Let me introduce myself!
I'm a 19 (almost 20) year old college student and my major is vocal
performance. I've loved music and theatre my whole life. Writing is my
second love, and I hope to write in some capacity in the future. As of
now, I aspire to be a semi-professional musician, and have some kind of
career in journalism. These plans are very tentative, as I'm still not
sure what I want to do for a living, but I've got time to make up my
mind.
I'm in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful boy, Steve, who has
supported me every step of the way. We met when I was 14 and he was 16, and
while some people say the odds are against us staying together, I truly
feel that he is the one for me. I love him with all my heart.
I started having problems with my weight as far back as I can remember.
My parents got divorced when I was 4 years old, and they fought a lot
throughout my childhood. I was Daddy's little girl until my dad got
married to a woman who completely ignored me. They moved 2 1/2 hours away
when I was about 10, and now I see him 2 or 3 times a year. I've always
lived with my mom, who is morbidly obese also, and she's been
chronically ill and unable to work since I was born. She's been diagnosed with
everything from Fibromyalgia and Lupus to Mitral Valve Prolapse,
Diverticulitis, OCD, Depression, and an anxiety disorder. I love my mom so
much, but she's sometimes emotionally abusive, and has always been an
enabler to my food problem.
I think I started dieting, or at least thinking about dieting, as early
as the first grade. I was constantly made fun of, and I weighed about
130 lbs. in the sixth grade. Although that's not too bad, I felt like a
total cow. The summer after 6th grade, I got like 4 inches taller, and
by 8th grade, I weighed 230 lbs. By the time I graduated high school, I
weighed about 330, and now I am at my all-time high of 375, and I'm in
the middle of my second year in college. Lately, I've started having
more health problems than I'm used to, a lot of pain in my ankles, knees
and feet when I'm standing for a long time (I work as a cashier),
constant lower back pain, breathlessness, Poly Cystic Ovarian Disorder, high
blood pressure, migraines, etc. I don't really think that any of these
will make my surgery risky, except for maybe the high blood pressure.
I'm hoping that after surgery these things will go away, or at least get
better, so I can finally stop feeling old.
I have a few supportive people in my life, most importantly my
boyfriend Steve. He has been there through it all, and although he's been a
little bit of an enabler, he's been soooo good for me. He will be my
primary caretaker after the surgery, and luckily he has some experience (he
took care of his dad when he had gastric bypass about 6 years ago). My
dad has been surprisingly supportive, and it's his insurance through
his employer (State Farm) that will potentially pay for this surgery. My
wonderful best friends Kate and Katrina support me 100%, and I know
they will be there the day of surgery listening to me bitch and complain,
lol.
My mom is being very unsupportive, saying things like, "If you want to
kill yourself, then go ahead," "You'd better see if your dad has life
insurance on you," and "Why are you doing this to me?" She constantly
tells me that she wishes I could do this on my own without surgery, yet
she calls me and tries to get me to come home from college saying things
like, "Why don't you come home for awhile? I got all your favorite
foods." When I was in high school, she would make me feel guilty about
going out with friends, and then she'd order pizza or something for me.
Obviously I have some major emotional issues that I have to deal with, but
I feel that I have come to the place in my life where I can.
