jemaro

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well, i haven't posted since april and usually it would be due to laziness, but happily i can say its due to business. i am hardly on the computer anymore. i am out every weekend, going to the beach, the pool, the park. all active stuff. usually i'd stay home and live on the computer,  or watch tv, and if we went out, it would be MAYBE to the beach, but usually to the movies, and/or to eat. i am bad here and there now where food is concerned. i still can't eat a lot, though i can eat more than most ppl. i dont dump. i can eat sweet stuff, AND fatty foods, but i rarely do. the only thing that happens is i get super. super tired and want to just lay down where ever i am and just crash. i've had only 4 episodes of illness due to eating something my stomach didnt like, the first time, and the rest was due to eating too fast, or too much. i can pretty much eat anything that ive tried. the thing i can handle the best, is steak. my tummy doesnt care for ground beef, fish(except salmon) especially raw fish, i eat pork, chicken. even if the food is dry, i can still eat it, it doesnt bother me. i eat bread, though not usually because it makes me full really fast, and i think its a waste of tummy space. ive eaten a small itty bitty bite or 2 of macaroni salad (pasta), and i dont eat rice. i eat potatoes, but only a cpl bites here and there. except for one time i ate some of a fully loaded baked potatoe, and it was like eating heaven, but cpl small bites, and i was over it. if i want something, i dont deprive myself, but i dont pig out on it either. my weakness right now, unfortunately is pringles. i'll eat a few chips here and there and i love it. sometimes i have a hard time eating and i eat that cause it goes down well. sometimes, my tummy dont feel right and i cant eat regular food. after searching EVERYWHERE, i finally found a greek yogurt that i love. chobani brand from safeway. its 2 for $3, but so worth it. 6 oz, and 14 grms of protein.

i AM having issues w/ taking my vitamins. i havent taken them for almost a whole month . VERY DUMB, STUPID, IDIOTIC, yes, i know. i forget to take them. and its hard when you can't take it all at one time. i am so busy now, and i have to find some kind of way or schedule to work with to get my ass back on track regarding that. i am also not getting all my liquids and protein in. i AM doing better on it, but not getting it all.

also, i have stopped keeping track of what i eat. right now, im doing all right, feel good and all of that. ive lost 104lbs total; 80 since surgery, but i know if i don't get my ass back into gear regarding the vitamins, and water and protein, bad shit will happen eventually. so that DOES scare me. so i just need to find some way of remembering. it is a priority, i know this. other than that i am doing just fine. even the hubby has lost about 15lbs or so. so proud of him! my skin isn't so bad but my arms kinda bother me a little, and the handing pouchies between my legs, but hey ive lost over 100 lbs, so i don't give a shit JUUUUST yeti have reached my first goal, now my next will be to get down to 250. wish me luck!

i like the compliments that ive been getting, but i still am not used to them. but i have learned to smile politely and say thank you instead of the usual laugh and "yeah right!" lol. men talk to me more too, a few have even flirted and i look around to see if im being punked. but i handle it well. i find that i smile more now, i feel more confident, and just over all happier. i have great support and work and decent enough support at home. in other words " ohh babe, i down 5 more lbs!" , "thats good babe". so yeah, decent enough support. lol.  k, im outtie. today is my hubbys birthday and we had a great weekend celebrating, today is just a chill day, but we decided we'd go to the zoo for a walk.

well, so far so good. i'm on stage 3 right now, but more like stage 4ish. i'm able to eat softer foods w/ no problem. my only concern is that i read about people eating only 2 TB of this or 4 oz.  i think i'm in the area of being able to eat about 4oz, maybe a bit more. all i know is i can make me a cup of soup and not be able to finish it. i can only eat about 3/4 cp or less. i can drink about16 oz of liquid, like my crystal light or my protein shakes in less than 20-30 mn. is this bad? i read about others being able to drink like that. it doesn't hurt, and i don't chug it. i go easy easy, till its done, but definitely take more than teeny sips each time. i AM losing weight, and i guess thats the good thing. i'm having a hard time to get all my liquids in and sometimes the protein. it's fo fricken hard. i'm learning my way around food labels and i must say they are a pain in the ass!! but then again, i NEVER realized just how much crap i was putting in my body all these years. i read the labels of foods i used to eat and enjoy and i like just fricken fall down at the amount of fat, carbs, and sugars....i tell myself, shit, no wonder i'm a fat ass!! but i'm on a new path now, a better one. i see the difference and more importantly i feel the difference. now if i could only get my husband to eat more healthy. he's trying, but it IS hard.

it's been waaay too long since i last wrote anything in here. i've been lazy. lol. don't have time to really write now, but just wanted to say that i had my surgery, everything went great. 18 lbs lost in the first week. feeling great. will write more later. no regrets so far.

