Hollis
My Journey
Feb 22, 2011
11/23/01: I have a little over a week before my surgery and I am flucuating between complete excitement and a bit of nerves over the surgery itself. (I don't "do" pain well!) My husband was working this evening so I took my 2 girls (3 & 1 1/2 yrs) to the McD's playground and movies by myself...what an experience. I'm so fat that I can barely bend over to put on my daughter's shoes and I almost didn't fit in the theatre chair. I must have looked pitiful trying to squish into the aisle with a baby in my arms. My tummy is so big, my youngest didn't have much room to sit. I came home and started surfing the before and after pics on this site and it helped to remind me that I'm not alone and this surgery WILL help - although I can not imagine being "normal" again. I have several goals that I am establishing as milemarkers for my weight loss journey (ie. under 200 lbs, size 18, 14, and 12 will all be "big" deals)and will be keeping a comprehensive diarly with those milemarkers and my measurements, etc. I'm worried about the surgery itself- every now and then, I realize this is a serious deal with risks involved, including the possibility of death. Yicks! Also, I won't have anyone to help me during the day through my recovery time. I told my mom not to fly down and although I have a babysitter scheduled to help with the kids and my husband will be at home in the evenings, I'm a bit concerned about the first few days by myself. (while kids are at daycare and hubby's at work) It's funny- b/c this is viewed as an "elective" surgery of sorts, I don't seem to want to ask anyone to help me - I'm determined to prove that I can make it through this successfully and I guess I just want to be strong. My husband has agreed to support me in having this surgery but he is not gung ho about it by any means and I promised him I would not complain or whine about not being able to eat, etc. I don't think he's going to be very touchy-feely during my recovery time. :-) So on the positive side, I am confident that this surgery will be a great life changing moment for me with benefits which are numerous and unexpected. On the negative side, I dread the pain and recovery time and the mental part of not being able to eat. Well, I'm just praying for a quick recovery and a great experience!
12/01/01: Well, I had all of my lab work completed yesterday and met with the Dr. one final time. So far, everything is going well. Found out he is going to fix my heital hernia and possibly remove my gall bladder while he is in there, based on what he finds. Did run into a bit of static with the office about the BCBS letter-it did not state that it would pay for the operation, just that it approved it. SO, I had to call and verify; fortunately, all seems to be well and all three procedures should be covered.(I HOPE!) I am the first surgery on Monday so in just 1 day, I will be on the "other side", and starting my recovery. Yea! I think everything is ready - babysitter lined up, kids prepped, hubby briefed on who to call etc, house semi-straightened.... GULP - well, here it goes! I'll be back later to fill you in on how it goes! Wish me luck
and pray for a safe procedure.....
12/09/01: I made it and am on the 'other side'! I can hardly believe that I have done it. Well, my surgery was first thing on Monday 12/3 and took about 2.5 hrs. I also had my gall bladder removed and my heital hernia fixed. Obviously, I don't remember a thing but I was in ICU for the first night for observation. Apparently I did well- there was ALOT of pain- mostly in my back, which I thought was odd. I stayed doped up most of the time. Was in a private room for the next 3 days - my dr allowed shots for pain, which work quicker but hurt - so after the back pain diminished (about 2 days) I tried to minimize the shots...which was his point, I think. I sure called for 'em every two hrs at first though. My most comfortable position was on my side with a pillow behind me to relieve the pressure on my back, and clutching a pillow in front to minimize pressure on my incision. I am cut from between my breasts to my belly button! Almost 40 staples- ugh. Slept most of the time. Came home on Thursday afternoon and found my bed was hard to move and turn on! Did not sleep well Thurs night! Had liquid Loretab but it kind of makes my throat close, so I have minimized that as well. I am on a liquid diet til next week - sfree jello, chicken soup (no noodles), watery grits, and runny eggs....yuck. Amazingly, ever day I feel a lot better. Today (7 days after my surgery) I went with my family to Lowes and to see Xmas decorations. We took the kids to a little pizza buffet place and oh, man, what I would have done for some pizza. I sipped my diet coke and did good though. About 2 days ago, I started going through the food addiction/hunger part and it is HARD. I guess b/c I am not eating FOOD yet, I don't feel full. One time, I felt like it might come back up, but it was still a different feeling than I had before my surgery. I'm having to relearn my body signals. Sometimes the urge to CHEW something is almost overwhelming but so far so good. Focus on being thin. However, after having this dramatic thing done, I wish I could look in the mirror and see immediate difference, but for now all I have are bruises from the shots/ivs and a huge incision down my middle that looks like the zipper that keeps the size 10 lady inside. It will come..... Anyway, thanks for the encouragement some of you guys sent me - let's keep it up b/c I realize now the journey and struggle is just beginning!!
12/13/01: Well, I went for my 10 day check up and have lost 11 pounds! Almost a pound a day- would love for that to continue as long as possible!:-) He seemed pleased with my progress - removed my staples and OK'd me to eat "regular" food if I chew it very well and try to avoid high calorie items. The only thing I can not eat is meat for the next 2 months, to avoid stretching my pouch out. Anyway, I am almost back to normal. Took the kids to WalMart by myself after my appt and it sure felt good to be out and about. However, I find I tire alot quicker than usual still. Will try not to overdo it. I had a yogurt and 3 bites of potato for dinner and it was yummy! I just have to control my urge to drink while I eat and to remember to stop when I'm full and not keep eating cause it tastes good. My next appt is on the 27th so I hope I have more good news then!
