j_marie
Date Weight Comment
1/24/06 232 OFFICIAL DAY OF SURGERY WEIGHT Size 18 jeans
02/07/06 220 -12 lbs since WLS, 2 weeks out
02/14/06 216 4 lbs -16 lbs since WLS, 3 weeks out Happy V Day
02/28/06 211 5 lbs -21 lbs since WLS, 5 weeks out
03/08/06 207 4 lbs -25 lbs since WLS, 6 weeks out Size 16 jeans
03/15/06 204 3 lbs -28 lbs since WLS, 7 weeks out Size 14 jeans
03/23/06 202 2 lbs -30 lbs since WLS, 8 weeks out
03/29/06 198 4 lbs -34 lbs since WLS, 9 weeks out
04/05/06 194 4 lbs- 38 lbs since WLS, 10 weeks out
04/12/06 193 1 lbs -39 lbs since WLS, 11 weeks out
04/19/06 191 2 lbs -41 lbs since WLS, 12 weeks out
04/26/06 187 4 lbs -45 lbs since WLS, 13 weeks out Size 12 jeans
05/03/06 185 2 lbs - 47 lbs since WLS, 14 weeks out
05/10/06 184 1 lbs - 48 lbs since WLS, 15 weeks out
05/17/06 181 3 lbs - 51 lbs since WLS, 16 weeks out
05/24/06 179 2 lbs - 53 lbs since WLS, 17 weeks out
05/31/06 177 2 lbs - 55 lbs since WLS, 18 weeks out
06/07/06 175 2 lbs - 57 lbs since WLS, 19 weeks out
06/14/06 171 4 lbs - 61 lbs since WLS, 20 weeks out Size 10 jeans
06/21/06 170 1 lbs - 62 since WLS, 21 weeks out
06/28/06 169 1 lbs - 63 since WLS, 22 weeks out
07/05/06 166 3 lbs - 66 since WLS, 23 weeks out
07/12/06 166 0 lbs - 66 since WLS. 24 weeks out
07/19/06 165 1 lbs - 67 since WLS, 25 weeks out
07/26/06 162 3 lbs -70 since WLS, 26 weeks out
08/02/06 158 4 lbs - 75 since WLS, 27 weeks out
08/09/06 155 3 lbs - 77 since WLS, 28 weeks out size 10s a liitle loose.
08/16/06 155 0 lbs - 77 since WLS, 29 weeks out, size 8!!!
08/23/06 155 0 lbs - 77 since WLS, 30 weeks out
08/30/06 154 1 lbs - 78 since WLS, 31 weeks out
09/06/06 150 4 lbs - 82 since WLS, 32 weeks out
09/13/06 149 1 lbs - 83 since WLS, 33 weeks out
09/20/06 148 1 lbs- 84 since WLS, 34 weeks out
09/27/06 147 1 lbs - 85 since WLS, 35 weeks out
10/04/06 145 2 lbs - 87 since WLS, 36 weeks out
10/11/06 143 2 lbs - 89 since WLS, 37 weeks out Size 8 too big!
10/18/06 141 2 lbs - 91 since WLS, 38 weeks out Size 6. Yipee
10/25/06 140 1 lbs - 92 since WLS, 39 weeks out
11/01/06 140 0 lbs - 92 since WLS, 40 weeks out, Size 4 slacks some 5 jeans,
11/08/06 140 0 lbs - 92 since WLS, 41 weeks out
11/16/06 140 0 lbs - 92 since WLS, 42 weeks out
11/22/06 137 3 lbs - 95 since WLS, 43 weeks out
11/29/06 135 2 lbs- 97 since WLS, 44 Weeks out Hit my original goal weight today!
12/06/06 135 0 lbs - 97 since WLS, 44 weeks out!
12/13/06 135 0 lbs - My TT. BA, BL surgery was 12/11/06, 45 weeks out
12/20/06 Still not going to weigh, I am swollen from surgery. 46 weeks out Today is my 50th birthday. WOW, what a great birthday present!
12/27/06 127 lbs - 8 lbs since PS, 105 lbs since WLS, 47 weeks out.
1/21/07 122 lbs 110 lbs since WLS, 51 weeks out.
I am in process with Hills Physician's (Pacific Care) 6 month program of hoops to jump through. I have a case manager and a surgeon. I appreciate this site so much, although I am losing sleep over it! Dr. Kazantsev's staff referred me. I am hoping to have the RNY in February 2006. I have a history of hair loss with weight loss. Any suggestions? I also drink a lot of water (life long dieting). I am freaking out over the weirdest things, like not being able to drink and eat at the same time.
10/14/05 Well I am 40.5 BMI now. No worries. I should qualify with Hill's Physicians. I am three months into the waiting. I just went to see a nurologist today with some tingling, numbness and stinging pain in my upper right thigh. She said that this was a common nerve injury (meralgia parasthatica) for middle aged, overweight woman. I brighten up a bit and asked "Do you think this has anything to do with my being overweight" She said "of course". I said "could you please write that down". All my life I have heard doctors blame everything on my weight. Now I am thrilled to hear it. I'll take any ammo I can get so that I won't get denied or delayed.