oh well, i knew something would go wrong. anyway, my surgery is now being postponed until about march of next year. i did not get cleared for my psych. apparently i'm mental. lol. okay, that's not true. dr. lovette felt i would benefit from more therapy, and i am in agreement, though highly disappointed that i won't be getting my surgery on the 17th. i want to be in as best of shape mentally and physically as possible for my surgery, so that i pull through with no problems, and able to move forward on my journey. i did not pass my sleep test either. i have severe sleep apnea, and have to re-do it again using a c-pap machine. i have my appointment this sunday evening, so hopefully that one goes well. here's to another night of looking like a damn cyborg. i think my blood sugar. ( a1c ) has dropped though i have not taken insulin for 3 nights now cause i'm an idiot and forgot that i had used my last insulin pen and by the time i realized it, it was thanksgiving eve and pharmacy does not open til friday! then after working yesterday at home depot (slamming busy) i was so tired i forgot again. my husband is out as we speak, picking it up for me. but other than that, when i test my blood, it HAS dropped, so my fingers are crossed on that. i have stopped drinking soda,(one of my weaknesses) that alone, helps my blood sugar to drop. and i have been seeing a psych here, in hilo. very nice older haole lady. i see her every tuesday. until mid january, and then it will probably go to every 2 wks. i've gotten alot of issues out in the open, but have A LOT more to go. wish me luck!!

So I did all of my blood tests and chest x-ray yesterday, and my sleep test wednesday night. I am just waiting to find out when I can get in to see the cardiologist to do my stress test. The nurse at Dr. Fowlers office said that if I couldn't get a cardiologist soon, then she could set me up on Oahu @ Castle. I have to go up there next month on the 10th to do my physical therapy eval and to see the shrink. Then on the 17th I go to see the fitness trainer and the dietitian/nutritionist.  Then finally on the 21st, I go back one last time to do my pre-ops w/ Dr. Fowler, and another one with the nurses, but only if the shrink clears me for surgery. She MAY say that I need to come back and see her more than once before she can clear me. I hope not. N E wayz, I have a TENTATIVE surgery date set for 12/10/08...barring any unforseen circumstances. K, I'm outtie......

so some good news. i went to the information session last week wednesday, and had my consult the next day. everything went well, and i was on my way. well, i just got the call this morning from dera at the surgical weight loss clinic letting me know that my insurance has APPROVED my surgery. so now, i just have to make the appointments to see the various specialists on oahu, and have all the rest of my tests done here. i am so happy, i just have to say this:
whoo hoo!!!!!!!!

So.........everything was going smoothly and on Monday I called HMSA to find out what my flight info was, got it and everything was cool. On Tuesday, I was talking to some friends at work about being paranoid about my flights and she said to call Hawaiian Air cause she heard that they make you buy a second seat if you're really big; so I call and sure enough, the lady tells me, yeah, that's true. So, I am freaking out cause I am due to leave the next day, and now HMSA is closed for the day!!! I have to wait till first thing yesterday morning to call, and luckily everything turned out all right. The travel coordinator re-did the reservations, getting 2 seats for me. I was kinda embarrassed at first, but hell, I only had to show those tickets to 3 people, the ticket agent at the counter, the guard at the check in x-ray place, and the person at the gate. I also felt a whole hell of a lot better emotionally now that I had my own seats to myself. So, anyway, I went to the information session last night, and it was interesting, though I didn't really learn anything I didn't already know from research. The one and only question I had left that needed to be answered I asked, and that was how many VSG's had he done, and if any of them had complications? His answer? 2, but none was done in Hawaii. Next month a doctor will be coming here (castle) and basically showing him the ropes as far as that particular surgery goes. Then he has a line of patients to perform the surgery on.  He says so I can wait for a few months till he has about 50 under his belt, or if I would be more comfortable, I could go to Queens cause they have a good bariatric program there as well. No thanks, I like Fowler. He told us, it normally takes about 2 months, start to finish from the informatin session, to surgery. I was like, WOW.  He said there are 4 criteria he looks at in determining if WLS is viable. 1) your sex: females are easier to do surgery on...1 for me
2) your age: if you're over 65, there's a higher risk..... 2 for me
3) your BMI: if it's over 50, there's a higher risk.... oh well, lost that one
and 4) co-morbidities: the more co-morbidities you have the higher the risk.... 3 for me. I'll take this one cause I don't REALLY have a lot of stuff wrong with me, the main thing is diabetes, and it's not totally out of control. I went in for my consult today, and it went well, he said they will fax the referral to my PCP regarding my visit, and contact the insurance company, and call me to let me know. If all goes well, we're looking at possibly in November or early December!! though, I'm thinking of having one last hoorah, and wait till after the New Year, and start it out fresh. I don't know, I gotta think about it, but first things first.....GOTTA GET THE APPROVAL.....pray for me people...I'm outie


P.S. Oh yeah, and I had a lot of fun with my little kiddies, they are so smart, and funny. I got lots of pics, and even some video greetings for my family here in hilo. I'm so happy...k, laterz

