jensantosleon

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I did alot of crying and thinking and everything and I am ok with postponing everything and with the baby.  I was always ok with the baby, it is just that I wasn't planning on anymore, and my whole mindset and thinking was in a totally different direction, and to have to do a 180 and go back to where I was, to where I thought I had left for good.  (I was so sure that 6 was enough that I had given away all of my baby stuff as Jolani grew out of it.)

So I put in a call to Dr. Ortiz's office, and tomorrow I will be calling Southwest airlines to change my date of my surgery.  I was originally going to try to shoot for the first part of January, but I am due mid November, so I am going to be planning on mid December (yeah, just in time for a liquid diet for Christmas, LOL) so that is the plan.  I am going to be doing the best I can to keep my weight gain to the absolute minimum.  I have NEVER started at this high of a weight, and with the rest of my kids (except one) I gained 40-50 pounds with each pregnancy, and if I were to gain 40-50 pounds now, my weight would be 375 or so, and I don't want that.  I would love to be one of those lucky overweight women that lose weight instead of gain weight while pregnant.  But we will see.

I got a positive pregnancy test today.  I had 8 that were negative, and 1 that was positive, so I dont know what exactly that means other than a stressfull couple of days for me until I know for sure, and a possible postponement of my surgery.  However, if I do have to postpone the surgery, I will be getting it in Jan-Feb next year right after the baby is born.

now its just wait and see...

Weight:   320.8                         9.2 pounds down/10.8 to go

Water          ****
Vitamins    *
Fiber          *
Calcium    *
Chromium  *

Breakfast - Slim-Fast Milk Chocolate
Lunch - Fresh spinach, 3 oz pork loin, 2TBS honey mustard dressing, 1 small flour tortilla
Dinner - 
Extra's - French Vanilla Slim Fast

WHAT THE HELL?? Down 1.8 pounds?  I ate macaroni and cheese yesterday, how can I be down 1.8 pounds??  That Macaroni and Cheese was soooo good.  It had to have added pounds, not taken them away.  

With each passing day, this whole diet thing gets harder and harder.  I thought that it was supposed to get easier.  I have a hard time with being around food all day (making breakfast/lunch/dinner for the kids, making dinner for DH when he gets home from work etc. etc.) and not making something for me to eat, or not eating everything that I am making.  I guess though if it was easy for me to do, I wouldn't be on here with a date to have the lap band put in huh?

Plans for dinner tonight - 1 flour tortilla, spinach, chicken patty (for variety) and honey mustard dressing.

Weight:                  322.6                       4.4 pounds down/12.6 to go

Water                      ***
Vitamins                **
Fiber                       **
Calcium                 **
Chromium            **

Breakfast - Slim Fast French Vanilla
Lunch - Fresh Spinach w/ 3oz pork loin 2TBS Honey Mustard Dressing
Dinner - Bowl of Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese (and boy was it YUMMY!!)
Extras - Cappuccino Delight Slim Fast


Cappuccino Delight Slim Fast - what is so delightful about it?  The more delightful thing about it is that everytime you go to the bathroom after drinking it, it smells like you are brewing coffee in the bathroom.  ROFLMAO

After some thinking about it, this is what I think some of my future issues could be:
*learning to take small bites.  Being a mom of 6 kids (4 of them ages 4 and under) has taught me to scarf down my food when I have a chance.
*Addiction Transference - I hadn't ever heard about this before, then it became a hot topic here on OH.  I can so totally see it happening for me.  I always say that I don't have an addictive personality, and when it comes to drugs, alcohol, sweets, I don't.  But I think when it comes to food in general that just might be me.
*dealing with my husband and his way of eating.  No so much of what he eats (I wish it was better) but with how often and when he eats.  When he isn't home I do fine, when he is home, he eats all the time, and it gets hard for me to ignore that.  Most the time I try to have a cup of hot tea while he eats, but that doesn't always work.  I can ignore the "hunger pains" when I am alone, but sitting next to him smelling the food and everything makes it so so much harder.