10/29/05
I am still waiting. I don't know what else to say. I was really dreaming that I could have a December 2005 surgery date. I know that is not going to happen. I am scared to drop below 40 BMI, but I need to lose some weight while I wait for the surgery. I am really feeling the weight.
11/10/05
I am really feeling the wait. I am scheduled for my ultrasound on Monday. My last weigh in is December 1, 2005. After that weigh in my PCP will send in the request for a pre-authorization. If there was any hope of a December surgery. I am praying like crazy for that miracle. I am having a hard time... I have read all the posts and everyone seems to go through this agonizing wait.
11/23/04
Happy Thanksgiving. I keep thinking next year I will be on the other side. I cooked the full deal today. All I can think about is when I get my surgery. I bought a bunch of protein RTD from GNC. Hmmm, maybe I can pack my hospital bag. Ya think its to soon? It's not like waiting for a baby to come, you never know when it will be time to rush off to the hospital. The count down seems the same.
I went on a European vacation and a cruise and never got this excited counting down the days. My ultrasound was'nt that much fun either, no baby to look for, instead crossing my fingers, hoping they might find gall stones so that I can have my gall bladder out with the WLS. Why not, it seems silly to keep it. The ultra sound tech was an "intern" I didn't realize what that meant, that after a long hour of rolling me around on the table and him rolling the ultrasound wand all over me that he was going to call in the "real technician" At which point he said to her " there's something really weird on her right kidney". I thought, "great, all I need is a tumor and they won't do my surgery". I know my priorities are a little weird right now.
I meet with a counselor yesterday. I have heard that it is a good thing to be in counseling during your WLS journey. I thought, O.K. that's cool. I haven't been in counseling for a while. I want to be a WLS patient. Ok. been there, done that. Marriage counseling , divorce counseling, personal growth counseling, pre-marital counseling, post-engagement counseling, breakup and I'm-single-again- what's-wrong-with-me-counseling, family counseling. Counseling is cool. I went into the session, thinking a lot of people have a masters degree, hang up a sign and they are in business. To find some one who who speaks your language, has their own life in order, and has the talent and skill to help you wade through the waters is like almost as hard as finding a man (you want and who wants you), ok, I am looking for a friggin miracle. She did her reflective listening, tried to prob the obvious trumatic events in my life (those horses have been for a long time) I have already worked them over in counseling, at some point there is no value trying to dig them up again. She said something like, it looks like you are on your way to finding yourself. I can help you if you want to come, every week. HELLOOOOO, I didn't say I was there to find myself. FCOL, I'm 48. That's something you do when you are 30. I left and called my best friend and said "I don't think I want to be psyco-analyzed". "You can tell me what I don't want to hear and your free".
11/29/05
I sweetly called my PCP to see if they had the letters from my dietician and psychologist. I have my last weight in on Dec 1, in two days. She surprised me to say that she faxed by pre-approval today! I have been jumping through the Pacific Care hoops. I am praying for this to be approved immediately. I have met their requirements and I would just love for them to approve this the first time without the drama. Thank you so much for praying for me. I have been so blessed by all your posts and your stories of struggle and success. I am praying for my Adovocate, my Healer, my Lord and Strong Tower to go ahead of this fax and soften their hearts.
Proverbs 21:1
The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD,Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.
I have total peace about this surgery.
12/3/05
Were do all those faxes go? You know all the ones that are sent and never recieved? My case worker didn't get the fax. One has to wonder "where do they all go?" from reading all the profiles there must be a giant black hole that all the pre-authorization faxes go into. Some kind of huge conspiracy that redirects these to a fax machine somewhere? I asked the Dr. Office to re-fax since they didn't get it. I will call on Monday to see if they got the second fax. Hey, I will hand deliver, no problem. It will happen, I know. I am trying to be up and pleasant to deal with. My endoscopy consult is Wednesday! My PCP made a face as she handed over the referral like, ick!! I said "oh, you don't understand I can't wait to do this". One more thing off my list. I will be all done with my prep stuff then. I have ordered supplement and vitamins. Do I need a recliner? Seems like I might. Later....
12/05/05
Wahoooo! I was approved today. Monica, Sara, Ms. Hyland, you guys rock!!!! Oh, yes DeAngela, you are all my favorite people today!! I am so happy and full of gratitude. Oh and thank You Lord that you heard my cry and went before the fax and softened the heart of the medical director to approve this surgery.
I see Dr. K on Wednesday. How about that! I know how lucky and blessed I am. I have read the dozens of profiles where the HMO's messed around and I have learned a lot. I submitted an Excel spread sheet going back to 1967 when my mom put me on an apple diet! I had a recorded weight for every year since 1975. I had a three page letter of basicly pleading my case. A food diary. A log of every WLS phone call, every WLS book, every support group, every doctor's visit since July, 2005.
I know that life is not fair, I think I stopped shouting that out loud and starting to accept that long ago. Almost everyone has had a cross to bear and that many have suffered in life. My weight has been that suffering for me. I know there are much more devestating things, like cancer and the loss of a child. Talk about humbling. I have friends fighting cancer and here I am needing surgical intervention to have a normal weight. It seems crazy. But, it's my pain and it's real to me. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". I am grateful for the courage I have to have this surgery. I am grateful that I will now have an equalizer, a mighty sword to battle this weight and feeble metabolism. I have always wondered what life would be like.... I am grateful that I will have that chance to find out. I pray that I have learned the things in this struggle that I needed to learn. I HAVE learned compassion. Great compassion for others and for my self. I have learned GRACE for others and for myself. I am feeling so blessed today.
