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I really should have kept up the writing, but I also really don't like writing that much, so it was easy to fall out of the habit of writing.

I've been searching the net for people's stories who have had the lap band.  I can find lots that have had gastric bypass, but not much for lap band.  I realized that here I am wanting info, so I should be keeping track of my journey.  Whether it's to look back at, share with someone or create a lap band site some day.

I had surgery 6/25.  It went well.  My hiatal hernia was fixed.  My stomach is slightly mis-shaped due to the impact of the stomach being in the hiatal hernia for so many years, so my band looks a bit odd on x-ray.  It looks tilted.  The surgeon said that it's placed just fine for how my stomach is though.

The first week was a good amount of pain.  I took the pain med until Saturday, 6/30.  My 2nd week off work was nice.  Although I know if I'd had to I could have worked, but it was nice to have a 2nd week of healing without stress. 

I had no hunger feelings until I was 3+ weeks out and it's only  occassionally.

I don't feel I've done very well the last 2 weeks.  I've lost 2 lbs total in the last 2 weeks.  I lost 20 lbs in the first 2 weeks.  I'm not eating well either, especially this week.  Protein is usually only around 45 instead of 50-60.  I eat junk, but still only get in around 800-1000 calories.  I can only eat about 3/4 cup of food at a time.  I want to eat more, as along with the no hunger, I don't have fullness feeling either.  So my brain wants me to eat the same amount, and I get head hunger wanting to eat a large serving of stuff. 

Twice now I've eaten and been miserable afterwards.  The first time with spaghetti(I know what in the heck was I doing eating it in the 1st place).  I made it for the kids and it just smelled soooooo good.  But then I was soooooo miserable.  The 2nd was today.  I had 1/2 cup ff refried beans, 1 T cheese, 1 T sour cream and 1/2 cup protein pudding.  So total it would have been 1 1/8 cups of food.  I was not able to finish the pudding, so I probably ate 1 cup of food.  I should have not eaten any of the pudding I think.  I was miserable.  The thing is I didn't really want the pudding, but I'm getting in so few "good quality" calories that I planned out my meals and was going to eat them.  Bad idea, need to eat only what I feel I can, not what I think I should.

Well, bye for now.  I'll be back later.

Working the slow process of getting all the appointments in so that insurance approval can be submitted.  I go for my psych eval tomorrow, and she'll have the results to Dr. Eibes office on 4-11, and then the wait for submit to insurance and insurance approval, then I can get a surgery date.

In the time since my last post, a lot has happened tho.  I had my consult with Dr. Eibes.  He convinced me that lap band was a better choice for me due to the stomach polyps and my IBS.  I was not happy and actually mourned not having RNY for a bit.  However, the more I read about lap band the more I'm ok with it.  It does seem like it's successful.  You have to work at it more, as it takes a while to get the fills in so that the restriction is good.

That part is what scared me the most at first.  In my mind I didn't feel like I had any control over food, that I was powerless to not give in to it.  I've been working on changing 1 thing at a time.  And I've been doing not too bad on it(not counting the last 4-5 days).  I've given up Casey's little cookies.  I swear they add some type of ingredient that is addictive.  And pop and caffiene are pretty much gone(a few cheats(3) and the vending machine(3 cheats).  I need to work on getting in 3 veggies and 2 fruits a day, that's harder for me. 

Well, this week I start tracking everything that goes in my mouth, even if it wasn't good for me.  So I'm off to fitday to create my account.

See ya!

Wow, it's been a month since I've posted.  I've kept up reading the RNY forum and Q&A almost everyday, but just haven't taken the time to come in here and write.

I go to WLS class this Friday.  Seems like it has taken forever to get here.  I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't going to move as fast as I'd like and it's ok.  I don't even go back to the gastroenterologist until 3/19 so it's going to be at least that long until I can send in for insurance approval.

My esophagus is healing, tho slowly.  I'm trying to be better about taking the nexium at 6 and 6, so that there is a constant amount of it in my system.  And no eating after 6pm.  But it still hurts a lot of the time, doc said it took at least 2 months to heal, so have to remember it's only been 3 weeks.

I talked with Dr Eibes at the last support group meeting, about my stomach polyps.  He said I may have to do lap band rather than rny.  I really, really want to do RNY and not lap band.  I have done research and there are ways to still get to my remnant stomach for endoscopy, tho not as easy, and I may have to search around for a gastro-enterologist that has experience with it and will take me as a patient.  I'm also ok with them just removing the darn thing.  It's never brought me anything but trouble. 

But again, I must wait....argh the waiting!

Well I found some very good for me news on Wellmark's web site.  They accept dr's appointments for co-morbitities in the 3 year dr supervised requirement.  And I've got more than enough for that.  So moving forward I go.

I did the sleep study this week.  I only have mild apnea, which I think is good news, and I think something I knew.  Once Russ told me I quit breathing when I was on my back, I started making sure slept on my side or stomach.  They said I still have a bit of apnea sleeping that way, but mild.

The seminar at the bariatric center is this Tuesday, so I'm excited about that.

I started Americas Body Challenge today, so hopefully I'll lose some weight  doing that so that will help me be healthier for the surgery.  

I also had the appointment with the gastro-entologist(sp?).  I get scoped on the 22nd.  They think I may have an ulcer and/or esphosigitis(sp?).  I have to get that all healed ahead of the surgery.  

