IndplsEric

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OK, so I haven't been the most dutiful blogger out there. No surprise given my past with sites like Blogger and WordPress.

So where do I stand on things? My six month medical program ends January 19, 2011, which is a little over a month from today. That really hit me last week when I met with Dr. Olson. She is such a firecracker and loves helping people get their lives back. She saw that date on my chart and got über-excited for me.

And my reaction? I got scared. Scared because I still eat too many of those sugary treats sold at gas stations across America (not to mention the vending machines in my office). Scared because I am still drinking sodas, even after giving them up several times in the last year. Scared because I know my committment has not been 100% (or even 90%), and it will have to be there for me to be successful.

I am thinking about doing the right things. I did skip the dessert table at yesterday's company holiday party. Yet, because I am tired today, I have been pounding the sodas and sugary treats to keep myself going and alert at work. And that shit has gotta stop!!!

The problem is, I don't know how to change those behaviors. And that sucks.

I went in this morning to get started on the six-month medically-supervised program my insuance requres. I had worked a bit with Dr. Olson before as part of an outpatient nutrition program and forgot how fun she makes the process. She has been through the weight loss struggle herself and has kept the weight off for quite some time. Very inspiring.

The first surprise came when I stepped on the scale--I had lost one pound from when I had the surgical consult about a week ago. I honestly expected to have gained some given my stress eating and lack of dietary concern as of late. I know it is an excuse, but I am not really putting the focus on this journey that I should because of a stress-filled project at work that should be wrapped up next week.

She looked thru my list of medications and--surprise, surprise--some of them can cause weight gain. But she doesn't want to change any of them right now, opting to starting to work on lifestyle changes first.

As far as my surgery is concerned, she, too, thinks the sleeve is the best approach for me. Her optimism and enthusiasm toward a brighter future for my life is definitely contageous.

But, for now, the goal is damage control: Make it through the end of this project without gaining any weight. Then it'll be the start of working out again and losing 40-50 pounds in the six months before surgery.

Last week, I dipped my toe into the waters of this whole bariatric surgery thing. I went to one of the many hospitals in the area and sat through a three-hour long informational meeting before heading to an exam room and sitting down with one of the surgeons. A few minutes later, he and I agreed that the sleeve was going to be the best option for me and provide the most benefits without as much risk as RNY. Cool...I'm all for less risks.

 

But my insurance requires six-months in a medically supervised program before they will consider approval for the surgery. So I scheduled an appointment with the doctor who oversees that program (I see her for the first time in three days).

 

I figured since I was meeting basic requirements, I might as well crank out one of the two pre-op surgical group meetings the hospitals requires I attend. That took care of an hour and a half out of my schedule last night. (Well, actually less thanks to a massive traffic mess...but that's another issue altogether.) The meeting focused on a married couple--one five (or six) weeks post-op and one 10 months post-op. Looking at the before pictures, I was very surprised at the amount of weight lost by the husband in the 10 months since his surgery. But as he talked more and more, my mind started to question things.

 

He works out an hour a day. Everyday. He is off his diabetic medicines. He expects to be off his CPAP machine in the near future. All due to the weight loss. But my mind started wandering

 

What if I devoted an hour a day to exercising? Would the weight come off on its own? How long would it take for me to go from buying 5XLT shirts to 2XLT...or even XLT? (In the ten months, this guy went from 4XL to L.) What if I voluntarily cut my eating back to a handful of ounces of food everyday? Swap out my precious Mountain Dews for protein drinks from Sams Club? Could I do this on my own?

 

I mean if insurance requires me to give it a go for six months on my own, what happens if I drop a good chunk of weight? Will they deny the surgery because I was successful on my own? Will they approve it even if I shed 50 pounds? So why bother putting myself through a surgical procedure and putting myself out of work commission for six weeks? Why not just do it myself?

 

Those are the thoughts running through my head last night. Today…well, I’m seeing some of the reasons I should go ahead with the surgery. I’m in the final stretch of a massive project at work and my stress level is higher than it has ever been in the 12 years I’ve been with this company. I am fueled by Mountain Dew and sugary snacks at the office to keep the pace that I need to. As I write this, there is a partial six-pack of 24-ounce bottles on my desk along with some fried chicken. Not exactly weight-loss food.

 

I know my life is stressful. Aside from the work situation, I am in the midst of a nasty divorce that has been going on for nearly two years. I am coping with a job reclassification that has impacted my finances. And I am still sitting here at 440+ pounds with almost constant pain in my lower back, knees, and ankles.

 

I’m on medication for my heart and blood sugar. I have sleep apnea. I am exhausted constantly. I get winded climbing the one flight of stairs to my apartment or my office.

 

I know the weight has to go. I know it is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life. But is surgery my only option? I just don’t know right now.