12/20/01: Well, it's been almost 3 weeks and I feel great! My energy is back to normal and the incision is healing well. I can pretty much do whatever I want now movement-wise. I am a little concerned about my eating though. I can eat anything except meat and I'm petrified that I'm stretching out my pouch! I'm hungry alot more now and I can eat almost a whole can of soup without feeling full. My stomach is supposed to be 2 ounces but it holds more than that if it is liquid. No foods really disagree with me and I've vomited twice only because I drank while I was eating. (Hard habit to break) I don't think I've lost much weight since my 10 day check up and I'm concerned about that. I'm supposed to start walking next week so maybe that will help me. I'm so scared that this surgery isn't going to work! With Christmas around the corner, I'm having to fight the urges to eat junk food and while it is easier, it definately isn't perfect! Wish me luck as I strengthen my resolve to really watch what I'm eating before my 12/27 check up! Happy holidays!!!
1/1/02: Happy New Year to All! Things are going pretty well it seems - I am one month out of surgery now. At my 12/27 weigh in I had only lost 15 lbs but I weighed on my scales (which may be off by one pound) y'day and had lost 21 lbs. My minimum goal for 4 wks was 20 lbs so I think I did it! I see the Dr on 1/7 and hopefully will have lost a bit more. I am planning on starting the gym within the next week or so. That should definately help! I am eating a lot of soup and that is what I mainly get whenever we eat out, which is often. I still throw up probably once every day or so simply b/c I either don't chew up my food enough or b/c I take a bigger gulp of drink after eating than I mean to. These old habits are so hard to break! I discovered fat free Pringles which I've started taking with me to parties and I think that helps satisfy the taste without the added calories or fat. I'm definately losing inches & my incision has almost healed. I'll update after next week's dr visit. Again, happy 2002- may we all lose weight & be healthy!
2/16/02: Well, it has now been about 2 1/2 months since my surgery and my dr has had to reschedule my 2 month visit twice. So, I have yet to see him. I feel great but am afraid that I'm able to eat too much. I am still not eating meats or breads, but I crave carbs & protien - crackers, cheese, etc. I'm eating normal foods, just in smaller amounts. Still, I know I'm able to eat more than 2 oz! Not cool. I am having to refocus and really watch what I'm eating so that I will pick up the weight loss. I have lost approx 32 lbs by my scales in 6 wks. I'm still losing inches but haven't officially lost a size in clothing yet, though I can squeeze and zip into my size 22 jeans (I was a tight 24 when I started). My coworkers say they can tell I'm losing but when you see yourself daily, it is hard to see. Not as drastic and quick as I thought it would be. However, I feel super and I've joined a gym. Gotta drink more water during the day. The dr also suggested I stop doing the cardio / weights and focus solely on the treadmill for a month and see if my results increased. I seldom throw up anymore= I've learned what I can and can't eat now and have learned the signs of overeating so I avoid pushing it. Meat still makes me feel sick so I try to avoid it. I am still glad I had the surgery and reccommed it to anyone. Just know that the mindset and the habits and the desire to eat may still remain afterward....that is my struggle. The stomach is full but the mouth wants more! :-)
4/12/02: I went to weigh in today and weighed 238 according to the dr's scales, so I'm down 45 lbs. (My scales weigh 2 lbs lighter) I did a "crash diet" the week before to help lose an extra 3 lbs before I weighed in, I must admit. I have to see the dr on 4/23 so I'm trying not to overdo it for the next 2 weeks. Still struggle with the whole mind over mouth thing- my hubby grilled shrimp the other night and I wanted to stuff myself so badly b/c it tasted SO good - but I just couldn't eat as much as I wanted (yea) but still ate more than I should've. I haven't thrown up in a long time - so I think I've learned my threshhold. However, my hair is really falling out. While I'm not balding, it is definately thinning. The dr told me earlier NOT to drink protien shakes but I'm going to ask again next visit. I'll update you after my dr visit next week.
4/23/02: I'm down 2 more lbs (surprise - I didn't even diet this past week) giving me a 47 lb loss to date. Dr Sanchez said I was doing OK but could do better. Won't have to see him again until June. He told me not to worry about the hair loss (again). He is also going to do surgery on my 4 yr old daughter's belly button (hernia) in 2 weeks. Gulp. I'm MUCH more nervous about that than any procedure I've had! However, he is the best, so since it needs to be done, he's the one to do it. Several more folks at work have had the VBG surgery lately and are looking good! I think I'm losing the slowest of everyone and I know I'm hungry alot. I've lost 2 pants sizes (from a tight 24 to a solid 20) but my shirt size remains the same. My bust hasn't gone down at all! However, as long as I'm still losing I'm ok...! My next surgery is going to be a breast reduction/lift and tummy tuck combo! :-) Watch out world, here I come!
8/14/03 - WOW! I can't believe that It's been over a year since I updated my profile adn two years since the surgery! I would definately like to say how glad I am that I had this surgery, although I'm the least successful patient of all those I know. I started out at 283 lbs and today (almost 2 years later) I weight right at 200 lbs - loss of over 80 lbs. While I have been somewhat discouraged over the last year at my 'minimal' loss, a co-worker gave me an old picture from before my surgery today, and I realized what a difference there is! I was HUGE! Just needed a curly tail and a snout to complete the picture. I have gone from a tight 24 (truly a size 26) to a size 16. If I monitored my intake and excercised, that would drop too. I did finally have the breast reduction I always wanted and holy cow! WHAT A DIFFERENCE. I went from a DDD to a C cup - and they are so perky now! :-) After the reduction, people actually started noticing the weight loss but now my tummy sticks out....so - tummy tuck, here I come. Yep, 30 more lbs and that is my reward. So wish me luck. I'm posting that amazing before pic I got today along with a snapshot my 5 yr old made of me this afternoon for you to see the difference. (Note: my husband didn't even recognize me in my 'pre' day pic - he couldn't believe how big I was or how much I'd changed - it really sneaks up on you....!)
