JennyBenny
I have been saying for years that I was meant to be big. I have an older brother and sister who are tall and fit. When I was born, I was born an inch shorter and a whole pound heavier than either of them. 40 years later, I am still shorter than either one of them, but now I am quite a bit heavier than either of them. I still strongly believe that there are some genetic reasons to my body shape/weight/etc, but I also know that I have greatly contributed to maintaining it.
I have always been overweight. School memories are definitely sprinkled with teasing and name calling. I remember my parents taking me to see nutritionists growing up and encouraging me to lose weight. I did weight watchers in high school and had mild success. But I loved eating.
Later in life I found that after losing my fiancee (though it was not official- meaning no ring- we had decided we were getting married) I ate my way through 4 years of being depressed and attempting to some how soothe the ache I felt. During this period, I gained over 35 pounds which pushed me over the 300 pound mark I said I would never cross. I started noticing that my knees were really hurting and I could no longer kneel on the floor. I was having problems putting on my socks and shoes. I was starting to turn down invitations to activities or events that would cause for me to walk or stand around a great deal. I wondered if a piece of furniture would hold my weight. I stopped enjoying going to lots of movies because I struggled to get my big tush in the seats.
The light bulb went on (though it was still dim!!) when I went to fly and as I was boarding the flight attendant handed me something and said "Here Honey, you will need this." And I looked down and it was seat belt extender. I was crushed. I was completely embarrassed and ashamed. I felt no anger towards the attendant, because he was right. There was no way I could buckle up with out it (believe me I tried to prove him wrong!).
The light went from dim to flashing warning signs when I went to see my doctor and found I had quite a few additional health concerns. I went because my ankles were swelling and getting red and hurting like heck. Not only did I have swollen ankles (edema from Venous insufficiency/venous stasis), I was beginning to have elevated blood pressure and the clincher, I was diagnosed with NASH (Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis-or basically non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver.. or also known as a fatty liver). That scared the crap out of me.
With the information from my doctor and reflecting back to how I had been changing what I do because of my weight over the previous year or so, I realized I was no longer living a life I wanted to live or a healthy one. When I went back for one of my follow up visits and asked my doctor about WLS (I admit that that two years earlier she had asked me if I had thought about WLS-at that point I was still active and doing things I loved). During this time a good friend of my sisters was in the process of getting ready to have surgery. I learned a few things from her and also reading a bit more about WLS. I needed to initially get over my feelings of 'being weak' or 'taking the easy way' out mentality I had of judging myself and wondering how others would see my decision. I know that this will not be an easy journey, but it will be one that is very well worth it!