May God's grace shine on you today. I pray that you will know His favor and find His peace welling up in your heart! He is so good to us, His children!
12/7/05
I meet Dr. K today. I think he is a little shy but not cold at all. I really didn't have any questions. I think I have spend 200 hours on research, I should be able to draw diagrams and give lectures. I have to wait for the HMO to approve the endoscopy prior to setting the date for that. Hoops and more hoops.
12/9/05
I had my endoscopy at Alta Bates Summit today. They were wonderful. The nurse gave me a little shot of Lidocain before he started the IV. I was amazed at how painless it makes it. He said that had been doing that for 20 years. I am a little ticked off at the last 3 times I had an IV started, I just had to tough it out. Now I know better! The endoscopy went just fine, now about 8 hours later my throat and stomach are a little tender. I asked if they were going to schedule my surgery and they said that I have to meet with their dietician. I am trying to relax and just wait for the surgery date. I can't complain about the process, it's moving right along. I am just ready to go. My pleas to Santa for a WLS for Christmas have fallen on deaf ears it appears. I have lost a couple of pounds but I don't know how to update my ticker tape yet... 231
12/12/05
Ok, I want to complain now. I called all day to get a hold of the dietician. I found they only work in the office on Wednesday. I was able to page her and she said why did I want so long to schedule an appointment with her. I was floored, the 6 months of meeting with a Hill's dietician was not the same requirement as meeting one time with with the surgeon's dietician. The first available appointment is 12/21/05. There is no point in getting upset. I really just want to cry though. I think I might be able to schedule that (crying) in sometime tonight. The sheer and utter frustration. As much as I try and communicate, I still fail.
12/13/05
Sorry about all the whining. I prayed and prayed for an opening for the dietician and here I am going tomorrow morning. Someone cancelled. I am so happy. This is a huge roller coaster ride. Up, down. I am going to try and just ride the wave and quit freaking out all the time. After this appointment, they should submit my request for the surgery approval, then comes the date!
12/14/05
I am not suffering from the last meal syndrome yet. I pray that I won't. I want to be on the losing side now, not waiting for my surgery. All my past dieting has been so discouraging since my weight just climbed back up. I am hoping to have the surgery so that my weight will just go down.
Hey, everyone. I finished jumping through all the hoops. I have a praise today. I found out last Thursday after my endoscopy (the last thing on my list) that there was one more thing, the appointment with the surgeon's dietician. I said "Oh, I have seen a dietician for the last six months as required by my HMO" They informed me that I still have to see their dietician prior to my surgery being booked. I called on Monday after she got the referral and they only work on Wednesdays and they were booked until 12/21/05. I was so disappointed, but tried to stay very gracious. I asked for a cancellation. They said "we don't get those, we just get no shows". I started praying. I prayed for a cancellation for 12/14/05. On 12/13/05 the dietician called and said she had a 9 am, 12/14/05 cancellation. When I showed up. She said that the strangest thing happened. That she booked my 9 am and the scheduling person, said we don't have a cancelllation at 9 and the dietician said I thought you said we did and they both could not figure it out, 10 minutes later they got the call that their 9am needed to cancel!!! They were freaked out about how weird that was. I said "OH no, that's not weird, that's God" I prayed all day yesterday. Everytime I rememebered, I actually folded my hands at my desk and prayed for that cancellation. P. S. I am praying for an early surgery. Not that someone who desperately needs this surgery, but maybe someone that has been waiting to get pregnant or something wonderful will cause them to delay. No matter what, I have had God's favor in every part of this.
A beautiful christian sister today found out about my surgery and was adament that God didn't want this for me. That He could heal me. I said I know, but He hasn't and I need this. I know He can do ANYTHING! I have prayed about this and I KNOW His voice and He has given me peace about this. Her friend that must be over 350 lbs, walking with a cane and under a great deal of pain said that it I needed more faith. That healing is granted accoding to my belief. I am so glad that I have the spiritual maturity to stand my ground and say "I know His voice". I would never go outside the will of God for this. He said no 6 years ago. I obeyed. I lost 75 lbs on a liquid diet. I gained most back. I don't know why He said no 6 years ago, but Yes this time. But, I know Him, I trust Him and am trying to learn to accept His timing in things. Remind me of this if my surgery is delayed!!!
12/16/05
I am waiting. Everything is done. Waiting for the authorization to be faxed from the surgeon's office to my HMO. No word yet. What else to write about? Can't think of anything. 230 lbs today.
12/19/05
I am approved!!!! The scheduling nurse has went home for the day. I still don't have a date. But, boy the approval when through with flying colors!!! That you Lord... Thank you, Monica, DeAngela. There is no way I could complain about the process, everyone did what they were supposed to do, right on time, especially me. I really focused on crossing my "T"s. I know lots of people have done everything right and the frustration was overwhelming.