10/20/04: Well, two years post surgery and a year since posting... and unfortunately, I have been steadily gaining weight again. I am up almost 40 pounds from my lowest point and in an 18/20 again....AHHHH! I'm hungry all the time, it seems, just like before my surgery. I don't know if my staples are all out or what. The band is still in place, because I get sick still if I eat too big of a bite, etc. SO...I refuse to sit idly by and continue getting fatter. I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow to see about converting to a RNY (I'm VBG) and I'm NERVOUS! He is going to bless me out for gaining so much weight. I'm not even sure that he'll do the surgery, but it can't hurt to ask. Many of my health related issues are coming back into play and now (because my chest is smaller) strangers keep asking me if I'm pregnant. My husband is actually supporting my return to the Doctor so I'll update my page once I have my visit tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
12/30/04: Well, I saw my surgeon, and he recommended Roux en Y as a revision, which is great. I had an endoscopy done shortly thereafter, and that dr explained that my band had stretched and slipped down, giving me two stomachs, which is why I was hungry all of the time. My company changed to a new insurance provider, which I thought was great, since BCBS doesn't cover revisions, and I was so psyched to have a legit medical reason why I was not losing weight! I faxed in personally (twice) ALL of my files from ALL of my physicians, in an effort to help rush the approval process along, and also sent an emotional cover letter to try to get the surgery approved before January. Now the bad news - I called today and it was DENIED!!!!!! I was actually shocked - I thought it was so cut and dry. :-( I really almost cried cause I had gotten my hopes up so much to have this surgery within a month or so.... Cigna wants 26 weeks of a supervised diet program, psych eval, etc... I called their Peer to Peer reconsideration program and my doctor is supposed to call them to review the case on Monday, but I'm so disappointed. In addition, my dr's office doesn't seem to want to mention the faulty band, just that the surgery was unsuccessful. So now I'm really bummed out. I was soooo pumped to start 2005 with a new body in sight... but it looks like a long bumpy road ahead with an alternate ending I may not be happy with. SIGH. Wish me luck in getting this pushed thru - I truly feel like revision surgery is my only chance for losing 100+ lbs and keeping it off. I'll update you in 2005. Happy New Year, ya'll!
*1/8/04 - Well, I decided not to give up without a fight. SO - I've had the psych eval that Cigna is requiring and I'm meeting with a nutritionist at our local hospital as required. AND (I'm so excited) my family physician is going to write a letter stating that I've been dieting under her supervised care for over 26 weeks and that my BMI has been over 40 for a year. These things SHOULD meet all of Cigna's requirements and then I'll put my appeal letter in. So... I've got my fingers crossed that they will have to approve me if I meet all of their requirements. Wish me luck.
*2/7/05 - I can't believe it....I'M APPROVED! Yep, after a second appeal, and providing the 6 mth diet history, I am approved for revision to ROUX-EN-Y. I'm so excited - and while I know I'll be nervous when it's actually time, I am just delighted right now. I feel like I've been given a second chance to shrink to a normal size and I can't wait! Of course, my surgeon is in Paraguay for the next two weeks, so it may be a month before I can actually have the surgery - but I know I can now and I'm ready! I'd do it tomorrow if I could. Sigh. I started working on this in October and pushing Cigna in December, so I encourage anyone running into issues with their ins company not to give up - keep pushing it through. NOW - I've just got to focus on the logistics of actually having the surgery (I hate pain!) and my new eating habits. I'm determined not to revert to my 'old' eating habits, as I feel like I've been given on last chance and I want to make SURE that it doesn't fail. Wish me luck! :-)
*2/16/05 - Well, my surgeon is supposed to be back on Monday and I'll get a date. I have a business trip that has come up unexpectedly on the dates I really wanted the surgery, so it looks like it may be March 10th before I have it done. I'm so impatient - I want to have it done NOW! Hopefully the 3/10 date will give me enough time to recuperate before my week long beach trip on April 1st! Surely 3 weeks is enough for me to feel up to relaxing by the pool....I HOPE! I'll know on MONDAY.
*2/23/05 - My dr's office is amazing. They've rearranged other surgeries, etc and my date is MARCH 8th! I had my pre-surgery appt with the doctor today and my pre-op is on March 7th, then I spend the remainder of the day taking Magnesium Citrate to 'cleanse' my system - ugh. Liquid diet starting the 6th. I weighed in at 247 lbs on his scales - ugh. Hwever, if I lost 100 lbs, I'd weigh 147 and that is unimaginable. Truly seems farfetched. If I can get into a 12, I would be delighted. Can't imagine being any smaller than that! The reality of the surgery is starting to hit me now, and for some reason became more real when he said my blood pressure, cholestral, and lipids were all high and this would help. Interesting... The hard thing is realizing that I'll go out of town on Monday, back on Friday and surgery on Tuesday...minimal prep time for the kids and house. My mother really wants to come down to help but my surgery is on my dad's b'day...and I told her to wait until I need her. Gosh - reading back over my FIRST surgery, I don't remember the pain, but I wrote that it's awful...oh man, I am getting nervous, but I"M READY. Ready to be on 'the other side'! :-)
*3/14/05- Well, I have made it to the other side. Phew! I had an Open Roux en y (dr tried to do it laproscopically but there was too much scar tissue) on Tuesday 3/8 and didn't get home from the hospital until Saturday. This surgery was much harder than the VBG for some reason- I'm not bouncing back like I did 3 yrs ago, sigh. I have almost 40 staples down my stomach (and where he tried to start the lapro)and there was alot more pain than I remembered. I stayed in the hospital for an extra two days b/c apparently my colon got 'blocked' by the barium I had to drink after surgery to check for leakage. I'm now home but still dealing with that whole gasy/no-BM issue. Maybe it's just being over 30 that makes recovery slower. OH WELL. I'm still on a full liquid diet until I see my dr at the end of the week. I am surprised to find I do get hungry but maybe that will go away after I can eat real food. I had hoped to get back to work next week, but at this rate, it may be a bit longer. My mom was in town and was VERY helpful when I got home, but she flew home this morning, the kids are at school, and hubby is at work - so it's my first day on my own and so far so good. Just totally vegging out, doing a tad of walking to stir things up, and figure I'll nap shortly. Hummmmm....wouldn't be a bad way of life! :-) Very glad the surgery is behind me.
