do that here without judgment, right?  WAHAHAHAHAH!   Okay I feel a bit better now. 

Since we can't do the full bypass, I'm going with the sleeve.  When I met with Dr. Nick, he said that he isn't 100% that he can even do the sleeve but that he was willing to go in and try.  He promised me that he would try his best but not do anything that would jeopardize my health.  I just pray that once he's in there, he can do the sleeve.  I don't know what I'll do if I wake up from the surgery to find out he couldn't do it.  But, I know that this whole process has been in God's hands the entire time and He'll provide.  I really feel like this is my last chance to save my life.  I'm praying constantly that it will work and be the tool that helps me get to a healthy weight.  I just want to live a long and healthy life where I can play with my son and see him grow up and have babies of his own.  Praying that this will help me get there.

My sweet hubby volunteered to do the pre-op diet with me.  He is pretty grumpy and complaining about it constantly but says he won't quit.  I love him so much for doing this with me.  I've tried to give him little outs (like offering to add a bit of cheese to his broccoli) but he's determined to stick it out with me.  LOVE HIM! 

So the gastro doc called today and Dr. Nick doesn't feel comfortable doing the WLS at the same time as the other procedure.  So I have to have my intestines rotated, re-routed to the correct artery and my appendix out first.  The surgery will be either late this week or first thing next week.  I am a bit stressed out about having to have two seperate surgeries but it is what it is.  I have to have this issue corrected regardless of whether I was having WLS or not.  So, I need to just remember that God has a plan and this is all part of it.  Even if I can't quite understand why or how it will all play out.  He already knows!  I will have to spend 2-3 days in the hospital and then will need 7-10 days to recover.  Not a great feeling having to take so much time off when you run your own company.  I'm in panic mode trying to figure what all I have to get done before I'm out and hoping not to have anything feel through the cracks.  But again, His plan is bigger than mine and He's got it all under control.  I just have to let go and let Him be in control.  For this control freak, that is scarier than them opening me up and moving my organs around! :D

Hopefully the surgery will go will, I'll heal quickly and then I can meet with Dr. Nick to see when we can proceed with my WLS.  With my strange anatomy, I might not be able to do the bypass but I'm okay with the sleeve if that is the only option.  I just hope Dr. Nick doesn't want me to wait months and months after the first surgery to get the WLS.  I'm so ready to start my new life and get into a healthier body!

I should be having my surgery right now.  But, I'm not!  Dr. Nick called last Thursday and on my Upper GI, they found that I have intestinal malrotation.  It's a birth defect where you intestines don't form correctly.  Apparently, it has been that way my whole life and it explains all my tummy issues.  It is very rare to find it in adults.  He said typically it is only discovered once you are bleeding to death due to a twist or blockage in the intestines or after death in an autopsy.  Now they check all newborns for it and fix it right away but I guess not so much 35 years ago!  So, tomorrow I am going to see a specialist to see what can be done to fix the issue.  Dr. Nick said that I need to have a surgery to have it repaired and then we'll start the WLS process over again.  So, I'm guessing that is good news.  I mean, I think my biggest fear is not being able to have WLS at all.  I know it is crazy to not be worried about 2 major surgeries but if that is what it takes to get healthy, I'm in.  I am mentally so ready for WLS that this is just a bump in the road for me. I want WLS and will do what is needed to get there.  Besides, it doesnt' sound like I have much of an option with this intestinal thing.  Apparently, I'm a ticking time bomb just waiting for my intestines to either knot up or get a blockage.  Crazy, huh?  I know that it is totally a God thing that they found this and I know He has a plan for me in all of this.  But, I'm still really sad today knowing how close I was to getting to hit the reset button today.  It is kinda silly but I had a good cry this morning.  I was just so ready for this.  Not to mention that I was 10 days into the pre-op liquid diet.    It is what it is and I can't change it so I'm just going to keep moving forward and hope that my malrotated intestines aren't a deal breaker for WLS.

I can't believe that this time next week, I'll be in the hospital recovering from surgery.  I'm excited, scared, happy, anxious and tons of other emotions all rolled up into one.  I can't wait to start my new life and get on with the weight loss part already.  Of course, since I started my 6 months of classes plus this week of pre-op diet, I've already lost 35 lbs.  Awesome, right?  It would be more awesome if I still didn't have over 100 lbs to lose.  But, with this surgery, I know I'll get there.  It is kinda funny because I can't even picture myself thin or at goal.  I'm having the hardest time picking a goal weight because I've been fat my whole life.  I think there was a month or so in college when I got down to a size 12 but it didn't really last long enough for me to remember.  I've decided that my goal weight is 150 because that puts me in the health BMI range.  And, ultimately, that's what is all about, right?  But, if I can get down to 140 or 135 (A girl can dream, right?), then even better. :D

I was really worried about how I would be able to change my lifestyle so much for the rest of my life.  But, Sunday night, our growth group at church had a get together.  At first, I thought I would just let my hubby go without me since I'm on the pre-op liquid diet.  But, I decided, it wasn't about the food, it was about the company and enjoying my sweet friends.  I went and took a salad along to share with everyone.  I figured, it I just had to eat, I could have a cup of salad with light dressing.  I won't lie, it was hard when we first got there.  There was way too much food and it was all super yummy looking...chips and guac, stuffed jalopenos, chicken poppers, cupcakes....the list could go on and on.  But I got myself a glass of ice water and started visiting.  Before I knew it, the evening was over and I hadn't even had any salad.  I was so proud of myself.  Honestly, it was a good thing for me.  I finally realized how much I've let food control my life.  Why would I not want to go and spend time with wonderful people?  Because I feared the food that was or might be there?  OMG!  It's just food.  And, I'm proud that I make this self discovery and I'm thankful for the journey thus far.

I won't lie and say I'm not scared and a bit worried about the actual procedure and the healing process.  But, I know God has me in His hands and will guide the doctors hands.  I am above all THANKFUL.  Thankful to get to hit reset and start a new life, in a new healthier, lighter body.  Thankful to be able to be a better wife to my wonderful, loving, funny, sweet hubby.  Thankful for the chance to know that I'll be around to see my tender-hearted, sweet, smart, handsome son grow up and become the man God intends him to be.  Thankful....I'm just so thankful!

Okay, I'm on day 3 of my 2 week pre op diet and I'm hungry today!  The first couple of days weren't too bad but today, I'm starving!  I know most of it is in my head but my tummy is rumbling and growling at me for food.  11 more days until my surgery and the start of my new life.  I can't wait to start the true journey.  All this ramp up the past several months has been fun and I've learned alot and I now I'm ready for this.  I can't wait to not be controlled by food and feelings and the combo of the two.  I know that the first few months after surgery are going to be hard but I really am SO ready for this.

I had a check up with my PCP today to discuss my medication post surgery.  He checked my A1C and it was NOT good.  He said if I wasn't about to have WLS, we would be discussing an insulin pump.  OMG!  Thank God for WLS, it truly is going to save my life.  He was super supportive and, actually, excited about the surgery.  I'm not sure why, but I was kinda nervous to talk to him about it.  He did give me props for losing 33 pounds and lowering my blood pressure enough to come off that RX over the past 6 months.  I guess all those weight loss classes that my insurance company required really did teach me a few things!  :D

Although I'm hungry and grumpy, I'm mostly thankful that I'm going to get a second chance to live my life as a healthy mom and wife.  I can't wait for the 19th to get here already!