I did follow the advice of others on this web site. I keep a log of every phone call, every appointment. Followed up on all faxes that were sent. I wrote a 3 page letter detailing my medical woes, my struggle and the quality of life I am hoping to achieve. I actually had an Excel spreadsheet that showed my weight back to 1967!! Every diet, every diet doctor, every pill. I tried really hard to balance the level of persistence with patience and grace so that I cultavated advocates and not adverieres. I also had the luck of wonderful people on the other end of that phone and fax. People that really wanted to help you.
Tommorow is my 49th birthday. I plan on being a whole new person for my 50th, next year.
I am one of those people that tell everyone about my surgery. The good news, most are supportive. I have the confidence to handle the downers. I know everyone wants the best for me. They just don't understand the struggle. I pray that my recovery and the success of my surgery are just as blessed.
12/20/05
Happy Birthday to me. I have my surgery date, January 24th!!
12/26/05
I am so blessed by this site. I have met so many new and very special friends. What an amazing group of people. I shouldn't be surprised. It there was a profile of an overweight person, I think it would be a caring, loving, giving person. Sometimes we are so busy caring for others that we forget how to care for ourselves. I mean really care for ourselves. Forgive me if I offend some of you. I know for myself that as a Christian, drinking, ing, ing are not acceptable ways to cope with life's pain and stress. Since I was a little I always remember feeling all of the pain of life in my stomach. My sister died and my stomach hurt. When life is stressful, my stomach is the place I feel it. I know now how to deal better with stress. pain, disappointment. But all the knowing doesn't always re-route the wiring. My stomach is still wired up to my heart. I thank God that I am not a binger, I just have to work on when my stomach is acting up how to calm it down without food. Good ole Tums seem to work ok. Remind me of that.
I guess I should be a little scared about this surgery, but I am not. I have one friend who starts crying whenever we talk about it. She is so scared for me. I have so much confidence that this is the right path for me. I am ready for this. I am fortunate that some many of you have gone on the path before me, warning of the pot holes and sudden curves ahead. I am looking so forward to this new year. Truely a new beginning for me. God bless you, fellow WLS path-travelers.
1/1/06
Happy New Year! I am excited, my surgery is 3 weeks away. I am so happy that the eating part of the holidays are over. I am hoping the next three weeks fly by. I am going to Monterey, CA for a 3 day weekend in the middle of this month, that should help. I am just trying to calm my fears. I am scared that I won't lose the weight I want. I have friends that have gained all the weight back. That is horrifying. I am praying that I will not be able to eat sugar. I am tired of the struggle. All the times I pass on the donuts and treats and still am overweight. Sometimes there is no win-win feeling. If you could pass on those food treats and stay slim like some women I know, it would be one thing... If I spend my lunch hours exercising and eating tuna out of the can, protein shakes for lunch and still fat, that's another story. The injustice is so frustrating. Sorry for some of the negativity. That's how I feel today. I am an optomist. I am so sure that this surgery is the right thing for me. I don't fear clots or . Somtimes I just fear the surgery won't work. That I will still have the pain in my hips, my feet. That I won't ever conquer the weight battle.
Tomorrow, I promise to be less morbid.
1/6/06 Hey, check out my new website. Thank you Joan M. What a great gift. I love what you created. Thank you to all the volunteers that make this website possible. It has changed my life already. Where else can we turn to in the middle of the night when we are full of questions? wanting to share our journey with others that have already been down the path we are just starting to tentitively tread.
I joined a rather pricey health club. Today was my first day. The club has three pools, two are warm water pools. I joined mainly so that I can work out in the pool. I was there for 3 1/2 hours! 30 for cardio, 1/2 weight training, 1 hour in the pool, 1/2 hour in the jacuzzi. I thought I would start BEFORE my surgery. I am hoping that I can do a mild workout 2 weeks after surgery. I am very happy to report that most of the members appear to be close to my (middle) age or retired. Not much plastics here. The club is affiliated with the local hospital, the emphasis is on Health. I plan on fully integrating the tool of the WLS surgery, group counseling with a bariatric counselor, and the workout club to ensure my losing success. 17 days until my surgery!
1/11/06
Last appointment with Dr. Kazantsev, I tried to negotiate removing my gall bladder and hinting for a distal. I knew he wasn't going to go for either. I hope the antigall works. I sure don't want to have to have gall bladder surgery 6-12 months down road.
I am doing ok with the "last supper thing", some of my friends are calling me and wanting to party it up for the last time. I tell them, "I'm done". I have 12 days left to surgery day. I am hoping I can drop something before my surgery. I am going to Monterey, CA, for 4 days to attend a dance conferance. My dance partner has very good food habits so the focus will not be food. That's nice.
I have thin friends who talk about food so much that it puts me into the "food frenzy". I have one friend who is 5-5, 118 lbs and when I visit she starts planning the minute we have coffee in the morning all the food we are going to buy, prepare, where we are going to eat, the whole deal. She has no idea how the works on MY brain. She talks about eating more than she actually eats. Interesting. She told me that she struggled with her weight and dieting all of her life, now she has no foods, she just has a little taste of things and she is happy. I am hoping that with a tiny pouch that works for me also. I AM going to tell myself that sugar is not an option. I do just fine until I eat sugar and then the sugar demons drive me nuts, thinking about it, wanting it, either eating it and having remorse or not eating it and feeling deprived, either way it is miserable. I am talking to post ops and finding that they are scared of the sugar addiction, many find that even with the RNY they can still each sugar. I pray that I am one of those who dumps big time with sugar!