*3/29/05 - OK, I'm three weeks out of surgery and I've been working half days since last week. I think that has helped me 'get going' and given me some motivation, but I get totally worn out so easily. I had some further complications last week involving fainting, fever/chills and being completely out of it, much to my hubby's dismay. Turned out to be an infection from the nose tube after surgery. AH. Much better now. Still on liquid diet, though I have had a little bit of mushy food, which really helps my energy level. Get nauseated sometimes when I eat though. VERY FRUSTRATED b/c I've only lost 12 lbs and haven't lost any weight in a week, and I can't be eating 300 calories a day!!! How can this be? I really wanted to be down 20 lbs by this point - sigh. Also realized I am going to HAVE to start walking and working out, as I'm very "smushy"- yuck. Overall, feeling pretty good, just tiring easily. Going to the beach for a week in a few days - that'll be a real test. :-)
* 6/15/05 - OK - I haven't updated in a while - sorry. It's been 3 months, and I feel great. Haven't lost as much as I'd have liked to. Based on MY scale, I went from 238 at surgery to 204 today. So down 34 lbs. Finally starting to see a difference in my appearance. Funny, the weight loss is most notable in my neck and face, hands, legs....tummy is still big, but not quite AS big.... Lost about one size I think, depending on the brand. I haven't thrown up but twice recently I've had to leave the restaurant to go lay in the car - both times, bread was the factor. Major negative is that I've found I can eat small amounts of sugar, such as bite-size Laffy Taffy, at work. NO NO. Typically, I'll eat sugar free stuff. Really upped my fruit intake recently, so that should help me. Tried the gym for 3 weeks, didn't lose ONE pound, stopped going and lost 5 lbs. Our family got a dog yesterday so maybe I'll just walk him for my exercise. :-) Overall though, I'm feeling fine, no side effects except losing my hair again. Just REALLY SLOW weight loss. Wanted to be down 60 lbs by now instead of 34....rrrr. Doctor isn't concerned - just watching my potassium level and blood pressure, as they are a tad low & high respectively. Still waiting for my B12 results. TOTALLY hoping no shots are in my future!!!
*9/27/05 - Well, I'm not doing so well with updating my profile, despite my promises to myself to do so regularly! Oops. Still SLOW weight loss, but still losing a bit. Down to 190 lbs this morning - 48 lbs by my calculations, 57 lbs by the dr's notes, since he had me at 247 before surgery. My stomach is still my problem area. I am in a size 16 now, which is good. Had to cut my hair short due to the hair loss and that has helped alot. Still not exercising which I know is a problem. Sigh. Just hate working out! I am taking B12 shots monthly - have to get a friend to give them to me in the thigh, but she does a good job and it doesn't hurt too badly. Felt like a 'junkie' getting my shot in the parking lot of the local Mexican restaurant last time after we all ate out. :-) Don't know if the shots help or not, but I've had 3 mths worth now...Also, I have a hernia in my incision, and I can feel it when I bend in certain positions. It is a bit uncomfortable but my surgeon says it's a good thing, as it'll cause insurance to pay for my hospital stay when I have a tummy tuck. Hmmmm.... there is a positive. I'm not even going to think tummy tuck until March of next year - I'd like to be at 175 but we'll see....!
12/22/05 - SLOWWWW weight loss still. I'm holding at around 183 and did purchase some size 14 Old Navy jeans - WHOOHOO! I've noticed I'm getting 'doughy' so I really need to work out before I push for a tummy tuck (which I think will help alot). I found out I need a hysterectomy and that they can do the tuck at the same time, so I hope to have them done before 2007. I'd really like to lose 20 more pounds.... Sigh.
4/28/06 - I seem to be holding at 180 lbs and wearing between a 16 & 14, depending on the clothing type. I'm scheduled for an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck!) on June 8th, at the same time I get a hernia repair and hysterectomy. I will admit I'm nervous but I'm ready!! I can't imagine not having a stomach poking out or being able to tuck in my shirts and wear belts and stuff! Can't seem to get motivated to diet or exercise (as usual) but at least I'm not gaining!!
6/26/06 - Well, I'm 2 weeks past getting my tummy tuck. Yea! I still have some discomfort and swelling, along with getting tired out easily which may be due to the hysterectomy. No major issues though, except that my drains stayed in for two weeks til they came out on their own, due to lots of drainage. Also my belly button keeps draining. But I have an appt tomorrow to check in with the doctor. They took out almost 8 lbs of fat and skin - "a bucketful", to quote a friend. I'm down to 166, which is a first since I was married 14 yrs ago! WHOOPEE. It is truly amazing to touch my stomach and feel 'flatness'. To put on clothes and not have overhang - wow. :-) I still need touch ups on my hips which my dr will do in a couple of months - that'll make the whole thing complete - I can't wait.
