Melodie R.
My story begins back around 1995. Prior to this date, I wouldn't say I was skinny or over weight, I just thought I was normal.. I was a size 11/12 throughout high school and College and never thought I would ever have a problem with my weight.
I met my ex husband in 1995 while working at a local Radio Station. Without all the in between details, we hit it off almost immediately. He moved in after about 3 months of steady dating. Our relationship was far from perfect due to his mothers disliking of me. All I know is that I wasn't the "type" of girl she wanted with her son. From what he said, I wasn't skinny, a model and didn't come from a wealthy family. To make a long story short, he was a real Mama's boy and what his mom said went.
When it came to cooking, I was never really one to want to cook meals and well he knew nothing about cooking, so most week nights we were eating out somewhere. That was only part of the problem.
In 1996, we decided to get some professional pictures of us. I was at the hair dresser and I simply asked her if she knew why I had such thinning hair. I always had thick long hair. She looked at it and asked me if I have had my thyroid tested. At that time, I had never even heard of a thyroid and when she started talking about thyroid disease, I became even more scared. I went to see my doctor who ran a blood test on me and sure enough it was low (Hypothyroidism). It wasn't too bad though. She said my levels were "teeter tottering" but nothing serious so she said they will just monitor it. There was no medication prescribed.
Between 1996 and 1998 when we got married, I gained about 25 pounds. I had to have my dress adjusted a little bit but not by much. At this point we had been together for 3 years and I was already feeling like it was a rocky relationship because of his mother. I was never accepted by her (although she would tell you a different story). For the first time in my life, I experienced verbal and emotional abuse. No matter how hard I tried, she always had a put down waiting for me...mostly about my size which at this point I might have been about a size 14/16. One of the things she constantly said to me was that I needed to do push ups for my stomach...this was always followed by, I had 2 kids and I don't have a stomach big like yours (at this time, it really wasn't that big). Being around her really took a toll on my self esteem. This was an ongoing issue which eventually caused my Major Depressive Disorder. Her son didn't help because he would also sometimes tease me thinking it was funny but obviously didn't realize how much it hurt. If you are wondering why I stayed in the marriage, it was because I didn't want it to fail like my parents marriage did. I thought I could change things and make it work.
Moving forward, after a few months of getting married, we moved to Marathon, ON for our Radio careers. We were there for a good year and a half. It was probably the happiest time for us since getting married simply because we were 10 hours away from his mother. Mind you, he was alot like her and would often make remarks, not realizing what it was doing to me.
I was on location at a local store one day and just as I was about to go on air live, I suddenly had an anxiety attack. My first one. From that point on, I had a hard time doing live events because I was afraid it would happen again. I went to the doctor and he said I was fine. It wasn't too long after that, I felt like I had something stuck in my throat. If I were to describe it, I would have to say, it felt as though I swallowed a piece of meat and part of it got stuck. This feeling went on for a good 2 weeks before finally going to my doctor about it. He sent me for xrays and quickly found something on my thyroid. They couldn't tell what it was so I was sent to Thunder Bay for another test which was supposed to be able tell what it was. I was scared it was cancer. When I got the results, I was very thankful to find out it wasn't. The funny thing is that all it was, was a small piece of dust that I must have enhaled and it attached itself somehow to my thyroid.
In October 2000, my ex decided to take another job resulting in us moving to Dryden, ON. It was a mistake because he hated it there and we only lasted about 3 months there. During the time there, I managed to get a part time job as a waitress. I had a hard time because I didnt have the best boss. He wasn't too nice. One day, I arrived at work to start my 3pm shift but about 15 minutes before i was to start, I suddenly felt ill. I got shakes, dizzy spells and felt like i was gonna vomit and faint. I ran downstairs to the basemeent where it was cool. Once I felt better, I returned. My thought was that I was just hungry or that I was lacking something in my diet.. I had a salad and seemed fine afterwards.
After my ex quit his job (on the spot i might add), we now had to figure out what to do. We managed to each get a job in Huntsville ON. My ex lasted about 3 days before quitting but I stayed on for 7 months. Our relationship continued to decline and so did my health it seemed. I experienced the same effects a few more times before my boss became worried and told me to go to the clinic. Believe it or not, I had actually lost 42 lbs in a month and a half and didn't notice till I was able to remove my jeans without undoing them. I looked sick too. I had dark circles under my eyes and very pale skin. The doctor checked me for a number of things including diabetes and of course my thyroid. It wasnt soon after that when the results came in and I was instructed to see a specialist. It ended up that my thyroid levels were the highest he had seen resulting in me having hyperthroidism. I then had to go to North Bay for Iodine treatment. The only problem was that, the doctor couldn't guarantee how much Iodine was needed and the chances of my thyroid levels reversing were high. During the wait time, I moved to Hailleybury to follow my ex once again as he got a job in New Liskeard. 8 weeks had passed and the effects of the iodine were showing. The doctor was right about the reversing effects. I ended up with hypothyroidism again. I gained 50 lbs back over the next few months. Since then, I have not been able to take it off.