I am reading the book "Life is hard, food is easy" by Linda Spangler. I plan on working big time on my head during this next year. The surgery is going to give me such a head start on the game, if I put the effort into getting the head and heart into the equation, maybe I can get there, for life.
In case I sound negative, I just want to say. I AM SO EXCITED! I am filled with hope and confidence. I just acknowledge the work ahead of me.
I have been planning on how I can get to the hospital by myself so that I don't have to inconvience anyone. I don't want people hanging in the halls, getting nervous and fearful. My 24 yr old son, Luke who is in the Air Force insisted that he take the time off to come to the hospital. Once he insisted, I felt really good about it. I realized how hard for me it is to allow myself to NEED things from other people. I love it when they want to, It is so painful to tell someone that is important to you that you need them, when they don't really want to do something. The custodian that cleans my office surprise me today when she asked if I needed her to drive me to the hospital!!! She lives about 50 miles further than anyone else I know. I have to admit she was the first person to offer. I have some great friends, I think it is just hard for me to ask. Somthing to think about, my fear of be needy. Hmmmm
1/18/05
1 week from today, I will be on the otherside.
Interesting the subject of neediness came up a lot last week. I took my 13 yr old daughter out to dinner. She ordered a cheeseburger, when the burger came it did not have cheese. She looked disappointed but said "it's ok and started eating it". I was surprised, she would never order a hamburger. She LOVES the cheese. I said "just ask for the cheese, they will bring it to you. I don't care if it costs more" She continued to slowly eat her burger and I was really curious why she was reluctant. She doesn't possess a shy bone in her entire body. I asked why she didn't want to ask for the cheese and she broke my heart when she said. "I don't want to seem too needy." Did I teach her that somehow? I know Jr High was brutal, the more she wanted or needed a friend, the more they ganged up and rejected her. I gently insisted that she ask for the cheese and she did and enjoyed the rest of the meal. That just haunted me. I remember reading in my mother's journal after she died, she confessed that when I was a little I was too needy and that my neediness scared her and she pushed me away. I grieved for that little (me). My mother never did experience love from her parents and she was needy with her babies. Babies aren't supposed to meet the love deficiet. I grieved that my daughter somehow got that message in life. Did I teach her that neediness pushes people away? Sometimes it's true, it does if they are not healthy and willing to love and nurture you. It has been my own demon. To let myself need people.
I love my daughter passionately and told her that night "It's always ok to be needy with me. I want you to be, I promise to try to always meet your needs. When I can't, ask God to meet your needs. He will. His love is perfect". Only He can make up for loss of her biological mother and father. I can't heal those parts, only He can.
I hold on to His promises. I have a picture with a promise that hangs in my home. "God has a plan for you hidden in His heart, He has a path for you paved with His grace". I receive that promise into my heart for myself and for my precious daughter.
I believe passionately that God never wastes pain. The pain that I have experienced in life has birthed the great compassion I have. What a beautiful fruit that grows out of suffering, compassion and grace. To give out of compassion never feels like a sacrifice. It is joy and joy is a gift from God. I pray that I my heart will grow more like His every day. That I will be a comforter, encourager, a light bearer.
I believe that my daughter will have great compassion and grace birthed out of her pain. That she will become a strong woman with courage and that she will fulfill her destiney.
Psalm 56:8 (New King James Version)
You number my wanderings;Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?
Our Father has seen all of our tears, captured them in a bottle and wrote them in His book. Why would He do this? Are we that precious to Him? Does He love us so much? Does He desire to pour out His love into our hearts so that we can love others with His pure love? Yes. Oh Yes, He does.
1/23/06
OMG I ate tooo much. My last supper.. What was I thinking. Now I am trying to make room for the Magnesium Citrate....Rock N Roll Baby!! I was explaining the process to my neighbor and she said she might want to cleanse her colon sometime. I told her that this was a little dramatic. I don't know that I would recommend it as a regular health maintenance routine.
I did my pre-op stuff today. It seems like all the technicians I met were young men looking about 16 years old. The kid that did my EKG gave me two options, take my clothes off and put on a gown or lift up my shirt and bra. I asked him which her perferred and he said "Oh no that I had to make the choice. I kind of looked at him and thought oh well, not like it made any real difference and went for the easy route. It's kinda sad when you are 49 and you realize that no one really wants to check out your breasts anyway. They would probabely prefer you to keep your shirt on if they had a choice, saving themselves any possible trauma.
I told the nurse that I had watched the surgery on tv and saw that poor person lying up there on the table without a stitch on while someone mopped their belly with what looked like a freakin mop and everyone else was scurrying around, eventually drapping the body with sheets. I said "that's it, isn't it?. She say "yup, that's it". I am just thinking now that I should have done somekind of tanning bed thing. White flesh always looks bigger.
What really made me nervous, she told me no one was allowed in the recovery area, that people said and did all kinds of strange things while coming out of anesthia. I guess every job has it's perks and the nurses must have a good time with it.
Well, I better pack and get on with the colon ritual cleansing. God bless! Tomorrow is my big day!! I hope I do half as good as I think I will.