2/22/11- Wow - several years have passed so quickly! So much for my keeping a good blog on my 'journey'. Well, the tummy tuck went very well. At my lowest weight, I was 168 and a size 12. I felt GREAT at that weight. Over the last two years I have steadily gained and my eating habits have deteriorated, which is BAD BAD BAD. I can eat sugar without any real issue now and can polish off a McDonalds combo without a problem. Not good. I've gained 40 lbs in the last two years and am up to a size 18 again. Ugh. The kicker was having to pack up TWENTY TWO suits which no longer fit me. So, I have joined our local gym to start working out again. I have an appointment for a consultation for the LapBand just to see if I qualify due to the continued weight increase. I like the idea of the band b/c it can be modified as needed - and I obviously need a long term tool to help me with this life-long struggle to maintain a decent weight. Not getting my hopes up on this 3rd surgery because I'm not sure insurance will pay for this - but better to try then sit back and keep gaining. Wish my luck!
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12/01/01: Well, I had all of my lab work completed yesterday and met with the Dr. one final time. So far, everything is going well. Found out he is going to fix my heital hernia and possibly remove my gall bladder while he is in there, based on what he finds. Did run into a bit of static with the office about the BCBS letter-it did not state that it would pay for the operation, just that it approved it. SO, I had to call and verify; fortunately, all seems to be well and all three procedures should be covered.(I HOPE!) I am the first surgery on Monday so in just 1 day, I will be on the "other side", and starting my recovery. Yea! I think everything is ready - babysitter lined up, kids prepped, hubby briefed on who to call etc, house semi-straightened.... GULP - well, here it goes! I'll be back later to fill you in on how it goes! Wish me luck
and pray for a safe procedure.....
12/09/01: I made it and am on the 'other side'! I can hardly believe that I have done it. Well, my surgery was first thing on Monday 12/3 and took about 2.5 hrs. I also had my gall bladder removed and my heital hernia fixed. Obviously, I don't remember a thing but I was in ICU for the first night for observation. Apparently I did well- there was ALOT of pain- mostly in my back, which I thought was odd. I stayed doped up most of the time. Was in a private room for the next 3 days - my dr allowed shots for pain, which work quicker but hurt - so after the back pain diminished (about 2 days) I tried to minimize the shots...which was his point, I think. I sure called for 'em every two hrs at first though. My most comfortable position was on my side with a pillow behind me to relieve the pressure on my back, and clutching a pillow in front to minimize pressure on my incision. I am cut from between my breasts to my belly button! Almost 40 staples- ugh. Slept most of the time. Came home on Thursday afternoon and found my bed was hard to move and turn on! Did not sleep well Thurs night! Had liquid Loretab but it kind of makes my throat close, so I have minimized that as well. I am on a liquid diet til next week - sfree jello, chicken soup (no noodles), watery grits, and runny eggs....yuck. Amazingly, ever day I feel a lot better. Today (7 days after my surgery) I went with my family to Lowes and to see Xmas decorations. We took the kids to a little pizza buffet place and oh, man, what I would have done for some pizza. I sipped my diet coke and did good though. About 2 days ago, I started going through the food addiction/hunger part and it is HARD. I guess b/c I am not eating FOOD yet, I don't feel full. One time, I felt like it might come back up, but it was still a different feeling than I had before my surgery. I'm having to relearn my body signals. Sometimes the urge to CHEW something is almost overwhelming but so far so good. Focus on being thin. However, after having this dramatic thing done, I wish I could look in the mirror and see immediate difference, but for now all I have are bruises from the shots/ivs and a huge incision down my middle that looks like the zipper that keeps the size 10 lady inside. It will come..... Anyway, thanks for the encouragement some of you guys sent me - let's keep it up b/c I realize now the journey and struggle is just beginning!!
12/13/01: Well, I went for my 10 day check up and have lost 11 pounds! Almost a pound a day- would love for that to continue as long as possible!:-) He seemed pleased with my progress - removed my staples and OK'd me to eat "regular" food if I chew it very well and try to avoid high calorie items. The only thing I can not eat is meat for the next 2 months, to avoid stretching my pouch out. Anyway, I am almost back to normal. Took the kids to WalMart by myself after my appt and it sure felt good to be out and about. However, I find I tire alot quicker than usual still. Will try not to overdo it. I had a yogurt and 3 bites of potato for dinner and it was yummy! I just have to control my urge to drink while I eat and to remember to stop when I'm full and not keep eating cause it tastes good. My next appt is on the 27th so I hope I have more good news then!
12/20/01: Well, it's been almost 3 weeks and I feel great! My energy is back to normal and the incision is healing well. I can pretty much do whatever I want now movement-wise. I am a little concerned about my eating though. I can eat anything except meat and I'm petrified that I'm stretching out my pouch! I'm hungry alot more now and I can eat almost a whole can of soup without feeling full. My stomach is supposed to be 2 ounces but it holds more than that if it is liquid. No foods really disagree with me and I've vomited twice only because I drank while I was eating. (Hard habit to break) I don't think I've lost much weight since my 10 day check up and I'm concerned about that. I'm supposed to start walking next week so maybe that will help me. I'm so scared that this surgery isn't going to work! With Christmas around the corner, I'm having to fight the urges to eat junk food and while it is easier, it definately isn't perfect! Wish me luck as I strengthen my resolve to really watch what I'm eating before my 12/27 check up! Happy holidays!!!