Okay, so it is finally official. I WILL be going to O'ahu next week Wednesday for the information session. I must think of all questions that I may have for Dr. Fowler, and post-op patients that will be there. I have taken the advice of a woman that suggested that since I am going to have to stay the night over on O'ahu, why don't I see if I can get a consultation the day after? Guess what? I DOOOOOOOO. Thank you, I forgot  your name. Anyway, my travel has also been approved by HMSA, and I am just waiting for the call or e-mail from the travel coordinator regarding my flight times. So I go in to see Dr. F for my consult next Thursday at 8am, though Maile (the receptionist?) said I will probably have to wait a little while cause they are busy that day. I don't give a $hit HOW long I gotta wait, as long as it's before my flight back home which will hopefully be around 5:30ish like I asked. I am also excited because I will be staying with my brothers sister-in-law, who also has guardianship of my 2 nephews and niece. I have never met this cute little girl, and she is about 3-4 yrs old.  I'm planning on taking bunches of pictures! Well, just thought I'd share. Oh yeah, Maile said that there will be a 15 page questionnaire to fill out and to bring it with me to my appointment. Holy crap! 15 pages! I hope it's not hard, like fricken doing homework back in the day or something, cause I will hate that. I'm still doing it though. So okay, peace out till laters...................


P.S. I am really terrified of my plane ride going over and coming back. I'm not afraid of flying, I am afraid that I will have to sit next to a predjudiced a$$hole/s that will humiliate me and make me feel bad because I'm so fricken HUGE. I am seriously scared. I had a HORRIBLE experience a while back when I was flying home to visit my family from Wash, DC. I will share this story some other time if I remember. But anyway, I was a different person back then, smaller, though still very fat, but I held all my feelings inside. NOW??? Oh hell no, I WILL speak my mind, if anyone says anything. God, that's why I hate going on planes. If my DH is with me, then I just book 2 seats on the 2seat side of the plane, but it'll only be me Oh well, Jen, guess you're just going to have to suck it up, or is it in? lol.

Well, I am happy to say things have FINALLY started. After playing phone tag w/ both the nurse @ my PCP and Nicole @ Dr. Cirangle's office, I was a little upset because I had to wait, but THANK GOD it has worked out for the best, because it has given me more time to do more research, and ask questions of some of the people on this site. Thank you all. So, after all is said and done, I have decided to go with Dr. Fowler on O'ahu instead. I called and spoke w/ Maile @ Dr. F's (she's REALLY nice by the way), and was told before I can make any appt's for consult I am required to go to an information session first. Dr. F and some other people from the wellness center will be there to explain what he does in each type of surgery and to answer questions and what not. I guess it's because if anything goes wrong, I can't say "oh well, no one told me about that" lol. it's cool, it'll give me more info. I just have to think of questions I may want to ask (if I'm not too shy to speak up in front of others that is). Anyway, I am going to O'ahu on Sept. 17, but I think I may have to stay overnight cause the session is pau at 8:30 and by the time I get back to Honolulu, I don't think there are any flights out to Hilo. That'll suck cause I don't got too much $$ for a hotel. I have my brother's sister-in-law who lives in Waimanalo pretty much right down the road from Castle, but I don't know her THAT well to ask to spend the night, though if she has the room I don't think she'll mind. I'd just be uncomfortable that's all. Oh well, that's my issue to deal with. If I can't find somewhere that's not TOO expensive, then I guess I'll have to. But I digress, back to the issue at hand. So Maile told me there is going to be a seminar in Hilo some time in Oct. but she doesn't know when. I told myself HELL NO, I don't want to wait that long though my husband tells me, "you know that would save $$". Yes, I know, but when he's super fat and hurts pretty much every time he moves, then I'll tell him to just wait as well. HMM.   He frustrates me sometimes regarding this whole situation. So anyway, I called HMSA cause I read on somebody's blog that they will pay, or reimburse for the flight only if it's pre-approved first, and they said yes they would, but Dr. F's office have to fax them some kind of travel thing. So I know that won't be a prob. Now the $$ I was going to use for my flight I can now use to pay for a hotel, if there are no flights back that night. OK so now I'm rambling, but I'm just so excited. It's the first step................

 For over a year now, I have done the research on the types of WLS, and at first I had decided on the RNY. Everyone I talked to about it were against it, saying no no you should lose weight the safe way, the normal way. My own husband is against any kind of WLS cause he says I could die. Well you know what? I told him yeah, I could, but I'm already dying right now. I stand a better chance of living if I do this. Well, suffice to say, in the end I decided not to do it. Too scary. But then w/i the past couple months I've been seeing that commercial about the realize band, and it peaked my interest, and once again I started doing research. I went to the doctor yesterday for the first time since january. A very stupid thing to do seeing as how I have diabetes and all that. We had discussed on other visits that I should consider gastric bypass, but nothing ever came of it. Well, yesterday, I told him with tears in my eyes, doc, i'm finally ready. I can't stand being fat anymore. I need help. He told me he would get the ball rolling on it. I go back to see him in 4 wks.  I had another talk w/ my hubby as well, and I told him, thank you so much for loving me for me and seeing beyond the fat. I know he's worried and though I appreciate the opinions and fears that he and my family and friends have about this, I told him  I DON'T CARE what they think. It is MY life, and I have to do what is best for me, and if I ever want to have ANY kind of life, I NEED to do this. I've actually decided that I want the VSG and I want Dr. Cirangle to be my surgeon.  So please people, cross  your fingers for me and pray.