jenrus
Oh where to begin! Like many people on here I've struggled with weight most my life. One of my earliest weight memories came when I was in 4th grade. My mother was buying snow suits for myself and my sister. My sis got hers in the Children's Dept. but the saleslady told my mother that I'd have to get mine in the adult dept. since I was so chunky. Funny at that point I never had even thought of myself as being overweight ( I really wasn't looking back) but it seems like that one comment opened the door for years of struggle.
I was pretty athletic in HS. I swam competitively, played soccer, tennis and ran track. I was always going to one practice or another and was always eating. Luckily during that time I burned so many calories thru excercise I could eat pretty much anything. I was always bigger than everyone else though. Looking back I see that I was just very developed - busty and curvy - and I was comparing myself to the typical HS skinny girl. That just wasn't me. I wish now I'd just enjoyed myself for how I was then - I think things could've turned out a little differently with a little confidence.
Went off to College where the Freshman 15 turned into the Sophmore 45 and the Junior 50. I remember during this time my mother offering me $200 if I'd loose 50 lbs. I tried - got back into running and swimming, knocked off close to 50 lbs. - then just regained it all.
The rest of my adult life was pretty non-descript. I just kept gaining weight at a steady rate. Every year or so I'd get upset with the fact I couldn't fit into my clothes so I'd try a diet. I did everything from Diet Center, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Cabbage Soup diet, Optifast - you name it I tried it. Following the same pattern each year I'd lose about 20lbs. then gain back 30.
As my weight ballooned my confidence shrank. I was still kind of outgoing but deep down I was so scared of being laughed at or ridiculed that I always held back from what I wanted to do. I love to dance but would never let anyone see me do it for fear of getting laughed at. I finally started to hit the size where I couldn't buy clothes from even the plus size department. I had to special order everything out of catalogs and off the internet.
I couldn't fit in booths at restaurants, couldn't fit into movie seats, airplane seats and most horribly - I couldn't fit into the seats in Rupp Arena, where I loved to go watch my University of Kentucky Wildcats basketball team. I traveled a lot to watch UK play and found myself embarrassed as I tried to squeeze my big butt into seats.
The final straw came last summer. I was pushing 380lbs at the time. I've always loved the water and spending summer days on my friends boat. Well we'd all jumped in the water to cool off and when it came time to get back into the boat I found out I was too big to pull myself up the ladder. I had to have 4 people tug on my arms to pull me in. I felt like a beached whale and was so embarassed.
I'd had friends at work have RNY bypass surgery done and I began to research it. The day after my 37th birthday I contacted the surgeons office and was in for orientation a few weeks later.
It's been nice having co-workers as resources and references. I feel between them and my pre-surgery education from my mandated insurance classes and the surgeons office I was as prepared as I could be for everything.
The rest is kind of history but it's been a long road so far.
I look at this as my second chance. How often does anyone get a second chance at life? Not very often. Even though I've had my struggles and I know I'll continue to have them I look forward to when my weight and food are just an afterthought for me. I'm getting there - slowly but surely!!