I'm Home! Thank you for all your awesome prayers!!! I had my surgery at 11:15. I woke up at 3:30 feeling like I did some situps. Not in pain really. They showed me how to use the morphine pump. They said to use it every 6 minutes. I tried it every 10 -15 minutes. By 4:00 I thought, I don't think I need it and never looked back. I was so surprised that I had no pain. I just got home from the hospital. Rock and Roll!!! I wished everyone else had this easy!!! God Bless you and thank you for all your prayers. I know that I am so blessed. I am walking around the house straightening and picking things up, moving slow, but so happy that I have so little discomfort. I know I need to take it easy or I will be sorry!! God bless all my new precious friends on this website.
Wow, I am so happy. I woke up from the surgery sore but, not in pain. I doing so great. I gained 8 lbs in the hospital though!! I think they were putting Kero surup in my veins. 5 days out, I lost the 8 plus 4 more so I am on my way. I saw Roger and his wife Lauren today at church and they were also thrilled with how great Roger felt.
I am in such awe of Dr. Kazantsev!!! Don't tell him, but I sneaked in a Salsa dance tonight, 5 days out!!! I feel so fortunate and blessed to have had such an easy time of it. I know so many have it so much rougher.
Suzanne warned me that walking to the surgery room and climbing up on the table was really weird, I agree. Freaky for some reason. Hey, no one warned me about the shots in the stomache. The nurse came in and announced that I was going to get a shot in the stomache. I was like "say what, no one told me about that" my big tough military SSGT son flew out of the room "I'm outta here" It didn't hurt, I promise, it was a good thing I did know ahead of time though, I am sure I would have stressed on that one.
Suzanne was the best angel!!! She came and visited me (wearing white, of course) bringing me a little goodie bag. Bless your heart Suzanne you are such a wonderful friend and an awesome angel!!!!
I am thinking I better go back to work soon, I keep looking at the weeds sprouting up in my yard and at the plants that need replacing. I would be much safer at work then an home with all these projects calling out to me.
God bless you all in your journey toward health and quality of life!! J.Marie
1/31/06 I week post-op. I feel great. I went into the office yesterday to sync-up my Palm and just sat there for minute and though, why do you want to come back so soon.? Are you crazy? I was going to try and talk the medical staff at work to approve me to return to work. I am going to try and do some filing at home so that I can resist the urge to go to work. I feel great! God bless your journey today!!
2/07/06
Two weeks out, 12 lbs, I am feeling good, going to see my surgeon tomorrow when he is supposed to move me to pureed foods. I have to confess, I had some bites of real food today, chew, chew, chew... Kinda scary. The fear is there, that I will wake up tomorrow and be up.
2/13/06
I went back to work today!! 5 hours instead of my usual 10. I am so happy with the surgery. I keep hearing about all the people that gain the weight back!!!! Not like is my biggest fear! I just look at this website at the before and after pictures when I want a little happy news!!! You are some beautiful people, let me tell you. God bless your journey, don't forget to reach out when things are going so well. It's all good when we are loosing, no one wants to post about the bad stuff, but there is good and bad and sometimes telling your story with out the varnish helps other people avoid the same pitfalls. I will give you an example, we you are supposed to be on purreed food, don't try eating chicken salad at a party. Oh bad, my bad. I had to puke in the neighbor's bushes.
02/20/06 I am doing great. The weird thing is, I wake up full and go to bed full, eating my tiny little meals. I keep thinking there is no way I am losing weight since I am not miserably hungry. Yet I am losing. I am so happy with this surgery.
3/2/06 I know it sounds crazy but I thought I would lose faster. 5 Weeks out, 22 lbs, I guess I am not going to break any records. I look at the before and after pictures to help remember that others of you felt that way too and yet you made your goal weight. I am so grateful for this site!
3/12/06
Well I am 6 lbs away from 199. That will be a great day, to be under 200. I bought a pair of jeans last week and they are a little baggy this week. That is a good thing... Everyone tells me " I can see in your face that you have lost weight" That is hilarious. I know I have lost 3 inches from my waist and from my hips . I just never focused on how fat my face was. When I got dressed in the morning that has always been the least of my worries. Squeezing into the jeans that ly went into the dryer has been a bigger worry, or if my top was to clingy on my mid section.
3/16/06
I am leaving on Ladies Retreat tomorrow morning. Kinda worried about food. We will see how it goes. I am going to shop at Trader Joes first a pick up some emergency back up food in case they are serving pasta or something. I have lost 28 lbs, not setting any records but I started at 40 BMI and I am 49. It's not going to be the same as you youngsters or those starting at a higher BMI. I am happy!!!!
Wahhooooo! under 200. I have arrived. I am so happy to say that I am at 199. Never to see the 200s ever again. I am 1/3 the way down to where I want to be. God bless everyone in their journey. Love J. Marie
4/5/06 Here I am at 194. I weigh the same as my 24 year old son. The difference he is 5-8 and solid, ripped muscle from dedicated weight training. 193 on me, 5-5 looks like a whole different story!!
4/20/06
Well, I wanted to be the poster child for WLS, but.....I think I have a stricture. I am scheduled for an endoscopy next Friday. They will check it out and stretch out the stricture and I should be good to go. The truth is I feel pretty crappy after I eat for about 30 minutes. I am throwing up when I eat meat. It is just getting stuck most of the time.