Weight:                          322.6                       4.4 pounds down/12.6 to go

Breakfast:                                  Cappuccino Delight Slim Fast
Lunch:                                        Milk Chocolate Slim Fast
Dinner:                                       Spinach with 3oz pork loin 2TBS Honey mustard dressing
Extra's:                                       2 spring rolls, 1 egg role, 1/4cup fried rice, 1/2 cup beef and brocolli

Water:                                       ***
Vitamins:                                   **
Fiber:                                          **
Calcium:                                    **
Chromium:                               **

I have been trying to clean and organize the house before DH comes home, so not much to write about today.

I spent my morning having a weight related discussion on Yahoo IM this morning instead of cleaning, so I now have to use my computer time cleaning.  And it is almost dinner time.  I plan on spinach for dinner with some pork loin.  I will update the food journal tomorrow morning.

Dh brought home the chinese food, and I just went at it.  I kept telling myself I already ate, but it obviously wasn't getting into my head.

lim FastWeight:                323.4
Breakfast:          Milk Chocolate Slim Fast
Lunch:                Spicy Chicken Wrap from Chick Filet
Dinner:               Capuccino Delight Slim Fast 
                            1/2 cup chili (97/3 hamburger meat), Kidney beans, Spaghetti Sauce
Water:                * * * *
Vitamins:           * *
Fiber:                 * *
Calcium:           * *
Chromium:       * * 

I am down one pound.  I don't know how much I believe that, but it is what the scale says.  12.4 pounds to go to reach my pre-surgery goal.  Maybe I CAN reach this goal.  If I could lose this weight on Slim Fast, and it was healthy and an effective way to lose it and keep it off, then I would do this instead.  But it isn't a good long term solution.

I think my husband is worried about my surgery.  I asked him if he was worried, and he said yes, what if I died, and left him with all the kids, what would he do, LOL, but I think he is also worried about what is going to happen as I lose this weight.  How it is going to affect our marriage, and how other people (read GUYS) are going to respond to me.  I assured him it isn't how the guys respond to me, but how I respond to the guys, and that I love my husband, yesterday, today and forever.
**note to self - reassure him of my love and that it wont change except to grow stronger**

Todays weight:     324.4
Waist:                   47.5
Thigh:                   30
Chest:                   48.5

Breakfast:             Cappuccino Delight
Lunch :                Cappuccino Delight
Dinner:                 1pc battered fish filet, spinach, 1pc coffee cake
Water:  
Vitamins:               * *
Fiber:
Calcium:                * *
Chromium:            * *

Well last night I went to Walmart and bought some Slim Fast.  I bought some Cappuccino Delight flavored Slim Fast, along with Vanilla and Milk Chocolate as well.  I don't know why I bought Cappuccino, because I don't like coffee.  There are times that I want something like a frappaccino, but that is rare.  Well today was not one of those days.  Yuck.  Now I have this bitter coffee aftertaste in my mouth an it is making me nausious.  That probably combined with all of my medicines and vitamins that I took this AM, hasn't helped matters anyway.

I made the kids lunch (left over beef-a-roni) and had a couple of bites from their bowls, and another cappuccino delight. (YUM, LOL) I am getting a cold or something as my sinuses are getting stopped up.  Now I realize that is the reason for my nausia.  Drainage.

Well today I mailed my deposit check, faxed my paperwork and bought my airplane tickets.  I had a battered fish filet with a bit of tarter sauce, and green beans for dinner tonight.

Right now, everything seems sort of surreal as far as the surgery goes. 

I just spoke with Lori at Dr. Ortiz's office and I have my surgery date scheduled.  I turn 31 on April 25th, then on the 26th we fly to CA to have the surgery done on the 27th.  Happy Birthday to me. My birthday present to myself is beginning my new life.