My marriage with my ex ended within 6 months of this when I moved back to my hometown of North Bay. At this point, I think I was about 175 lbs. I could no longer take the name calling, and emotional abuse.
Between 2002 and 2009, I slowly gained more weight. I tried different gyms and diets. The only one that worked for me was Curves for women. I tried, slimfast, good life gym, weight watchers and Tops.
In 2005, I joined Curves for women for the first time. I joined their free eating program and since I dedicated myself with both exercise and eating better, I managed to lose about 10 pounds plus some inches. Approximately 6 months after joining, I had to leave as my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and I had to take care of her while still working full time. Unfortunately we lost her 9 months later which also took a toll on me. I was super depressed and greiving alot. This resulted in my not taking care of my health. I ate and drank whatever I wanted. I had no care in the world.
Also in 2005, it was my first time seeing a sleep specialist. My sleep doctor diagnosed me with Sleep Apnea because I would wake up gasping for air. This was actually just before my mom was diagnosed with the cancer. I tried the CPAP machine but couldn't seem to get used to it, so I returned it after the 1 month trial period. Over the next few years, my sleep apnea became worse. I went back to my sleep doctor and he suggested I really needed it so I tried it again. This time I kept it. It has helped me greatly with my sleep. I also developed Narcolepsy (Excessive Daytime Sleepiness), which is common with sleep apnea.
About a year after my mom's passing, I decided to try Weight Watchers since my sister in law was looking amazing while on the program. Unfortunately I didn't do so good. I don't think I lost more than 4 or 5 pounds in the 8 weeks I attended. I realized that type of weight loss program was not for me.
When I tried Good Life Fitness, I couldn't keep my head in the game. I first went to the co-ed gym but felt completely uncomfortable. I didn't really know how to use all the equipment and just seeing all the fit people made me more uncomfortable. I also tried the Good Life gym for women and still felt uncomfortable bacause again everyone there was young and fit and I didn't feel like I fit in there.
My next stint was joining TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) with my best friend Julie. We joined this because her aunt lost alot of weight through this avenue and thought it would be a great thing for the two of us to do together. I soon realized that it was more of a social group than a weight loss program. At the beginning, we would weigh in and as usual, the most I was able to lose was about 4 or 5 pounds in the few months I was there. The problem was that a group of the ladies from there would go out for something to eat after the meeting. They would go to places like Swiss Chalet, Burger World etc. They would say, their week for losing weight would start the next day. I realized it wasn't for me. If I was going to lose weight, I had to belong to something much more strict.
Julie and I then tried Curves again but after a few months we stopped going. She stopped going and I didn't want to go alone so I wouldn't go. This is when I realized if I was going to lose weight, I have to do this for myself and by myself. In September 2010, I made that mental decision. I went back to curves and talked to the manager and explained what needed to happen. I had to be pushed and I couldn't just rely on exercise, I had to do the eating program but not in a group, I wanted one on one sessions. She made it happen and over a 6 month period, I lost 25 lbs and 18 and a half inches. I was looking and feeling awesome until I went on vacation.
I went on my first cruise with my friend Julie and just to give you an idea, my friend Julie is blonde, blue eyed and has a nice body. While on vacation, I became depressed because as much as I felt good about the weight loss, I couldn't get over the fact that there were so many beautiful women on board and with my friend, well the guys would flock to her. I was just the nice friend who would be with her. It really affected my self esteem. Because of all this and it being February (winter blues added to my depression), when I returned home, I lost all interest in continuing with my working out or eating better. Eventually I gained all the weight back over a span of about 6 more months.
Now to how I got to where I am today....In November 2010, I approached my sleep specialist about Gastric Bypass. I read it somewhere that it can help get rid of Sleep Apnea. As soon as I asked him, he was on board right away. He said out of all the patients he referred for the surgery 80% lost their sleep apnea. He immediately signed the papers and sent them away. I knew it was a long wait to just get a call from the Bariatric Program so I waited. In August 2011, I moved to Niagara Falls and in with my boyfriend. While making phone calls and changing my address with different companies, I also called Toronto Western Hospital which was the only number I had regarding the program so when they did call, they could get a hold of me. At first they said I had to call the Bariatric Program and gave me a number but then I told them I was referred in November 2010. The receptionist asked for my name again and it ended up that I should have already been called because they had my name on their list already. She said they were already booking orientation for patients referred to them from June 2011, 7 months after I was referred. I was obviously overlooked. Thankfully I called that day. She immediately set me up with orientation.
Since August, I have attended all my appointments and am now awaiting my surgery on June 6, 2012. At this point it is only a few weeks away. At the beginning of Optifast, I weigh 237 lbs, I am 5'3", My pant size is currently a size 22/24 and I wear size 3x in tops.
I am determined to keep the weight off. To me this is a last resort and I don't want to screw it up. I have already approached a local WLS Support Group which I think will really help. I have alot of support also. I know about 9 friends who have had it done and all have been successful. If I have to, I will also start attending counselling sessions to deal with any problems (depression) that may arise. I am also happy I found this website because I find everyone is so supportive of each other. I am enjoying reading all the success stories and I look forward to adding my own success story very soon.