5/2/06
I had the stricture dialated. What a difference. I am able to eat and drink. I am drinking so much! I still don't have so much interest in food, but at least it isn't making me feel sick. I just it took me a while before I realized that I should have been feeling better than I was. Dr. Kazanstev is a wonderful doctor. He was great. The staff made sure I had the first available appointment for the edoscopy. I am so glad I had my surgery at Alta Bates.
I am starting to notice the hair loss. 3 1/2 months out. I cut a couple of inches off so maybe it won't look as noticible.
5/12/06 Well I am over half way there! I have lost 50 lbs and need to lose 47. I am so happy with everything. I am starting to pick up energy. I wish I could say it was through the roof, but that has never been my story anyway. I am just not a high energy person I guess. I am starting to wear summer colors. That is a wonderful thing, instead of hiding in black all year.
5/17/06 I am 2 lbs from being "overweight". I am so looking forward to that. Somehow in my mind I decided that 175 is socially acceptable weight. Go figure. I am so happy to be under 200 lbs. I am struggling with fatigue. I am sure that it is because I am having a very hard time drinking the protein shakes. I am working on one now. God bless you journey!!!
6/29/06
I am doing great, feeling frisky even. Down 63 lbs wahooooo!
I am thrilled to be at 169. I am even wearing shorts around the house and went to the store in them. I bought a swim suit and thought I had made a major step in my life to walk across the lawn to my neighbers wearing it. When she opened the door, she had this shocked look on her face and shook her finger at me "That is to short!" I said, "Kelley, its a swimsuit" and she recovered quickly appologizing. She thought I had a sun dress on and that I was just a little too frisky.
Future Updates
7/23/06 I am sloooooowing down. Losing a little slower now, it is kind of scary. I am inspired by all those who made it to goal. God bless your journey.
7/30/06 Ok lose picked up a little. As long as it's going down. Yeah!!!! I weigh 159 lbs today. Very cool, I am very happy.
08/09/06 77 lbs, 20 to go. I am thinking about lowering my goal to 125. I guess I will know when I get to 135. I am enjoying my weight loss. I feel "normal".
08/16/06 no loss this week, that's ok. I am feeling like a million bucks. I feel great.
08/21/06 not losing so much. But, I lost 2 inches off my hips over night! I fit into a size 8!! Size 8 was my goal but I want to lose another 20 lbs, so it looks like I might end up a size 6 after all.
9/1/06 I am at 151, 1 lbs from normal!!! I am in a size 7 today (relaxed fit). I am so happy I had this surgery. I still feel crappy when I eat bread, rice or pasta. I guess I am stubborn. I am looking forward to losing another 20 lbs. My goal was 135, but I think 130 will be better, a couple of lbs of grace either way. I should be in a size 6. Plastic surgery here I come. I am hoping I will be ready in December.
God bless your journey!!!
9/8/06 Here I am at 149. NORMAL!!!! BMI of 24.8. Today is a big day for me. I bought a pair of size 6 slacks that fit like a dream. I am not really a 6, still an 8. I am happy!!!!! I just can't wait for the plastic surgery to smooth out the wrinkles IN MY BUTT!!! I didn't even know that you could get wrinkles on the butt. HELLOOOOO!
10/11/06 Here I am at 143. BMI 23.8 Well, I am not shopping but my size 8's are getting baggyyyy. I saw my plastic surgeon. I was going to have my tummy/breast work done in Dec, but my boyfriend has a major surgery waiting to be scheduled. It looks like my surgery will need to wait for a bit. I want to be able to help him out. He is using crutchs and a wheelchair now. There is no way I could lift the wheelchair into the back of the truck with my surgery. I am feeling fine. Don't throw up to much anymore. I found I can tolerate 1 small slice of sourdough bread and do ok. Wheat isn't working so well for me. God bless your journey!
11/18/06 I just had my final consultation. I am going to have a tummy tuck, breat lift/stuff on Dec 11 and a thigh lift and arm lift 3 weeks later. He said when he did the thigh lift he would take some of the wrinkes out of my butt. The price tag on both these surgeries is about 23K. I am about 10 lbs from my goal, but he said not to worry that the plastics will take about 5-7 away. I am very excited!!!!! I am shopping like crazy, all the thrift stores. When you are in the larger sizes, there is slim pickins, but in the small sizes there are tons of clothes that look brand new (some with tags still on). I have a least 20 pairs of jeans. All bought between .25 and 7 dollars. I wear western style mostly and those jeans are between $35 and $45 dollars in the western stores. I am having a ball!!! I can't wait until my plastics are done!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/3;10704;96;0;1/c/139/t/130/s/232/k/70c0/weight.png[/img]
[/url]
11/20/06 Finally, I broke my little plateau. I was stuck at 140 for a month. I am now at 139!!!! Wahoo!!
11/22/06 Now at 137, I am very happy.
