jancancrop
Goal......to be thin again...
Six months ago I made a decision that will have a profound effect on me, my health and my children's lives. I am going to have gastric bypass surgery. I am going public with this decision because I want people to know how I got to this point and how I made this choice.
When I graduated from high school I weighed 135 pounds. I never thought of myself as thin or as heavy...it was what it was. During nursing school I put on 25 pounds - I think that is mandatory when you go off to college. Then came the years I took infertility pills to get pregnant with my three blessings, each cycle adding a few more pounds. The depression and divorce added a few more pounds... and it goes on.... Six months ago I topped the scale at 264 pounds.
I have been to Weight Watchers for years, done Jenny Craig and Atkins. I have done low carb, high protein, no sugar, vegetarian and liquid diets. I have used prescription and OTC diet pills, I have exercised, bought gym memberships and gone to Curves. And with all of this my weight has been like a yo - yo, up 5 down 10....then down 5 more, up 10..... for years...
I work four days a week from 8 am to 5:30 pm and come home exhausted. My knees hurt and my back aches. I have high blood pressure and borderline high cholesterol. My family medical history includes diabetes, hypertension, cardiac disease and cancer. My weight only increases the chances of serious health issues down the road. My weight makes it hard for me to do things...like paint my toe nails and tie my shoes. I get out of breath climbing stairs, I sleep with two pillows because I wake up gasping for breath if I lay flat. I have very little energy to do things with my family. On a recent trip to an amusement park I didn't do any rides...mostly because I was afraid of the humiliation I would feel if I didn't fit in the seat. My sons want me to go skiing with them but I don't think they make ski wear for women my size. I use to enjoy swimming, dancing, canoing, horseback riding...but now it's a good day when I can get panty hose on! I LOVE shopping and take great joy in my personal appearance. But I cry every time I go to the mall because I can't find clothes that fit me well.
I am tired of people saying....you are a "beautiful person inside".....one well meaning peron told me I was lucky because at least I had a great personality. Two men broke up with me after a few months because they were uncomfortable with my weight. Recently the passenger sitting next to me on a commercial airline asked to move to another seat...."so you can have more room". But they are not the reason I do this....
I do it for me...I want to be thin again... to buy an item of clothing that doesn't come from the Plus department. I want to be able to shop for a killer dress when my daughter gets married. I want to be able to go kayaking with my kids, buy a new bathing suit and go swimming. I want to feel better physically, have less pain, have more energy...be healthier... Gastric bypass is a tool to help me get there. It is not the easy way out....it is a life long commitment to living a healthier life.
I have thought long and hard about this, talked to several doctors and people that have had the surgery. I have read books, articles, researched statistics. I have been to classes, nutritional counseling, and worked with a therapist specializing in weight loss surgery. I have jumped through hoops for my insurance company and gotten this approved. I have discussed this with my family and children and they are behind me 100%. I did not make this decision lightly...I understand the risks and life style changes.
And I also understand the benefits...... and I am ready mentally, physically and emotionally.