1/1/02: Happy New Year to All! Things are going pretty well it seems - I am one month out of surgery now. At my 12/27 weigh in I had only lost 15 lbs but I weighed on my scales (which may be off by one pound) y'day and had lost 21 lbs. My minimum goal for 4 wks was 20 lbs so I think I did it! I see the Dr on 1/7 and hopefully will have lost a bit more. I am planning on starting the gym within the next week or so. That should definately help! I am eating a lot of soup and that is what I mainly get whenever we eat out, which is often. I still throw up probably once every day or so simply b/c I either don't chew up my food enough or b/c I take a bigger gulp of drink after eating than I mean to. These old habits are so hard to break! I discovered fat free Pringles which I've started taking with me to parties and I think that helps satisfy the taste without the added calories or fat. I'm definately losing inches & my incision has almost healed. I'll update after next week's dr visit. Again, happy 2002- may we all lose weight & be healthy!
2/16/02: Well, it has now been about 2 1/2 months since my surgery and my dr has had to reschedule my 2 month visit twice. So, I have yet to see him. I feel great but am afraid that I'm able to eat too much. I am still not eating meats or breads, but I crave carbs & protien - crackers, cheese, etc. I'm eating normal foods, just in smaller amounts. Still, I know I'm able to eat more than 2 oz! Not cool. I am having to refocus and really watch what I'm eating so that I will pick up the weight loss. I have lost approx 32 lbs by my scales in 6 wks. I'm still losing inches but haven't officially lost a size in clothing yet, though I can squeeze and zip into my size 22 jeans (I was a tight 24 when I started). My coworkers say they can tell I'm losing but when you see yourself daily, it is hard to see. Not as drastic and quick as I thought it would be. However, I feel super and I've joined a gym. Gotta drink more water during the day. The dr also suggested I stop doing the cardio / weights and focus solely on the treadmill for a month and see if my results increased. I seldom throw up anymore= I've learned what I can and can't eat now and have learned the signs of overeating so I avoid pushing it. Meat still makes me feel sick so I try to avoid it. I am still glad I had the surgery and reccommed it to anyone. Just know that the mindset and the habits and the desire to eat may still remain afterward....that is my struggle. The stomach is full but the mouth wants more! :-)
4/12/02: I went to weigh in today and weighed 238 according to the dr's scales, so I'm down 45 lbs. (My scales weigh 2 lbs lighter) I did a "crash diet" the week before to help lose an extra 3 lbs before I weighed in, I must admit. I have to see the dr on 4/23 so I'm trying not to overdo it for the next 2 weeks. Still struggle with the whole mind over mouth thing- my hubby grilled shrimp the other night and I wanted to stuff myself so badly b/c it tasted SO good - but I just couldn't eat as much as I wanted (yea) but still ate more than I should've. I haven't thrown up in a long time - so I think I've learned my threshhold. However, my hair is really falling out. While I'm not balding, it is definately thinning. The dr told me earlier NOT to drink protien shakes but I'm going to ask again next visit. I'll update you after my dr visit next week.
4/23/02: I'm down 2 more lbs (surprise - I didn't even diet this past week) giving me a 47 lb loss to date. Dr Sanchez said I was doing OK but could do better. Won't have to see him again until June. He told me not to worry about the hair loss (again). He is also going to do surgery on my 4 yr old daughter's belly button (hernia) in 2 weeks. Gulp. I'm MUCH more nervous about that than any procedure I've had! However, he is the best, so since it needs to be done, he's the one to do it. Several more folks at work have had the VBG surgery lately and are looking good! I think I'm losing the slowest of everyone and I know I'm hungry alot. I've lost 2 pants sizes (from a tight 24 to a solid 20) but my shirt size remains the same. My bust hasn't gone down at all! However, as long as I'm still losing I'm ok...! My next surgery is going to be a breast reduction/lift and tummy tuck combo! :-) Watch out world, here I come!
8/14/03 - WOW! I can't believe that It's been over a year since I updated my profile adn two years since the surgery! I would definately like to say how glad I am that I had this surgery, although I'm the least successful patient of all those I know. I started out at 283 lbs and today (almost 2 years later) I weight right at 200 lbs - loss of over 80 lbs. While I have been somewhat discouraged over the last year at my 'minimal' loss, a co-worker gave me an old picture from before my surgery today, and I realized what a difference there is! I was HUGE! Just needed a curly tail and a snout to complete the picture. I have gone from a tight 24 (truly a size 26) to a size 16. If I monitored my intake and excercised, that would drop too. I did finally have the breast reduction I always wanted and holy cow! WHAT A DIFFERENCE. I went from a DDD to a C cup - and they are so perky now! :-) After the reduction, people actually started noticing the weight loss but now my tummy sticks out....so - tummy tuck, here I come. Yep, 30 more lbs and that is my reward. So wish me luck. I'm posting that amazing before pic I got today along with a snapshot my 5 yr old made of me this afternoon for you to see the difference. (Note: my husband didn't even recognize me in my 'pre' day pic - he couldn't believe how big I was or how much I'd changed - it really sneaks up on you....!)