11/27/06 Now at 135. Well, this was my original goal. Of course, now I want to go to 130. My TT and BL is in 2 weeks, My thigh lift and arm lift is Jan 2. I expect to lose some more with those surgeries. Weird. I am so happy with the surgery. I have never been able to maintain a normal weight in my life. This will be very different. Hitting my goal weight is exciting, I always wondered what the focus of my life would be if I wasn't thinking about my weight. It has taken so much emotional engery in my life. Just getting dressed was an issue. Now I have tons of clothes that fit and I look good it, it's fun to get dressed, it is fun to shop. It's fun to be a normal weight. It is fun to see daylight between my thighs!!!!
God bless your journey!! J.Marie
12/1/06
I hear all the time. "Don't lose anymore weight" I am 5-5, at 135. I secretely want to get to 125. But I don't tell anyone!!! (only you guys). I hear it all the time, "don't lose anymore weight.
I tell everyone "I am happy with my weight loss" and try and leave it at that. I have my TT, BL, BA, arm and thigh lift surgeries in the next couple of months along with an oral surgery so I expect to drop a few more. The whole point is people are used to seeing us big and it seems unnerving for them as we get close to goal. I know my hair has thinned out, luckily no one mentions that to me.
God bless your journey, enjoy your new body, your improved health and don't let people annoy you. I just love touching my ribs and hip bones. The funny thing is I feel like I am still me, that I haven't changed, just my body. I am not my body, my body belongs to me, does that make sense? it's my house, my temple and I am enjoying the renovation. I tell everyone if you had a 1956 Mustang, (that runs great) wouldn't you restore it so that you could just love driving down the street with the top down and your hair flowing (what's left of it) in the wind. :-P
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Don't let anyone steal away the pure JOY of our new lease on life. The hope that we have now to maintain a healthy body, the bounce in our step and the gratitude we have for the miracle of this surgery. Blessings to you, J.Marie
12/16/06 Well I'm here, 5 days since my TT, BA, BL. I am a happy camper! I have found the pain to managable (percocit) and the drains not bad at all. The hardest part is the compression garmet has my butt so tight that my tail bone is killing me. I know that everyone is staring at my freakish deformaty. There is no way you could get a fart out if your life depended on it! The doc said that he removed 4 lbs skin, fat from my belly. I just know that I am going to love my new belly button. I actually look pretty good since I am retaining so much water that my face does'nt have any wrinkles! I do recommend the Queasy Pops from WWW.Queasypops.com. There have been some times when I first starting walking around, using the urinal (which I recommend also) that those pops really saved the day. I was so terrified of throwing up!!! I never did lose it and I had some scary moments. My 14 year old daughter has been the best nurse ever. I hope she hasn't been scarred. Just wanted to give you guys a great report.
God bless your journey, J. Marie
12/25/06 Merry Christmas to all my OH family. I hit 129 today, below goal. I am so thrilled. BMI of 21.5. God bless your Christmas and your journey to health and fitness and whole new body.
1/21/07. Here I am at 122, a little to skinny. I look a little frail and feel a lot frail. Well, the thigh lift, butt, arm lift (and a little nip and tuck around the ears) was a big DEAL. (1/2/07) I am not quite 3 weeks out but still having some trouble sitting. I am supposed to return to work tomorrow since my disablity insurance classified my reconstructive surgery as elective and cosmetic. I am not getting paid. I would do it all again, I am just glad I don't have to. God bless your journey.
3/5/07. I am at 123, working out and feeling strong. I think people are used to me being this weight. I am getting used to it. I am very happy with the results. I know I need to post some pictures!!
4/14/07: Interesting time in my life. I always wondered what thin people thought about. What did they feel like in the morning when all there clothes fit/ When you could just jump into some faded old jeans and look great? I hit my goals weight of 135 and then dropped down to 123 lbs. I fit into everything in my closet. I am in a size 4, sometimes a 3 and sometimes a 5. I fit into Cruel Girl size 1 relaxed fit jeans!! Ok, how I feel. A little empty..... The drama of my weight is over, the drama I lived all my life. What a blessing, and yet....
On one hand I am so tired of all the comments of how much wieght I have lost, how great I feel, and yet there is a part of me that probablely will never get enough attention. I walk through Safeway or Starbucks and think "don't these people see me, I am thin", don't they marvel at that.
I never compare myself to heavier woman but I am always comparing myself to thinner women. Thinking their but looks smaller, weird I know. How much smaller could my butt get. I don't want to lose anymore weight. I realize that my face and arms look skinny and that my breast implants look a little odd between to my skinny arms.
How many pairs of size 4 jeans do I need to have to feel like a zie 4. Twenty, thirty.... I have been shopping, so what if it is ebay or thrift shops. I have at least 30 pairs of jeans. Can anyone say shopping addiction? I promise I will find a counselor or support group to help me get into a better place.
God bless your journey
2/4/08:
Ode to SugarSugar, sugar you are not my flavorable friend
But a insatiable, infidel fiend to the end.
You call out to me from the shadows, promising fleeting pleasure, widening my girth to scary to measure.You sweet hot breath on my ear, will only mean insulin shots someday to fear. Comfort food, huh, I think NOT,left alone on my tooth,
will only bring rot. Your promises are all empty.There will never be,enough of you to ever satisfy me.Dare I forget all the pain and the ruin,
your affair has cost, Instead let me remember all I have lost (100 lbs) I cast you aside, you lying whore,Your time with me is over,I am now a size 4!