It's been a really busy week.  I should write in here more often, so I don't have so much to get down.

Be back later.

I am hungry right now. I am also full and satisfied right now. What that tells me is that I have head hunger...why...I don't know. And I'm not hungry for the apple sitting on my desk, or the package of "Heart Healthy" assorted nuts, or popcorn, or anything good for me...I want CHOCOLATE. 

Chocolate is going to be my hardest head hunger to overcome. I know that I stress eat, and I have to figure out something, and it was my fault in the first place that it wasn't working, which now causes me stress and so I want to eat. 

Well, I figured out a way to not eat for a bit. It had been 2 hours since lunch and I needed to take my nexium at least 2 hours after and at least 1 hour before a meal. So I went ahead and took it. Now I can't eat for another hour. 

Crap, hour's up and I'm really, really hungry now. That bowl of veggie soup just wasn't enough, and lucky me I have to stop at the grocery store tonight. Eating the apple now to try and curb the hunger til I get home.

I went to the first WLS support group meeting this morning.  It's ran by the bariatric center where I want to have my surgery done.  They had the head of something at the hospital that the center is associated with talk today.  I guess that in the past they had a bad surgeon doing WLS. 
But when they started the new program, they wanted to focus on all the areas of WLS, not just the surgery.  It made me feel like I'm choosing the right surgeon/center.

The whole team attends the support groups, which is amazing.  And the people were truly awesome.  I felt comfortable there, and everyone was friendly and talked.

Now I'm really looking forward to the seminar on 1-16.  Then from there talk to my PCP(for real this time) and then an appointment with Dr. Eibes to get the ball rolling.  I'm hopeful that I can have surgery by mid March, but I'll just have to wait and see.

This is just a list of the sites I've found that have protein shakes, soups, etc.

has soup, drinks, shakes:  http://www.bodyandhealthessentials.com/high_protein_supplements_weight_loss.htm

has sample pack:  http://store.bariatriceating.com/proteinpowders1.html

has 70 sample pack(1 of everything they sell) for $80
http://www.wlssupplies.com/shop/customer/

I went to my pcp yesterday for GERD problems and to ask her about having a sleep study done since my boyfriend says I stop breathing when I sleep. I have to get scoped...ugh. I've managed to avoid it so far in my GERD saga(12 years and no scope). However, it's worse than ever now. Hurts 24/7 in my chest, as well as down below my rib cage. It feels like before I had my gallbladder out. And I'm breathing shallow because it hurts, so now I also feel like I'm constantly out of breath, even just sitting here. And I have sort of a nausious feeling at the back of my throat. So the setup appointment for the sleep study is Monday. They are sending me paperwork to fill out. I'm kinda curious what it'll will ask, or maybe it's just the normal med hx form. The scope is not until next Friday. My pcp changed me from prilosec to nexium. I hope it works it's magic and helps some before I'm scoped, I hate to think of feeling like this for another week and a half. I talked with her about my weight. I didn't mention WLS tho, I chickened out. She wants me to work with my therapist on the head parts of overeating. She's really easy to talk to, and has been awesome with me for my depression and anxiety issues, so I think when the time comes(later this month or early next), that if I'm working on the head parts, she'll support WLS as a tool to help with the body part. And it's not like I didn't know that the head hunger was going to be the hardest part of losing weight. Back to the scope, I guess I should/will get used to it after WLS, as it seems like a lot of people mention having to be scoped after surgery. Well I'm off to do some research on sleep apnea. I've really neglected doing anything about it. It's really admitting that I'm so fat that I can't breath on my own at night. That's hard.

First a bit about my SO.  We've been dating for 4.5 years, we live 45 minutes apart and I work days and he evenings, so we only see each other once a week.  
We're both overweight and have been during all of our relationship, tho I've gained 50 pounds since we first met.  And bless his heart, when I mentioned my weight gain, he sayed he hadn't even noticed.
So last night I told him I'm considering WLS.  His first response was that I didn't need to do anything that drastic.  But we talked about it for quite some time and I think now he's comfortable with whatever decision I make.
It was a really good talk for us, as we've never really talked in-depth about our weight issues.  He's switched to eating healthy about a month ago, as he had a scare with his heart.
He was surprised to find out that I have dieted many times during our 4.5 years together.  I would only lose 15-20 lbs and then gain it right back plus some when I stopped the diet, hence the 50 lb weight gain overall.

This is the scariest topic for me.  I eat when i'm happy, I eat when I'm nervous, I eat when I'm sad, or mad, or upset, or bored, or ....well always.

I know if I have the surgery I won't be able to eat large amounts, and sugar should cause dumping.  But I'm most afraid that I'll eat too much, or re-train my body to let me eat sugar.  I've been reading up on emotional eating and I'm going to work on it with my therapist.  

I'm a big believer that knowledge is power.  So that's my plan to fight this emotional part of being overweight.  Since I know I can re-train my body after surgery, what I have to do is make a consious decision to not do that.

Normally when I want to eat due to emotions I just starting eating with no regard to portions, or even using a plate, just outta the bag, or container, or I use a plate but set the container right next to me so I can get more.  

My first goal is when I want to eat to decide how much and let myself eat only that much.  I successfully only ate only 4 pieces of candy(not the entire bag and not out of the bag) last night when I had an argument with one of my daughters.  It's small but it is a success and it did make me feel better about my self.