10/20/04: Well, two years post surgery and a year since posting... and unfortunately, I have been steadily gaining weight again. I am up almost 40 pounds from my lowest point and in an 18/20 again....AHHHH! I'm hungry all the time, it seems, just like before my surgery. I don't know if my staples are all out or what. The band is still in place, because I get sick still if I eat too big of a bite, etc. SO...I refuse to sit idly by and continue getting fatter. I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow to see about converting to a RNY (I'm VBG) and I'm NERVOUS! He is going to bless me out for gaining so much weight. I'm not even sure that he'll do the surgery, but it can't hurt to ask. Many of my health related issues are coming back into play and now (because my chest is smaller) strangers keep asking me if I'm pregnant. My husband is actually supporting my return to the Doctor so I'll update my page once I have my visit tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
12/30/04: Well, I saw my surgeon, and he recommended Roux en Y as a revision, which is great. I had an endoscopy done shortly thereafter, and that dr explained that my band had stretched and slipped down, giving me two stomachs, which is why I was hungry all of the time. My company changed to a new insurance provider, which I thought was great, since BCBS doesn't cover revisions, and I was so psyched to have a legit medical reason why I was not losing weight! I faxed in personally (twice) ALL of my files from ALL of my physicians, in an effort to help rush the approval process along, and also sent an emotional cover letter to try to get the surgery approved before January. Now the bad news - I called today and it was DENIED!!!!!! I was actually shocked - I thought it was so cut and dry. :-( I really almost cried cause I had gotten my hopes up so much to have this surgery within a month or so.... Cigna wants 26 weeks of a supervised diet program, psych eval, etc... I called their Peer to Peer reconsideration program and my doctor is supposed to call them to review the case on Monday, but I'm so disappointed. In addition, my dr's office doesn't seem to want to mention the faulty band, just that the surgery was unsuccessful. So now I'm really bummed out. I was soooo pumped to start 2005 with a new body in sight... but it looks like a long bumpy road ahead with an alternate ending I may not be happy with. SIGH. Wish me luck in getting this pushed thru - I truly feel like revision surgery is my only chance for losing 100+ lbs and keeping it off. I'll update you in 2005. Happy New Year, ya'll!
*1/8/04 - Well, I decided not to give up without a fight. SO - I've had the psych eval that Cigna is requiring and I'm meeting with a nutritionist at our local hospital as required. AND (I'm so excited) my family physician is going to write a letter stating that I've been dieting under her supervised care for over 26 weeks and that my BMI has been over 40 for a year. These things SHOULD meet all of Cigna's requirements and then I'll put my appeal letter in. So... I've got my fingers crossed that they will have to approve me if I meet all of their requirements. Wish me luck.
*2/7/05 - I can't believe it....I'M APPROVED! Yep, after a second appeal, and providing the 6 mth diet history, I am approved for revision to ROUX-EN-Y. I'm so excited - and while I know I'll be nervous when it's actually time, I am just delighted right now. I feel like I've been given a second chance to shrink to a normal size and I can't wait! Of course, my surgeon is in Paraguay for the next two weeks, so it may be a month before I can actually have the surgery - but I know I can now and I'm ready! I'd do it tomorrow if I could. Sigh. I started working on this in October and pushing Cigna in December, so I encourage anyone running into issues with their ins company not to give up - keep pushing it through. NOW - I've just got to focus on the logistics of actually having the surgery (I hate pain!) and my new eating habits. I'm determined not to revert to my 'old' eating habits, as I feel like I've been given on last chance and I want to make SURE that it doesn't fail. Wish me luck! :-)
*2/16/05 - Well, my surgeon is supposed to be back on Monday and I'll get a date. I have a business trip that has come up unexpectedly on the dates I really wanted the surgery, so it looks like it may be March 10th before I have it done. I'm so impatient - I want to have it done NOW! Hopefully the 3/10 date will give me enough time to recuperate before my week long beach trip on April 1st! Surely 3 weeks is enough for me to feel up to relaxing by the pool....I HOPE! I'll know on MONDAY.
*2/23/05 - My dr's office is amazing. They've rearranged other surgeries, etc and my date is MARCH 8th! I had my pre-surgery appt with the doctor today and my pre-op is on March 7th, then I spend the remainder of the day taking Magnesium Citrate to 'cleanse' my system - ugh. Liquid diet starting the 6th. I weighed in at 247 lbs on his scales - ugh. Hwever, if I lost 100 lbs, I'd weigh 147 and that is unimaginable. Truly seems farfetched. If I can get into a 12, I would be delighted. Can't imagine being any smaller than that! The reality of the surgery is starting to hit me now, and for some reason became more real when he said my blood pressure, cholestral, and lipids were all high and this would help. Interesting... The hard thing is realizing that I'll go out of town on Monday, back on Friday and surgery on Tuesday...minimal prep time for the kids and house. My mother really wants to come down to help but my surgery is on my dad's b'day...and I told her to wait until I need her. Gosh - reading back over my FIRST surgery, I don't remember the pain, but I wrote that it's awful...oh man, I am getting nervous, but I"M READY. Ready to be on 'the other side'! :-)
*3/14/05- Well, I have made it to the other side. Phew! I had an Open Roux en y (dr tried to do it laproscopically but there was too much scar tissue) on Tuesday 3/8 and didn't get home from the hospital until Saturday. This surgery was much harder than the VBG for some reason- I'm not bouncing back like I did 3 yrs ago, sigh. I have almost 40 staples down my stomach (and where he tried to start the lapro)and there was alot more pain than I remembered. I stayed in the hospital for an extra two days b/c apparently my colon got 'blocked' by the barium I had to drink after surgery to check for leakage. I'm now home but still dealing with that whole gasy/no-BM issue. Maybe it's just being over 30 that makes recovery slower. OH WELL. I'm still on a full liquid diet until I see my dr at the end of the week. I am surprised to find I do get hungry but maybe that will go away after I can eat real food. I had hoped to get back to work next week, but at this rate, it may be a bit longer. My mom was in town and was VERY helpful when I got home, but she flew home this morning, the kids are at school, and hubby is at work - so it's my first day on my own and so far so good. Just totally vegging out, doing a tad of walking to stir things up, and figure I'll nap shortly. Hummmmm....wouldn't be a bad way of life! :-) Very glad the surgery is behind me.
*3/29/05 - OK, I'm three weeks out of surgery and I've been working half days since last week. I think that has helped me 'get going' and given me some motivation, but I get totally worn out so easily. I had some further complications last week involving fainting, fever/chills and being completely out of it, much to my hubby's dismay. Turned out to be an infection from the nose tube after surgery. AH. Much better now. Still on liquid diet, though I have had a little bit of mushy food, which really helps my energy level. Get nauseated sometimes when I eat though. VERY FRUSTRATED b/c I've only lost 12 lbs and haven't lost any weight in a week, and I can't be eating 300 calories a day!!! How can this be? I really wanted to be down 20 lbs by this point - sigh. Also realized I am going to HAVE to start walking and working out, as I'm very "smushy"- yuck. Overall, feeling pretty good, just tiring easily. Going to the beach for a week in a few days - that'll be a real test. :-)
* 6/15/05 - OK - I haven't updated in a while - sorry. It's been 3 months, and I feel great. Haven't lost as much as I'd have liked to. Based on MY scale, I went from 238 at surgery to 204 today. So down 34 lbs. Finally starting to see a difference in my appearance. Funny, the weight loss is most notable in my neck and face, hands, legs....tummy is still big, but not quite AS big.... Lost about one size I think, depending on the brand. I haven't thrown up but twice recently I've had to leave the restaurant to go lay in the car - both times, bread was the factor. Major negative is that I've found I can eat small amounts of sugar, such as bite-size Laffy Taffy, at work. NO NO. Typically, I'll eat sugar free stuff. Really upped my fruit intake recently, so that should help me. Tried the gym for 3 weeks, didn't lose ONE pound, stopped going and lost 5 lbs. Our family got a dog yesterday so maybe I'll just walk him for my exercise. :-) Overall though, I'm feeling fine, no side effects except losing my hair again. Just REALLY SLOW weight loss. Wanted to be down 60 lbs by now instead of 34....rrrr. Doctor isn't concerned - just watching my potassium level and blood pressure, as they are a tad low & high respectively. Still waiting for my B12 results. TOTALLY hoping no shots are in my future!!!
*9/27/05 - Well, I'm not doing so well with updating my profile, despite my promises to myself to do so regularly! Oops. Still SLOW weight loss, but still losing a bit. Down to 190 lbs this morning - 48 lbs by my calculations, 57 lbs by the dr's notes, since he had me at 247 before surgery. My stomach is still my problem area. I am in a size 16 now, which is good. Had to cut my hair short due to the hair loss and that has helped alot. Still not exercising which I know is a problem. Sigh. Just hate working out! I am taking B12 shots monthly - have to get a friend to give them to me in the thigh, but she does a good job and it doesn't hurt too badly. Felt like a 'junkie' getting my shot in the parking lot of the local Mexican restaurant last time after we all ate out. :-) Don't know if the shots help or not, but I've had 3 mths worth now...Also, I have a hernia in my incision, and I can feel it when I bend in certain positions. It is a bit uncomfortable but my surgeon says it's a good thing, as it'll cause insurance to pay for my hospital stay when I have a tummy tuck. Hmmmm.... there is a positive. I'm not even going to think tummy tuck until March of next year - I'd like to be at 175 but we'll see....!
12/22/05 - SLOWWWW weight loss still. I'm holding at around 183 and did purchase some size 14 Old Navy jeans - WHOOHOO! I've noticed I'm getting 'doughy' so I really need to work out before I push for a tummy tuck (which I think will help alot). I found out I need a hysterectomy and that they can do the tuck at the same time, so I hope to have them done before 2007. I'd really like to lose 20 more pounds.... Sigh.
4/28/06 - I seem to be holding at 180 lbs and wearing between a 16 & 14, depending on the clothing type. I'm scheduled for an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck!) on June 8th, at the same time I get a hernia repair and hysterectomy. I will admit I'm nervous but I'm ready!! I can't imagine not having a stomach poking out or being able to tuck in my shirts and wear belts and stuff! Can't seem to get motivated to diet or exercise (as usual) but at least I'm not gaining!!
6/26/06 - Well, I'm 2 weeks past getting my tummy tuck. Yea! I still have some discomfort and swelling, along with getting tired out easily which may be due to the hysterectomy. No major issues though, except that my drains stayed in for two weeks til they came out on their own, due to lots of drainage. Also my belly button keeps draining. But I have an appt tomorrow to check in with the doctor. They took out almost 8 lbs of fat and skin - "a bucketful", to quote a friend. I'm down to 166, which is a first since I was married 14 yrs ago! WHOOPEE. It is truly amazing to touch my stomach and feel 'flatness'. To put on clothes and not have overhang - wow. :-) I still need touch ups on my hips which my dr will do in a couple of months - that'll make the whole thing complete - I can't wait.
2/22/11- Wow - several years have passed so quickly! So much for my keeping a good blog on my 'journey'. Well, the tummy tuck went very well. At my lowest weight, I was 168 and a size 12. I felt GREAT at that weight. Over the last two years I have steadily gained and my eating habits have deteriorated, which is BAD BAD BAD. I can eat sugar without any real issue now and can polish off a McDonalds combo without a problem. Not good. I've gained 40 lbs in the last two years and am up to a size 18 again. Ugh. The kicker was having to pack up TWENTY TWO suits which no longer fit me. So, I have joined our local gym to start working out again. I have an appointment for a consultation for the LapBand just to see if I qualify due to the continued weight increase. I like the idea of the band b/c it can be modified as needed - and I obviously need a long term tool to help me with this life-long struggle to maintain a decent weight. Not getting my hopes up on this 3rd surgery because I'm not sure insurance will pay for this - but better to try then sit back and keep gaining. Wish my luck!
About Me
GA
Location
47.1
BMI
Surgery
03/08/2005
Surgery Date
Nov 21, 2001
Member Since